It's not you. Some men have a hard time dealing with women who have done their research, know what they are doing and know what they want. I say this assuming the guy isn't injuried (which we don't know).

Men who are professional and very good at their job often do not have a problem with us. They are secure in who they are and their abilities.

But those insecure but nice guys can be a pain.

It's not you. These people are professionals but are not acting like it. Pros follow through. If they get injured and can't do it themselves, they subcontract out, esp. if the homeowner has made clear there is a date by which things must be done.

The reason they charge what they do, which is a lot, is because of the "professional" nature of what they do. So they should behave like pros if they're going to charge like them.

The other thing pros know is that they have to deal with all kinds of personalities. If he didn't like your personality, he should not have taken the job on. But he did, so he has to follow through and follow through on what he promised.

Doesn't matter if you're Cruella d'Ville, He agreed to do the job, so do it. I bet he hasn't offered you a discount on his rates for all of his delays.

Guy sounds lazy to me, not professional. I'd find someone else.

Thanks guys for affirming it's not me. Yes I do believe it is an issue of some men not liking to take orders from women. My DH's comment isn't meant to be negative just that its how some men perceive me. I am very capable and forthright, not what some men come up against when it comes to house building from a woman. And I know a thing or two about building.

I feel stuck with this first part of the cabinets. Due to timing, if he "recovers" in 4-5 days, I can still move forward without a huge reset in getting this finished. That is the ultimate goal. Getting it done. I have not completely committed to the rest of the built-ins. I wanted to focus on getting the first part finished. At this point I have to see what he does going forward. We are doing our guest bedroom/bath at this time also and have had a separate fiasco with the insulation guy with that room and ended up doing it ourselves. With our focus on the upstairs, I let this guy go a bit, meaning I didn't do my usual "micro-manage"; I only contacted him weekly instead of daily ;) Due to the previous issues with cabinet makers I tried to temper my expectations a bit, and give some leeway since he knew from the start about the deadline.

T. Rose - Ha! My poor DH. His best male friend and I were working on part of our house several years ago - together. The BF was not used to a woman with my level of involvement - let's just leave it at that.

justerrilynn - I'm so tired of it though ya know?

Tib - I can be a little Cruella at times. I can find someone else, my DH, but he has a day job ;)

I kind of run the show around here. It's my overbearing personality and career in Sales to top companies in my field rather than a personality fault in my DH. That being said, while they may not like dealing with women, I'm focused on something else in your post.

Like any other engagement between people, we set out boundaries in the beginning of a transaction. When those move, it's hard to go back. You said one thing (I have this deadline - deadlines are very important to me), but you did another (bid was three weeks late and you still moved forward with the deal, you had to remind him to come do the measure).

Injured or not, many people take the easy path. Unfortunately you gave him room to do so upfront. Now you gotta fix that without alienating him.

Be clear, concise and pleasant in communicating your expectations. Also be clear on the acceptable remedies. Know that moving boundries up to more restrictive territory can be tricky, but you need to do so and then be consistent in your words and actions.

Up until today he assured me, every time we spoke, he could build three cabinets and get them in place for counter template by the 27th. Now he is injured. Was he really going to get this done or just string me along? I'd like to think he had every intention of getting the job done.

When he came to measure I sensed something was off when he asked when the deadline was. I said the 27th - he said no problem. I have been consistent from the beginning. I have been pleasant. Do I really have to manage his time for him? Three cabinets in one week is not an impossibility-

Now my issue is telling him thanks but no thanks and firing him for having an injury? Had I been my usual micro-manager self would he have gotten the cabinets finished?

And how do you know that once you shake hands on a deal that someone isn't going to just put you off forever or have an injury?

Unfortunately when dealing with the building trades, a schedule or deadline, is just a suggestion and not a requirement. I laughed when my DH asked the GC how long it would take to gut/remodel 3 bathrooms and the GC answered 8 weeks. My DH believed it, even thought we had worked with this GC before and there was no way it would be done in 8 weeks. Ended up being closer to 4+ months. I wasn't disappointed or upset, because I expect these things to take as long as they take, just the way it is.

It goes both ways though ... when the project dragged into the holidays and we had planned to be away ... I told the GC to find something else to work on, because I was locking up the house and going on vacation. I don't need the stress of people having acccess to the house when I'm not there, setting off the alarm, not locking up, etc. The GC didn't like it, but if he can leave my house for a few days during my project and go to another job, then I can also make other plans and go do something else and delay the project!

It's so interesting to read this (but I truly am sorry for your plight) because I JUST had a conversation with some good friends about this. I'm thinking of redoing the cabinets in my kitchen. My friends and I have shared trades people - they recommended a wonderful man who is a cabinet maker but also makes these exquisite clear vertical grain cedar screen doors. $$$, but so top quality. After I saw theirs, I had him make one for me and, oh my, he is a perfectionist - furniture quality screen door that closes gently, no slamming required. He took it home to microplane it a few times to get it exact. Wonderful finish. He and I talked about my kitchen cabinets and after the gorgeous screen door, I told my friends I was thinking of hiring him to do the kitchen. "Oh no, he is a nut case." They think he's really over the top on the perfectionism and would NEVER be able to finish a kitchen - nothing would ever be perfect enough.

They suggested a cabinet maker who did my bathroom cabinets and on my recommendation built a window seat for them. Gorgeous things all. But I then hired him to redo a second bathroom and he totally flaked out; had some kind of nervous breakdown or something??? So he's out. Then we started talking about all the men who build cabinets that we've known over the years, all of whom seem to be (unstable or something). One other committed suicide. Is it the exacting work? Is it work that draws a certain personality? I don't know and I mean no offense to those who have perfectly lovely spouses, relatives and friends who are cabinet makers who are not like these men we've experienced. But it made me so curious why we've had these high percentages of guys making cabinets who either start out with problems or end up with them. Now your guy.

I hope you get some resolution and that if he really is sick, he gets well soon.

It has nothing to do with you being a woman. If we're going to use stereotypes, then any cabinetmaker should be well-versed in working with women because we are conventionally the decision-makers about everything kitchen. To say someone who makes a living building kitchen cabinets isn't accustomed to working with women doesn't make sense. Believe me, they all know how to work with the "woman of the house."

With tradespeople, it's more the nature of the work and their businesses. The independent owners work for themselves, don't answer to a superior, and probably could never thrive in a standard corporate model that rewards performance and deadlines. At most, these guys answer to a contractor, who him/herself (likely himself) owns his own business and falls under the same lack of accountability the subcontractors do.

Those who are accountable and can function with strict deadlines aren't doing the types of jobs you and I would hire them for anymore. They've moved on to commercial construction and more large-scale projects.

It's not you. I'm sure you smell great. It's the nature of the independent tradesperson.

Going to add to my comments above and say that some of these tradespeople are more creative and enjoy working with their medium (wood, tile, and so on). They have significant talent but little business sense, even though they are in business for themselves.

I didn't want to disparage some of the tradespeople I've worked with who were passionate about their work. They just didn't have a lick of sense about good business practices like meeting deadlines and customer service.

It's been my experience that contractors often have lots of things going on and one delay in one area causes a bump down the line. Plus they gotta pay the bills, so they're always going to say yes to the job that brings in the biggest bucks and concentrate on that first.

Ask him if he as someone he can refer you to since he's injured and you're on a time crunch. Or ask if he's got an assistant. Maybe that would motivate him to finish up the job.

Thanks for the words of wisdom everyone. I really appreciate it. After talking it over with my DH we have decided to keep him on to finish the kitchen. At this late date if I want the kitchen finished this summer I have no choice. Quality custom shops being what they are around here. I will have to reschedule the template. The counter guys are slammed and that will push this off til who knows when.

We have also had our issues with some cabinet guys. It seems as if the finish carpenter/cabineters are the prima donnas of the building world. This guy did not strike me as that type and I know he is busy which is why I was so adamant about the deadline. I just really didn't expect the procrastination from him. It just gives no leeway when the unexpected comes up. I expect it generally from building trades, but did not expect it from this guy. In this case, I took it personal as I can come across as a woman with very high expectations.

He probably could have knocked out those cabinets in way less than a week if he didn't get injured. But since he has, tell him your deadline is fast and you have to get someone else. But I doubt you will be able to get anyone good to do it by the deadline now either. Another option would be for your guy to try and find someone to subcontract it. Most carpenters will have buddy carpenters they can call. But since you were firm, it's not rude to say, "Sorry you got injured but I have a deadline so I have to find someone else. " Unless you want to wait. Depends on what the injury is. I'd just find someone else. Your carpenter is a big boy, he will understand. It would be nice if you could wait, but if you can't, you can't and move on.

"With tradespeople, it's more the nature of the work and their businesses. The independent owners work for themselves, don't answer to a superior, and probably could never thrive in a standard corporate model that rewards performance and deadlines. At most, these guys answer to a contractor, who him/herself (likely himself) owns his own business and falls under the same lack of accountability the subcontractors do."

This!

I got so tired of the independent contractor antics that I told ours in these exact words: I would not speak to him unless he brought a calendar and a notebook, and that if my lips were moving his pen should be writing.

By that time I did not care what he thought of me.

I have run into some contractors (and also car dealer repair shops) that treat my husband with more respect than they do me. A few times I have had communications issues that were going nowhere. Then my husband takes the reigns and says the exact same thing that I have been saying and the contractor all of a sudden "understands". I could scream :) The funny thing is that my husband looks intimidating but he is the pushover in the family.

I spoke with him this afternoon. He said he needs an extra week. Blows my countertop install. But I can do this. However, I really wanted the island finished by May 11 when my two weeks of house guests arrive. That won't happen.

But this just has to go--- I have a huge amount of other things to focus on. I am going to just let this float.

I have a barn to finish. Stalls to design. A farm to fence. Five horses to move "home". A guest room/bath to finish - (I am tiling and painting) and decorate for my guests. A seven acre yard to landscape. A pond to install. A bocce court to install. A riding ring to install. A house/barn to finish moving out of and put on the market. A daughter to move to the Midwest. A thirtieth anniversary trip to plan.

All before July. Well, maybe the bocce can wait...

I guess I just really have no time to start finding a new cabinet guy. If he does a good job and it's a fabulous island, he can move on to the bath built-ins, bookcases in the study, the LR mantle etc. If not, then that's his loss.

Thanks or letting me rant. It's been a long day.

Yes, Missymoo12, sometimes when you're behind, you're still ahead. It sounds like your goals and timeframe would not be served well by finding a new cabinet guy. Keep the progress you have so far.

Your to-do list makes me exhausted. Take some extra time to make sure your trip is well-planned esp since it's for you!