How wonderful! I love them all!! They've done such beautiful jobs on their masterpieces. I got my son to make some small mosaics a few months ago (he just turned 3 last week) he did them on the MDF circles and a heart and he covered them in glass nuggets and he absolutely had a ball, he was so proud of himself. As I was looking at your pics and I remembered the fun my son had I could fully imagine how much fun your grandkids had. Good on you for sharing such a wonderful experience with them. (((hugs))) Tracey

I know there is a lot more to the story than you could possibly ever tell us and that sometimes you have to be there to actually understand. I just tried to look at what you were saying and tried to offer help. When I said about them going to court and taking the kids~I meant to also add that they could also just come and get them. Going to court was of course the extreme. It does make the situation a little different when I know they had you take them so they wouldn't totally loose them. Most people in they're situation would be in denial of a problem and keep the kids until the state did step in and even then they're in denial. It is good that they realize to some extent that there is a problem. What happened with your DIL that she is the way she is? Did her mother do the same as she's doing with her kids and that's why she never learned things? Or is it that she had a problem that they didn't accept was there and this is the end result? Most of the examples of things that she couldn't do are simple things that can very easily be learned, as you said. I guess it makes you realize just how lucky we are. We take advantage of being able to every day little tasks that are VERY hard for others. After reading your last reply I have a different out look with your situation. I can see that your son isn't really trying to be selfish. He made a few mistakes (like getting her pregnant this time) but he has to really love her to deal with all of this. I guess from what I read previously I just thought he thought it was easier this way and didn't care if he had the kids or not. Does he call and come see them and does your DIL also? I would think this has to be hard on them, too. Has anyone tried to contact your DIL's parents? Maybe just to ask them what her history was and so on. I thought it sounded like she just disowned them but why? Like if the sexual abuse story was all made up, what was the reasoning behind that? (Just went back and reread and I saw about her mother calling SS when the daughter got outside while the mother was asleep. I can understand why she called SS~the child was in danger. I wish my MIL had the guts to do that to SIL and BIL. The kids about 2 years ago~they were 4 and 2~packed a bag and decided, well Eric decided, to go get Mommy at work. They were outside in t-shirts and diapers and/or underwear in the middle of winter! Meanwhile they're father was in the house sleeping away. They were too cheap to send the kids to a sitter so BIL worked 11-7 and then had to stay up with the kids until his wife got home around 3pm. The kids were forced to nap or stay in they're rooms most of the day while he would sleep! They got out twice! They happened to live across from the school and one of the teachers saw these two and took them inside and called the police. BIL just happened to think he better call the police and report them missing. Later that day they were laughing about the whole thing!!!) Her past may be of great help for you guys now to deal with all this. Did she come from a very loving home? Would all the attention and love and support be something that could help her greatly? I know you said she would make things hard if she came to live with you but would the outcome be better for her and your son and their kids? Would it be any harder than it could be to care for 3 kids until they are adults? I don't know if I am any help. I guess talking about it and getting this out helps a little more than anything. Taking it one day at a time will help also. You can't really worry about what will happen when the baby comes until that day comes. I'm sure you'll do alright no matter what happens. It truly does sound like your grandson is doing much better with you and you're teaching him so much. I hope you're enjoying this time. It also is great to know you took in Caroline because she's not really your biological grandchild and many people are different with step grands. Maybe you can help her out before it's too late, also. Many of the "problems" that you have with her may just be because of her age. It's that pre-teen age and you think you know it all. Also I don't know if you had daughters but some people will say they are harder at this age and if your other children were boys, that will make it harder for you. It's certainly going to be different. Also, she's older and had more influence from her mother and others in her life. It also sounded like she had to take care of herself a lot of the time and maybe she thinks she doesn't need help now? Plus she probably wasn't used to having rules or someone at least making sure she stuck by them. Zachery was pretty small and young when you got him so he's learning most of his stuff from you. YOu and your husband will be in most of his memories as a child and you'll have a great effect on who he becomes. I just greatly admire you for what you have taken on. Good luck with the future!

Most of the people I know with children, waited to get married and have kids, spending their 20's in career's and/or dating, and starting families sometime in their 30's...the point being that they are your age (and older) with kids the same age as the kids you have custody of. So, in my eyes... even though you describe them as step-grandchildren, you are in the youthful age bracket of most parents. I know your health issues make it more tiring, and their problems perhaps make it harder yet, but know that you are in the midst of all that goes into bringing up children today, with the challenges and rewards, with those who are in your peer group, struggling right along with you, many with problems you may not see, like marriage problems, family issues, aging parents, or siblings with problems, etc. I don't want you to feel overwhelmed, but comforted. You are doing the right thing, and I know in the midst of the daily stuff, sometimes it all feels like too much. Perhaps the counselor can give you ideas on how to stop the sibling fighting and bickering that is so exhausting. Also, my SIL told me about someone named Dr. Ray Guarendi (a parenting specialist) who she said has radio programs, and has written several parenting books. She likes him and his books. On to your husband. If this is a rarity for him to be out of town, both the race, and helping a family member, then I would let it slide. If it is not a rarity, and he is always the one helping everyone else, "but you", then I would say he needs to get his priorities in order, grasping the concept that you and these children he agreed to take responsibility for, come first. Period. Men often like to be the hero, helping everyone else out so they feel appreciated, and needed. This type of man will often ignore the needs of those he should be there for, while being a great guy to everyone else. Perhaps you can talk to him and make some changes. Just an example. On Saturday mornings, perhaps he gets time to himself. On Saturday afternoons, it could be your free time to spend as you wish. Sundays could be family time where you come up with fun things to do as a family, like bowling with another family, or roller skating, or laser tag, etc. With the sitter complications, a date night might be hard, but perhaps kids could be put to bed early every Saturday night, and you two rent a movie and have kid free time together. A family I know who does this, said they have pizza/movie night for the kids that begins early, so that their kids are in bed by 8:30, so it is not too late to start the parent kid free time because she said she and her husband fall asleep by 10:30. I also know one woman whose husband comes home for lunch every Wednesday while the kids are at school for their kid free time, and it seemed odd to me, but she said it worked for them. Could you sit down with your husband and come up with a plan that works for your family, so that you do not become resentful towards him or the kids? The kids are at and age where they should be able to help you, and together, you can work as a team. Three families I know, but do not know well, are raising grandchildren, or neices/nephews with some of the same problems you mention. I wonder if there is a support group on line, or in your area, so that you can find support, or support others, on this worthy path you have been handed.

I remember your posts -- Here's what I said back in February, and it rings even truer now: ====================== Someone pointed out that men like to be the hero - and that seems to be right on target in this case. In his view, Dad stepped in and 'rescued' these children by gaining custody -- But what he isn't recognizing is that while 'winning custody' is a one-time accomplishment, taking care of them and raising children is a full-time job. And he isn't doing it - you are. It's the whole 'puppy' deal -- Oh, aren't they cute. I want one. But daily walks, feeding, house-training, barking, furniture chewing -- what a lot of work! Maybe I don't want a dog after all... It's time for a long talk with your husband. By taking these children, he has volunteered you both to become parents, and he needs to 'step up to the plate' and do his share. He doesn't get to be 'the hero' while you do all the work. ====================== To say he's taking advantage of you and disrespecting you would be a colossal understatement. He's treating you like an appliance! Yeah, it's got a few quirks, so humor her -- but she'll still work. Sounds to me like what you've got isn't a MARRIAGE, just a JOB. One with lousy pay and poor benefits.