I agree and I disagree. If they weren't going, you'd have to pay. So why not some of it? But you're invited. So I do agree. I can see your dilemma. Are you paying other things, e.g. part of the lodging costs, meals, etc.? I'd likely pitch in when I could. Have a fun trip!

Yes! Pay when they fill the tank every other gas stop. And pick up the tab for some of the meals. Have fun, hope you have fun!

Discuss the issue with DD. Especially if the budget is tight for EITHER you or her, not hashing the details out now may lead to bad feelings later.

I agree with both rob and Maddie. Pick up some of the costs but don't fully commit yourself to half. Help defray some of their costs but don't make this trip and expensive one for you unless you can afford it. Enjoy your trip and report back!

Don't want to make light of this but couldn't help but chuckle. Did any of you ever see the I Love Lucy episode where they were discussing whether or not Fred should pay for half the gas for the trip to California? His argument was that they were going anyway so why should he have to pay. I think you should discuss it as soon as possible. I hope you all have a wonderful trip.

Shirley

I agree that you should pay for gas sometimes and occasional meals. Certainly pay for your portion of the accommodations. There's no justification for you paying for half of everything.

Where are you going? Florida can be VERY expensive at Xmas!

The accommodations were already paid for 7 months ago, before they even asked me to join them, in Sarasota btw. I plan to share food expenses and I am certain my grandkids will want more than what the money I am giving them for Christmas will cover. I can't really afford to go to be honest but my DD begged me. I have had a rough time for the past several months and decided I deserve to go & watch my Grandbabies have fun.

Your kids invited you knowing that you "can't really afford to go", and she begged you. The accommodations are already paid for so offer to help with gas when you stop or to pitch in for meals. More than likely they are treating you to a nice vacation. You will probably help by doing some babysitting. You could offer to keep the kids while they go out for dinner. I don't think they expect you to help with expenses.

You do deserve to enjoy them! I'm so glad to hear that. And knowing your situation, give what you can, but don't overextend yourself. You're a welcome guest, so be worry-free.

And tell dear daughter how special she is to make it possible for you to go along.

I think Moonie is right. However, before you go I would still have a talk with your daughter.

I agree with Moonie and Lucille. I'd talk to my daughter about it. If she said no to paying part of the expenses, I would still pay for my room and treat them to some meals along the way or while there.

Help defray the cost of gas and meals by offering a gas fill up or 2 and a meal or 2 . I think you'll figure out what feels right.

When DH and I treated my mother to trips, she'd pick up breakfast or lunch which is less expensive than dinner, and it was a nice gesture that showed her appreciation.

I'm betting whatever you kick in will be appreciated!

If it were me, I would pay half of the gas, your hotel room, and your food. It was very kind of them to ask you to go along.

When we travel with daughter's family we usually pay for everything. They're raising a family of 3 kids, we're retired and financially comfortable. I know some will think I'm crazy....I am.

Crazy about your family brush! Go for it. I hope I can do the same when my son has a family. If I can ;)

Sounds like a lovely *family* trip. I bet you will be Designated Sitter at times -- something of great value to your kids! I just say outright that you are giving them "X" amount to help with the expenses, and hand it to your DD or SIL. Now...what are you comfortable paying? I'd think something for gasoline and for your 'keep' (meals). Are you all sharing a condo? (Many will 'sleep' six, but a larger place would be needed for seven.)

I agree with talking to your daughter. Better to have an agreement up front than ruin the trip with clashing expectations. Do you really think she invited you so you'd help with the money? Does she know you can't really afford to pay a half share? My guess, based on my family, is that she begged you to come because she wants to share the trip with you and make happy memories for the children. Will an extra adult also give her and her husband a few moments of relief? Sure! But the best memory of the trip for one of the kids might be playing Go Fish with grandmother while waiting for the parents to do what they're doing. There will be plenty to see and do there, but nothing beats giggle times with Grandma.

You don't have to be check grabbing, either, if you've settled ahead of time with your daughter. You can say now, while you're still planning, "I'd like to contribute $X to the general expenses of the trip. That will leave me walking around money and something to treat the kids with. That's all I can really manage." You'll know right away what your daughter thinks about the expenses. It'll show on her face. If she looks troubled, if it's a trip they can't really afford, you'll know right away, and can have a frank talk with her about how to swing it and how to cut back. If she looks delighted, tell her husband, as well, and pay them before you go since they've spent so much already. If she looks abashed, and tells you that they have all the expenses covered and she just wants you to come along and enjoy the trip, accept graciously, put away your wallet, and spoil the children along the way. And don't forget to bring a pack of cards. :)

chisue - they have rented a private home, not a condo. My DD assures me there is plenty of room.

I intend to pay for some of the gas, I was just thinking that since it is nearly as big as a boat, it would cost me a pretty good penny to split it 50/50. And again, this is something they have been planning for several months. I have not & this will be a financial strain on me. But hey, that's what they make plastic for, right? lol!

This is a surprise Christmas gift to my Grandkids, they are spending the night with us on Christmas Eve so that my DH & I can see their faces when they learn about this!

I appreciate everyones thoughts & comments, I am getting really excited, we leave Christmas Day!!

What a wonderful treat for the family. I hope you have a great time!

I think you will enjoy the Florida weather. Right now today, a high of 84. But there is a front moving in and it will be bringing some rain an some low temps-lows in the 70s. Overnight lows in the upper 60s -brrrr.

Hope you all have a happy trip, memorable for everyone, Lisa.

ole joyful

Hope you find time to go down to Venice and eat at Sharkys on the Pier and Venice is the shark tooth capital, so go toothing! DH finds about 25 every day he walks the beach.

Yes, I believe that you should pay half IF you are able,to do so. THEY are giving up some signifcant private family time with you along, even though you are are also family. I have had relatives I love go on trips with my hsband and kids and it was fine but it is just DIFFERENT.

redcurls2 - my family will not be giving up any "significant private time". Like I said earlier, my DD begged me to go.

Since when is mom not family? I think her daughter is thrilled. I know when I spent time with my mom on vacations or when she visited me for a few days, I was thrilled.

I also enjoyed being able to treat my mom on my dime. In fact, DH and I took her to Las Vegas and it gave me such joy to see her enjoy a trip she couldn't have done herself.

That woman loved the slots!

I think it's wonderful that they are so eager to have you along. What wonderful memories will be made! And - given the circumstances that you've described, I am guessing that they will refuse your offers to pay half of the gas, your hotel room, etc. In fact, I'm guessing that it's a gift from them to you, and also a gift for themselves, as they'll enjoy having you along.

As others have said, it'd probably be good to broach the topic with your daughter before you go. And if she declines any reimbursement or payment on your part, yes, pick up the tab for a breakfast or two, maybe one dinner out, that type of thing

But if you try to contribute too much I think you'll make your daughter unhappy, because I suspect that she wants to treat you. Say a sincere thank you and be your normal, cheery, loving and lovable self on the trip.

I have family members whose company I love so much that our fun is multiplied when we're together. If I asked my mother to join a family vacation, I'd not want her to spend a dime!

Lisa, the more I hear about your plans, the happier I am for you. Don't forget your sunscreen!

I think you're doing the right thing to help out as you can. It looks to me as if the only additional cost to them would be if they paid for your meals. They've already planned the trip and your going won't increase the cost for their gas or lodging. Certainly paying for some of the gas and meals is a nice gesture and shows that you appreciate the invitation. It sounds as if your daughter really wants you to go and enjoy time with her and your grandkids. I don't think they'll be giving up significant private time - this is a family vacation with the kids, so I'm not sure how private that can be. You might also keep the kids on a few occasions to allow your DD and her DH to have a date night or visit somewhere that the kids might not enjoy, which I'm sure they'd appreciate. Enjoy your trip!

My thought was just to clear this up at the outset, eliminating any awkwardness over when to pick up the occasional tab. Even if that's refused, you can always take the kids out to breakfast, treat them to ice cream, give them each a dollar to choose a souvenir, whatever is within your budget. Got your deck for UNO? Have a great trip! Relax and enjoy!

You are one of 3 adults - why are you paying half? I suspect your daughter knows you have had a rough time lately and wants to spoil you a bit. Do have the conversation with her before you leave but don't say "I will pay half the gas". Be honest with her about your financial situation, although she probably knows.

A holiday should not be taken if it has to be done on credit. And if they have invited you because suddenly they need a third adult to split the costs of the holiday they shouldn't be going either.

i'd feel very strange leaving dh at home alone. so would feel funny...but yes everyone should see fla once...lol....

I can't imagine anyone inviting anyone else, mother or not, on a vacation, somewhat "at the last minute" and expecting them to chip in much. If I were to invite you, without including you in the plans from the git-go, I would never expect you to pay anything. My idea. My trip. You are my guest. I hardly have two dimes to rub together so if I had been invited by my daughter, with not many months to save any money (living on SS) I would find out right now if I was expected to pay and how much. And if I didn't have that kind of money on hand I would decline. The stress of coming up with money I didn't have would negate the entire vacation for me.

A holiday should not be taken if it has to be done on credit. And if they have invited you because suddenly they need a third adult to split the costs of the holiday they shouldn't be going either.

I am wise about my credit card use & feel this trip will be worth it. No, they absolutely don't NEED me to go, for babysitting nor financial reasons.

i'd feel very strange leaving dh at home alone. so would feel funny...but yes everyone should see fla once...lol....

It is simply not do-able for my DH to go, for many reasons......but I will miss him & wish he could.

You sure do have a good head on your shoulders, lisa!