The story of my childhood! You have no lifelong friends from childhood as you move every 2 years. Your memories get jumbled because you lived so many places and went to school with so many diferent people. You were always the new kid. Shots....I remember having to always get a load of shots when moving from one country to the next. So many things........

I remember not being able to get chips or popcorn lol. No bubble gum or comics. No cartoons on tv. Lots of things.

I was a military brat and it wasn't that bad. Have a friend from California, who've I've known since I was 7 and she was 5. Only traumatic event I remember regarding moving is having to change schools in first grade. First day at the new school I remember crying. Then got over it.

Our 20-year old granddaughter has always been a military "brat" from birth to this day, and her father is still an Army Officer. Our daughter was in the Air National Guard when our granddaughter was born, but resigned shortly after that.

They moved to Germany for 4-years, then Alabama for 2 years after that. Our son-in-law was "home" the whole year for her 1st grade year, and the whole year her senior year in high school, but absent from home more than half of her life.

As the one bright spot in our son-in-laws Army career, the family was able to stay at his home post for the last 14-years while he has deployed all over the world and from war-zone to war-zone, and short-term posts in the U.S. She was able to complete grades 1-12 all in the same city, and now attends college in the same state and lives on her own.

Our granddaughter has friends and "Army Family" (related by Army blood, as she likes to say) all over the United States and in other countries because of the fluid life of the military and their families, and living on an Army Post all of her life. Social media has been a great way to keep up with the lives of other military families/friends through the years.

Some parts were good, but going to 15 different schools, including 4 different high schools was pretty traumatic. I don't know if it was traumatic because I was an introvert, or became an introvert because it was traumatic. I have no friends from my childhood. Was not real close with extended family. I learned to say "good-bye".

This is in response to the FB post which to me, is of unknown provenance.

There's no doubt that sacrifices are made by the entire family, but I take issue with the notion that a child "gives up their childhood" and that I owe the children any debt. You weren't able to even consent as a child. It was not your choice.

Your childhood was indeed sacrificed and usurped to some great or small extent by someone who put other needs (country, career) above the comforts and security (and a lot of memories) of growing up with roots and extended friends and family.

I'm sorry if that affected your life in an ongoing negative fashion, but I owe you no debt. I am, however, sorry for your apparent ongoing childhood pain (which, not for nothing, is an affliction well-known to "civilian" kids too, but maybe you didn't see that living in your bubble).

There are pluses and minuses to being a military child (I've NEVER used the term "brat") and while many military kids look back with gratitude, others will look back on the hardships and what they missed out on.

Your parents made these decisions for you and while I am forever grateful for their service, please don't ask me to thank you for growing up being supported by the service, which is to say, me, the taxpayer.

I hope you appreciate that "fact", and, you're welcome. I'm happy to make that sacrifice for my country, and go above and beyond what Uncle Sam takes from my paycheck and further support the wounded and their families out of my discretionary income.

I hope this lady who penned what seems to be a painful missive finds support, both professionally and personally. She sounds angry, but taking it out on us "civilians" is like drinking poison and expecting us to die.

(I also can't get Colonel Nathan Jessup out of my head!)

"please don't ask me to thank you for growing up being supported by the service"

Yes indeed.

My mom was in the navy wives club for years. She felt the exact opposite of unsupported and handled being a military wife very well, with pride. I was fortunate not to move around a lot. My dad finished his 20 years in Quantanamo, where I was born. He then got a job with the Panama Canal Co. In Panama I went to school with many military brats. One day they were there, the next, not.

My older siblings moved from Norfolk to San Diego to Norfolk to Cuba to Panama, in their school years. I have never heard them complain but for some people I can see how it could be a very difficult life. I only had to change school twice.

Edited to say I only had to change schools once.

When I started to read Snidely's comment I assumed he was referring to the OP when he mentioned placing the blame, but then I realized he is referring to the father! How strange! People take on all sorts of careers to support themselves and their families. Some situations are more successful and/or stressful than others, but healthy, competent people learn to make the best of the situation. I don't know what he means when he says "the consequences are well known". I also don't know what the comments about pressure and lack of chips and comics have to do with military life--those are factors of parenting style.

I am an Army Brat and an ex Army Wife. My sister and I enjoyed the interesting and beautiful places we lived. Moving every few years was just what we did--our classmates would be moving soon as well. My sons did not move as much, just a factor of my husband's career, but it made for a more stressful move when we left Maryland for Georgia after 7 years. But they both adapted and now have successful careers and happy families. Again, life is what you make of it.

"I also don't know what the comments about pressure and lack of chips and
comics have to do with military life--those are factors of parenting
style."

I assumed the poster meant that some things are not available in other countries that American kids take for granted. When I was growing up we had one TV station that played the same shows over and over again. Sometimes we would get specials, like the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. It was months later, but Oh so very exciting! :)

This was an interesting read and it makes me wonder why those who have not been in similar situations or have any military background wouldn't want to acknowledge the sacrafices made by families as a whole? If I'm understanding one statement correctly, it's the Serviceman's fault because he chose a military career? If I am, is it the poster's feelings that there shouldn't be any servicemen with families? For another, it's the OP on facebooks issue and she should blame her parents (regardless of their life's circumstances). So it's their fault because the services can be hard on families? I wonder is it really ok to be so harsh to someone who's in pain about something of which she had no control? So you pay your taxes and throw a contribution out now and again and nothing more should be expected? You don't feel that maybe a kind thought is more appropriate? I mean, what's wrong with saying, "We appreciate all the sacrafices made by our serviceman and their families to keep this country safe"? Is it tearing the skin off of your back to extend a little kindness?

I also think some of the statements are pretty assuming about our servicemen's situations. In addition to a sense of patriotism to this country, a lot of people join the service for a variety of reasons like education, healthcare, pensions, bonuses or even stability, as was the case with my own father. He had a terrible childhood, needed direction and something to believe in. It was a good choice for him; he loved it and flourished. He was a Sailor when he met my mother, she chose to accept that and NEVER complained. Neither did us kids except when he left for his many tours of duty. We hated when he left and I can still remember crying for him. I can also remember the joy we felt when we knew he was coming home. I can still remember standing on the docks in Long Beach waving at all the Sailors when they returned.

Thank you Granny98 for trying to show an extended appreciation for the families of our military. I think for many, it's well deserved and over due. We were actually fortunate in that we only moved a few times, so our home life in that regard was very stable.

You don't feel that maybe a kind thought is more appropriate? I mean, what's wrong with saying, "We appreciate all the sacrafices made by our serviceman and their families to keep this country safe"? Is it tearing the skin off of your back to extend a little kindness?

****

Well, I did express my gratitude, so speaking for just myself, "tearing skin off my back" is as hyperbolic as "I gave up my childhood for your freedom".

I'm grateful for her father and/or mother serving, as I am for my father and my husband and my FIL and my cousins and uncles and great uncles.

I feel sorry for this person's pain, but I'm not her whipping board (no one but the people who made these life-altering decisions for her could possibly qualify) and I don't appreciate her accusatory tone. It's unhealthy and she seems like she needs help to not feel like a victim.

For some time now military service has been a *choice*. I feel for children where the military has been the only reasonable option their parents had.

My dad had 3 options... the railroad, where his dad, uncles and brother worked, the coalmines, where most of the town worked, or the military.

I brought this up to my sister earlier. She said as children we thrived in the military. It's not the same for everyone, as with any other situations in life. I have no problem with acknowledging families who wait at home but I don't think they should be asking for appreciation. I was still very young when my dad retired. It was just an assumption that most people appreciated his service and that our community appreciated we were without him for months at a time.

Mimi, she wasn't talking to you or anyone in specific, even so I don't think she came across as making anyone her whipping board. Why put a defense up? Maybe it's just perception, but I saw it as a vent, as her way of saying, for kids the sacrafice is great and often difficult and without it being their choice, all of which can be true.

I don't think any of the families are "asking" but I do think for some families it was / is hard, so why not say, hey thanks for that.. A little compassion, empathy or appreciation can go a long way.

I agree, lukki, I just wonder why the author did not assume appreciation.

I was not only a military "brat" but an officer's Brat. My dad made sure the five of us kids did not SEE rank or any other delineation. We were kids growing up. Never did I hear what I did or didn't do would reflect badly on him or his career. We moved quite often, I attended three high schools and six elementary. No I have no childhood friends nor did I know my "extended" family. Cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents were people on the other end of birthday cards and Christmas presents. I have known no other way to grow up. I never once thought anything was "taken from me" as my dad served. I did once years later wonder how I was different because my dad went to Vietnam twice, the worry of when/if he would return, was I somehow different due to that stress? For one period of my life he was on a B52 crew on alert ready to be called to war at any moment so would not be home for a week at a time even though he was just on the other side of the base. I can't say we had "sacrifices" as we knew no other way. We never felt different; the bases were FULL of families just like us. I have no idea if my mom ever regretted her decision to marry my dad and troop all over the western United States. She wasn't a complainer. I know I do cry when ever the Star Spangled banner is sung, and I cringe when my students refuse to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. Many many have given MUCH for the freedoms some take for granted. It hurts when people use that freedom to disrespect that sacrifice.

The world has changed, become very mobile in the last 50 years. Trooping around from "job to job" is not so unusual. It is difficult on kids. I see it in my students. Breaking into a new community after 5th grade or so is very difficult. I think military personnel have a gift in living on bases. We were ALL new so we made friends easily, freely on base. It was when we lived "in town" things were more difficult. Cliques are ugly. They are not the military's fault. I think when you feel the world OWES you a certain lifestyle..you start out from the wrong place. It isn't what we are given that makes us who are it is what we do with it.

I thank everyone for their input here. I agree with all those points of view, too. The writer is my DD. She is angry about more 'stuff' than I can imagine. We discuss this and other things she has on her mind, and I must confess that I have had sleepless nights over some of her anger issues. All of the responses have been the same as mine, so I do feel 'validated' in the ways I have responded to her. Both of our daughters married Military men....Navy and AF.(neither marriage survived) Both of the men were just like their father. They even look alike today....they had the same aspirations, value systems and drive to be successful, and chose the path of the military because it was the only way they could be educated and successful. All three of these men succeeded in achieving their goals, DH retired a USMC officer, her husband became a Navy Master Chief, the third was disabled so didn't quite achieve his goal, but retired honorably and with earned respect. I agree that no military person or family member should "ask" for those accolades of appreciation.....but ....every once in a while, I, too, wish, that people who lived behind our safe shores, thru the 'cold war', the Cuban Crisis, the Pueblo thing, the Berlin Wall going up..... when our country was at greater risk than ever before or since..........I wish they did give a thought to the men and families who stood between them and those mortal dangers; those places in history where the outcomes could have been very different if they had known.. Those men, and women now, are still there today, maybe being 'in touch' much more easily than "in our day", but on the job of being the first line of defense. I don't remember complaining. The PEOPLE in the Military....it was our job. And yes, we "pulled up our bootstraps and put on a smile and did what we had to do". THAT was a binding contract....as it is today.

As for my Darling Daughter. I do hope someday, someone, will hold her close and give her (the child) a sense of safety that we and husbands have not been able to provide. I never thought that I failed her....but I also never really thought that my children were made fearful of our daily lives ....and maybe they were. And, as I write this, maybe my job today is to 'validate' the fact that her childhood fears were real.

Thanks and thanks again. I really have appreciated all the thoughts here......as I knew I would.

nanny98- I really appreciate what you are saying. I just got back from a weekend getaway with my 2 best friends.

One of them, who I don't get to see much, is a military brat. We met in high school as freshman, graduated together, became roommates, she was one of my bridesmaids and still, after knowing her for close to 20 years, I am still learning new things about her childhood.

I wouldn't wish a military life on my worst enemy based on the things I have heard her say and behaviors I've witnessed from her; though I freely acknowledge that she is my basis for comparison as I am not intimately familiar with anyone else who grew up that way.

Being subjected to Sharia law outside the base, witnessing a bombing on base and knowing a few friends of yours died, never getting roots and being afflicted with a never-ending wanderlust and almost an inability to create real connections with others since your entire childhood was spent NEVER getting to create lasting connections; nope, no way, no how.

I can understand your daughters anger in her Facebook post.

She feels cheated and is looking for someone to blame or, at the very least for someone to validate her feelings of a lost childhood and I can certainly understand that.

Truth is she WAS "robbed" of a "normal childhood"

When my friend describes the things she has seen and been subjected to (not all of it bad but it was all a very transient lifestyle) I can understand the anger.

Whether it is a "good" or "bad" childhood is subjective but I feel it would be hard to argue against it not being a "normal" childhood.

Your daughter may not have felt fearful, it is doubtful that she would have even been aware of such a concept as a child unless you lived in a war zone, but; perhaps she never felt settled. Never felt like she belonged anywhere, never felt rooted.

It is, I would argue, MUCH easier to jump from place to place as an adult who already knows who they are than it would be for a child or pre-teen/teenager who is still trying to figure out who they are.

From my (albeit) limited experience, young people exploring who they are and how they fit into this big scary world are a lot more comfortable if they have a "home base" to return to.

For military brats who basically live a gypsy lifestyle, there is no homebase.

I am eternally grateful to every military brat who had no choice in sacrificing their normal childhood, the decision was made for them and they just had to make the best of it.

TG, I don't think the feelings of your friend (nor those of Nanny's daughter) are the prevailing view of the large (and of course) heterogeneous segment of military brats. There are negatives but also many positives to any family lifestyle, to any parent's occupation and geographical living choices, like anything else. For these two, and many, many others who are like-minded, to suggest that the experience ruined their lives is extreme and melodramatic. Maybe both really didn't prefer what it entailed. Okay, fine, now that that's said, it's time to move on rather than continuing to be dramatic and to mope about it.

I've had experiences that I enjoyed or even sought out that others thought were intolerable. I've done things that others have said they wouldn't give a second thought to even trying. I'm nothing special at all, far from it, but I'm sure most people have had similar experiences and it demonstrates how different people can have very different reactions and impressions of the same thing. To me, extreme views of something that so many have experienced and enjoyed are a tip off that ugly, just like beauty, is oftentimes not real at all but just something in the eye of the beholder.

Or, maybe it's more than they can deal with on their own and both could benefit from emotional/psychological counseling? To be able to understand and move forward without feeling like they have a burden to bear.

Many kids from military families follow in the family footsteps and themselves begin military careers. That's not characteristic of a group your friend would suggest would all be running away from the environment at their first opportunity, yelling and screaming.

OhMyGosh, Texas Gem.....You got it! Thank you. I do believe you have helped me see what I am looking for. It IS that feeling of never having roots....real roots like a place to belong. DH and I feel that "disconnectedness" always. We grew up in that exciting, growing "Great City by the Bay, San Francisco, with a kind of freedom unheard of today. We were able to explore every thing that city had to offer, and all we needed was a bus pass...or a bicycle. Our parents were not rich, but they signed us up for every City funded recreation possible while they produced what was needed for the war. I don't know how, but the city provided us the means to see and explore it all. That Seven square mile piece of land we knew, separately, like the back of our hands by the time we were in High School. Our families...and many more, moved into the suburbs when I began High School, but the transportation systems still operated within an easy mile of our new home, so SF was still the place where we went. Movies and clubs and shopping and jobs....all 'downtown'. Shortly after we graduated from High School, the SF we knew and loved was just gone. Families began that mass exodus from the near suburbs to points farther away and DH and I really lost our roots. Classmates, sisters, brothers......all went to new schools. From my graduating class of 49, my 2 years younger sister graduated in a class of 579.....and a different world. My family moved to Northern Ca. and my youngest brother finished his education there....far from SF. And we without even giving it second thought, became 'homeless' as any gypsies ever were. WOW.... learning things about oneself is quite illuminating. Thank you.

I would also like to voice appreciatiion for the millions of farmworker families who do not have permanent homes, rather they follow the harvest timetable throughout the U.S. and help put food on our tables. Unlike the military, many do not have benefits.

As I wrote my post I struggled with the idea of "wanderlust" or lack of being rooted. There is a challenge in me to stay put. Starting over, saying you will reinvent, leaving all your mistakes behind, has its security. Staying put, living day in and day out with people who know more of your secrets and faults than you wish takes practice and it has not come easy. It is an assault on your ego. I think all the moving formed me this way. We never left the "lower 48" and I have never wanted to travel to see much of the world, BUT I do have a heck of a time not wanting to jump houses. Houses get boring. I like to set up new. Find how my things would fit in a new environment, see how I would fit in a new town. Being a stranger is sometimes a security blanket. Being known, having people connect you to others in your family or job is a NEW stress. One I didn't really like until I had my own kids and we were settled. Always moving, I didn't live in my older brother's shadow..my teachers were always just mine. When I got my first job teaching I moved to a small town and was told I was not just getting a job but a place in their community. That was a very odd construct for me. Living with that was startling. There is a balancing point in me. There is comfort living unknown in a crowd and yet there is a need to be known for something worth while. What I didn't learn because there were no occasions to teach us was how to do to a funeral. Who goes for what reasons. I knew nothing of wedding showers/baby showers/High School graduation parties..large family get togethers. There are a lot of social conventions ones learn by living among your people for generations. Most of that is lost on me. But I am not so sure that was military issue. How much of this is just because of who my mom was or wasn't? She wasn't a social person. We didn't have people over. She was involved with nothing outside her home. I am not sure we can point to any one THING in our life and say "this is why I am who I am". Life is a mixture of so many things!!

What an amazing post, arcy!

Starting over does have its benefits for many, and challenges for all.

This Memorial Day I give pause to remember all my fellow "military
brats", those of us who gave our precious childhoods for the freedom so
many Americans take for granted.

I can read no further. Someone gets me. I say this and people look at my like I have third eye in the middle of my forehead. I feel heard for the first time in my life.

Nanny - I am sorry your DD feels this way. Obviously I do not know her or her life experiences but after reading through all of the responses I wonder if she would still feel this way even if she had what she considers a 'normal' childhood. Perhaps I'm assuming too much but she just seems so unhappy - has she had any counseling?

Maire

I haven't read the responses here--I'm limiting myself to what I can handle. She is right on the mark. Military families don't choose the transient life style. I know no one gets to choose their parents, but growing up "nomadic" (I hate that thought! It's fine for adults who choose it, but not kids who long for roots, lifelong friends, etc.) is for the birds. Kids need stability.

Sure, we're overcomers. We see and know a lot more than a lot of people, but it aint by choice. That's the part that is bothersome. Bothersome isn't strong enough. Regretful. We can look at the good, and the world will look with us. Will they see the sadness that is there? Nope. And they don't want to. Suck it up kid! My turning point from reality was the day my mom told me to smile and hug my father goodbye as he boarded that plane for the Far East. I didn't want to smile. I wanted my daddy. As an adult, I can see that she wanted him to remember me smiles and curls. As a child I ran off to the car and cried tears like I'd never cried before. I will never forget it. Never. He could've died in Thailand (he was never "in Viet Nam", since he was a spy), and that I didn't loose him physically is blessing. I lost him in many other ways.

Snidely- just to clarify, those aren't my friends feelings. I was stating my own opinion based on my observations of her. She will say she had an interesting childhood and she got to see the world, she also says she doesn't WANT any roots.

That, to me, seems abnormal and most likely something that came about due to her childhood.

I have read many responses. If it helps you understand mimi/snidely, we sacrificed our childhood by growing up far too fast. If that makes sense. We could even end up being the "surrogate parent" when they went overseas. I'm glad you could avoid Viet Nam (just as selfish as those who chose to enlist, no, wait, more selfish!), but when they left, there was no Skype, or Facetime, or internet. Letters were it. Hearing their voice was unheard of, even during holidays. We had no one to give advice, a kind parental hug, etc. That's how we sacrificed. You don't owe us anything, but I found the hardships of mainstream civil children sorely lacking in hardship, even looking back. Sure, the poor and children of dysfunctional (divorce, abuse, etc.) also faced hardships. I hate that they had no childhood either, but don't hate us because we felt alone.

I love that some have been able to overcome lack of roots, or got to have some sort of roots AND grow up military. I'm glad for you. Seriously! Now that would've been totally cool.

This post was rather eye-opening for me. I have thought about the life of military families, but I suspect there is a lot more pain than I imagined. Perhaps there are more joys as well. I appreciate the military soldiers immensely, and that extends to the sacrifices as well. "Thank you" from the bottom of my heart for your service.

And now that I've made it to the end, I am sorry she is venting nanny. She doesn't mean to hurt anyone in particular. She's not blaming you. She's probably blaming the lifestyle. As adults, we can understand that it's just a life and life has a way of doing things you don't like. I'd hug you if I could ((((nanny))), but I bet, if you heard her, really heard her, coming from the point of view I've outlined right here in this post, it'd cross the years and mitigate a lot of her pain. LOVE to you! I only say this, because she mirrors me so much and it's how I feel.

For financial reasons, my family moved many times throughout my childhood.

I can certainly empathize with a military child. However, I appreciate Robb's thread in helping me better understand the trials and tribulations of these children.

A co worker has two sons in the military. They both now have young families.

But, nowadays, because of the Internet, they are able to meet up with others who they might know who will be stationed in the area as well.

I'm reading your dd's viewpoint and while those are her feelings and they aren't necessarily wrong, I'm not feeling support for the pity party. Everyone has hard times and obstacles to overcome. While your daughter was moving place to place, there were other kids out suffering other hardships that were just as real or worse. Those hardships don't take away from her suffering or add to it. Your daughter was not alone in making sacrifices. The truth is that if you had lived in one place, she might not have been happy there
either because you as a parent didn't offer her outside opportunities. You as parents did what you could to keep your family together with a roof over her head and food in her stomach. Some of the rest was up to her. She may not have had the roots she wanted, but she has a choice about her attitude about it. I can't help, but think there were other kids in her schools in a similar position.

There is no time like the present to be happy. Your dd has to be willing to move forward and look for what she wants.

I'm with you, mostly. adella. I don't think it's up to "an attitude" if someone suffers physical abuse. Why should neglect (if that's indeed how she might have felt), be a bootstrap moment?

Sure, we all could have a good attitude about life, but that doesn't mean some didn't suffer.

Some suffered much more than others. Physically abused children top my list in suffering. I don't think children who have parents who are home little or none comes close to that. But I do think there's a spectrum of what one must endure as a child.

I don't think everyone has hurdles. It may seem like hurdles to those who are experiencing issues (to them), but truth be told, if we all compared our issues and walked in each others' shoes, some of those hurdles might just seem like basic life in some instances.

My husband spent almost 21 years in the military, we were married 5 years into his career. It was indeed difficult for the kids to adjust to moving around a lot, but it also helped them be exposed to other cultures and become more open-minded and self-sufficient.

It takes an adventurous, flexible personality to be able to adjust to a different environment every few years, for both parents and kids. This lifestyle would probably be really difficult for someone who is more withdrawn and likes to put down roots in one place. When forced to move a lot you just make your home with each other, wherever you may be stationed. For the kids, and really for us as well, our pets helped a lot because they were a constant during all the moves.

The non-accompanied deployments, which can last a year or longer, are indeed difficult to deal with, especially when a war zone is involved. But there is a lot of support within the military family, for both spouses and children.

With the kids grown and settled down my husband and I have noticed that we seem to be incapable of putting down roots. We would love to move every few years and experience new environments, but that is not financially feasible when you have to pay the moving bill yourself. :)

We do still maintain contact with friends we made while in the military, some of the friendships have endured for well over 30 years. The kids also maintain contact with their childhood friends, military and non-military. All in all, the military experience was sometimes good, sometimes bad. Just like life in general, no matter what line of work the parents are in.

My heartfelt thanks to all. You cannot imagine how grateful I am for these insights and ideas to smooth our way forward. Only now, is she old enough (and maybe having had some counseling) able to confront us (probably mostly me) with this long ago burden that has so impacted her life. OH MY. I really have not seen what has been before me, forever, and not seen it. Oh dear. Thank you again....and she would thank you the most if she knew what it took for me to see the light. Enough.

(((nanny))) I still want to hug you. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Without going into my own details, Nanny, it may be that your daughter is just going through a rough phase in her life; a relative did the same thing to her mom after divorce, but now all is fine. I don't mean to downplay the reasons your daughter gave you for her angst and unhappiness, but I want you to know it will probably pass and she will be alright. I think many counselors get their clients to thinking and dwelling on childhood, which naturally leads to blaming of the parents for any kind of unhappiness.

I must differ with you, Snidely. You say that if children were unhappy as Military Brats they would not choose to join up or marry into the same lifestyle when they are adults.

'The familiar' is a proven drive for behavior. It's why an abused child sometimes marries an abuser, and another one, and another one. Seeking the familiar is a real trait, even when the 'familiar' is a negative. People seek what they know -- and they can only marry the people they meet! (No fair counting traditional arranged marriages -- although a limited exposure to other people and places is somewhat 'arranged'.)

Nanny -- Good parents teach their children that their behaviors reflect on the whole family. It's a good thing *within reason*. It shouldn't be such a burden that it causes a child to become alienated from herself as an individual. I can see that this could be difficult in an atmosphere where people must live by acceptance of *rules* (military).

Arcy -- You may have fared better because you had four siblings. Your 'neighborhood' traveled with you!

I was telling a friend about this thread. She suggested if one is upset over the lifestyle perhaps it is dad/mom who should get the complaints not the Military. The adults chose this life. If they did not teach their children how to deal with it-that is on them.

As far as my neighborhood traveling with me, no. I was not then nor am I now close to my siblings. As I said living on base there were always other people needing/wanting/ looking for friends. I learned how to fit in in any situation. That is not a bad thing!!

Exactly.

As mentioned, although we were not in the military, due to financial reasons we moved many times during my childhood. No doubt, it molds your personality. Each person is different under similar circumstances. My oldest sister is very anti social. She claims to not be a people person. She never had friends growing up and it is the same today. I do believe if we were rooted, she would have had at least a few friends.

My brother was more outgoing. He seemed to circulate where ever we lived.

I was somewhere in the middle. I was able to collect a friend or two. Enough so that I had things going on on weekends.

It was very important to me for my children to have roots. There are always issues along the way, but one of them wasn't having to start over every fall when school started.

I think the military life might be easier on todays kids with the use of social media. They really can keep up friendships and get emotional support along the way.

As an adult though, there comes a time when you need to let some things go. How long should you let yourself feel victimized for something that happened 30 years ago?

If you had a great childhood, bully for you. Congrats. That you begrudge others for disliking theirs, well, it's wrong.

We are, after all, talking about children here. Is it that you want the parents to adopt a lifestyle that suits every child in the family? That hardly seems reasonable. How is it "on the parents"? It isn't in my eyes. Life is life. We have to do what needs to be done, and live the life given to us. Too bad we can't all grow up with silver spoons and doting parents who are kind enough to be strong in guiding them. Sure, it's the objective, but I am pretty sure silver spoon lifestyles are rare.

I think what the daughter was after was to voice her opinion (which may not have even been known by the parents) and come to some understanding in being heard for what she felt. I think it's completely callous to say she should just get over it. Why is it wrong for her to feel the way she feels? I really don't get that.

I don't hate my parents because I disliked my childhood lifestyle. Anymore than nanny's daughter does. We can dislike portions of what we endured, we have that right. I guess you loved all of your childhood means we all should.

Doesn't each of us have to allow others their own feelings and thoughts? Who are we to impose our feelings on another person? Dismissing someone else's feelings is very disrespectful, in my opinion.

While I never thought that anyone should thank me for giving up a "normal" childhood I do agree that military life can be very difficult for children. It is not easy moving every couple of years, changing schools and countries. My dad was a very strict disciplinarian and we had more rules and regulations than you can imagine. The only prejudice I knew was that of officers vs. enlisted. It was a sort of "bubble", the kind civilians can not understand. Most of us longed for a "normal" life. Staying in one place, having friends we didn't have to leave and being close to extended family. It was only as an adult I realized how much living in different places and countries gave me. I do feel like I need to pack up and move every three years though.

It's not just the military. Remember I've Been Moved -- a corporation that regularly sent personnel to different places as they got *their* tickets punched?

Rob, I'm not sure if you are referring to my post when you say it's completely callous to say she should just get over it, because I certainly didn't mean to make light of the situation.

When I say letting go, I should add after the issues has been explored. I'm all for therapy and figuring out past issues. However, I do feel that we can make a conscious decision to move on. We can't change the past, we can only change how we deal with it.

This is just me and a revelation I had in my twenties. I always took break ups badly. I would date someone for a short time and when it ended I would be effected for months and months. Finally it occurred to me that I was spending more time on the break up than I was in the relationship.

Same with my childhood. Things effect me still to this day. But, again the key is how we choose to deal with the past now as an adult.

Military life has is a whole different paradigm than civilian. lots of rules and regulations and things you can not do and things you must do that are above and beyond.

We were taught to suck it up and "carry on" but one thing I learned as a young adult was that not everyone is able to suck it up and carry on. different people cope in different ways, what works for you or me may not work for someone else.

Letting go is very different than sucking it up. You're right. She can let go. It's easier done when one is heard.