You put your money into her house & now you want to move out? You are 1/2 owner but if you move out there will be a fight with relatives(her other kids) & you may not get much of anything. Are you leaving husband to move out & he's stay with mom, bad for marriage. Sounds like you need some counseling from social worker or something. How old is mom is important factor. Why does she have a stash of that drug she is abusing? Is her dr. old? Why is this going on? Something isn't adding up right. Do both of you have jobs & mom is alone a lot? 1st time I've heard of someone being told to go to the Y. Maybe if they are 50. Folks here need more answers if they want to attempt to help you.

How old is she? How long ago did her husband die? How long were they married? How old are you? I assume you and your husband are feeling the same - though I could be wrong in that.

(I may have faced a similar situation, but the answers to my questions will help me to share what parts of my experience could inform yours.

Her insurance is Mcare HMO which has programs for seniors at the Y. Her Dr wants her to interact with people her age. The program is silver sneakers. She has not been around people her age since Feb. My Mil is depressed and on Ativan which she takes 3 a day and one for emergency. Eveyday is an emergency to her. So she takes 4 a day. my husband's handles her meds but does not lock them up from her. So she gets them herself. Her husband died 12 Yes ago. She is 82. My husband and I just want a weekend place to go and chill out. We both work full time and his brother said he has already done his part. No more. I feel better...thanks to y'all for letting me vent.

Glad you cleared up the Y thing. I've seen that on some senior ins. programs, just never found anyone that had the ones that offered it. Yes they can get quit stubborn by age 80 & up I've found! Come here any time, at least you can vent awhile ! Anything helps when you are ready to pull your hair out.!

Respite care is an option - they take care of the elderly / frail one to give the care-givers a break. One type of facility that offers this are Assisted Living places. Nursing homes may as well.

It seems that the stroke in February was the start of her anxiety and isolation - is this correct? It also seems that she is not receiving what she needs in terms of medical care / medication. The seeking of extra doses is her way of finding more relief. There can be thousands of reasons why she isn't getting her needs met. Also, it sounds like there's some dementia. All of this does make the situation very very difficult. Maybe placing her temporarily in a nursing home (so you can get some relief) would also make the staff able to get some insight as to what she needs. Of course, there may be expenses involved.

My situation with my very elderly parents seems to have been different, but those experiences did "allow" me to learn a lot about the demands / needs of the elderly and the way some services work.

Because of the difficulties she and you are facing, solutions like going to the Y to socialize maybe aren't the highest things on the to-do list. In my experience with 'brain meds' and the elderly - it seems often more than one prescription are needed. And it is essential the meds are given as ordered or the doctor can't help figure things out. (She can't have access to more meds than ordered.)

Are you using a pill box to place all the meds in? I got my mom to get pill boxes - one for each time of day. So, if meds are needed morning, noon, and evening, then 3 boxes. And then getting each one labeled clearly was another step. THEN, I had to get them a small clock that said the day of the week, as having that information was essential for my Dad to participate in taking meds.

Things that you've never thought of can become a problem to be solved.

Blessings to you to continue this work. Our country is clearly not set up for the length of time folks are living.

I'll stop here. Other than to say - I understand how this is so very stressful for you and your husband. {{Hugs}}

There are medicine lock boxes. When DH was first diagnosed with a neurological disease I was told to: get a Drug Safe; put all medications in it; lock it up; and wear the key around my neck. DH never tried to get into any of his few meds, but I had to keep the safe locked because of others. You could get one of these.

Meanom, I'm sorry, but I have to disagree about the pill box. If she's hiding meds then she can't be trusted with a pill box. They need to be locked-up.

Q. If you both work all day who's with her when you're gone? Can she - or you - afford to put her in some sort of care facility - even daycare? It sounds as if she shouldn't be alone all day.

We had to move my MIL from her home state to our state. I told my husband I could not live with her in our home, so we went searching for a care facility for her where she had her own room and some of her furniture. She was not a happy woman once here and found out it was not our home. But for my sanity I couldn't do it but we did visit almost every day and every event too. The first days the staff told us to stay away which we did. She lived for several years in several places as her condition changed. She was happy being around people her age and going out on excursions. The staff managed her medications, they made sure that she took them so there was no way she could horde them. My husband took her to her doctors appointments. She loved beer and drank a lot in her old days and this worried us. But since she couldn't leave the facility alone or with people other than us. That was nothing to worry about. When my husband and his brother cleaned out her house they found over 50 beer cans hidden in the closet and drawers. It was so sad. To know that she used alcohol to make her happy. I think she had a happy end of life in her new place. She got to know her great grand children that lived here and they her. We also became friends.