This is a tough nut to crack, but as a cheerful fatalist, I'm right there with Norma, the 90-year old woman in the story, and you OklaMoni. I've seen too many friends and family die by inches going through treatment after treatment, bankrupting their family, and leading a horrible existence towards the end. We give more dignity for our pets when it comes to end-of-life issues.

The bottom line - I know I'm going to a much better place, so it would be a simple choice for me. In fact, I've considered having "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on my chest.

grainlady I have forms for "Do Not Resuscitate and Do Not hook up to Machines to Prolong Life" at my doctors, and my daughters have them too. I don't want to be a cost burden for anyone EVER, and I have lived a good life, and am always ready to move on!

I agree with y'all. I had a friend that died with lung cancer and after a year and a half of agony going through treatment after treatment, she finally died at 50. Then there was my Mom that had cancer three different times, having surgery to remove it and only once using radiation and she ended up dying at the age of 88 and not from cancer. For myself, I wouldn't go through the chemo and radiation. If they can remove the cancer then OK, but that's it.

It would depend on the cancer, but I agree with so much said here. I looked at Miss Norma's Facebook page and I have to say that lady has a lot of spunk.

It would depend on the treatment and prognosis. Two years ago my then 76 year old mother was taking oral chemo meds, after having surgery for colon cancer. She's now more active than I, even after having bilateral knee replacement last Sept. I expect her reach 90, easily, and I will be happy to travel with her. :)

It's a very personal decision many have to face, and is so dependent on personal circumstances and attitudes. She's made her choice and is happy with it. That's something to celebrate.

I'm not a Medicare expert, but aren't cancer treatments covered? I'm not sure that had she gone that route, it would have resulted in financial hardship.

I know beliefs vary from among people, that's fine. For me, dead is dead.

well i'm glad I did have surgery (lumptomy) followed with chemo, and radiation...i'm also remaining on an anti-hormone pill, past the 5 year point...maybe I was lucky as I drove myself to all appts, although after each, I did sleep A LOT, lol...i'm down to one mammo a year and now one appt a year...(started at 4x a year) complications from my hyst, 2-3 years earlier does me have seeing kidney dr 4x a year with blood work at lab...those appts are a fast 10 minutes...i'll be 70 this year and plan on keeping the routine...maybe if I reach 90 (my mother did) i'll think of missing, one.

btw I understand they now can do radiation from the back, less stress on your heart...

This is a tough one. I have seen both scenarios. My father was diagnosed with oral cancer when I was a teen and elected for treatment. The treatment WAS brutal and left him disfigured physically, but he was never a vain man and it didn't seem to bother him. He went back to work for many years after that, despite having becoming infected with Hepatitis C from one of the many blood transfusions he received (back in the day before strict blood testing). He was probably about 45 when his treatment started, and lived until 81, but had many problems afterwards. But I still had my Dad, and he still had a good life.

Then there is the little boy I took care of the other night. Diagnosed with some type of brain cancer about 15 months ago, now is a quadriplegic from the radiation and multiple multiple health problems. Yet, despite that we stabilized him and helicoptered him away. He will not live long, yet is being subjected to all of these interventions because his family can't let go. I honestly don't know what I would do in this case if it were my son, and thank God I have never had to know. But I wonder how the little boy feels? Sad, sad.

I have two sisters who had breast cancer. My older sister had double mastectomy and spent 7 weeks in the unit after toxic shock from vancomycin. They told us she was dying and to get the family. She didn't and, despite give a 30% chance of a five year survival, she is alive and well today, 23 years later. Same with my other sister. So I can only say I would not do a dnr at this point in my life. I can keep up with much younger people and have a very rich, happy life.

I'd like to think that I could be brave enough to refuse treatment when I'm her age. From my perspective, it just doesn't make sense to spend the money or endure the side effects during the short time I would presume I would have left anyway. That said, I know that my own very elderly mother would want to pursue treatment as she feels just as vibrant and alive as if she were half her age. On the other hand, an elderly friend of mine who turned 92 this year, would probably pass up treatment as she's already "tired" of life and wondering why God hasn't called her home yet.

My brother-in-law has cancer and was given six months to live. He took a couple treatments of chemo, and said no more. His six months were up last April, 2015. He is still going strong, working every day. I have seen people take chemo right up until the day they died. Tell me.....who does that benefit?

There are too many things to consider to make a snap judgement. I have all the paperwork needed on file and John knows what I want. I will say this. chemo is not what it used to be...it is not agony by any means. I am going to be 77 soon and I might elect not to do any harsh treatments but with my initial diagnosis and treatment, I received 8 years of good life and didn't hesitate to do chemo when another spot showed up. I know it will kill me in the end but until the cure is worse than the cancer I'll keep chugging along. Medicare and Insurance has paid for most of my cancer care. When I had breast cancer in 2002, the treatment was not pleasant but I did it and it worked. I have never had a breast cancer issue since.

My life is in my Creator's hands at all times for which I am very thankful. I survived cancer once and should I ever, which I doubt, get it again, at my age I would refuse treatment. My hubby and I both have a living will that states we are not to be kept alive by machines. Oxygen and water can be given and that is it. Our hospital has copies of our living will. Our executer would make sure they follow it.

It certainly depends on overall prognosis. Some cancers are very treatable -- others can be palliated for some time but will eventually be fatal -- some are really not amenable to cure or even palliation. Also it depends on overall health, and yes, age.

If I were to discover that I had, say, metastatic ovarian cancer (since that unfortunately is the stage when it is typically discovered) and being in good health overall, at my age, I would treat it (if I were 85+ I might not). But, after some time (years maybe) when the only option for treatment left is the harsher chemo, and I am having complications that make my life miserable, or require constant interventions like transfusions, I would say Enough, let me feel as good as I can for my remaining time. I don't believe in fighting a futile fight to the bitter end leaving all exhausted and bankrupt.

We frequently see people come in to our intensive care unit who already have a fatal disease (severely bad hearts, end stage COPD, terminal cancer, even far advanced dementia) or multiple significant health problems (COPD, morbid obesity, vascular diseases, diabetes etc) and we know that even if we manage to rescue from the current sepsis, heart attack, stroke or other critical illness, at least temporarily, the statistics of living past 6 months more are very strongly against them. People rarely want to hear that, though. I don't blame them!

The hardest thing is the very elderly -- 88+. Even the most vibrant and healthy (up to the onset of the serious illness) will often not recover well if at all. People don't need to always just give up, but do need to be realistic and be prepared to accept our common fate when it is clearly approaching.

Yes, I have the POA and Living Will with 2 pages of very specific instruction about in which situations I would not want life support initiated or continued.

Living Wills in most states apply to only a very narrow and specific circumstance (permanently unconscious), so you do need to discuss with your family or agent how you would want other situations handled -- like if you are critically ill, not likely to recover, but you are conscious and perhaps delirious so can't make a decision.

It depends on the cancer and age. My 60 year-old husband had brain cancer, the worst kind, glioblastoma multiforme. Inoperable. He chose chemo and radiation and that extended his life to 7.5 months from diagnosis instead of living about 3 without treatment. He handled the chemo (oral) and radiation (focused) quite well with no nausea. We didn't try anything experimental, no clinical trials because his DNA disqualified him from anything that looked promising. He was treated at the Duke Brain Tumor Center, so he had the best doctors. They focused on quality of life, rather than prolonging a poor quality of life for his remaining months. He lived to hold our first grandchild (my son's) and she was brought to see him three times a week during his last two months. Every morning, he asked me "what was she doing?" He was conscious and carried on conversations until 24 hours before he died. For the last 60 days, he couldn't turn over or walk, his vision was nearly gone, he couldn't read/write or feed himself. But, he had his character, his personality and we were all grateful.

At age over mid-80s, what's one's life expectancy? But being in good health otherwise, I opted for the longer term hope.

I was offered hormone for prostate, expected 4 - 5 year capability, losing strength near the end ... and not much else after that.

Doc. suggested radiation, expecting a cure, I've just finished 35 treatments, some discomforts but not majorly so, they said many visits to bathroom - and they weren't kidding! Probably a couple of weeks to a month of ongoing discomfort, and now, a week and a day after end of treatment, things are improving.

How long will I be around ... who knows?

I've been enjoying life so far, try to keep busy and engaged, including of the mental variety ... even give folks here a bit of a hard time, at times.

Actually ... at age 20 - 40 - 60 ... what's anyone's life expectancy? Could be run over by a bus, next week.

Part of a negative for me is that, not being a younger family man, no one depends on me heavy duty, financially, emotionally, etc. so my continued productive existence is of less importance.

ole joyfuelled

I had a dear friend who had cancer....went to Texas several times for treatments...and before she died, she told me if she had it to do over, she would spend time with family and making memories rather than the time she had to spend away.

i suppose it would depend on where the cancer was, the type of treatment, and how advanced it was...... Hard decision, I am sure.

My neighbor was diagnosed with liver cancer in her early 70ties. She agreed to one chemo treatment, which she did. Didn't have any bad effects, but decided not to continue as her doctors said it would probably only prolong her life by maybe a few months. She was diagnosed in February & died in August that same year.

On the other hand, her husband, when in his early 80ties, had a health situation, that landed him in a coma for weeks. I can't remember what it was now, but serious enough that his wife was asked whether the plug should be pulled since even if he unlikely recovered, he would never ever be nearly the same. She just couldn't do it, and as it happened, and with ongoing medication, went on to live another 12 years in pretty much the same health as previous to his illness, being able to drive & go out socially. In the end he outlived his wife by almost exactly 10 years, doing his own grocery shopping & cooking, even doing some casual "dating" with a widow lady of the family's long-time acquaintance, His only "assistance" until the day he died at home of a sudden heart attack was having a cleaning person come in a couple times a month.

One never knows....

I've known 4 people diagnosed with cancer in recent years, bowel, lung and nasal. All went through treatment but none of them went into remission. one of them was my sis in law, she had young kids so wanted to fight it but she ended up spending most of her final year in and out of hospital because of treatment side effects. In spite of treatment it spread to her brain and her and the doctors decided to stop treatment. It was too far gone. If I had cancer, I wouldn't want to spend my remaining time like that and would only accept treatment if they found it early and I had a good prognosis. You seem to hear many more success stories with breast cancer? so perhaps that is one type of cancer that is more treatable, or maybe it is often found early enough compared to other cancers.

Yes, it really depends on the type of cancer. Even pituitary (most think this to be a death sentence) can be treatable. That's the problem, one never knows which one will be treatable. It's hard to say how hard I'd fight? At this point, I still would. But I have a sixteen year old. If he was in his thirties, done with school, on his career path, and going strong family-wise, I might be less apt to go down the fight hard path.

I've seen many stories like the one linked and I like them and respect their decisions. I respect someone young who chooses to fight the battle no matter the outcome. Having experienced pain and not just a little I understand when someone says "enough". And when someone is in their 90s one really needs to take a breath and ask how far are we expected to go to try to keep someone alive for maybe a couple years.

Many want to believe in certain things and that's fine for them. I too think once dead you're dead. If there's something else, I'll find out soon enough. I won't use that belief or non-belief as a basis for my decision on whether to continue a health battle tho.

My mom's cousin (86) was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer in January of 2014. She did try some radiation treatments, but felt too ill from them to continue. All of her family made certain to get her out to family events, drives, etc. I took her driving all over the countryside where she and my mom grew up. They were like sisters.

She passed away in December of 2015. I was honored to be a pall bearer for her...she had all female pallbearers!

I have complete respect for a person of a certain age (any age, really) who doesn't want to experience the sickness that chemotherapy causes...in this case, with undoubtedly short term results.

It's the quality of our life that counts, after all.

"'I have complete respect for a person of a certain age (any age, really)
who doesn't want to experience the sickness that chemotherapy causes..."

I agree, I think it's an individual choice no matter how old, and I think often treatment is recommended without people being fully aware of how bad it can be, and a false hope that if you go into treatment you have a good chance of remission. I think the reality is that cancer treatment is big business, but for the majority it is only going to make the remaining time more miserable. Like someone said above, it's often like watching someone die by inches in a desperate hope of remission, but commonly after a long awful series of treatments fail, death is still waiting. Death is final, but at the same time, it awaits all of us, and quality of life is more important.

The story doesn't have enough detail for me. I'd want to see the likely outcomes and know the severity of the treatments -- for this particular person.

As for 'breast cancers' and their 'survivors', we now know that too many of these interventions were unnecessary. The body's immune system would have taken care of them in time. (Over-diagnosis...over-treatment....survivors fortunate not to have been left more damaged by the ' treatments'.)

My first childhood friend was diagnosed with a gioblastoma. Odds of survival with surgery and treatment were single digit, yet she opted to take the chance. Her last six months were a series of surgeries where, "They think they got it all," and debilitating treatments. Her young grandchildren's memories of her are of this disfigured, hospitalized, deranged person. She was dead in the same six months predicted for her at diagnosis. The last time I spoke with her she cried about having lost those months.

My DIL's niece spent almost all of her third and fourth years in hospital isolation, undergoing treatment for abdominal cancer. She's nine now. She is deaf. Her bone growth is severely retarded; she will not grow without hormone therapy. She tests cancer-free, for now. Her older sister and parents and all the family cannot forget this prolonged ordeal -- or stop holding their breaths. These 'medical' decisions have huge, ongoing effects on families. (Fortunately, this family had great insurance, or the financial impact would have been devastating.)

Medical science often over-reaches. There is always 'something more' that 'could' be done. A person has to research the odds about what feels *best* to him or her.

AMEN!!!!

Medical science often over-reaches. There is always 'something more'
that 'could' be done. A person has to research the odds about what feels
*best* to him or her.

I had cancer almost 25 years ago. I did chemo and radiation. I must say it was not bad. Now, at almost 70 I would not do treatments. I would live out my life as best I could. I have young grandchildren and hope I never have to deal with it. I have been very lucky it has not returned. One thing I do know I would never want to leave a loved one in horrid debt from an illness when I know there isn't much chance. My hubby hates when I say this. It is the way I feel. Knowing he would have to pay for the rest of his life is not what I would want for him..