Not all conifers have the same 'look & feel.' Compare: 1.) A common pine tree of some sort. 2.) Colorado blue spruce. 3.) Boulevard False Cypress. 4.) Golden Hinoki False Cypress. 5.) Arborvitae (most any; say Emerald Green if you need a named cultivar, or maybe Green Giant). Each of those plants has a drastically different leaf look & feel, and the form of the tree can vary a good deal. I don't think most any tree is going to rapidly shoot up to 20 feet, stop, and be strong wooded. Some holly trees are another evergreen option for people who don't like the 'conifer look.' Some magnolias dump a bunch of big leaves that aren't real attractive sitting on a lawn; something to think about if you consider a row of them. Do you need all one species? I've read black gum grows slow, but mine (I think Wildfire, with pretty reddish spring growth) seems rather fast. Should get big but not huge. I've taken a liking to some Chinese (a.k.a. Lacebark) Elm, with pretty peeling back; I believe that's what I'm seeing some of at Nashville Zoo, and if you're in TN, you might check them out. I planted the 'Alee' cultivar of lacebark elm in my backyard. I like Ginkgo, but it can sit a couple of years after planting before it even starts growing, and then at a moderate, not fast, rate from what I've read. I've got 2, one starting to kick in a bit and the other slow to do much (been in the ground at least 2 years; maybe 3?). Is that fence close to the property line? Is it a big concern whether the overhead tree canopy extends much over the neighbors yard? If so, then some of the big trees with wide canopies might not be a great match. Richard.

You could go native and put in a flannelbush (Fremontodendron californicum). Drought tolerant, beautiful flowers, about 10' tall, dense evergreen foliage... I've seen some growing on the east side of the city (potrero). I don't know how one would do in the fog belt but it could be okay. Other thoughts, how about a loquat? They grow well in the city, have nice dense foliage, and can be kept at about that height with a little maintenance. I also have seen a nice hibiscus in the city that might fit your needs.

Are you willing to prune annually to keep plants to the size you choose, either height or width? When you say you want height, are you thinking high enough so that someone can't see over it, or so that the 8 story apartment across the street can't see into the yard? It sounds like the area where the hedge will be is in full sun, not shaded at all. This is an advantage since it means you are more likely to have leaves densely clothing the hedge top to bottom. How is wind exposure? Think about whether you want all of one kind of plant, which looks more formal, but will be a problem if a pest or disease infests your hedge or even if a plant dies, trying to match the older plants; or if you want to have a mixed species hedge, using repetition of groups of plants. It looks less formal, but will be more resilient in the face of problems and may offer more variety in the way of food and habitat for birds. IME if you have a good quality foundation, the roots from a hedge won't be a problem. I am right on the edge of 5a/4b, and IME, if you want bamboo, you will want to be OK with one that might get killed back in particularly harsh winters, like the last one, though mine hasn't died back most years. Mine (one of the hardiest Fargesia, it gets only to about 6' here ) also doesn't do particularly well with staying upright with heavy wet snow, so you may lose some privacy in the winter. Others from farther south or with different varieties may have different experiences, but that is my experience a bit north of Concord, NH. Arborvitae is fine if you don't have deer. Depending on the species and cultivar you choose, they can range from 8' or 10' to 40' and have a color range that includes yellows, greens, and some lightly frosted or variegated. Some types are more likely to grow multiple stems, and those are more likely to split apart in heavy snow or ice, so if that is an issue for your yard, you may want to choose carefully. There are also some narrow hollies and junipers. Skyrocket juniper is a form of J. scopulorum which is from the western US, so is more prone to disease in humid areas. Sky Pencil holly is a form of Ilex crenata and looks a bit like a narrow boxwood - the leaves aren't prickly. There are narrow yews such as Hicks yews, but yews are particularly beloved by deer, so if you have deer, you don't want yews. I don't have any experience with the narrow forms of any of these plants, so perhaps others can add info about how they fare in the landscape. There are also some fastigate small to mid-sized trees such as Japanese and other maples (Acer), Sweet gum (Liquidambar), Hornbeam (Carpinus) as well as a number of fastigate/columnar evergreens such as varieties of pine, fir, and spruce. Many of the evergreens will grow to tree height, though not all. In general these will tend to be more expensive since most require grafting to achieve the narrow form.

Not arborday as a tree source if the OP wants her child to have visual shelter from a busy road. Fig are not good permanent trees in Columbus, OH since they won't be entirely hardy. Some years they may be, but not most years. Paulownia is an exotic invasive and shouldn't be recommended in the US and doesn't fit the OP's wish for a fruit tree. It sounds like the mulberry idea seems to fit her needs. I have happy memories of one on the grounds of my elementary school which we would climb to eat the fruit, though not during school hours.