Do you know anyone: regrets taking SS @ 66 rather than waiting to 70?
8 years ago
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When do you know when your taking it too far?
Comments (36)I recently had a neighbor approach me as I was fixing some rotted siding on my garage. This is the neighbor whose lawn is saturated with creeping charlie. He asked, hey with all the money you are putting into this house, are you planning on staying here awhile? First, the repairs we were making weren't for cosmetic purposes, they were more functional. I'd assumed, "all the money" meant all the landscaping we've done ourselves. I love my yard, and I regret not getting started on it sooner when we purchased our home in 2004, we waited a few years and focused on the interior, with no relaxing, private, soothing patio to relax on. But, oh, today, we can enjoy sitting on our patio on our very small lot, with privacy from our neighbors. It's nice, and would I love to purchase a home with the landscaping already done? You bet, but I don't regret that I had to do it myself, because now I'm hooked and I love what I've learned - gardening and landscaping is very therapeutic to me. I've also wondered how much is too much, but I've been told by neighbors that I'm their inspiration, and we have people stopping at the front of our house to view our property from time to time, so we are heading in the right direction, especially as plants begin to mature. I have a small back yard, and yet in my rear yard I have a poplar tree (soon to be replaced), a mature lilac shrub, a hedge of privets, 2 smokebush trees/shrubs, a green giant thuja, an emerald green thuja, 5 purple leaf sand cherries, a serviceberry, a red japanese maple, a heptacodium, and a katsura willow tree, among various perennials, vines, and evergreen and deciduous shrubs. I'm thinking of adding a degroots spire and replacing the poplar with a dogwood or magnolia. The placement for each works, and creates a nice lush private space for us. I have run out of planting space, but I don't intend to lose more lawn, so now it's just waiting for everything to reach maturity and a matter of enjoying what we created. As long as you are comfortable in your own space, that's all that matters. There are a couple homes that we see on our walks in the neighborhood, with the front lawn completely over done in an awkward cottage style. There's nothing wrong with the style, but I think when homes like that are wedged between other homes with more open or formal landscaping, it looks odd and out of place. I feel sorry for the immediate neighbors. In my opinion when all you see is the landscaping from the curb and not the house, that's when you've gone overboard. I dread the day we sell our home and someone who doesn't appreciate what we've done lives here. We joke about it sometimes. But, I've recently heard from some new owners in the neighborhood that others talk about the work we've done on the house with the "striped awnings", so it's nice to hear when you've invested so much sweat into improving it and making it your own. I don't care if anyone thinks we've put too much money into our house. We didn't buy to flip it, and I don't ask everyone else how they spend their money....See Morehave: everything else you needed to know for the mag ss: the faq
Comments (5)Yes, I was one of the original swappees, if I remember correctly I brought hot chocolate. I'm very proud that the Mid-Atlantic Swaps have continued to grow without needing the founders' guiding hands - it is a real success story....See MoreDo you regret or wish you had a tanning ledge?
Comments (46)It's such a personal thing. My husband loves it. The teens love it too. They are always hanging on it and have played King of the Mountain etc. Not so much laying out on it... Personally, I regret that we can't play water volleyball which would have been so great for older kids. But since the ledge cuts into the shallow end, it's not possible. (It hasn't occurred to anyone else in the family though. I don't want to rain on their parade. But for me, personally, yeah, I would prefer the whole play area in the pool.)...See MoreWatching SS....what do you all think?
Comments (30)I just wanted to add my two cents... One thing I noticed is that, Sweeby, you are talking about a "normal" relationship with your DS and his stepmother. You are not an alcoholic, you are not a manipulative, lying, awful person like the BM of LH's SS!! You care about your DS and his wellbeing, this BM cares about manipulating everyone involved!! You gave me some INCREDIBLY good advice on here a little while ago, about my very manipulative teen stepdaughters, their very very manipulative BM and my DH's reactions to their actions. The BM of my two SDs does NOT care what would be best for her kids , and, LH's SS's BM is very much the same, as far as I can tell. Women like these BM's care ONLY about "how can we make trouble, how can we make DH miserable and his new wife/family along with him"!!. I don't think for a second that this BM cares about what is best for her son, she cares only about what is best for HER. We have been down this road and she would just attempt to manipulate everyone around her. If DH's daughters had been younger when we had gotten together, he always says he would have fought for full custody and maybe they would have turned out differently. He is not proud of what they are. I think it is in LH's best interests to not be alone with SS BUT I also think that BM is very HAPPY that SS is not spending time alone with you LH. You could tell by the phone call that you described that she made to SS while SS was in the car with your DH. She is playing a game with you, your DH, and your family with SS and DD, but you are unfortunately being forced to play back. Have you and DH ever considered trying for full custody? I am not sure that you would win, but this BM is EMOTIONALLY abusing her son and you guys are caught in her cycle of abuse. As someone else mentioned, if you think this poor little boy has problems now, wait until he is 13....Does anyone else know she is an alcoholic? ie. her family, coworkers, friends, etc...In the meantime, why not find a daycamp as some others suggested, and don't beat yourself up about this, you didn't DO ANYTHING wrong!! And your DD deserves to have a fun summer...and it would be good to say to SS "I love our time together, but I don't want to be alone with you right now because you made up some stories about me that weren't true." Even if he is 7, he knows what he did was wrong and he needs to be accountable for his actions. Sorry this is so long, I am going to get that book too! PS.Sweeby, I told my DH I am not his messenger-girl/mediator/buffer/rug and that he should not allow himself to be manipulated by his ex's or by his kids'!! :D I am working hard on "me" again and trying hard to let him deal with his issues with his kids...:)...See More- 8 years agolast modified: 8 years ago
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