We have been married 28 years today, but...
10 years ago
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What *PROJECTS* have you been involved in this year?
Comments (52)Papou, I am fairly new on this forum, and I remember one of the first things I did was open your website. I was stunned with the amount of beauty and information on it and was actually looking forward to winter when I would have it to study and enjoy during my "down time". As I was calmly reading this thread last night, I was stunned when I got to your announcement. I am devastated with the news of your health. However, I stopped believing diagnosises years ago. I had colon cancer in 1987 and breast cancer in 2000, and I'm still going strong. We have so many meds and procceedures that are continually being updated and improved, and I know your doctor will do the very best for you. In fact my Oncologist told me that they now treat so many cancers as a chronic illness. We are not willing to give up your pictures, information, and enthusiasm as well as the wonderful calm dignity you always project in your posts. I love your new porch addition, and your prize hosta growing along your new steps. Stay busy, stay in touch, and God Bless You. We only have one Papou, and you are our treasure. I hope all our prayers will bring you comfort. Your fellow Hosta lover, Mary....See MoreNot married a year, a lot of issues already
Comments (36)Wow, I just read all the posts. Thought I'd add my comments to motivatedmother. I'm also pregnant at the moment, so I totally understand the hormonal thing, the size thing, work, all of it. Difference between us is that I'm a little older and married to the most wonderful man. That said I'm sure I'm about to make someone angry but here goes...... Actually I thought Asolo's comments were not mean but helpful and to the point. It may not be something you want to hear at the moment which is another thing. This is a bad situation you're in. I'm sorry, but if you are living at home at this age, and with 3, almost 4 children, your parents are indeed supporting you. You should be grateful for that and acknowledge them for it. They don't have to do it but they do because they love you and your children. If you wanted a marriage like your parents, it was possible, but you chose the wrong person. Actions speak louder than words and you should have chosen someone who is actually in the process doing things to achieve the life you want to live, like an education, greater job responsibility, and so on. Any adult man who plays video games is a HUGE clue on his emotional and mental maturity. Adult men who are emotionally and mentally mature spend their time with their families or doing things that will otherwise benefit the family. They are committed to their family FIRST. I don't mean to say they don't have hobbies or interests of their own because of course everyone does, however, video games as an adult man's "hobby" would be alarming to me. Video games cost a lot of money and take up a lot of time, time away from family. They are a great way for adults to avoid spending time with others, isolate yourself, or to zone out of/avoid reality. I think your husband spends his money on HIS wants (vs needs) because he's immature, another HUGE problem. He is not focused on you or the baby, or the other three children you have. He's focused on himself. This would be very alarming to me. Your parents are in an awful position and I feel for them. They obviously love you and your children and want to help you. From your husband's perspective, they are great because they support him and this relieves him of responsibilty towards you and even himself. It allows him to continue to be immature. There's no incentive to change. If he really wanted to grow up, he'd take this golden opportunity to get some skills which he could evenutally use to better his life, your life and that of your children. A mature man would be looking for ways to build a better life for himself, you and your children, whatever way he could, even getting another part time job if that's all that is available. As wonderful as I'm sure your children are, I hope you will not have any more until you are capable of providing for them yourself so they will have the best chance at a better future. You owe them that. That means more than just food and shelter. Are you saving for their future education for example? Are you saving for your own home? Your parents provided a home for you, and you should provide a home for them. Even if you continue to live at home for the rest of your life, and you work and save for them, you have chosen a difficult path. You are now responsible for 4 lives in addition to your own. It doesn't sound like you will ever have much support from their fathers. You have created a difficult life for yourself, not impossible, but much more difficult than it needed to be. Whatever the past was, you have to make today the best it can be so just do it. I think what you are asking here is how you might change your husband to be the man you want him to be. Well, unfortunately that's just not possible. You can only control yourself. You have no control over him. You can suggest, ask, beg, plead, cry, explain, reason, force, threaten, manipulate, or whatever else you want but you will never be able to change him, only he can do that. That's why we must be especially careful in who we choose to marry and have children with. We can't let emotions rule our head. Teach your children this so you won't have 4 children with their husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends, plus all their children looking to you to provide for them. That's a lot of people. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Words are easy to say, but actions actually require hard work and lots of effort. Don't listen to what he says, look a what he does. If they are different what he is doing is who he really is. That will tell you what kind of a person he is and what kind of life you will have. I truly wish you the best in your pregnancy and with the coming baby. I hope you will work all this out, however it ends, and that you are able to improve the situation for yourself, your children, and your parents. Yes, I include your parents in that because since you live with them which makes them part of your immediate family life. You already know everything you need to do, the answer is in your heart....See More28 years ago today...(pics)
Comments (30)Thanks ya'll for your very kind wishes!! We had a great day today...swam with the doggies and caught some sun...had a nice dinner (in) and then went to see the new Indiana Jones movie...(it was great!)...See Moremarried, and having an affair with a married man
Comments (16)Hi, Charity. If your heart is cold for your husband, I disagree that your marriage is intact. You may still be married, but it's not what marriage is supposed to be. Of course, swinging isn't supposed to be a part of marriage, either, if you believe in the traditional marriage vows (forsaking all others), but I realize that you don't. For me, and I realize not for you, living with someone for whom I have a cold heart just isn't a good, fulfilling life. You and he are getting your sexual kicks otherwise, but if you're getting your emotional needs met outside of the marriage, why don't you just divorce? What in the world is the benefit to anyone of staying married? NOT trying to demean or start an argument. It's just that your way of living and values are apparently so opposite of mine that I'm intrigued. I get my sexual kicks and my emotional and companion needs met by my husband and realize that I am very, very fortunate....See More- 10 years agosleeperblues thanked socalgal_gw Zone USDA 10b Sunset 24
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