I'm the guy who would make the comment about how bare your roses look.

But for me at least, it comes from a place of genuine interest and caring.

Its sort of my blunt way of saying "you're yard is usually top notch. What went wrong this year? Weird spring? Late flush? Pests?"

Like a conversation opener. Because I want to hear about it.

And it's perfectly normal to want nice roses when people visit lol.

I always want my garden perfect for visitors.

But you are right. Sometimes we just need to take a step back, breathe, and realise it is what it is.

Well of course you want your garden to look top notch when people visit, after all you're putting in the time and effort to make your garden flourish so recognition is a nice confirmation that your hard work has paid off! Now that being said, I'm sure everyone has had season or two where everything just looked 'off' due to a number of reasons, like dry summer and fall.. and winter for that matter, unusually bad season for pests, a bad storm coming thru and wreaking havoc, you name it...so don't get down on yourself over it. Yes it isn't about 'you' but when you love to garden, and you're passionate about it hearing those types of comments can really get to you. And you can't help but to feel angry, disappointed in yourself (not that you should, but I know how it is to get down on yourself over stuff that seems trivial to most) and just annoyed in general...like what does their yard look like? And are THEY the ones putting in the time and effort? It's like if you buy a new car, and you loveeee it so you drive around feeling so good with your shiny new car and then someone says "Oh you bought a Ford? Well Fords are crappy cars and nothing but trouble, totally inferior to Chevys" it's like what was the point in telling someone that AFTER they bought it, and you can clearly see they're proud of it? Those people are nobody to invest any thought into because no matter how your garden looked they'd find the one tiny thing 'off' about it and would focus on that! As for poster above me, I can say I am the same way as far as telling people bluntly..but he is saying it like I would..like generally concern as to what is causing the garden to be in a slump? And not in a snide remark type of tone, like it sounds like this guys was..def more caring undertone when we asked. Don't beat yourself up, we all want to be admired after putting in work to make our gardens beautiful..there is nothing wrong with that at all!! :)

Natural reaction on your part Sara Ann...

I know exactly how you feel, Sara! I have a tour group coming to my garden on Saturday and the roses sort of bloomed out last week when it got really hot. Oh, I know there will be some roses but I'm really disappointed that they won't see it at its best. :(

Sara dear, have a cup of ice tea. :-) Forget about what he said, life is too short to chase after what other said, look forward, life is beautiful look ahead........ :-) I'm kind of person don't care about what other said, or going to say. It's my life, I do what I think it's right, float with my heart. Just like riding a bike, you are the one controling the bike, go with your own path.......don't waste time to think, rethink why he said that, why he made you mad, dust off those words, let it go. Your roses will rebloom, your yard will fill with wonder colors and fragrance again........ :-) I hope you feel better now. Ice tea would help, I am having one cup right now. Cheers Sara dear! :-)

"Don't worry, be happy" as the song goes. Luckily because plants are organic growing entities, it is not permanent and every year they will be different. I think your hubby's friend is teasing (friendly wise of course) you because he know how much you care for the roses.

Look on the bright side it isn't like Oprah Winfrey is coming over to your house to tape an episode on your roses. Now, that would be a good time to panic!

I had that kind of day too, Sara-Ann. I was out weeding and two groups of neighbors stopped to visit over the fence. I have almost 5 acres and a wilder concept of open fields surrounded by some baby climbing antique roses along the fence around the property. The open fields do have to be mowed, and are, before 6/1 every year. I have more traditional garden areas closer to my home. I've been here 20 months and have started mostly with own root band old garden roses. I have planted milkweed, cardoons, Russian sage, Mexican feather grass, Spanish lavender in among baby roses I was weeding around. I know they were mostly joking with me when I said "don't blame Joe for this, it is all my idea." One said "No, you can blame him, since he isn't out here to hear" which was pretty funny. One neighbor is spraying Roundup on milkweed (which are the only food of the Monarch caterpillars) on his property, while I'm planting it. He talked about cardoon seeds "blowing all over". You get the idea. They do have nice well manicured yards and are good people. They enjoy Hybrid Teas more than I do. We're zoned "Rural Residential" so I figure I'm rural and they are residential. This isn't exactly your point Sara-Ann, with your garden being between flushes more, but it relates in my view. We may have different visions of beauty. We left it with one neighbor saying "Well, as long as you don't plant Himalayan blackberries, it is probably OK." I'm hoping that when the roses and plants mature more, they may come to appreciate them. But they may not, and your comment made me feel someone would understand.

And then there's the occasional visitor who comes to visit and looks at our death zone and says what a nice garden we have, and they MEAN it! We all like different things, we all have different mental viewpoints, and somehow, it usually evens out over time. Usually...

Melinda

I'm sorry Sara, I'm reasonably sure that most of us would enjoy our gardens looking their best when special guests arrive. Why is it the disasters happen at the worst times. I had a bad gardening season last year. Fortunately no out of town guests.

Thank you! I appreciate you all. I was venting a little. I need to learn to not take things so seriously, my roses included, that's difficult for me!

We put a lot of time, blood, sweat and tears into our gardens. Money, too! How could we NOT feel passionately about something we put so much effort into?! And where better to vent than amongst others who feel the same way?

From all the pics of roses that you have posted on here, I would say your roses are not only gorgeous but also inspirational. Wow, I have never seen more gorgeous bushes of America and ZD than the ones you showed us last year. I still remember the incredible bush shot of Liebeszauber rose and the ethereal beauty of English Parfumee and Lovesong roses. I am sorry that he came to visit at the wrong time but it couldn't be helped if the roses were between flushes. We all know that you grow wonderful roses, Sara-Ann.

I would feel the same as you Sara-Ann - except that I would probably be angry. :)

I can't add anything to what everyone else has already said....except that we appreciate you.

Carol

Thank you for all the encouraging words, I do appreciate that, and I do think it is something I needed! Karen, thanks for mentioning some of my roses that have made an impression, that's very sweet!

i do truly think that for the most part we are such encouragers on here, and that's how it should be! Every year is different, and for me this one hasn't been the greatest, but even during this time of tremendous heat, I see good things beginning to happen with a lot of my roses, and that makes me happy! When it's all said and done, as far as my roses are concerned is the satisfaction they bring me.

I agree with Karen, I will always remember your America, Sara. It is your signature rose. I suppose I associate every poster with their signature roses. It is easier way for me to remember people on this forum.

Thanks! My America bush is a success story! I planted that rose between 2006 or 2007. It just kind of sat there, grew a little and had a handful of blooms that were less than spectacular, then in 2013, the year I decided to plant a bunch of roses, it really took off! So glad I didn't SP it!

There is nothing better than reading success stories. I am hoping the same thing will happen for my Swan Lake. Mine is in its third year and it is really struggling. This year it has a few more canes, three to be exact compared to the one last year. However, the plant is so small like a miniature rose and the two blooms are so tiny. I am debating whether to sp it. I think I will wait after reading your comments. I am hoping to borrow a little miracle from you...lol.

jj, I love those success stories too! I looked up Swan Lake on HMF, it's gorgeous. Hope it ends up doing better for you, and you can have good news to report and another success story!

Thanks Sara! You sure know how to "rose serenade" a guy! Your husband is a very lucky guy.

I would say Sara-Ann that you know what you do for your roses and how much you enjoy them (all your great photos) so no matter what anyone says, you alone are really the judge. I mean this in the sincerest of ways. I imagine it stings - it'd probably hurt my feelings if I was showing someone around my garden/nursery and they said something less than flattering - jokingly or not. I'd probably have commented that "it's a tough year climate-wise" or whatever was going on at the time. I'm learning that sometimes the garden is happy and sometimes not as much. I guess they're moody? lol

I remember the time we had work done in the kitchen and the old cabinets and flooring was on the side until we could take it to the dump on the weekend. My neighbors dad came out from Missouri and when my neighbor told him about the wall they would put up between our homes he said "Good then you won't have to look at that @$#mess everyday". I felt really hurt because that side has always looked great. The climbing rose and the beautiful flowering plum and crepe myrtle with the ferny fairy garden below. I usually have a lot of annuals there as well or a potted fuchsia or azalea by the door. On their side was just trash cans and weeds that they mowed short. I felt so hurt by that and still remember it. It seemed like no one ever said anything nice about the flowers and now that the wall is built my garden is spared the weeds that used to come over and they have just piled junk against their side of the wall.

You know some people are going to say whatever and there's nothing you can do about it. Every garden has its glory moments and its in between times. I always see all the flaws in mine but I don't make negative comments about other gardeners.

I remember a story about a lady who bought a home and garden from someone who had a well known garden and was a rare plant collector. someone brought the previous owner to a party at the house two years later and the new owner overheard the previous one saying how badly the garden looked and all the mistakes that were being made. Eventually the new owner decided to make major changes instead of trying to maintain the other person's vision. Overhearing the comments made her realize that she needed to find out what was important and what wasn't. She felt like she was overwhelmed maintaining the show garden without help and eventually transformed it into a beautiful, relaxed garden that had a completely different feeling. Sometimes I try so hard to make something work and really, I should be looking for a different solution that isn't so difficult. When I make changes and then I get comments about how good it looks then I wonder if it looked bad before or if that's just me being critical.

Your garden is so pretty and gives you joy. I don't see how negative comments help unless the gardener is asking for advice. Sometimes gardening is hard enough without critics adding their opinions.

I vow never to go back to the garden I left at my last home. That would be too hard. I think the garden goes when it's creator is gone usually.

Agree, Sheila. At our old house, we planted a lime tree, because I craved limes so much when I was pregnant with my daughter. We moved when my daughter was 9 years old and were sad to leave the tree. When we went back to see it, the new owners had shaped it into a box! It was so odd looking. Now my daughter asks me to avoid our old street.

Sara-Ann, I don't see any reason why someone should say anything negative about a garden. Every gardener takes pride in their plants and nothing in nature is ever perfect. I wonder if there is a sign to remind people to notice the beauty in imperfections and keep their mouth shut. I laughed when I saw the Keira Knightly Pride and Prejudice movie and Lady Catherine says to Elizabeth's mother, "You have a very small garden madam". How insulting! After an interrogation, Elizabeth eventually says, "You have insulted me in every possible way and can now have nothing further to say. I must ask you to leave immediately". I love that line and thought of it when I read this thread. Perhaps it wouldn't be appropriate to say something like that to your DH's buddy, but you could think of it and smile.

Omgosh, Sara-Ann, I TOTALLY relate!!!! The morning I had surgery, I got up 2 hrs early to trim, feed & tend to my roses. Partly because I wouldn't be able to care for them for a few weeks, but partly because the wonderful church ladies who volunteered to take me to physical therapy & post surgery check ups are experienced rose gardeners! That first appointment after surgery, when I was barely able to creep out the door, the first thing my eyes shot to was "Cynthia" planted right next to my front door. Usually abundantly covered in amazing blooms, luscious green foliage and robust canes arranged in a pleasing shape. Not that morning. That morning Cynthia rather reminded me of a sulking, acne-suffering teenager. Sigh. All I could think of was that my volunteer driver would think I did not know what I was doing, bless my heart! Sigh.

OMG, does THAT ring true! I had hand surgery back in March. The week before, I weeded, planted, dead-headed, gardened like a demon. Then, 1 week after surgery (way earlier than I had any business doing hand stuff) I was back out, potting up some new slips of fuchsia I got, so they could be shared and not die! Gave myself a nice blister and some numbness in my folly.....

Sara-Ann, My garden isn't its best this year either....lots of naked looking bushes. I guess it is a sawfly problem, but I spray with insecticide. Recently, I put some epsom salt down and I am noticing more vibrant colored blooms, some nice basal breaks, and more new leaves. It could just be a coincidence. Good luck. I am right there with you.

I do appreciate the encouraging words!

I decided a couple of years ago to not get too caught up in others enjoying my roses! I invited my sister and her husband and another couple to come have a tour when they were at their peak! It wasn't impromptu, I had planned for weeks! They were gorgeous! It ended up that the only one who came was the husband of the couple, because of unforeseen circumstances. He did enjoy the tour, and in a way it did work out okay, but I admit I was a little disappointed the others didn't make it, although I don't think it bothered them that much! I have decided that my roses are for my enjoyment, and if someone is complimentary and gets some pleasure from them that's an added bonus that makes me happy, but I'm not necessarily expecting it!

Sara, If you add a BBQ to the rose tour in your garden, I am sure everyone will be there. :-) Summer is still here, you can do it again. :-)

Sara-Ann, posting on these rose forums is great cause we can capture our garden moment, whether good or bad, and our fellow posters understand or will with future rose growing. I think in my garden, the wonderful rain, can ruin the beauty the quickest.

Sara-Ann, I have enjoyed such beautiful pictures of your roses and garden. As everyone has said, we all want to show our roses at their best. So many things influence their blooms. I have waited years for our Rose Society to come view my garden. They come this Thursday and I will not have one bloom on 120 plus bushes. First flush over and roses are resting. I am totally dreading their visit after wishing for this visit for years!!! Saw fly damage at an all time high,too! I`m just hoping they like daylilies as they are outstanding now! Keep the faith!

Good luck huckdog1. I know how frustrating and embarrassing that can be. Good thing you have marvelous daylilies!!!

Carol