“The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.”
― Steve Martin

“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.”
― Steve Martin

“Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.”
― Steve Martin, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life

“Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.”
― Steve Martin

“She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.”
― Steve Martin, Shopgirl

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
― Steve Martin

“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
― Steve Martin

“You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies."
Steve Martin”

“Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.”
― Steve Martin

“Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.”
― Steve Martin, Picasso at the Lapin Agile and Other Plays

“A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.”
― Steve Martin, Shopgirl

“I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.”
― Steve Martin, An Object Of Beauty

“A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.”
― Steve Martin

“I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.”
― Steve Martin, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life