Where is your cottage in relation to your present house and jobs? Is it a getaway place? Do you rent it out? Could you live there indefinitely as you continued to search?

I wouldn't want to live there in the winter. It's about an hour away and although we visit often in the winter, the commute could get long. We don't rent it out and it is, like, a real house.

This is an example of a good condition house available in my market -- more than I want to pay, a bit small maybe, best school district, listed yesterday, sold today. http://reddoorrealty.ca/listings/details/1838_garden-street

I would find the perfect house, then move.

Adding 25 minutes to a commute is a no-go. Don't do that to yourself.

You're in a good position to sit, prepare for a purchase, maybe get a good Realtor on our team, and watch the market. But when you find perfect, have everything ready to grab it.

I agree with fori, move if and when the house that has all your checks comes up or you might be facing this choice again in a few years. I chose to make my house the house I wanted with a small addition but its location is great. Neighbor hood filled with kids my kids' ages. Kids just run outside and find a neighbor or eight to ride bikes, play ball etc and this I want in any home I own and, like you, the houses in my budget all gave me less not more but that being said I look everyday to see if my dream house on the water lists within my budget and I will list in a New York minute if one does pop up.

I know you really want to move. With this mind, I agree that you are in a good position to wait for the right house.

Keep looking and, when you find the one, you're mind will tell you it's the home you've been seeking. It may take time but searching for it can be fun.

I don't find a 25 minute commute to be too bad. But if traffic causes it to stretch to 30 to 45, then I have a big issue. And it does wear on you over time. But I would do the longer commute if I wanted to be closer to certain schools.

I would wait things out until the right home appears.

Did I ever move for a house? No, but I detest moving. When we bought our house 28 years ago we weighed all the factors and then some with schools, commute and outdoor living being major factors.

I had to laugh at the price but then I'm in Vancouver.

blfenton I know! And bear in mind that house is two blocks from the "best" (richest) French Immersion school in Nova Scotia. It's not the nicest neighbourhood in the city but one of the nicer. Prices in the city center top out at ...well, there is one $10 million and three $4 million houses on the market right now. About 30 over a million.

I agree, I think waiting for "the one" is the way to go. I'll have to see if I can get my husband to agree to get our realtor in for a market analysis (he's a super nice guy and we have gotten him some business so he'd be happy to do it).

I think we could probably move on a new house before we sold our old house. I'm pretty sure we could. I don't know much about how it all works, though.

To me, houses are like men. You just know. And if you aren't sure, the answer is "no".

I always try to be all rational and logical and created pro and con lists (weighted, no less). But it is a big charade. Houses are emotional. They should be, that's ok. Not 100% emotional, of course, but if you aren't feelin' it...

I have never lived anywhere that didn't make me happy to walk or drive up to it. Including my first apartment (a studio for $450 a month). I would not want to live in a home that did not make me happy aesthetically (and btw, that is not just about price; there are a myriad of tradeoffs). For that reason alone, I think you should plan to move rather than live in what you call a "beige vinyl box".

But, it does not sound as though you have found "the one". No rush.

PS I think I am the poster child for moving for a house. We were happily living in another town/state and had just redone every inch of a beautiful Georgian colonial, including 65 new period windows, when I fell in love with our current home in a place we knew no one and bought it in 3 days.

I like the way you think, mtn!!

Here's the $10 million house. I call it the office building because of all the concrete. It stands out a LOT on a waterfront that's primarily gracious green and older homes.

http://www.6400oakland.com/tour/www.6400oakland.com/

I used to hate contemporary, though I have warmed up to it a bit.

One problem, and I think it was Pal who pointed this out, is that such homes are very unforgiving and exacting. Modern looks bad the instant it is no longer pristine. A wee bit o' peeling paint or overgrown landscaping, even a crooked gate, can have a charming, deshabille air on a bungalow, Victorian, tudor or colonial. But it just looks wrong on MCM and contemporaries. Even a speck of deferred maintenance is woeful.

We moved because we fell in love with a new house, but it also seems like it was just meant to be in that the timing was perfect. The move did increase my commute from 8 minutes (I was so spoiled by that!) to at least 30 minutes on a good day, but I've started taking a commuter train in, which means I only have to drive 5 miles to the park and ride, and then the rest is smooth sailing. Public transportation may not be an option for you (or even something you'd consider if it were), but for me I'm finding it a blessed convenience that makes the longer commute that I've grown to dread in less than two years much more tolerable.

As others have said, you can take your time in finding just the right place in the right location, and as Mtn has said, it is sort of like a man. When it's right, you'll just know.

Oh...I misread 25 minute commute as being an additional 25 minutes. where I live, a 25 minute commute is a fantasy. :D

I would have a hard time leaving a neighborhood I liked. It's hard to know what it is like to live someplace until you do it.

Fori - my commute now is 10 minutes! Or a 45 minute walk (but I never walk because I have to walk the dog every morning already).

Here's a $4 million waterfront contemporary that I think is a lot more sympathetic to its surroundings (but also a lot smaller)

I do love my sister's neighbourhood (reminder, inside this park) but as much as I'd LOVE to be close to her, it is Off The Peninsula which means subject to traffic bottlenecks (although only a 15-20 minute drive from my work normally). So I guess it would take that emotional pull of a house to get me out there.

I can't say we've really moved for a house - we moved for an area. We wanted a bit more rural and the yard was especially important. When we first moved to the small (unincorporated LOL) city we are in, we bought a house in a certain county and only lived there 3 years. We soon discovered we wanted to be in the adjoining county (more land, farms, etc.) and built a house. We've just over an acre and actually are pretty close to your wish list! We have a great piece of property and enjoy our outside living area(s) as much as the inside. On days I work, I am close to a 30 minute drive, but traffic is not terrible and it's worth it to me to live away from the city. My hubby now works from home - so he has it made!

We are going through something similar now...kinda want to move in 1-2 years but keeping our eyes open now, just in case. I'm looking at two very specific, small areas in our town. Both quiet, but a quick walk to shops and restaurants. DH is NOT ready. (Wants to wait until youngest graduates HS in 2 years.) I feel like we have to be willing to jump if the right house comes along. I looked at one, which was all wrong. Pretty house but wacky layout. Today I'm looking at another in my preferred neighborhood. I've already driven by and walked (slowly) by, and I like it. Definitely needs work, which I actually prefer (we'd do the work before moving). DH is avoiding the subject but he did agree to look at it tomorrow if I like what I see today.

We lived in a house for years that checked off all the boxes. Great neighborhood, location, inside was gorgeous, back yard was great, etc. etc.

But, it was an early 1990s McMansion. And every time I drove up our driveway my heart sank a bit.

It wasn't a reason to move but it made me realize how much I valued curb appeal. And it sounds like you have the same issue as well. If you find a dream house with tons of curb appeal (or potential curb appeal), go for it!

I would stay put until you find "the one" but of course even "the one" house most likely won't have everything on your list.....the only way to get that is to build....have you considered that, especially since you could live in the cottage during the build?

If building isn't feasible, I would do what SueB is doing.....homing in on specific neighborhoods and just looking at what pops up for sale in those neighborhoods only. You could drive yourself crazy looking all over town. Maybe even hook up with an agent specializing in those neighborhoods, giving her/him your wish list and they can call you when they think a house might work for you.

I've made only 3 voluntary moves: one from rental apt to post-WWII old house (1970); second one to a small, but new house "in the country" (1972); third, to current post-retirement location. All others (10) have been for work and had few requirements. The first 2 voluntary moves were without many requirements (own a house; own a new house). For 2 of the work moves, I had long commutes (1+ hours), but was able to use public
transportation (Chicago and NYC) and the travel time didn't bother me. For this last move, I wanted a home I could lock and leave whenever; no yard responsibilities; close to my very small family; room for visitors; green view; proximity to cultural amenities. I'm renovating kitchen and baths and changing all flooring to meet my needs and aesthetic.

I am a rational type of decision maker, but the emotional impact of a house can override my rationality. Before we bought our current house, we looked at over 100 houses in our budgeted price range. I looked at this house on a lark because I liked the description of its floor plan. I walked through the front door and knew it was our house even though it was 2.5X what we wanted to spend, so I understand your desire to move into a house you love.

I've mentioned before that I have been looking for a smaller, less expensive house in advance of our retirement and have been unsuccessful. I see houses with some positives, but I've yet to fall in love with one they way I did with this house. When you must move, then you compromise. When you have the luxury of time to find a house, it's harder to compromise on your wish list.

Well, today I saw a house that I can see us living in. It's a great house in an ideal location. DH is having a hard time being open to the possibility. You guys will understand this -- I've been mentally decorating and remodeling (kitchen needs a reno/addition) all afternoon and evening. I can't concentrate on anything else. DH might look at it tomorrow with me but I'm pretty sure he's not psychologically ready for this... sigh.

Much easier if both partners are on board!

I cannot live in a house that doesn't make me happy.

We bought our old FL house, re-did the whole thing but I just could not get over having neighbors so close, so even though I was the only one who wanted to move, house went on the market.

It was very stressful b/c that house sold and it was getting dangerously near the time when I needed to get to FL (I must spend at least 6 months and a day there over the course of a year) and I hadn't found a house I liked... I was obsessively clicking the real estate website over and over and a house came on the site at 7 PM that had absolutely everything I wanted (acreage, water view, fenced in area for dogs, pool w/ tanning shelf, etc.).

My realtor was there at 9 AM the next morning, we made a contingent offer that day and I got on the plane the next day (I had been away at my dad's house helping him sell his house and had no license or ID w/ me so I got on a plane w/o identification... you can apparently do that w/ a more intensive search). We ended up spending much more than what we'd originally wanted to spend, but it was worth it.

I would never do the process that way again--- if I sold my house in the future, I would make it contingent on me finding another house to buy or better yet I'd buy another house first before selling (I wasn't actually expecting our house to sell as fast as it did).

But I think I've found the two houses I'll keep for life, so hopefully it won't be an issue (although I guess one never knows what the future holds).

Robo, would you like your home if you added a porch and garage? Or, is it just really time for a change? Ten minutes to work is amazing.

I have no idea on where I will go from here. I really like my area. Husband wants to down size even smaller. The only area I like is one mile east. Very pricey with what's left of the small original homes that haven't been mowed down for a huge two or three story. There is one area with houses I love about four miles south. It's three roads of very well kept little 1950's homes. Unusual in that most every one has paid homage to the 50's in their updates. Sadly the surrounding area is just okay.

You guys will understand this -- I've been mentally decorating and remodeling (kitchen needs a reno/addition) all afternoon and evening. I can't concentrate on anything else.

This. It is just like infatuation (there I go with the romance parallel again). You try to act like a normal person when all you want to do is sketch and plan and estimate etc etc. All topics and discussions, will, in your mind, lead back to The House.

I cannot "just look", and I think that is true of many people. I know a lot of people who claimed to be just looking, learning the market, etc etc and then, BAM! I have never embarked on a search that I have not found something I would like from the existing inventory. Does that make me house-promiscuous?

I look every few days at listings in some of my target areas in FL. DH always says "have you bought anything yet?" and the other day he said "you know I'm only half joking".

No I absolutely hate to move. We have only moved due to work. 6 years is not a very long time in a home. I would only consider moving to get to a safer area, since the flood I really don't want to go through that again. We would possibly consider a move to a water front area, but high so no flooding. Closer to family but only after my husband retires. Definitely not just for a house. A 30 minute commute is a dream around here too. Now he is at around 15 minutes but has been over an hour at some of our past homes.

I think for me, part of it is restlessness. Growing up we never spent more than six years in a home and three years was probably more typical.

jterri, I can't add a garage but I could add a porch (and a staircase to the backyard from our deck), but I think the worst problem of A shaded, high maintenance yard cannot be fixed.

Robo - I think you're on the right track - you don't have to move so you can research neighborhoods, schools amenities and weigh your options. In the meantime is your home ready to put on the market if the right one comes along? Even though you mentioned you could buy one before your current home sells it can still be somewhat draining (financially and emotionally) to maintain 2 places, especially when your heart has already moved on to the next place.

Sueb - You're much younger than we are but it took DH nearly 2 years to accept the fact that moving and downsizing was our next logical step. He was in partial retirement when I first suggested it and his silence assured me that it was something he had never considered. He's always said that he'd only leave here when he was carried out. We've been here for 34 years and it has been the perfect home for our family. Granted we added 1000 sq ft, a screened porch, a pool and extensive landscaping but it has been a labor of love. Our kids are now in their 30's and buying their own places and it took him a while to shift his thoughts.

We're only moving 8 miles so it's not a major geographic change but it is in an over 55 community which will be a different lifestyle. Every time we took our dog to the vet we'd drive though this neighborhood and I'd point out where my friends live and things that I liked about the area. However once he accepted the idea he was not only ready to buy the first home that we liked but he embraced the idea of tearing down a wall, planning a new kitchen and creating what he likes to call 'our little gem.'

So keep on looking and hopefully you'll find just the right place.

Maire

We sold both of our places and moved twice in 2015 after 23 and 16 years in them. You can see that restlessness doesn't get me to move often and in this case it wasn't about the house itself, more the setting/location. There was a time many years ago when I wanted to move to a house that was more to my liking but instead of upgrading in that way we bought a second home on a lake.

As long as I've considered moving I've always thought we'd have to find the new place first because at this stage of life I'm pretty selective and my budget isn't unlimited. Our big moving year was prompted by neighbors at the lake home tearing down and building as big as possible on their lot, which resulted in a new house within feet of us instead of a woodsy buffer zone. We always wanted something more in the woods and this change pushed us to make a move. We looked for at least a year for a new place that would be "the one" for the rest of our life but nothing was quite right. Meanwhile we sold our place without a realtor and a month before we had to be out we still hadn't bought something else.

There was one place we'd seen earlier that we loved but the lake itself didn't meet some of our criteria. We decided to look at it again and agreed we were unlikely to ever find something that perfectly matched all our criteria so we bought it and managed to close and move in a month.

I had decided if we moved to a different lake home that I wanted to sell the other home and move to a town home/villa type place where someone else takes care of the outdoor stuff. DH was never completely on board with this idea but I started looking anyway and found something surprisingly quickly. I loved it from the listing photos and when we looked at it the magical words "this is it" came to mind. DH was skeptical but didn't stand in my way. We again closed and moved in about a month and put our house on the market the day after we were out. It sold within three weeks.

Regarding the weighing - I think you just know when the balance tips in favor of the new place. Most of us don't have a budget that allows us to find/create a place that perfectly matches our checklist. So you reach a point where you want a change badly enough and what you find is close enough that you say "this is it".

Dear Robo - if you were envisioning a different life for yourself in your current house and if you are deeply unsatisfied with some aspects, then why don't you register with a realtor to get daily MLS listings? That way you'll be ready to pounce if the perfect house comes on the market.

If you really love your location, can you change the house facade? New siding, paint, maybe new front porch?

Can you embrace shade gardening and pay for new landscaping? I love shady, hilly gardens btw, because they evoke the same peaceful feelings I have when mountain biking on forest trails.

PS - I hate moving but can totally relate to your feelings of restlessness. I love my neighbourhood but I'm a bit of a real estate addict and am always looking at MLS listings and envisioning a new project in another neighbourhood. A work colleague feeds my addiction and we've been known to spend a Saturday afternoon visiting open houses. He just upgraded to a larger Victorian with an 80s interior; I'm so excited about his reno plans! I'm ready to do another kitchen reno myself!

But moving just for the sake of change doesn't make sense in my overheated city with a double land transfer tax:(

No..I moved so many times and I wish I could say that even one of them was because I felt in love with a house:) Always circumstances..

Of course if you have to move-you'd better fall in love with a house lol

I moved a lot to rentals too..I went by a vague concept of "good vibe"..it's just something you feel but can't really explain.

I do think I understand this restless feeling though. Happened to me a lot at work. Since we moved a lot etc it so happened I had to switch jobs more often than I'd wish. At some point, I got this premonition..I started sensing that somehow we'd need to move again, or face some other big change..and yes, every job-I got it right lol. It was like an invisible clock and I learned to read it..Of course I'd become a bit restless..I knew the clock will ring soon..:)

I think moving because you fall in love with the house is a great thing..it's a bit like a fairy tale to me. A dream.

I just got done with final grading this week so I really haven't been on GW much. We talk about this all the time, to stay put or move. Also came to the same conclusion, that it would have to be the right opportunity to get us to move if we are staying here. Of course, if something pops up that requires relocation, that is something else.

This also coincides with the real estate market thread. The market is hot here, and in our neighborhood of 1400 homes, there are *4* for sale right now. There is very little inventory available on the more moderate ranges, and what we like is much more than what we can afford or is a bad commute. We also have to consider we are concerned the economy is going to crash or something will happen as a result of T, and financial security here is important.

Our house is small, but we are only two adults and two cats. Still, I'd like a little more space. In talking with my former boss and his wife last week, they said maybe get an architect out here and see what is possible given what we want. We have a single floor plan which is great for aging in place. With current jobs, neither of us has a bad commute. We are near light rail which is being expanded, and a very long greenway with access near our house will be open by fall.

Maire...it took my DH a matter of hours to change his mind. We have both fallen in love with a house. (Me more so, but as soon as he said "we could really make this place beautiful" at the open house yesterday, I knew he was on board.) We are seeing it one more time tomorrow and most likely will be making an offer (along with probably 20 other people, so who knows what'll happen). I can hardly sleep, I'm far too excited and I need to calm down. Our kids are split -- oldest (who doesn't even live with us) is horrified, youngest wants us to wait til she graduates (2 years), and middle child is not bothered at all.

Wish me luck... so Robo, I might be able to tell you I moved because I fell in love with a house!

(Actually we bought our first house -- not the one we're in now -- because we fell in love. We were not looking, just drove by and fell in love. We also weren't ready financially but we scrambled to put together a down payment and bought the house. We were young, no kids, but 5 years later we had 2 kids and needed a bigger house.)

Thanks to everyone who contributed to this thread. I have really enjoyed reading your personal stories and it has helped with my decision making. I think I know for sure that it's going to take falling in love with a house to get me to move, and it's worth noting that I've been looking at the real estate market for a few years now and haven't fallen in love with the house that met all my criteria. Which means that I probably have to amass a little more capital and start looking at houses a little bit above my current price range. I would love to build, absolutely love it, and I daydream about building all the time, but I know that building an infill in the city would be beyond my budget at this point. That is totally the dream, though, because my very favourite style of architecture is MCM and there is almost no MCM inventory on the market here. If I were to build, I could at least have a ranch-style sunny kitchen and family room on the back of a more conventional two-story.

the dream, or something like it

Oh yes, that is lovely. Esp the $5k Eames chair but we both could get a knockoff. Back to reality. Stay put for now and plant lots of hostas. I really like the2900 s.f. Of your house. Space is a biggie for me.