Given that you have been supportive of others' causes, I think it's fine being the one asking once in a while. I get the hesitation, though. I am the same way, gladly contributing, but feeling funny being the one doing the asking.

I think it's all in the way the kids ask. If it's in person, a phone call, or a nicely worded email or letter, that's great. I recently got a string of annoying, impersonal, computer-generated spamlike emails from an acquaintance's son raising money for his school. That made me feel considerably less charitable.

If the kids aren't doing the solicitation for their own fundraiser, no donations from us. Back off parent and let the child learn what reaching out is all about.

We've never done it, reluctance to step over that line.

In a peripherally related area........l do not donate to any kids writing letters, emails, or standing outside stores asking for money to fund their travel projects, band trips, soccer tournament travel, etc.. I will buy anything----wrapping paper, donuts, cookies, candy, calendars-----or any service, like lawn cleanup, car washing, etc., even if I don't need it and regift or even dispose of it immediately. If the kid is not working by performing a service or actively selling goods for money, that is begging, not fundraising. There is a difference!

Kids raising money for a cause that does not personally benefit the them is not begging, obviously. We avoided that because i didnt want friends, family or acquaintances to be put in the uncomfortable position of feeling they needed to donate to please us----even if they did not extend that same courtesy to us.

Personally, I will ask anyone on the planet to donate to a cause I believe in and support with my own time, talent and treasure.

Says, that's awful! Never heard of that.

Jmc, We are not doing anything for them. The question is do we allow them to reach out to everyone, ie "to tap into our network". But, as I said in my original post, even though they are asking it feels like we are asking "indirectly".

kswl, this does not benefit them in any way.

Yes, that is clear from your post. I could not stop myself from adding that because we have been inundated with letters and emails and "gofundme" requests this year!

Yes, those can be more awkward.

i like your last point. If they believe in it, and we do too, and we have all devoted time, talent and treasure, well then .... Soliciting is part of that

I think it's fine if your kids ask nicely, and in person. Any declines should be met with "thank you for your time. Have a nice day".

Teaching kids that no one owes you a donation is important, and being disappointed is also a good life lesson. Hopefully, that will be offset with raising funds for a good cause.

It's fine for them to put themselves out there with the right approach and attitude.

Go Fund Me accounts? GFY ;-)

Mimi, Idk about the in person part. First, unless we drive and fly them around and they make appointments, that is not possible. Second, if it were me, I much much prefer an email or letter, which is far more common. In person really puts the potential donor on the spot. My kids are not the slightest bit shy about the in person part, and have done it well. But to me it's not always best.

i do get your point though. I've given a lot of donations to kids I've never seen ior heard from. Eg parents selling Girl Scout cookies etc, Boy Scout wreaths

We get kids knocking on our door, so that's what I'm used to. We give to one family's kids because they do the work, pound the pavement, give up their Saturdays to raise money for their troops.

They are also shy and I know that it's hard for them to address adults, look them in the eye, and give their little spiel. It's adorable, and good on them.

I've also given to kids I don't know because they are raising funds for our high school band, and I make them work for it! I ask what they play, where they've traveled, what the band needs money for.

This year, I had a great pair of kids come and knock, so I gave them a bit extra, and they were thrilled. We even got on the school band's holiday card list!

Tibb and Mimi,

It may be a regional thing, but no one knocks on doors around here or hence leaves anything on a doorknob. First, the houses are on 3, 12, 32 acres. Second, a lot of people have gates. In 5 years I have never had someone come to our door. Same reason there is no trick or treating in the sense I grew up with.

A few years ago my DH and I went door to door to campaign for a presidential candidate. After that, I kind of concluded door to door is kind of defunct. With cell phones, virtually no one comes to your door unexpected. So when someone does, you have an idea why. We would come up to a door, cars in the driveway,, you could hear the TV and smell dinner, but they would not open the door. It was not a dangerous neighborhood and I don't think I looked to nefarious. Later, talking with the campaign mgmt., they mentioned how different it is nowadays because it is almost impossible to reach people via any method unless you are invited. Good in a lot of ways, but really hard for certain causes.

Plus, door to door assume that we are only talking about neighbors essentially, and my kids have already spoken to them at length just on a social basis about their cause. We are talking about reaching people across the region and country. I don't think not physically pounding the pavement is an issue because of all my kids have done for the cause (which is on their website), so people know it isn't just a casual thing with no effort on their part.

Thanks for the replies, it helps me decide what elements I do and don't like about being solicited.

Years ago, before my kids were school-age, I continually donated money, sponsored races, or purchased a ton of c*** from friends and coworkers for whatever school, activity, or charity they were supporting at the time. Once my kids started school, those same friends and coworkers did not reciprocate, but continued to ask for their own children. I then decided I would never ask for others' support nor give it. My children fundraised on their own, and I never tapped into my network. My policy now is that if a child comes to me directly and explains their mission, I buy or contribute (includes my grandchildren). There are so many worthy causes, but I have my own, and my money goes to them, so when I give to someone else's charity, I have less for mine. When I do give, it's because I'm supporting the person doing the asking. I would not give in response to a fundraising letter or email, but that's just me.

Lol, Dee on the cr@p. I donate but never take the stuff ... The soldiers get all our Girl Scout cookies.

If a child were not local, how would you view an emailed link to their website, which has tons of info and background, followed up by a personal call? That's what they are thinking of.

You sound so much like me! I freely give to children raising money for various things, and am especially inclined to donate when the child is raising money for a cause...i.e. collecting money for cancer research because a friend in school is ill.

However, I am very picky about letting my children solicit. I don't allow them to do school and extracurricular fund raisers. School because practically everyone we know has a child in a school...it just gets stupid. I don't want my children peddling wrapping paper and cheese-filled pastries throughout the community. My Dh & I give significant donations to the school that more than make up for the loss of discount card profits not made by our children. And we never let them sell for their sport travel club's fund raisers. That is basically begging for $ to help others finance a purely non-essential luxury. My dd doesn't HAVE to do travel cheerleading, it is something we choose to let her do because she loves it and we can afford it. Asking the neighbors to buy car wash tickets to lessen the amount of money *I* have to pay for her to travel to Disney to compete is ridiculous.

But....all that said, I would definitely let my children solicit donations for a worthy cause as your children are wanting to do. Soliciting $ is hard work, ask anyone who works in the development office of a non-profit! Children can learn valuable lessons about the process, and also feel good about doing something purely for someone else.

"When I do give, it's because I'm supporting the person doing the asking."

That's why I never encouraged our kids (well, the one, really, who had a cause) to use our contacts. However, I think that a case could be made for an education/information type mailing or packet that would pique interest in the cause and not the askers. Mtn, could your kids make a short but clever video or put together a letter just introducing the organization they support, basically just saying we want you to know about this great work they're doing, and if you are interested enough to give or learn more about it, contact numbers are provided?

Yes, KSWL, they have a website with videos, photos and information they wrote about the cause. A link would be in any contact, and they actually have little moo cards printed up (with the link) that they hand out to people when they talk about it, too.

Personally, I will ask anyone on the planet to donate to a cause I believe in and support with my own time, talent and treasure. That's pretty much how I feel too. I don't have children, but I don't see a problem with them using your contacts. For the most part, I do agree with children asking in person. We don't get (or do) door-to-door either, but at events/activities, etc. we have children ask us for donations. Otherwise, usually the child (children of friends), will call us and explain what the money is for and ask us to donate/purchase. I'm sure the website will work and be fine, but I like the personal aspect of the phone call and think it also is a good experience for the child. As someone mentioned, it's a good experience for the child too - to deal with those who choose not to give.

I personally don't like to get solicitations from anyone, kids or adults, especially if I'm friends w/ the people and feel obliged. I have very specific causes I want to support and wouldn't want to feel like I have to give money for something I may not care as much about financially supporting as the charities I already give to.

It is interesting all the different perspectives. When kids come by selling I am QUICK to give a donation and ask them to keep their "crap". I am all for kids fundraising but really HATE the profit margin on the items. Most times the company makes BANK on innocent kids and the kids get a pittance. Most of the items for sale are garbage. I would have no issue having MY CHILD write the letters, make the calls what ever to my network--but no I would not do the WORK for them. I have always drawn the line at parents who are doing their child's work--when fundraising. Usually it happens at work--parent selling for offspring --and that in my world is a HUGE no no. Kid gets a "prize" for selling the most (in most of these cases). No way should the company make their BANK and the kid get a PRIZE because parent did the work!! My daughter has sold many bags for cancer walks and received sponsor ships for mission trips from my "network" of church friends/co workers. Bottom line "no" is always an option for anyone asked.

Beagles, Would you feel differently if you only asked those to whom you had already contributed for their cause?

If I were close to you Mtn, and your child sent me an email, and followed up with a personal call, I would contribute. I added 2 charities to my list this year: a summer camp program for low income youth, my DIL's organization, and CF, for a new friend/neighbor whose beloved young grandson has CF.

I wouldn't ask someone else to contribute to my causes either... But, if I had, I guess I would probably feel even more obligated to give because I would know I had asked them in the past. In such a situation, I would likely give the same amount the had been given for my past fundraising (assuming I could afford to make such a contribution).

Then, I'd change my behavior going forward once I realized how annoyed i was to be asked....

I'm assuming most people probably already have causes they support and would be perfectly capable of finding their own charities to make contributions to, so it seems odd to me to be doing general fundraising from friends like that unless it is for a one time specific thing w/ a personal connection to the fundraiser. (E.g. I would be more OK with I'm building this school for kids in this country, can you contribute $X toward its construction than I am involved with this organization supporting XYZ, can you contribute to the organization). I wouldn't like either, but the first makes more sense to me than the second.

Maybe that's just me...

We'll, beagles, you are in trouble then, because it is very similar to what you describe. It us not a random charity or an ongoing request. : )

Well then I'd definitely reach out to the people who you gave money to. Maybe you'll get a double benefit- they'll give to your kids and they'll realize how annoying it is when friends solicit cash and won't bother you again for their own fundraising ;)

I would have no qualms, especially if you are known as generous.

This is simply how fundraising works, is it not?

It is almost like pyramid schemes, it relies on people soliciting their friends and family to expand the reach. This is for a good cause that your children have given their energy to. I presume in your circles giving is de rigeur. I say help them do their thing, which it sounds like you are, in any way you can, enthusiastically.

Beagles, Honestly, I am not bothered or annoyed in the least. In fact, the reason I give is because I want to. I like learning about causes that people I care about are devoted to.

That said, I understand not everyone feels that way.

Mtn, I haven't read all the responses but can share some input related to your original note. There are many younger children in my neighborhood and in my social circle who solicit for fundraisers. My DH and I always get out the checkbook, even if it's a cause whose values we don't support (that's a whole other thread) because we want to support the child or family, and our community. Even when it's an annoyance, it's how our community rallies and supports our members.

Last fall my older son was involved in a fundraiser in our community. He mainly solicited relatives and just a few close neighbors, and my DH and husband bought the rest--I didn't want to bother anyone else with it because it was close to the holidays and so on.

A few weeks later I attended an event in my neighborhood and this fundraiser was brought up by another parent who asked if my son was involved. When others heard about it, they were genuinely offended that they were not asked to support my son and his cause. They felt cheated out of a chance to reciprocate for the support that my DH and I had given their children. I mean, they were really mad at me. (oops!)

I remember one mother's quote specifically, "It's what we do!" So if you're regularly supporting the causes of those in your circle, my bet is they would appreciate the opportunity to reciprocate by supporting your children's cause.

As a sidenote about using email and other social media to solicit, my kids' last few fundraisers contained instructions that encouraged the use of email rather than going door-to-door. I haven't figured out why but suspect because there have been some fundraising "scams" in our area and also for safety/liability issues.

That makes sense (wanting to learn about causes others support). I just personally feel there is a whole lot of need and a finite amount of resources to devote to meeting it, so I'd rather put my full amount of charitable giving towards the specific things I support the most :)

We never let our kids solicit, beg, or ask relatives or friends for any fund raising of any kind.

Yes, our daughter sat outside stores selling cookies. And yes, they both set up a table in our front yard selling tickets to their school's carnival. (The carnival was a huge neighborhood event, we lived close enough that people knew they could get tickets at a discount from our kids).

My point is is that people came to them to buy, they didn't go out and put pressure on others to take part.

Our reasoning was that maybe sometime there may be a real NEED for us to call on those we know for help. So far, thankfully, that hasn't happened.

Beagles True but a lot of times people would be quite happy with a small donation. Even many smallish donations ... Defined for oneself ... Does not truly dilute a sizable commitment to charities to which we are committed.

Maddie, interesting point, but we expect our children to be involved in charitable causes their entire lives. We model and teach that. Exactly how is personal.

No, you may not give your children my contact information from your list of contacts and I don't care if you have donated to me or if I know your children nor do I care how cute or professional their presentation is for their project. HOWEVER, YOU may contact me and ask me if your children can contact me and i will give you the contact information that they may use to hit me up for money.

Involving your children in your developed network changes the nature of it. Our network was worked on and developed through years of business dealings which often lead to friendship and charity work to which my DH devotes a lot of time. I think allowing your children to tap into it somehow diminishes the maturity (wrong word, maybe?) of it.

If this is somewhere you actually want to open the doors to, and that should take a lot of careful consideration, then call 2 or 3 people on your networking system who are friends and that will be ok with this kind of request and you pave the way. Then your children can contact them with their e-mails, phone calls, video links and whatever all else. Would I do it, no I wouldn't.

I dont think there is anything wrong with allowing your children to bring a cause they feel is worthwhile to the attention of your network.

I am sure your children are aware that everyone has different resources and will not be expecting a positive reply from everyone and will be gracious. That's what counts.

My DH and I have a fairly set number of causes that we support. We prefer to support fewer causes with more, rather than more causes. We have perfected our reply to organizations that are not on our personal list. But occasionally someone will send us information about an effort that we are intrigued by and then we will do our due diligence and may contribute.

We do prefer to get information and make a decision off line. If we are asked upfront we will ask for information and tell the person they can follow up in a week. Actually following up gets brownie points!!

None of the above applies to kids in my town asking me for something. I live in tinytown usa, if your kid is selling something for school or sports I probably know about it already and I will say yes.

Thanks, Lisa! Great point.

blfenton ... It would be a subset of our " network " ... And none of it business per se. A little different than what it seems you are describing.

Regardless of the subset, my advice still stands. Call 2 or 3 people in your subset but you pave the way.

Networks, regardless of how you are defining them or the subset, need to be cultivated and respected. So, unless your subset is a bunch of teens or the cousins of your kids, you pave the way.

I don't mind donating to things that advance a particular kid in something where they have achieved a distinction-- travel to a national competition, participation in special program-- even participating in a student exchange program. However, I get tired of requests for things like funding the normal season travel for a sports team, or uniforms for a competitive cheerleading team. These are the things you sign up for when you join one of these teams. I had a neighbor who hit me up 5-6 times a year for money for her kids' activities. My niece and nephew play on very competitive travel teams and my sister budgets for them... she doesn't come knocking on doors to subsidize them.

Don't even get me going on the wave of personal gofundme campaigns. I have donated to a few-- one of which was to send a college student to Korea for a special program in her area of study. She ended up not going but she thanked us all for the donations which she kindly let us know she'd use for her summer housing. What?! I have my own nieces and nephews that would have loved help with their rent!!

Anyhow, all that grumbling aside.. what you are describing, Mtn is very different in my mind. Your kids have shown such dedication for their project (or so it seems from other posts you've shared). They are increasing awareness and seeking funds for (whatever the program is seeking to accomplish). They've developed a plan to educate and increase awareness and to fund an effort (that presumably meets a need). It's just not the same thing at all .. I would absolutely want to hear what they are doing and why and have the opportunity to participate.

I think it is wonderful that you expect (and teach) your children to be involved in charitable activities. I love volunteer work and many times with volunteering/community work - comes fundraising. It does not annoy or bother me (usually) for someone to ask for a donation for a cause they support or are involved in. But honestly, I don't feel obligated to donate to any and every cause. Like Beagles, I have ones that I want my money to go to. But still, 9 times out of 10, if a young person is involved in something and asks for a donation, I will do it. Most times it doesn't have to be alot. I also don't have a problem telling someone else or their child that I have already given to or purchased XXX from so-and-so. I don't mind doing my part in helping our young people learn about fundraising/charities. I personally believe that we should all give of ourselves - be it time or money, or both.