It's up to the family to decide who is named and who isn't.

And to the newspaper. Big city newspapers aren't interested in details.

Some people prefer the privacy. Especially when the grands are underage or still in school including college. People who are close to the family already know their names. People who don't know them don't need to know.

Most obits can be found online these days. It's not just a small town reading the local news. It's a security thing for those who are aware how too much shared information can be a bad thing as well as good.

I guess it would depend upon the newspaper. You have to pay if it is more than basic info. When you have 14 children and over 30 grandchildren it could become quite expensive.

As a genealogist, it's most beneficial to have the names from them.

As far as I know, there aren't any rules and nothing is standard.

If you give thought for a minute to how much drama there can be in a family, and then consider that whoever doing the writing may have an agenda due to being in one faction or another, I think anything can happen. You yourself are suggesting that YOUR grandmother's obit gave more prominence to grandchildren than to siblings. It's just as easy in another situation to have the opposite point of view and come to a different result.

I don't think most are written being mindful of facilitating future family tree work.

Edit to add - I often take a glance at the obits page when reading the paper and wonder just who the intended audience is for what's written. People who knew the deceased aren't likely learning about the death or their family situation from the obit and those who didn't know the person would hardly care.

If you are reading old, old obituaries, like over a hundred years old, perhaps the writer of the obit didn't know the names of all the grandchildren of the deceased. If family members moved across the country, on a wagon train for instance, they could have lost touch with loved ones. New children born several states away could have been unknown to the original family nucleus. No Facebook back then. :)

My parents have 17 grandchildren and 23 great grandchildren. They would come back from the dead and smack us upside the head if we listed all of them. You pay per word for an obit. Some cost thousands of dollars.

My sons was short and sweet. Because he basically had two families (birth family and foster family) we didn't list any names, other than his.

Lots if ID theft going around via obituaries. Mine will read (if there has to be one at all) name, age at death, city and state. I'm the dead one so only my name is important. Something general like surrounded by loved one at her death. (I hope LOL) Going to be toasted and tossed so I guess they could put in she lived her life her way if they want. Or if I can get that autobiography written a link to the book.

Our newspaper hasn't printed anything but death notices in a long time. Name, age at death, occupation, city of residence and which funeral home will handle any plans. Anything in the way of an obituary is entirely up to the family or whoever is handling final wishes/estate. Payable when submitted.

I will often read the obituaries of people with long articles published about their deaths. These are obituaries written by the newspaper. I love to read people's successful life stories, the contributions they made to industry or society, and how they managed their lives. I often wish I could talk to that person's parents and ask them what they did or noted had affected their child's approach to life. Lots of quietly accomplished people live in our communities.

Sheila, me too!

I think it would be nice if we just listened to our elders while they were alive and took their advice. Learning something that we'd carry with us.

I wish they'd say "how" the person died.

An obituary is written by someone at a newspaper, reserved for someone of general interest to the readership.

A death notice is written by the family, sometimes with the assistance of a funeral home; this is a paid notice.

Reading death notices can feel like reading about various characters in a play -- the play being the last hundred years of history. All of the 'characters' were 'interesting' in that regard.

While doing genealogical research for myself and as an active member and officer of a local Genealogical Society for many decades where we compiled and published a County Cemetery Book; and also while putting together information for over 700 burials for a small rural cemetery where I was sexton for many years, I've read thousands of death notices and obituaries and have hundreds in my files.

Today there is a standard form for obituaries in the local paper which is free, but you can also get more elaborate, but you pay for it.

This local obit. is from the late 1800's and has always been a favorite....

John _______, the well-known saloon keeper, whose dangerous illness we announced last week, died early last Friday morning. He was about 45 years of age. He was buried on Saturday. With all his faults -- and he had his full share -- it can be said of him that he was a person of much more than ordinary natural talent, which, had it been directed in a proper channel, would have made him a useful man in any community. His energy & vitality were remarkable. His body was a complete wreck years ago, & it was supposed that Death had claimed him as his own ten seasons before he died. But during all these years the vigor & force of his mind has waged the unequal contest with the material & with the most marvelous success. With all your faults John, "Peace to your ashes."

Grainlady. That is an awesome obituary. It really gives a vivid description of John. I don't think I would have ever have wanted to meet him, but it would have been interesting to be a fly on the wall.

I wrote a death notice for my brother who died in December. It wasn't very long and was for our hometown newspaper---he died in another city. The funeral director told me the cost was $500. I thought that was very expensive---no indication that the cost was dependent on length. I still think about it and wonder how many people decline this service due to the high cost.

There actually was an obit in the Albany Times Union that began something like..."____________ left kicking and screaming.'

This woman's husband penned her obituary as a tribute to her sense of humor...and political leanings!

The obituary opens with the bold statement: "Faced with the prospect of voting for eitherDonald Trump or Hillary Clinton, Mary Anne Noland of Richmond chose, instead, to pass into the eternal love of God.”

The obituary goes on to say. “A faithful child of God, Mary Anne devoted her life to sharing the love she received from Christ with all whose lives she touched as a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, friend and nurse.”

She is survived by her husband, 3 children, 10 grandchildren and 3 siblings.

http://www.insideedition.com/headlines/16443-womans-obituary-says-she-chose-to-pass-into-the-eternal-love-of-god-rather-than

well as much time as my fil DIDN"T spend time with his grandkids other than couple of weddings and never once came to a game, graduation, ect. of any of the ggrands, I doubt if their names would matter to anyone but themselves...

I cringed when I read my brother's obituary. My sister-in-law chose to include my mother's maiden name in his obituary which was printed in their local newspaper and is now on the internet forever, along with my name. Think about it - what is one of those identifiers banks and other institutions use to identify you - your mother's maiden name. And so for posterity, on the internet is my name with my mother's maiden name. My mother died almost 40 years ago and never used her maiden name after she married in the 1940s.

Yikes!

Nothing to worry about graywings, you're unlikely to have a problem.

The last few financial institution accounts I opened offered 5-10 possible secret questions for ID, like - Name of your first pet, dog, car, childhood friend, elementary school, city of birth or marriage, etc. It's easy enough to avoid using "mother's maiden name" and if you have an account where that's used, you can change it.

Remember that you're not liable for a fraudulent access to a financial account. So if someone gets into a bank account fraudulently and gets money out, it's the bank's loss, not the account holder's.

Regarding the earlier comment by Snidely questioning who is reading the obits, I have no idea if this is common in other areas but at least 2 of the local businesses I frequent have an employee read the obits every day looking for clients.

When FIL passed in February, his obit was very brief, only had wife, son and daughters names and our local credit union extended condolences when I was there 3 days later, as did our local insurance agent. Both made comments about the obituary and his age.

Same thing happened years ago when my grandmother passed, when my aunt passed and we also received a card from our real estate agent when my husband's grandmother passed 3 years ago.

in our newspaper they charge by the inch for an obituary. A paid obituary is $15.26 per column inch. In addition to the text, it can include a black and white photo, full color photo for an additional $15 or double photo for additional $30. A Web address can also be added for an additional $25. There is a $20 setup fee and for this the family receives 10 copies of the newspaper. Additional publish dates for a paid obituary are 50% off the initial run rate.

A free obituary would include the person's name, age, hometown, if they are formerly from this area, when and where they died, when and where services and burial are (even if they are past) and a list of the immediate family survivors which includes spouse, parents, brothers, sisters, children, grandparents, and where they are from, and the number of grandchildren and great-grandchildren; but would not list in-laws or other relatives.

Notices

Free notices include person's name, age, hometown, if they are formerly from this area, when and where they died and when and where services are. No visitation is included.

Paid notices are charged at $15.26 per inch and can include any kind of information. Please include a billing address and a phone number in case there are questions, we can call with the exact amount after publication

I cannot imagine how much it would have cost for my grandparents who had over 70 grandchildren when they passed away and some great-grandchildren.

Some of them do list the cause of death. I read the obituaries on the internet everyday to see if there is someone I know in them, since I moved away from my hometown.

TG, I'm going to guess you live in a small town or somewhere such that many in your family continue to live nearby. For those of us living in more populated settings and/or where people see mobility as more common, the experience with obits and many other things would be very different. I would have found it creepy if the people in my bank had said something at the death of either of my parents. Heck, they lived hundreds of miles away from me (I moved away from them) and anyway, the people in my bank don't recognize me on the rare occasions I go to the branch. I'm okay with that.

The mileage between my western-most kid and my eastern-most one must be in excess of 7500 miles. We all speak by phone every few days and are a close family, but I'm happy they've pursued opportunities and adventure that require plane flights. To each their own.

Obviously the writing of obituaries and/or death notices varies across the country - in my area, a family member writes the obituary of the deceased, not an employee of the newspaper. And the newspaper prints it free of charge. (I think if the family wants a picture of the deceased included with the obit in the paper, the paper does charge for printing the picture.)

And who's to say that the family member writing the obit actually knows the true facts? There may be nobody to verify with, so the newspaper publishes incorrect information.

Snidely- my town is 200,000- 250,000 population (depending on if you are counting city limits proper or MSA), small to some, large to others.

I like to refer to it as a large small town on its way to a small big city. :)

I can't comment on all the businesses but I know my credit union actively checks the paper every day. (it is a city employees only credit union with just one branch)

I've had an account there since I was a small child and I remember going in one morning right after they opened when I was in high school. One of the clerk's was reading the paper and when I joked about her reading the paper on the job, she was the one who told me they check the obits every day for members names.

They must have little to do if they spend their time reading the paper. Ha! But 200K isn't a small town.

Lol, I'm betting it is more to do with that "friendly neighbor" thing this area is quite big on than anything else.

We live in an area that is very much a "good ole boys/friends town" as my husband explained to the upper management of his company.

We aren't like Dallas or Austin or Houston, you won't get much business if you are seen as an "outsider". They would rather hire their friends son that they know and trust than some Joe Blow that isn't involved with the community. Hence the "large small town" tag.

I will say I know all the clerk's by name and they know mine and my extended families names. Two of them have been there since I was a child, they have watched me grow up and helped me open my own children's accounts.

It does have its perks though. It really is nice to walk into a business and have them greet you by name and ask how your brother is doing since he moved back.

What makes life interesting is that different people prefer different things.

Any place that has the notion of locals and outsiders is somewhere I'd not be happy. What you're describing would make me feel claustrophobic. I love the anonymity of being out in public and the diversity of people from all over. If I run into someone I know, fine, but I don't want that to happen on a regular basis. I made it a point (pre-retirement) of not interviewing people related or connected to people I knew. I never wanted to mix business with pleasure and if they didn't have other options, that was reason enough to not be interested.

Obituaries or "death notices" are one of those things that makes me wonder why. Seems to me it's another item that is obsolete with the technology of today. My dad was an avid reader of the obituaries of the small town paper from where he was born and raised. The paper would arrive and the first thing read was the obits. Who died was "the news". I don't read them. I sure don't want money wasted on one when I kick off. A friend's mother died a few months ago and they felt compelled to publish the obit in 4 newspapers, 2 large town papers, 1 quite large town and another far from small town. The 2 largest towns cost about $800 each for the obits and it wasn't an unusually large one. That's a lot of money for nothing AFAIC.

I personally like to see the cause of death in a notice/obit. Some do (after a long illness, accidentally, etc). To me that's of far more interest to me than naming all the people in their lives. And when they try to list all these "achievements", you know that's loaded. Maybe they built a large business but didn't mention the embezzlement, tax fraud or other things that went into it! LOL

My late FIL was a very civic minded person, he participated in many service groups, mentored many young men's groups, coached little league, was active in his church (up until the diocese closed it) and volunteered up until he was physically unable to do so. (which was about 3 or 4 yrs before his death)

He attended the funeral of every family member & friend. Towards the end of his life, we'd take him. He felt his devotion & respect to his friends & family was paramount in life and as well as their death. It didn't go unnoticed by him that he was one of the "few" left of his generation. He once commented to me how there wasn't going to be anyone left to go his funeral.

His obit was published in the paper the day before and the day
of his funeral. He was in his mid 80's and he (and we) didn't really think there'd
be many people at the funeral. He had pretty much outlived all of his
friends.

BUT because of his obituary in the paper, it was standing room only at the service. There were people there we hadn't seen in years, and people we didn't even know. People of ages -- ranging from in college to a few in their 90's, they came to pay their respects and express to us what a difference he'd made in their lives. It was very overwhelming to see the honor bestowed upon this man.

Obituaries do serve a purpose. Without the published obituary, many of those people wouldn't have known of his passing and we wouldn't have known how many people he'd touched & influenced in his lifetime.

I guess that's where my family and many/most I know are different. When someone dies, that's NEWS and it must be spread so the phone lines would light up with did you hear... calls. These days it's email, instant messenger or text.

Papers used to print hospital notices too. Small town papers anyway. That would seem to make more sense to me if you wanted to see them in the hospital or if they wanted visitors. Although I know to some, attending a good funeral is far more rewarding!

I remember the small town papers printing about people's holiday guests too. Mr and Mrs (NEVER "Ms") _____ entertained guests on Christmas. Attending were ___, ____, and ___ from ____, ____ and ___ from ____.... Not a lot going on in those small farming towns.