I certainly wouldn't expect gifts if I were to get married for a 3rd time!!!

One doesn't go all out for a third marriage, but if one is attending a big affair, whether a third wedding or a 37th anniversary, it is customary to send a present. The nature of the present depends on the culture and mores of the people involved, and also how close together the weddings have been. Two one year failed marriages in someone's early 20's do not negate the festivity of a third one at 35. A serial wedder, who jumps out of one long term marriage into another, might want to play it down a little. If only one was previously married, it's nice to be a bit generous, so that the one who is being married for the first time isn't penalized for choosing a "used" spouse. Gifts from well wishers to a previously married couple who wed quietly, are appropriate but not necessary. A card or letter of good wishes will do.

Some people (whether first marriage or fifth) go overboard with registries, choosing everything for the entire house and often feel let down when they just get what they asked for, and nothing personal, interesting or whimsical. OTOH, anyone who has been living a full adult life, past the living with the folks/student/fridge has beer and mustard only phase, might have a lot of stuff, and a simple registry can let people know what they actually need. A registry does not put an obligation on the guest to abide by it. It provides information. When wedding gifts are no longer about giving a new couple what they need to create a home away from their parents', they tend to be more modest.

DECORUM: behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety

This word doesn't exist in today's world; and Miss Manners is "dead".

Once joyful experiences, I have a growing disdain for all things having to do with weddings, whether it's the first or fifth, and so many personal experiences to justify it.....

I think what too many people are lacking in their social conduct is common sense. Insofar as a Miss Manners or anyone else dispenses that, fine. Otherwise, I think normal society has moved on from the need to adhere to rigid rules. Social norms are variable now and very dependent on the people and circumstances involved.

To me, the very nature of wedding registries is to channel gift-giving toward items for the home. Without regard to how many marriages someone has had, a 25 year old couple should use a registry, a 35+ year old or older couple shouldn't be soliciting a new toaster, bathroom towels, or candle holders for the dining room.

Many will react - Hey, how many wedding gifts do I have to give this same person? Rather than going to a registry, a thoughtful couple would say "No gifts please". Again, common sense. From me, they might expect a bottle of wine. Nothing more.

A man that we barely know is getting married in a few days, his third. We didn't know about it, no reason we should. He sent a mass email out to friends, relatives, neighbors, fellow employees, and acquaintances informing them of the joyful event, then invited everyone to participate in funding his honeymoon.

Wrong, so wrong on so many levels. It's difficult to not be offended; I can't imagine how his family responded.

I see nothing wrong at all with people getting married for a second or third or however many times. Most of the older couple neither want or need wedding gifts; just your best wishes and hopes for their happiness.

There are new types of registries like Zola for couples with less need for household goods. As Plllog mentioned, there are many reasons for a third marriage and thus, for a registry. However, even with a registry, you are not required to give a gift. A card expressing congratulations and good wishes is sufficient.

Who really knows the situation? If they are registered, and if you are so inclined, then use the registry for a gift.

If I was a close friend, I would want to give a gift, regardless of the number of marriages. But to each his/her own.

It just seems 'tacky' to me, but I don't know the circumstances of the prior marriages.

I can only think of one person who married three times. My mother's best friend was widowed in her fifties and again in her sixties. Her third marriage was to a man she had known since grammar school. They were both mid-seventies, and he had been a widower for many years.

Weddings Two and Three were quiet church services with only witnesses and/or family members, who then went out to luncheon or dinner. They conveyed the news in handwritten letters to their friends -- after the event. Friends called or wrote to congratulate them. There was no question of gifts.

DD and her spouse pretty much eloped. They had intended to wait for the following year to marry but DD's accountant mindset came into play (taxes) so they had DS marry them privately on on New Years Eve instead. Even the parents weren't present. Their friends were disappointed that they didn't get a wedding so so they told them they would hold a dinner inviting their friends on New Years Eve of the following year.

They hosted a New Years Eve/Anniversary dinner party at a local restaurant. No gift registry, no mention of anything but a party to celebrate. They gave guests a choice of 3 entrees. The only thing requested was that everyone come dressed as pirates. Well those pirates brought a whole lot of wedding booty. The stacks of gifts would fill many a treasure chest. LOL That's what people who are true friends do. Their friends brought gifts because they wanted to and the gifts were chosen without registries because they knew DD and her DH. It became the wedding of the year for all their friends without being called a wedding at all.

If you are invited and are attending, it would assume you knew those being married. Thus you would know their circumstances. This tells you type of gift or if a gift is appropriate. If you are invited and don't really know them, why attend or send a gift

Marriage is more important than a ring, a dinner or a ceremony. Even if it's a third try.

I see giving a wedding gift as a gesture wishing the couple well. A registry is just a list of suggestions of what the couple might like. Helpful to guests who want to give something, but don't know what. Perhaps a little more personal than money or a gift card.

It's the expectation that guests will fulfill the registry wish list, or give money if that is preferred that is inappropriate. Including such information on invitations or announcements is the equivalent of saying "gimme...". Very tacky.

"A relative asked this person where she was registered, but I don't know whether she was trying to be funny or what."

Pammyfay, what was the person's response when your relative asked the question?

I've been on the other side... almost. It was a second marriage and we didn't need anything. We pleaded, begged, requested as politely as we could NOT to give us a gift, just come. My friends insisted on giving me a wedding shower. Looking back, I haven't always had a backbone. I was totally embarrassed they did that. Nowadays, I would've put my foot down. It was already hard enough combining households, but add to it more that we really didn't want or need it.

So I assume that's the reaction you're talking about?

The question was about establishing a registry in advance of a third marriage. A registry presumes gifts will be forthcoming. It's inappropriate.