if your sis doesn't do it, how/why would her girls have learned? If it is any consolation, I feel confident in saying that everyone here has member(s) of family that do not show appreciation. I don't think saying something about it will help or maybe for 1-2 events, then back to the old ways. You might also appear as giving with strings attached, if you expect something as simple as an acknowledgement and good manners. I don't think you are but SOME might think so. Another option is to stop giving to them and select recipients that have been responsive in the past. Somebody gave me this advice, I took it to heart and I am much happier. Wish you the same.

When I was an adult, I found out that most of the presents I had received from my grandparents had been gotten for them to give me by my parents (likely paid for by the grands if that matters). They wanted to give me things, but didn't really know how to go about it. I always loved their presents and it doesn't bother me that they got help getting them. At a certain point, however, they started giving all the grandchildren money, instead. We loved that too, because it was more cash than we'd otherwise get our hands on, and it was the love that it was given with that mattered.

This is a clannish family, who all lived close and saw each other regularly. So I, the youngest of the cousins (late teens at that point), was talking one day to one of the oldest, and without thinking I told the funny story of what happened when I spent my birthday money. My cousin was shocked! What birthday money? Why did Grandpa give you birthday money? I never got birthday money! My reply: "Um... Did you invite them to your birthday?"

My grandmother had an album with everyone's birthday written in it. They knew when the birthdays were.

From the time I was a baby, my grandparents always came to my birthday party or dinner (i.e., they were invited). They were foreign born and didn't really do birthdays when their kids were small, but they knew if you go to a birthday celebration, you bring a present. Right? So I got birthday money.

"I agree with bossy. Only give to those you have a connection with and stop the rest."

My thoughts, exactly. I guess family matters like the above are easier for me to get over than maybe for most people. Being born so many years after my siblings....they were grown and gone before I was born or so soon after that I don't remember ever living with them. We have never been particularly close. "Family" seems almost like a foreign concept to me....so not catering to any of my relatives doesn't bother me. My only living sibling, my brother is 84 and senile. His wife complained to me about having to stay at home with him all the time and how he is driving her crazy. I just said, "I understand"....which I do because I took care of our mother with no help from anyone except my husband. I couldn't have done it without his help. I didn't say any more about it....I suppose she remembers that they were never around when I was dealing with the same thing.

I recently reconnected with a cousin on FB. Our grandmother lived next door to us, but I was never allowed to play with her because my dad and mother didn't get along with grandma. Few people did. It is difficult for me because she wants to have a closer relationship now than I am able to do. I have so much to do, it is hard to stop everything and go to Houston to see her as often as she'd like. A couple of times a year would be plenty for me. I guess I am lacking the family gene. I don't regret it....I simply accept it as a fact.

pink warm, relationships don't arise from giving gifts, nor are broken relationships fixed that way. It sounds like the gifts haven't been received with the same joy with which they were given, that's not so unusual and maybe is to be expected under the circumstances. You appear to have many long running and deeply felt issues with these family members, perhaps they too have the same with you?

It doesn't matter. But for whatever reason, you're continuing to keep score for a game that's over as far as they're concerned. It's too bad and I'm sorry, I'm sure it's hurtful for you but it is what it is. They've moved on, I think you should too.

The Fatal White Hat--what does that mean? Am I missing some literary reference? I tend to agree with Snidely on this one. You sound like a "woe is me" kind of person.

There is no doubt that there is joy in giving, as long as you're not keeping score. If you start keeping score it's time to stop giving.

Isn't it funny how two siblings can grow up with such different personalities? Happens all the time. I'm sorry you're feeling sad over this; can't say I would have kept up the giving as long as you did.

When feelings are involved, it is sometimes difficult to let go. I hope that sharing here will be the beginning of a way for you to let go of your disappointment in your nieces.

Do only what you enjoy doing, and let that be it's own reward. Now chant that to yourself a thousand times a day LOLOL!

I don't understand the reference to "The Fatal White Hat", either. Will someone please explain?

I do understand continually beating one's head against the wall hoping that things will change.

Isn't there some adage about the less well off relative resenting largess bestowed by wealthier family members?

The OP's complaint reminds me of two siblings I know who have stretched their sibling rivalry into their Senior years, now accusing one another of not being religious enough! How's that for missing the point?

A white hat usually signifies a virtuous hero, the 'good guys' as in the traditional Western where the good guys wore white hats. Think Lone Ranger. But I honestly don't understand the 'Fatal White Hat' reference.

In computer slang a white hat is someone who hacks computers to find problems and correct them before the 'bad guys' can exploit it.

I haven't seen that being a "giver" is unacceptable. Especially to the "takers". Takers LOVE givers and always want more. Takers also love gullible.

You can't blame the nieces for what they were taught by their mother ( or parents). I have the same situation and went through the same with an estate being robbed by a sibling so I completely understand your feeling there.

You can't do anything about it. People will talk behind your back, badmouth you and more. It's life and nothing you can do about it. Do what makes you feel good and do what you feel is right. Do NOT feel compelled to give to those you think are undeserving, especially if you're giving simply because they are technically "family".

I think you may be getting to the point where you're realizing these people have taken advantage of you. I went through that too. Hurts. But it's the way things are and as I said, you can't change it so don't beat yourself up trying. There's SO many more deserving people out there with whom you could share your love and friendship. Don't waste it on scum. I learned decades ago that life is too short to waste any of it on toxic relationships. Take a deep breath and move on. You have a family you love and who loves you. Enjoy them and ignore the poison peanuts in your life.

Here is an incredibly wise quote from ImhappyandIknowit:

" My time has been filled with adopted friends/family. People who do want to be around me, people who include me in their lives. "