Di, stop judging your adequacy as a person by your productivity, dammit! Just be. You're not in denial. Nobody is going to think you're "all better now" just because you're working in the garden, and any guilt you have belongs in the bottom of your compost heap where it can rot into something better. Easier said than done I know. But I do wish you'd be less harsh on yourself. Rant over. You are as beautiful as you are loved, and I hope that the nurturing of life around you helps you to continue to heal. You'll never turn off the grief like a switch... it's just a new part of you... As for gardening activities, I'm going a bit frantic myself. Mostly because spring and early summer are make-it-or-break-it times for those of us in colder climes and there are certain things that just need to be done. But they mostly got done. My fingerprint is now clearly visible on our yard. It has come a long way from the 30-some nasty spirea, 5 unkempt and gianormous pontentilla, and swaths of rock and landscape cloth that greeted me when we moved in. The perennials I planted are really coming into their own, and I beam with pride when people stop to ask me about plants or for advice in their own gardens. I almost typed that I had hardly planted anything at all this season... and then I realized that I've put at least 500 individual plants into the dirt, and have no clue how many seeds I've planted. I suppose that's "hardly anything at all" compared to what I've been doing the last few years though... I'll always have a bit of grass because the dogs (ours and the neighbors who come over daily to play) need space to poop and romp, but I'm using Steve's love affair with his ridiculously oversized riding mower to justify a nearly constant expansion of my planting beds. As much as I dislike that mower, I owe many a bed to its lousy cornering capability! ;o) I am well pleased with last year's rain barrel project, and would heartily recommend them to anyone who is struggling with feast and famine rains. I have a total of 220 gallons of capacity, and a half an hour's worth of rain will fill my barrels to the brim. The drip irrigation system I built for them last year made watering a couple beds completely effortless. I can't say enough nice things about them and am grateful to Leaveswave for the guidance. Of course my neighbor is laughing her butt off at me for my planting idiosyncrasies. I have a bad habit of "not wasting" seedlings. Who is she to say that 45 hot pepper plants is too many (for a woman with a low tolerance for "hot")? I think I showed restraint by not planting all 150 that I started! (She's also laughing because my labels washed off when I was hardening the plants off and I have both "Bulgarian Carrot" peppers and "Tequila Sunrise" peppers... they look nearly identical and now I don't know what's where, so I'll be playing Capsicum Roulette come harvest time!) And I "only" planted sixteen eggplants, ten tomatoes, and who-knows-how-many beans, peas, cukes, zucchini, cauliflower, broccoli, lettuces, spinach, radishes, and chard... I planted so much in my raised and expanded beds this year that I decided herbs can grow just fine in the flower beds. I'm not sure if that's a form of denial, or a nod to French Potagers... (I'll probably claim the latter, but know secretly it's due to my lack of horticultural restraint.) I have several plants each of rosemary, thyme, sweet marjoram, basil, parsley, oregano, cilantro, dill, and mint (the mint lives in strictly-policed holeless, sunken pots). But I hardly grow any vegetables and herbs at all. I'm mostly a flower gardener... (sigh... restraint is for sissies...)

No, I haven't even tried an exercise bike, lol. Pushing anything gets me unless I can somehow not use my arms... pretty much anything that uses my arms gets me at some [too quick] point unless it's just the forearms. My lower back is seriously strong as a bull - I use the well-known 'bad for the lower back' positions TO lift, lol. Legs are still best of course. My pain never travels up - there's always a nerve spot beside C6-7 that starts the ball a'rollin'. Then that always-hateful spot through the trapezius and eventually making my scapulas wing if I keep it up or if the movement is too severe. I put the med patches on that spine spot, BTW. It's a little monster, I swear. So it's all the arms and head movement [or just holding the body/head up like sitting too long]. Bikes still take arms, so I'll try one for a day to see if it's nice like a ride-mower or one of the bad-arm positions. Of course, Dad has his mind set on a car it sounds like [he always has free rentals 'cos of work]. Perhaps he can drop me off closer, although Oxford is largely a pedestrian town. They mailed info on exams and a link to OLD EXAMS! Yeah! The tutors are emphasizing that the exam isn't as hard as the coursework, so that's one worry minimized. Here's one from facebook: "Oxford - where your best isn't good enough since 1117". Bwahaha!

GGG, Here's a picture from my shade garden that has some recycled items. The white pedestal was the base of an old lamp that my neighbors hauled to the curb for bulk pick-up during their re-model. I grabbed it to fill a bare spot, and ended up topping it with an old garden lantern I had found at a garage sale. The stepping stones are terra cotta tiles that were left over from when we installed our new kitchen floor. They usually form a neat pathway through the garden, but in this picture, I had moved them aside to do some weeding. Marilyn

No bicycles for me. I hate that bicycles (per the law) must share the street with cars. No bicycles allowed on sidewalks. My area is just too dangerous. Everyone drives so fast. Plus, in 2010 I sat on a jury where a bicyclist was run over & killed. It was dark out, he was wearing a dark black bicycle Lycra outfit. They couldn't prove his bike had a rear reflector because his bike was smashed to smithereens. Some parts of his bike were found in the grill & engine of the truck that hit him. He was riding in the middle lane of a 3 lane road. The truck that ran him over was going 45 mph & didn't see him. He was hit so hard he flew over the top of the truck & died 4 days later. But it was still very hard to prove who was at fault because the driver didn't see him until it was too late. The biker was in the traffic lane & following the laws. But in my opinion, he should have been wearing bright orange & not riding in the dark. To this day I get mad when I see bicyclists riding at night with black clothes & a reflector that's hard to see.