Yes, it is so easy to feel that way. I too used to stress out about the school parties/teacher appreciation/ etc. And the gift-giving! I too, shed some tears, and then came up with a strategy to simplify! I announced to many friends "I am not the party-planning type!" and let them handle the party planning. Gift giving? Starbucks cards for everyone! Cash for the grad! And then, sit back and enjoy. Good luck! I hope you feel better.

May was a busy month for me too when the kids still lived at home. Both my sons' birthdays are in May as is my brother's on the 12th, 13th and 13th.. I was busy with school leadership, and the annual conference was then as well as all the end of year activities. Once the kids left home, it became saner here. A lot of the school activities left when they did. I guess the message I have is that it is a busy month for the few years that they live at home. Now I bake and mail the cakes and miss those busy times. They all prefer the family birthday cake to any other. My advice is to simplify, simplify.

The end of the school year always seems to be a bundle of celebrations (especially the elementary years). Can you scale back on any of your duties? Instead of baking cookies for a school celebration, sign up for drinks that can be purchased ahead of time. Can your DH be responsible for HIS mother's gifts? Gifts cards are your friend. Hang in there!

Texas - I reverberate with you. May is "Better Speech and Hearing Month". I'm a (retired) audiologist. When I was working, May was pure hell. Free public hearing screenings, lectures to people ranging from elementary school kids to physicians, interviews with media. It was a PR landslide. I learned to put in 2 weeks of vacation request for May to limit my angst. I gladly worked around the Christmas holidays to avoid May.

Breathe deeply. You'll be ok.

I would do the daughters birthday and simply let the rest go. The world won't end. Sometimes we just need to unplug.

I used to say to myself, when I needed a mental health day, "what are they going to do - send the police to get you?" Stress sucks. Take time for YOU.

When I am feeling overwhelmed my first question to myself is, "how can I make this easier?"

Looking at your list, I am not sure how they all fall on you. But, maybe that is the place to start. I would look at catering in, at least some of the food if you are responsible for dinners for the celebrations. Dining out, instead of in. Delegating some responsibility to others. "Can you make the arrangements this year?"

I agree with Rather. Are you taking more on than you should and bumping it to the top level? Choosing to bake or cook something elaborate rather than something more simple?

Maybe give us examples and we can talk you through it.

It's like I'm running on fumes, I have nothing left in my tank to provide.

Boundaries. Set them.

I think you can think out for yourself time/saving tips, etc. But I do think that you might institute a 'just me' zone for a number of hours a day or for several days a week, whichever works better, or both.

Doing something for yourself refuels your tank. I recall when my children were young I would arrange for a little time for me to putter in my garden.

I think almost everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes. I think you are wise to vent about it, sometimes sharing itself lightens the load, and also you might find some worthy ideas here to help.

I like Missy May's advice. There's no rule that says that you have to go all out for every single event. "Unplug" is great advice.

Through this group, I learned a way to save money for Christmas by putting $26.50 a week in a no fees bank account that was strictly for gifts. By the end of the year, I save $1378 + the interest the bank gives me. What I'm getting at is, if you know May is going to be difficult, set aside a few dollars a month so that next May, you're ready for it. OOORRRRrrrrr.... during the year, when you see a little something something your friend might like, or the teacher would love, or whatever, just pick it up. Don't wait until May. That way you have what you need long before you need it.

Now make a cup of tea, put your feet up and relax. Everything will fall into place. :)

Your carrying a LOT of weight on your shoulders. It's a choice as to how you handle it. You've been given a LOT of good advice. If it's money for gifts, plan for it like X-mas. If it's the time spent, give gift cards. All things that free up your time and pressure to perform will help.

I get over worked. It's self imposed like your schedule and it's something I get through. Hang in there.

I like what Raven said and I love "invisible broken leg".

In addition to the above good advice, it's possible you need to cry more often. Seriously, crying is healthy. A "good cry" (think loud rather than sniffles) eases muscle tension and releases toxins and stress hormones. You might notice a big difference.

This is better done as a guided exercise, but I think you can do it yourself. We all have 'Parts' that develop as we grow up. Sometimes they need to 'grow up' themselves. (Most people know about this in a vague kind of way. We've all been invited to a party or to do something and said, "Oh, part of me wants to do that, but another part doesn't.")

Can you identify the Parts of yourself that A) Say why you must take on all of these projects and B) Resent doing them?

Set two chairs across from one another. Sit in one and pretend you are Part A telling Part B all the things Texas_Gem should do for all of these events. Move to the opposite chair, and let Part B respond to Part A about why she shouldn't do them. You may need to take on each celebration/event separately.

*Invest* in this exercise. (There will probably be tears.) Go back and forth, giving each part three minutes to speak, for as long as it takes for the opposing Parts to have their say. Let one Part speak, then the other Part say back what it has heard before replying. At the end, let each Part sum up what it's heard from the other Part and how it feels about that.

When the Parts are finished Texas_Gem will better understand her internal conflict -- which has roots much deeper than "The Woes of May". She will have insight about how the Parts came to exist and how they developed their positions. She can weigh how valid their "shoulds" are in her adult life.

I gained from this exercise fifty years ago when my MIL's demands were making me miserable. I first 'played' MIL and DIL, speaking to one another. Then I played my own conflicting Parts, one of which said I should agree with whatever she wanted, and one that disagreed. I began to understand that MIL was using her her position and power to manipulate for the lack of love in her life. I decided consciously that you can't *owe* anyone love, but that I was happy to give her the respect due a MIL. Once I "got mySelf together", she realized she had hit a wall, and she stopped the games -- with me, but unfortunately not with her son, who she had traumatized from his infancy.

Prioritize the events and dial back or even eliminate your involvement with the lower priority ones. And simplify and do what can be done in less time for the more important ones.

"Go have a cry" isn't good advice. Crying is a reaction to problems - solve or reduce the severity of the problems and you should be fine. Good luck, don't try to do a superwoman thing. Do what you have time for and leave it at that, the added time and excesses don't necessarily add value. Let others burn themselves out, that which parents (usually moms) think is needed for their little kids is sometimes the needless cause of such problems and burnout.

I used to "run the world" and loved it. Now I'm older and not as healthy, and my motto is "What I can do is all I can do."

We have all of April and May's birthdays at one party and it is on Mother's Day. One daughter provides the place the rest of us cook and bring the food. It is pretty much in the planning of the meal and who will want to bring what. I am 82 and still fixing most of the food. We are always flexible if needed. Plans change and so do we.

Sue

good advice by all!!

when this happens to me, i call it "hitting the wall".

suggestions: friends & MIL birthdays - gift card to place they like to shop or get their nails done, bookstore, food store, starbucks.... DH birthday, dinner out! Mother's day - plants, $ or breakfast, lunch or dinner out. Let DH take care of his own mother. never to early to start to pull back and put some responsibility on him. Teacher's - gift cards, they really don't want another "teacher knickknack!!! graduation,- $$. end of year parties, scale back on what u do., or if that's what u like to do, then continue to do it.

buy cards and gifts well in advance. they put card out 1-2 months before holiday.

i don't think there is anything wrong with crying but its a sign that u are in overload and you really need to reign it in and realize its all too much and you know what? its really OK!! we can't do it all and that's OK too!! cut yourself some slack and do what u really enjoy!!

And no wonder, Texas Gem! That is wayyy too much for one person to take on because your other usual duties are still calling you. Do you work out of the home as well? I have been in your position and frankly, asking for help is sometimes more of a pain than not. I make the celebrations happen; it is not hubby's strong suit by a long shot. As I got older and more used to it, May, (a few bdays and end-of-school activities,) became a little more doable, though I didn't have even half of what you do. I'd be a wreck, crying on the kitchen floor if I were you. I guess the time to take stock is after it's over in a couple of weeks with a new plan of attack written and mapped out on paper. Of course you still need to to put together dd's and dh's birthdays, but maybe the others can be modified?

Are there other sisters-in-law who can take on the chore of m-i-l's bday? (C'mon, the boys aren't going to do it.) As for friends, is it time to suggest no presents? A group I've known a long time used to exchange gifts until we decided to lunch as a group only. And now in our late 50's, that has dried up too though I still see one of the friends for a bday lunch. We still get together a couple of times a year but the pressure is off! (Of course, our kids are all out of college by now so we're quite a ways ahead of you in age.) Remember, even though it may not look like it chances are good that others are thinking/feeling the same things you are.

I take it you're very active at the schools? In the easier months it can be a lot of fun... but then May happens. If you're a room mom, do you have a co-room mom who is reliable to actually do much of the work and planning? Yes, the end-of-the-year class gift has to be personal, practical and have much meaning to the teacher. Ha! Do you see how far things have come?? Back in the day there was no class gift and only a few kids gave the teacher a little something that was nothing more than a token. I'm telling you, if you feel the need to give, a gift card or cold, hard cash is appreciated the most! It's time to ignore the Jones and get more friends to see the light. Yeah, I know it's easier said than done. You sure do have my sympathy and I can tell you that it will get easier as your kids transition out of elementary school. Yes, have a good cry!

I was so glad when my daughter graduated high school and she went to Houston to go to college and we moved to the bayou. Like you, I was over whelmed and very stressed out. I wasn't so very far away, but far enough that I escaped a lot of people that were just what I called "hangers on". I look back now sometimes and marvel that I was able to do so much. It was hard enough and I only had one child, but I had my mother to look after...and later, Ken. Take time for yourself. I have become very self indulgent since I moved here....and still sometimes I find myself running in circles trying to take care of everything. Do the things for your children, but let some of the other stuff go, if you can. And....sometimes crying can't be avoided.

I always found it particularly busy as well. But what I finally realized was that it also signaled the passage of time for my kids. That's what I got emotional about. It wasn't the stress of all the activities as I found that fun, but it was the acknowledgment of another successful year passing for my children and a new year about to begin.

It was the acknowledgment and acceptance that they were learning and maturing and needed me a little less each year. It was the planning of summer activities where they wanted to do things that were instead of being for grades 1-3 were all of sudden for grades 4-6. It was the acknowledgment that they were getting closer and closer to high school. It was the acknowledgment that their wandering space in the neighbourhood was getting a little bigger.

Those changes seemed to happen very slowly but suddenly May was there and I'm like....wow, have my kids ever grown and changed this year. That was emotional for me.

Great advice here. I'd do a combo of things myself.

Save up for parties each month.

Using a calendar that is easily seen sit down and plan exactly what you will do on the days leading up to and on the events as much as possible. I use a countdown of up to 3 months with duties broken up by the day/week, written down on the calendar. This helps you to keep in mind that you must do some work daily/weekly so the bulk is completely done well before the day and maybe only cooking/setup is to be done.

Enlist/hire help or pass on the torch for the things you can. If you need extra funds get the family to pitch in. This worked for me when I realized I had turned into the go to person for special family days..

This article says research shows that:Crying is good for you

I'm sure that are times when it's not but as a release for temporary situations it's fine.

Hi Texas Gem,

You have received wonderful advice here! There is nothing wrong with crying once in awhile. I see you say that you don't know when the last time was that you cried like that so I'm sure you needed to. I know it helps me feel better. Maybe you feel it's silly to cry because you're overwhelmed, but when my kids were little, it was a necessity to clear my head. Hang in there. I'm sure you will figure this out. I was always stressed in May because it meant keeping the kids busy all summer which is no easy feat!

Edited: I just read the great article linked above about crying. I actually wonder about men who don't or won't cry. I couldn't want to be married to one of them (and I'm not). LOL. If they don't cry I believe the emotion stays bottled up and that can be very detrimental. I raised my son so he knew crying was OK for a guy because it is. He's always been wonderfully understanding of all of his sisters, wife and all women and men in his life. Sorry to be hung up on crying. I just think it's OK for everyone to do once in awhile! :)

Thanks to Elmer's talent for alternative paraphrasing, I want to clarify that I did not say, "Go have a cry." I did say, " . . . it's possible you need to cry more often." TexasGem indicated that she cries very rarely. I thought perhaps venting emotions would prevent the build-up that leads to the intense feelings she's now experiencing.

No need to defend yourself Alisande with Elmer. We (all the ladies) know what you meant!

ETA: Thanks Blfenton for saying so eloquently what many of us were feeling during those years.

Yes, your body and mind needs release and it's telling you it's ok to give it time to have that release. I can remember times when I'm meditating, and not feeling particularly sad, yet I'll find tears on my cheeks. It's perfectly ok.

I'm sorry I haven't read the other responses yet, so apologize if I'm redundant, but did want to get this out there for you. I noticed in the OP that you said you are trying to stay more on top of it, more in control, and that may be a real source of tension for you. Try to ease up and let it be. You aren't going to be able to control everything going on, and the more you try, the more stressed and overwhelmed you will feel.

One of the best definitions of stress I ever saw was: the perception that our available resources are inadequate to meet the perceived demands upon us. What I so like about this definition is it includes our perceptions of the demands on us...and our perceptions of the resources available to us. Maybe what we think is expected of us, is not correct...that we are putting even higher expectations on ourselves than others are. Maybe we think we are alone in it or can't ask for help, but in fact we can. Or maybe there are other resources available to us we haven't stopped to think about incorporating.

And, what I find a lot, is that our anticipation of the stress we are going to be under is itself a source of stress. Instead, try to live more in the moment and not anticipate stress itself. Recognize that, in this very instant, there is nothing you need to do....or in this instant....or in this. And that there are many, many, many such instances throughout each day when we can take even a moment to breathe.

Thank you everyone for letting me know I'm not the only one.

Most of the activities have already passed. We had a gift card to a restaurant that needed to be used so we took MIL to lunch for her birthday.

Hubby and I agreed, I would do nothing for his birthday and he would do nothing for mother's day.

The only things I have left are the kindergarten graduation and end of year party on Tuesday, my nephew's high school graduation on Friday in a neighboring town and my daughters birthday party on Saturday.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am a planner and a bit of a perfectionist and I always have been.

This year, I ended up being the single parent in charge of planning all the 2nd grade activities and parties and on Wednesday at their end of year party, I got to listen to a bunch of parents saying how this year was not a good year for the kids (regarding parties and activities) I don't like feeling like a failure but at the same time, I can NOT be expected to carry everything for the entire grade!! I've got 3 other kids and all of their activities to take care of too.

I've already taken steps to ensure that won't happen next year. Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, regarding crying, there is nothing wrong with crying and I don't think it makes a person weak. My mom and my best friend cry frequently, over a myriad of different things. I'm just not one of those people who do so it really was a sign of how emotionally spent I am.

Ungrateful second grade parents!

Indeed! I would institute a rule- first person to complain gets to be next year's planner <insert evil grin>

Managing isn't the same as knowing why you take on too many things.+

I have a friend who learned to say, "No," to *every* request. Later, she'll think about it to decide if she wants to change her answer -- or possibly agree to some part of the responsibility she's comfortable accepting.

That comment the other parents made makes my blood boil. I'm sure they all have just the greatest ideas, but just ask them to step up to the plate! Ha.

Side story: I was a Girl Scout leader for both my daughters. I realized early on that it would be difficult to get volunteers to help us. We were planning the annual camping trip and we needed at the very least volunteers to help drive. It was 45 minutes away and they did not even have to sleep over! No takers. We then explained that we were going, and had x amount of seat in our cars. They quickly figured out among themselves who would drive there, who would pick up.

After that incident, we never had a problem when we asked for help.

Boy, elementary school seems to have changed a lot since I was a child!. Kindergarten graduation??? Organized class parties and activities?? Teacher gift?

We might have had Kool-Aid and cupcakes on the last day of school, but that was it for class parties as far as I can recall. Field trips were generally a once or twice a year event, and usually involved the entire grade, not planned by parents.

Is it really all necessary, and necessary to be stressful/successful/impressive to other parents (who aren't helping btw)?

You sound to me like you need a day or two OFF -- leave hubby or mother or MIL in charge of the kids, rent a hotel room, and spend the day and night doing whatever you need to do to recharge -- sleeping, reading, swimming, getting or giving yourself a facial, sleep some more...

Nothing wrong with a good cry. I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed this weekend. I cried...and it did actually make me feel better. Sure, it didn't solve my problem but it certainly didn't hurt to let it out.

Oh don't worry, I am booking my flight tomorrow for my girls weekend with my 2 besties. 4 blissful relaxing days at the end of June to just be me without any job title!! :)