Surferchiky, I agree with ulrike, I think your mixed feelings about the situation are justified. It does sound like your DH did his legal duty if not truly fatherly duty by paying child support for a child he did not know and now is open to starting a relationship with that child. It's pretty harsh judgement to come down on your DH without knowing all of the facts about the estrangement from the mother, their relationship if any and so on. Don't worry too much about any child you have with your DH playing second fiddle to his first daughter. They don't really even have a relationship yet and are strangers to each other. It would be pretty unusual if they quickly developed such a close father/daughter relationship that your child together would be relegated to some lower position in DH's life. That being said, this girl IS his daughter and DID come first. You did know about her years ago and although you may not have expected her to enter DH's life beyond child support she has and both of them have the right to know each other. Relax your anxiety about it, she may like you both and you may like her. A deep relationship between them will take a lot of time, in fact, if you have a child that might facilitate closeness all around. who knows? I applaud your DH for doing the right thing. I can understand the other posters thinking he should have played an active father role all along but once again, we don't have all of the facts and it's pretty common for many women and their families to not even want fathers involved especially if there was not a real relationship in the first place. Easy for me to say but just be fair to the girl, flexible with DH because this must be major for him and be easy with yourself. You don't have to be a mean SM like yours was, be yourself and don't forget how it was for you. there is no suggestion of her living with you is there?

Welcome to this board! It is really such a great tool in keeping my sanity as a stepmom! The advice I give you is to really take things slowly and think about the worst case scenerio and decide if it is something you can live with. My hubby has sole custody of my 3 stepkids. But we can not erase her from our existance. She has moved out of state 3 times and come back only to leave again. Each time taking a piece of the kids happiness with her. She has made plans with them and stood them up without so much as a phone call. She has been gone 8 months now without as much as a phone call. We have no idea where she is living or how to get a hold of her. Her family knows which state she is in---which is no longer the same state as us, but that is about it. They can't even contact her! Each time she reappears with promises to the kids, which she does not fill. Then we are left picking up the pieces. At times the kids lash out at us because they are upset with her. But then they will talk to her on the phone and be nice as pie because they fear that she will disappear again if they don't. Its horrible to watch. So sole custody isn't a fairy tale ending. OR you could have a situation like justnotmartha or imamommy where the ex makes everything a fight. Imamommy has been in and out of court with her hubby and his ex. That can get costly. You could have a situation like doodleboo where the kids mom is a druggie and has bad boyfriends that you don't want the child around. You could have a situation like lovehadley where the mom is violent and drunk and uses the child as a weapon and excuse for everything. There is no easy part of stepparenting. Its twice the work of regular parenting and a very thankless job! Would I go back and never have married my hubby? NO WAY! I love him and the children. But I will not lie to you and tell you this was an easy road. It has been a struggle at times. And we have argued over the children and his ex. But we are always able to talk things out. Great communication is the key to success in any relationship, but more so in a stepfamily situation. I wish you a lot of luck and I encourage you to do a search on the posters I have mentioned and on my self on here to read some of our posts and what we have gone through. I also encourage you to come here often for advice or just to vent or share stories.

I don't know where these figures come on the amount allocated to furnishing a home. In my experience, if you are buying your first home, you are going to be strapped for cash - at least for the first year or so. Most people I know made do with donations; thrift store acquisitions, odds and ends accumulated along the way and disposable furniture from places like IKEA - or they made do without. If one is moving to a second or third home, surely one has acquired furniture along the way and doesn't immediately discard it. Again, in my experience, most people with middle class incomes make do with already existing furniture and augment as needed. While it's nice to get new stuff, most people I know bought furniture gradually.

PIcture?