How wonderful!! My kids (all teenagers now) HATE gardening with me. But when my mom was alive (she died almost four years ago) they loved going over to her house to help her in the garden. By far their favorite chore was PICKING! Especially when they could pop the produce in their mouths. It was so touching that during the year and a half that she was ill, they volunteered to do some of her gardening chores for her. Keep it up and enjoy her, Cindy!!

Why didn't your son go to court and fight because his ex was preventing him from seeing them? He should have done something other than just give up custody totally! That's like saying he really didn't care and just left the kids. It will leave a mark that may never ever be able to be fixed on these children. The mother had no right to keep her kids from his father and if he still was able to see them, then so would you. I had an ex-SIL who was keeping her kids from their father. She claimed that his new wife harrassed her and sent nasty letters and things but there was really no proof that the letters came from the other couple. She also made sure not to EVER pick up the phone if the Caller ID said out of area and he lived out of the state. She ended up leaving my BIL and finding a new guy but at the time she was talking about abandonment and having my BIL adopt the kids. She told the kids their father didn't care and yet stopped any form of communication between them. You have no idea what this woman may be saying or doing with these kids. Look into Grandparents rights and maybe also you need to talk to your son about getting back in his kids life. You don't stop seeing them because the mother makes your life hard. My step father has been bad mouthed and blackmailed and everything else by his ex-wife but it hasn't stopped him from trying to be with his children. It's going to probably be a long, bumpy ride but you have to decide if the children are worth it and do it.

I am sorry you are so tired and worried. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Your question is how to deal with this without blowing up at your DIL and DS. First and most important, go get counseling yourself or with your husband. The counselor will help you figure out how to set boundaries and how much to give of yourselves. Second, take time to exercise, get plenty of sleep and eat healthy foods. That old adage about flying with children...put the oxygen mask on your own face first so you can help them with theirs.... You will be able to do more for the children in the long run if you stay healthy. Third, your grandchildren have 2 loving grandparents who live next door, a nanny, and 2 parents. They have a network of people. Their love network doesn't look like what you wish for them but they have one. They are loved, they are cared for. Stop focusing on what they don't have and start looking at what they do have. I'm not there, you are, and your concerns may be entirely or partially valid. Having said that, they are 5 and 2. Soon the 5 year old will be more and more involved in school, activities, etc. The 5 year old will go to school all day, then have music lessons, sports activities, friends over, etc. That doesn't mean she won't need you or her parents, but she will be busy. The money your DIL makes will come in very handy for college, extracurricular activities, etc. As the grandkids get older you probably won't be needed nearly as much and that time is probably closer than you think. When that time comes, if you have damaged your relationship with your DS and DIL you will wish you hadn't. Also you may find that your DIL is better with the children as they get older. The comment about DIL not allowing anyone else in the family to be a leader in the family is not germane to this discussion. Your son could still have tea parties with his kids, take them camping, build block towers, bake cookies with them, play soccer in the yard. DIL is not stopping him from that. Stop letting those leadership thoughts live rent free in your head. As you said yourself, your son could make different choices, he doesn't, and that's on him, not his wife. I don't know, only you do, so I could be very wrong. I suspect you are enabling your son. I think that because you said he was checking his phone a lot during the day. If he was at home with the grandkids, were you over there taking care of them? There is a fine line between supporting and enabling and a good counselor will help you figure out if you have strayed over into enabling territory. A counselor can help you figure out if part of this is because the family doesn't look like what you expect with your DIL running a demanding business. My husband was building a business when our children were 5 and 2. He would have went on an 11 day trip, returned and went to work the next day and no one would have thought anything about it. He worked long hours then 6 days a week, and on Sunday went to church, came home and napped. He came home every night, gave the kids a bath, ate something and went back to work. This is a tough time for a young family and sometimes that can spill over onto the grandparents. I'm not dismissing your concerns or saying you're wrong. Just one glance at my husband with his little kids and even a total stranger could tell he treasured them, enjoyed them, loved them with his every breath. It's probably not the trip that concerned you but the way your son and DIL interact with their kids when they're present. The generosity issue is a good one to bring up in counseling. I'm not sure why you would want your DS and DIL to be financially generous with you. You have stressed that material things are not your focus, that you make decent money, so not sure why you feel a loss if they don't give you expensive gifts. Perhaps because your DS and DIL give expensive gifts to people they value and you feel not valued. A counselor could help you learn to let that go. Invest in exercise, getting plenty of sleep, eating healthy and counseling. That time will be well spent, and the sooner the better. It may take time to find a good counselor who is the right match for you, so get started now. You may have to try more than one. I hope you find something that helps. Best of luck with your grandchildren.

A bunny cake, but mine is made differently. Cut layers in half crosswise. Slice those horizontally. Spread lemon curd and seedless raspberry jam, alternating layers. Set layers on cut edge. Cut a wedge bear one end - you now have a head/neck fir your bunny. Rajesh wedge and put at other end - you now have a tail. Frost the cake with Italian meringue, filling in shape with extra - it will gave a LOT to name a nice plump bunny. Take white paper and cut out ears. Use food coloring to watercolor the inside of the ears so they are pink. Stick them on the head. Use black jelly beans fir eyes, pink for nose. Candied violets are nice if you can find them. Dye coconut green and arrange around bunny - sprinkle jelly beans around grass. Real flower blossoms can also be added. i think this was on TV in the 50's when I was a child and my mother and I made it. Then I made it for children, now grandchildren. No bunny date thus tear - get home from London around 10pm night before and thus old lady no longer attempts heroics! It will be all I can manage to get to church on Easter!