Hi, Ilene. You have certainly been a glutton for punishment. You are also good at owning other peoples' problems. If you have decided to become more self protective now and enjoy your pool and give more necessary attention to your husband, good for you. You are the one that will suffer if you don't slow down a bit and take better care of yourself and DH. There are social workers that can come to the assistance of your Mom if you are unable. You can make a referral to the Office of Aging in the county your mother lives in if you are no longer able to meet her needs. Definitely, you have the right to be the the one to decide how much and what you are able and willing to do for anyone. If your Dad is nicer to you, it is understandable that you would more easily be able to help him out--and your DH is the person you will need to lean on when you need help, so you certainly want to care for him! If you are still willing to have your Mom visit for the holidays, of course you have the right to set the terms-overnight or whatever. She's probably not going to have the good grace to appreciate anything you do in any case. You could be in for a surprise, though. As you begin to set firm limits and boundaries with her, she may beghin to show you more respect. Justy don't hold your breath on that. By the way, imo you express yourself very well. Some of us have just been so mangled by misguided English teachers that we can't see the forest for the trees when it comes to composition. If you still have problems with any of the above, give a copy of what you have written to a counselor and he or she will see very clearly how to support your move toward greater assertiveness. With the new health insurance we all now have, there will be more access to counseling for this sort of thing. It's easy to let one's family pull one down, especially in stressful times and by invoking undesired guilt.

Nina, In most parts of Oklahoma the summer weather, particularly the heat but the sunshine as well, is brutally hard on raspberries, especially in the hotter and drier years. They'll do best in afternoon shade, and you're going to be growing them in afternoon sun, which is even more challenging. First, to address the zone 7 issue. Many plants that are said to be hardy in zone 7 may be cold hardy in zone 7 in some parts of the country---but zone 7 is not the same everywhere. All that being in zone 7 tells you is what the range of your average minimum temperatures is----so zone 7 in Oregon could be quite different from zone 7 in Oklahoma or Texas or Long Island, NY. Even though all those diverse areas have minimum low temperatures in the same range (0-10 degrees Fahrenheit), they have different climates overall. The zone maps commonly used are only reliable as a reference for cold hardiness, not hot hardiness. So, keep that in mind when choosing plants. In our climate, the AHS Heat Zone Map is a more reliable indicator of whether a given type of plant can thrive here, but even it is based on the plants being kept in moist soil at all times, which is incredibly hard to do in our heat, particularly in containers. Even letting a plant get too dry once can make it underperform compared to its AHS Heat Zone rating. Blackberries are more commonly grown in Oklahoma because they tolerate our erratic weather better than raspberry plants do. Often, with raspberries, a little warm spell in winter or late spring causes them to break dormancy and leaf out, and then when we have a return to colder spring weather, the new foliage and canes can indeed suffer freeze damage. That may be what happened with your plants. Since the damage isn't spreading, that's my best guess about what happened. If it were spreading and if you are in an area that has received plentiful spring rainfall, I'd be thinking it might be a fungal disease. Since it seems more likely that it is cold damage, you have two choices: you can go ahead and prune off the damaged canes since it is likely the scorched leaves aren't conducting photosynthesis and therefore aren't helping the plant, or you can wait a couple of weeks and see if the old leaves fall off and are replaced by new ones. With regard to the soil-less mix being well-draining, that may be an issue as well. In Oklahoma, it can be really hard to keep containerized plants moist enough in July's and August's extreme heat. In our hottest, driest summers I have had to water tomato plants grown in 10-20 gallon containers up to 4 times a day to keep the soil evenly moist. It is hard to keep plants moist on summer days when the high temperature exceeds 100-110 degrees, especially if that weather goes on for many weeks. I find it easiest to keep them on a drip irrigation system with a timer, but you still have to adjust your timer as the summer weather can fluctuate from flooding rains to no rain at all for long periods. I'll link the OSU Fact Sheet on Growing Blackberries and Raspberries in Oklahoma for you, but be advised it mostly is about how to grow blackberries since growing raspberries in our state is not recommended by OSU. Some people do grow raspberries here but it takes an extraordinary amount of effort and attention to detail, as well as some luck and cooperation from the weather, and raspberry production tends to be lower than blackberry production. Dawn Growing Blackberries & Raspberries In Oklahoma

I have to admit, I have bought several Hoyas, not because I wanted them but because they were flooded and dying. I just bought my third variegated Hoya heuschkeliana. I know they dont grow well down here, the last one I bought melted into a pile of rot within a week. But I just bought 2 more. I'm an idiot, they will die! Still, I hope to give them a fighting chance! They looked so unhappy! lol

I love the swing too! I used to have it on the deck, but it took up too much room, and is a nice focal point in the back. And my neighbor kid, now 6, considers it his own. It warms my heart when I see him out there swinging with his stuffed dog, or hopping along the path. Over the weekend he helped me put some plants in pots, which gave him pride of ownership - yesterday he told his Dad he had to go to Ann's to check on "his" plants. He and I took a tour, and I pointed out things that were just coming up, so hopefully he won't tromp on them - though I will gladly put up with a little damage when he's young, if it promotes a life-long love of the plants and the "forest".