From the details you've provided, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. It sounds like the career opportunities are similar. Same/better pay, lower cost of living. DH home more, less stress. Closer to family.

As far as resentment, personally I don't think I would feel that way if we both thought it was a positive move. It's not like you're considering moving because one of your jobs requires it and there are no other opportunities. Are you terribly attached to your home? Was it a huge achievement for you to be able to buy it by yourself, or is it really just your first home? I don't get very attached to places and stuff. We built our house and I love it, but when the time comes to move on, it's really just a house. I'll have fond memories, but look forward to new adventures.

What are the negatives to you about moving? Other than not coming back. i'm not asking about the negatives to your husband....just negatives to you.

We moved from Illinois to coastal southern California, and I would move with all the positives you mention. However, mosquitoes and snowy slushy weather do not sound attractive to me. So many people here comment on the Midwest being a good place to raise kids with solid values, and for that reason many have moved back from here when they have kids.

To me, this is a question of what kind of life do you want to live. What do you regularly do, who do you do it with, where do you do it? What would you be giving up, what would you be gaining, if you were to move? What's important to you?

I can't imagine that a job with a customer pays 3x what he's earning now. That just means he needs to find a new employer - are there alternatives to do that where you are now? Are there options for you to ramp up your family law practice, or join others, to make more money and have more options in your personal lives?

Are you so desirous of having a larger house that you're willing to risk that it's in an area you may ultimately not find acceptable for a life location for other reasons? Do you want to live near family at the price of having to endure extreme weather (compared to SoCal) frequently? How about your circle of friends, are you okay with leaving them behind?

A lot of people who are at an economic plateau in their lives do choose to move to areas that are lower cost and lower density to improve their lives. Such places often also have fewer job and occupational opportunities (ditto for a legal practice) and if the new job doesn't work out, would he have other alternatives?

I'm a native and would never leave. Never. I grew up in SoCal, moved to the Bay Area as a young adult, and am perfectly happy to stay here or move back south, whatever. I'd never leave the environment, the attitudes, the weather, the opportunities and activities of the larger urban/suburban coastal region. I'd never move to the Midwest, not even to one of the several large cities I've enjoyed visiting. It's out of the question for me. But to each his/her own view. Best of luck to you.

I personally would take the leap of faith, since DH isn't all that close to his family anyway, you have family not far from where you'd relocate, and the money will be that much more for DH. You may decide you prefer raising children (if you plan any) in the mid west, but long term plans can always change. You may think you'll live in the mid west forever if you move there, but if you have a child who ends up taking a job offer in California, you could end up back there as grandparents!

My children were raised in the second most expensive city in Canada, but DD moved halfway across the country to a city with one of the lowest cost of housing/standard of living, for an amazing job opportunity for her DH. Being in a lower cost of living area while making a good income, enabled them to save far more than they could have, had my SIL not taken that position.

The area they live in is superb for raising young children, But being a small city, it's a much slower lifestyle with far fewer options than what DD herself experienced, growing up in a large metropolitan area. College choices where they currently live, would probably involve their children moving away anyway. So DD has already told us that they plan to move back to this area when the kids are nearing the finish of high school, so they'll have so many more college choices and future employment opportunities afterwards.

That still doesn't mean one of their kids won't graduate college here, but get offered the best employment opportunity somewhere across the country. So do what will work best for you in the foreseeable future, and not worry about NEVER being able to move back, because that assumption might not be true.

sounds simple to me-you're young in comparison to the majority of us at the KT-move......and don't look back.

I think it sounds like you want to go too. We had the opportunity to move to SoCal instead of Texas, we both absolutely said no. We have visited there numerous times and enjoyed that but not to live there. We have lived in Denver, we loved it except for the snow. It would depend where in the Midwest and how bad the winters are. I would likely say yes with all the added benefits you mentioned. Especially the move being covered by the new employer. You are young experience something new!

I moved to SoCal as a young adult because of a work transfer and fell in love with the area. However, I moved from California to other parts of the country and back four times following my career. Don't assume you can never come back to California. Start your California future house savings account by taking a chunk of your husband's large salary increase and putting it into safe investments. In the meantime, enjoy the changing seasons in the Midwest and the lower cost of housing.

It's the house I bought on my own and managed to get completely paid off, it represents an accomplishment but it's no less of one if I don't remain in it and buy one elsewhere.

As far as negatives...I haven't lived anywhere other than with my parents (born and raised here, they moved in 2007 though) and in this house. The negative is just the feeling of "OMG this would be a HUGE change and one I won't simply be able to say I changed my mind about so person I sold my house to I want it back!"...It's a huge change, but to not make one would be bad too.

Our desire to foster/adopt means we have to have space which we don't have in our home now, and buying a larger house in SoCal is prohibitively expensive. We could do it in the other state, easily, in fact any home we're considering has that space. I would worry so much about the safety and futures of any prospective adopted kids in SoCal! Even if we continued to only have dogs here or there, a yard would be nice too.

The customer who offered the job is a smaller company looking to expand into a mid/large one, his employer currently is basically contracting him to that customer on a pretty frequent basis - a basis that by hiring him on directly would make it possible for them to pay him almost 3x as much as he gets now from current employer and expand too.

I 'share' office space, when I need to meet with clients or client and another attorney etc or do something that otherwise requires a professional office setting rather than being able to do it from my home office setup. This is because it is expensive to run a sole practice out of an office without 'sharing' the space out here. My professional contacts include other firms in the other state that are interested in bringing me on and I could also start up a new solo practice there like the one I have now should that be what I wanted. The offer I have gotten and am seriously considering offers comparable money and adds the dimension of being more personally meaningful to me.

I'm curious about the negatives too.

I would not move from a warmer place, relatively speaking to a colder place with bugs! Yes the cost of living is higher but the cost of heating and cooling is lower.

...Unless DH really wants to go that is... He made his home base here in Vancouver for me, and has made it work But his natural home of his heart is more country, and it's his turn to choose. I'd need a pool or at least an exercise lap pool and alternative energy sources and a satellite system and a bug free zone and...

That said financial freedom might trump all of those things for you. It is nice to have a home that is built or bought more to your specifications. :)

Wow more money as a couple, a bigger or at least better house and a more meaningful career for you sounds wonderful. I'd say that's more pros at this point.

I should have added - I moved overseas for several years, in a private sector (non-governmental) job. That experience taught me - don't overemphasize the "move" part of the move. That ends pretty quickly and moving is something anyone with an open mind can do. Sentimental attachment to homes, neighborhoods, etc., are easily breakable bonds. I'm sure others here have experienced that too.

When the dust clears and all the details are completed and the boxes are empty, you'll be in a new home in a new location.

What will you have, what will you not have. Is that where you want to live you life? These are the questions, it's nothing more than that.

Even though you say you can't afford to keep the CA house and get one in the new state, I think I would figure out a way to rent in the new area for a year or two and rent out your CA home for that time. It will continue to grow in value while you can decide if you really CAN live in the midwest. I don't think there is any way to assess how it would be to live with the cold and humid heat, the bugs, the potentially very different political climate, the different social circle, etc. until you do it.

I would be much more worried about having huge regrets when the reality of those differences sets in and having no option to go "home" again. You may find that you are completely happy in your new home/area and then you can sell your CA house and settle in for a long time.

Nebraska (AFAIK) isn't overwhelmed with bugs we don't see here - mosquitos and spiders plus the usual house pests...

His job here would probably pay more if they didn't cover all the travel expenses and what have you, but fixing/designing/engineering machines and machine parts like he does is a career he was able to get into with just a bachelors and a lot of hands-on training but California is making the cost of doing business for the industry way more expensive.

I agree with Olychick. Find a way to rent both houses. Give yourself a year. Then you can make a more informed decision.

A lot of our friends have been moving out of state in the past few years, so our social group has contracted quite a bit,

I wish I could find a way to rent the one here so we could rent out there but right now it's just not likely. He's concerned that his job here could be facing an eventual 'sunset' due to regulations and cost.

I did not read all the posts so this may have been ask....Jennifer you say you want to foster or adopt (2thumbs up) but if you stay do you have the room for your future child or children? Are children in your life important enough to you and hubs to set aside your fears and take the leap? No greater gift to a child than...loving parents.

I say pack your bags and take the journey. Just think what's awaiting you.

We took the leap of faith several years ago and it worked for us. You're older than we were at that time. We weren't established in our careers yet. We missed family, but there wasn't a lot else holding us back.

I'd go visit before I did anything. Go shopping, check out the stores, look at houses, etc. See if you even feel comfortable as a visitor.

I might even consider not buying right away and renting instead just to see if you would be comfortable there. It takes a while to establish a new network of friends. Even with family, you may not want to see each other as much.

If we stayed we would have to find a larger home before we could start to foster/adopt - we're in a 1 bedroom and it's required that there be a separate bedroom for up to 2/3 children of the same gender that would be living in a home. I would find a way to make the mortgage work on a larger place here with the money from selling our current place as a sizeable down payment, but homes in a good area and of a larger size are going to cost a lot. We made some improvements (paint, floors, new carpet, new fridge and microwave) last year with money we'd been setting aside for such purposes but only minimal money had been going into our retirement funds as is the case now. I'd feel a lot better if we were able to upgrade to a new build larger home in a nice area without a new mortgage (like the situation will be in the new state) and start putting more into the retirement funds/investments.

The SoCal housing market where we are (relatively beach close) has sent the value skyward, way beyond by leaps and bounds what I paid for it and now inventory is super low so there are bidding wars. If this wasn't the case we would have less to put towards a home elsewhere but still a substantial amount.

I would personally go for it. You said his current job has some sunset regulations and may end, you want to raise a family, and you have little going to retirement savings. It kind of sounds like the new opportunity addresses all those issues.

Is this small company, that he would be accepting a job with, the only game in town? What would happen if he decides he doesn't like the new job or his new boss? Are there other companies he can get a job with in the area if this doesn't work out?

Like Elmer J Fudd said, "I can't imagine that a job with a customer pays 3x what he's earning now. That just means he needs to find a new employer - are there alternatives to do that where you are now?" Can he use this to bargain with his current employer and get that salary now? If he gets a better salary then you could get bigger house where you are at. Remember bigger is not always better. Who is going to clean the place?

We moved here because DH had degrees in electrical engineering and most of the jobs were in Silicon Valley in the 1970's. He did get offers from companies in Texas, Arizona and Oregon, but we choose CA because there were so many more companies. So if he didn't like his job or boss (it happens), he could find a new job right away elsewhere. He worked for a lot of companies in the 40 years we have been here. The move was usually because of a pay raise or promotion. He wouldn't have had that kind of opportunity elsewhere with only a few (or 1) companies in the area.

Do you want someone else to give you their blessing and say it is OK? A lot of people have said, make the big change if that is what you really want. It is not cast in concrete and you can always change your mind. I agree with others who said that renting both houses for a year sounds like the best way to decide. You are still young enough and child free, so it is not such a hassle to make changes.

If I understand, you need a larger house to accommodate future children. To do this where you are, you have to sell your current place to have a down payment. So whether you move or stay, you have to divest yourself of your current home. It seems like your attachment to your home is not really a consideration, as it has to happen regardless.

One thought that you've no doubt already answered for yourself: if DH's current company already subs him out to this new employer, are they OK with him taking the job? Is there any sort of non-compete clause in his hiring agreement?

I'd say make the move. You already have listed several more positives than negatives and it seems the only thing pulling at your heart is your current attachment to your house. It's Just a House! Follow your DH and his opportunity this time. You have opportunities too, maybe some unrealized associated with the ones you've already mentioned. Give it a try!

I agree with Outside and all the other comments. Good points to consider.

My question too is what exactly is holding you back?

Personally, I grew up in California and moved to Boston for 2 years before moving back. I absolutely could not handle the winters. Driving in the snow, shoveling my car out at 5 am, worrying about weather ruining plans. I was so stressed out constantly in the winter that I would absolutely never move to a snowy climate again.

Others have no issues with snow so it's highly individual. I would encourage you to spend a winter there if possible. The rent you get on your house should more than cover a new mortgage in the Midwest.

Jennifer, I get your angst. I live in NorCal and some of my neighbors and friends have told me about their friends and neighbors who have sold up and moved out, only to regret it--you're right in that there is no going back. Is there any way you could spend at least a couple of weeks in your Midwest state, in order to get a feel for things? Weather is very important to me so it would probably be a deciding factor, all other things being fairly equal. You and hubby have much to discuss!

To advance into related work California job wise he would likely have to go back to school, he hates the classroom environment and struggled to finish his bachelors so when his current job came along and offering extensive on-the-job training and hands on learning he jumped and has been very happy with it. There's no non-compete and he actually really likes the other company and the guy who runs it who would be his boss (boss knows how much he hates the traveling also)

Omaha gets snow, but not as much as other midwest areas and the east coast for sure. My parents have been living out there since 2007 after relocating from SoCal when they retired. My brother has been there since 2000 after separation from the air force, married a local and says it's a great place to have a family plus not bad city-wise though no beach (I don't like sand or salty air!) - he's even more cynical than I am so his approval/endorsement on a location is one I take seriously

I am very appreciative of all the responses everyone has given me here, and all the added considerations that I wouldn't have thought of.

If you don't like sand or salty air, your parents and brother are already where you want to move, employment prospects are much better for family, you'll have a paid off newer, larger home; not sure what's keeping you in CA then?

I could never live where there is high humidity and heat because I hate it so, but if that's not a concern (and it sounds like it's not) and you think the biting bugs wouldn't be worse than in CA, then your new location sounds acceptable to you!

I only wonder because with all the positives you keep listing, you have still not convinced yourself and are asking on an anonymous internet forum. But maybe we're just helping you clarify what's most important to you so you can take the leap.

If you plan on adopting (from the foster system, I hope) then being near your family seems like it would be a blessing for all of you. It's hard to have kids when you don't have extended family near by. And, as your parents age, you will be glad to be in proximity. It's doubly hard to be raising kids and worrying about aging parents who are too far away for you to help or at least keep your eye on their care.

I can't comment on the West coast vs. Midwest conundrum, except to say that if you are homebodies in any case, it may not make a huge difference where you are. Omaha is a very nice city - I have visited a close friend there several times. It sounds like you have plenty of career opportunities there, and your DH will be MUCH happier with the less frequent travel.

However, I can comment on your sell or keep a premarital asset conundrum. I own a one-bedroom apartment in NYC that I bought long before I met my husband. We lived there together for about 10 years before we decided to move to the suburbs and buy a house together. DH was largely the driver of this move - he never liked the city, and although I was hungry for more space, I was reasonably content where we were.

While we were looking at homes and figuring out our budget, DH made it very clear to me that the choice of whether to keep or sell my apartment was up to me (although I knew he didn't want to be a landlord). Selling would have meant a much larger amount of cash available for a down payment and therefore a larger housing budget, but my old neighborhood has only just begun to appreciate and I was worried that I would kick myself 10 years down the road if I sold now.

Anyway, I decided to keep the apartment and rent it out. The compromise was that I refinanced the mortgage to take out a bit of equity before we bought the new house, which I used for the down payment. I know you don't want to be a landlord (and I don't blame you - if I were doing it long distance I would have sold), but all of this is to say that I don't resent DH AT ALL for wanting to move out of the city, nor for the hassles of the refi or being a landlord. I love love LOVE our house, the extra space and having front porch and backyard most of all! I can't say whether you would resent your DH if you gave up your current place, but if you are anything like me, you'll be thrilled you did it. In your shoes I would take the leap.

I live in rural north Missouri. Omaha is northwest of me, and definitely experiences winter weather. The older I get, the more I hate winter. Have you ever experienced winter? Some people love it, some don't.

Are you currently living in an urban environment? Having never been to SCal, I can't draw any comparisons between it and Omaha. Do you like urban? Have you ever been to a rural area? Omaha is a small city, to be sure, but not huge. It's surrounded by endless miles of farmland - Nebraska, Iowa, and Kansas - and is pretty flat. And windy.

I'm not trying to turn you away from Nebraska, but it WILL BE different from what you are used to.

If Husband's company suddenly goes belly up, or is sold to a competitor and they lay everyone off (all-too-common scenario), will he be able to find another job in the new location?

Something to think about.

We're in suburban SoCal....close enough to the urban environment of Los Angeles by freeway but if you were to be at my home and go driving 5 minutes in any direction you'd see homes, condos, apartments, strip malls and schools. And more of that as you keep driving.

He's gone to trade school and gotten certification in computer repair/building plus the bachelors and hands-on experience, no doubt he could find something but he'd need an advanced degree (masters) to really move up out here because it's highly competitive.

I have trouble with big change. Sometimes I even have problems with small changes but not usually. I decided to ask on here because seeing what others think and getting suggestions about matters I hadn't thought to consider is helpful for me when it comes to situations slightly (to put it mildly in this one) outside my wheelhouse. I'm a "plan and have everything worked out to avoid catastrophe" person and attention to details would be the first thing anyone would say if you asked what my best skill is. But some things in life you can be prepared for everything involved and still not have everything go perfectly, and that is slightly scary for me.

Random food for thought: Your family -- do they complain about anything in particular about your proposed city? Weather, community, recreation opportunities, etc? Do you have any serious reservation about the new situation? (we understand you will regret leaving some things behind, but that's a different question).

Don't answer here, but is it "your" house or "our" (you and your husband's) house? Not every couple combines all assets, that's okay.

You're a planner, and risk-adverse. Okay. Does every opportunity need to be 100% safe before you act on it? Of course not. You're considering starting a family -- that's about as risky as it gets, lol!

Try this: take a coin. Heads you move, tails you stay. Know that you don't *have* to abide by its decision. Toss it. As it's in the air -- how do you want it to land?

Keep your options open. I don't see how renting your Ca house would be a problem. It's paid for and most likely a rental in the Midwest wouldn't be as much so you'd have extra income every month. It's the best option for a year or two until you know for sure you love the Midwest and want to stay. If you're not happy, you move back. And by then your husband will have even more experience and more to offer. Imagine selling everything and after a year you HATE the Midwest and want to run back to SoCal but can't because you can no longer afford the housing market there. Rent in both places until you decide....it's a win win.

I was thinking the same idea that joanie suggested in that you rent out your SoCal house and rent in your new city for a time until you know for sure that job wise, family wise, weather wise, social wise it is the place for you. If you're still in your 30's you still have time to take some chances.

I am in my 30's for at least a few more months.

I like blfenton's idea. Social wise it may not work out. Different parts of the country may throw you for a loop. I have a neighbor from California....she's been here since last October and is ready to move back to CA. She's not fitting in.

We moved from Ca 17 years ago. We kept our home there, and rent it out, we are glad we did that. It meant buying less, however it allows us to move back someday if we ever want to. I do not miss Ca, I miss my family, and friends. It is an adjustment to move to states where the people have different mindsets, and making friends has been difficult in some of the state's we have lived in. My husband is nearing retirement age and we have no plans to move back. We live on some land here which is lakefront and beautiful with a beautiful home, that would cost 5 times what we paid if it were in Ca. We enjoy the lake and what a destresser it is. The lake made this move 100% better than it would have been without. All of my relatives and my Mother-in-law all tell me they would move from Ca if they could. We live in the South, which is very nice but humid and hot during the summer.

You are much too young in age to be thinking of never being able to move back to SoCal. You may not be able to move back to your house or maybe even your neighborhood, but there are always ways to live in the region of the country where you want to live. Buy wisely in the midwest, and sock some money away based on the larger salary. There are so many uncertainties in life, both positive and negative - you don't know where life will take you. I am in my 60s and I moved several times after I turned 40. Most people's regrets revolve around not doing something they had an opportunity to do.

I would echo what sabbath said about the need to adjust to the different mindset of the people in a different area of the country. You won't realize it immediately, but there is a difference in values depending on where you life.

How long will the RE boom last in California? Isn't it down a bit already?

My advice: Take the money and run. Invest it. Rent in Omaha until you're sure about the work and the location. One thing at a time. This is actually three things: New location. New job for DH. New job for you.

Put parenting on hold for a year. If you won't/can't bear children, you can ignore the ticking clock for a while.

I'm laughing my head off about 'bugs' in the Midwest. What? I'll show you bugs! Go to Hawaii. Go anywhere there's no hard freeze. (Not that climate isn't changing everywhere. Chicago had a single snowfall Jan. - Mar. Miami is flooding while the rest of Florida burns; ETC!)

Rent first is good advice for anyone who can afford it when relocating. Senior friends moved to Arizona, where they liked the weather, but not the 'black helicopter' vibe. Years ago one of DH's friends moved to Atlanta, where they discovered they were unacceptable Damn Yankees. We visited friends from suburban Chicago at their gorgeous home in Atherton, California; they moved 'home' after two years, not wanting that atmosphere for their young boys. My uncle and his bride lived Kauai as newlyweds; moved to the mainland to expose their boys to life beyond 'Surf's Up'. Right now there seems more polarization than ever, with Red State/Blue State. (We need a return visit from Dr. Seuss!)

For someone who struggles with and can be scared with changes, and approaches life as something that can be planned and managed closely (which it can't), I don't see a good outcome for this move. Sorry. A move involving dramatic changes (and this one ticks many of the possible boxes) requires a lot of flexibility and resilience to deal with the tribulations along the way and to find peace with the outcomes, whether they involve what was desired and envisioned or ultimately other things that weren't expected at all. Your self-description doesn't suggest you'd be comfortable (and maybe not capable) of handling the inevitable problems and surprises that will arise and need to be dealt with.

"How long will the RE boom last in California? Isn't it down a bit already?"

No, mostly not, at least not in my area and some areas I've been watching in SoCal. The overheating activity that spawns frantic action in the market for buying and selling ebbs and flows over the months but values haven't declined.

Elmer -- Well, I've done it again. I've based the whole of coastal California RE values on just one area where friends are thinking of buying/selling. My friend told me that Menlo Park is down about 7%. (Gosh, how could a median value *anywhere* be almost $2M! Sure not happening around me.)

Additional -

A German military writer once said something like "No plan survives the first contact with the enemy". General Eisenhower said something like "In preparing for battle, planning is indispensable but plans are useless". Put another way, it's useful to think in advance about what you may want to do and how you would do it, but expect that what actually happens may and will be very different and that's when drawing on alternatives thought through in the advance planning become useful.

Apparently the volume was down in a prior month - fewer transactions - but prices remain very strong. The SJ Mercury tracks recorded sales. Average prices can vary from month to month depending on whether the transactions for a given period are for low=medium=high priced places in the given jurisdiction. That's less important that the description of transactions, how many offers people get, and pricing over listing price, which remains common.

(Menlo Park is a nice and mostly expensive area in San Mateo county, but it's right at the border with Santa Clara county and is immediately adjacent to very expensive Palo Alto)

Here's a recent SJ Merc article:

Bay Area housing prices

This is in response to the comment that someone's friends moved to Atlanta and found they were unacceptable Damn Yankees.

There are places in the south where it is difficult to make friends if you didn't grow up in those places, I know, but Atlanta is not like that. For anyone thinking about moving to Atlanta, Atlanta is generally a friendly place full of people who moved here from all over the U.S. and from other countries. I have friends who've moved here from all over the U.S., Canada, England, Nepal, India, Mexico and Puerto Rico. Nice, friendly people who move here will make lots of friends; obnoxious boors won't. I've lived in Atlanta for 33 years and every single time someone has told me he or she doesn't feel accepted or welcomed here, the problem was the person, not the place he/she was from. Most of us don't care where you came from.

All good points. In the OP's case though, she has family in the new location. I don't think she will have to worry about not be accepted.

Change is hard. But with all the pros outweighing the cons, the OP has to really dig deep within herself to figure how why she can't embrace the move.