What Advice Would You Give?

11 years ago

My wife and I just returned from our high school's 50th class reunion. What surprised me was the number of my fellow high school classmates who have been married as long as I have. 40+ years.

We started talking about it because of the number of divorces today. So the question came up of what would you tell a young couple today about marriage or moving in together?

So here are some things:

Have something in common besides the bedroom!! Do the two of you enjoy doing the same things? You can't be doing something just because the other person wants to do it, you should enjoy doing it too.

Be each other's true best friend! Best friends share secrets, because kept secrets are not good in a marriage.

Have a common goal in life. The emphasis on "common".

Don't play the blame game. Work out the disasters that I guarantee will come, together, no matter who's fault it is. Because that's when he/she will need your help most of all.

Learn how to forgive, and ask for forgiveness. NEVER be afraid to say "I'm sorry, please forgive me."

Figure out the money. When we got married both paychecks went into one bank account. It was (and still is) our money, not your money and my money. We never spend more than $50 without telling each other.

Shortly after we were married we sat down and laid out who was going to do what around the apartment. We both worked full time jobs, so she told me point blank she wasn't going to come home from work and make dinner, clean up the place, do laundry etc. I was going to do 50% of it. I found out it didn't kill me to run the vacuum, or clean the bathroom as I was the one using it 50% of the time, and put dirty clothes in the laundry. She still says I can't fold though. But the number one thing she appreciates, and I did it from day one, is clean up after dinner. She's a great cook, and I get to eat some fantastic meals, so it's only fair I clean the table and do the dishes.

We also set some ground rules as to what is 100% off the table. Number one was hitting. If either one of us hits the other in anger, it's automatically over. Period. Number two is infidelity. You cheat, you're gone.

Featured Answer

jewelisfabulous

11 years ago

I'd say that respect for your partner is incredibly important. If an engaged couple already find themselves discounting what their partner has to say, rolling their eyes when the other speaks, steam-rolling over the other's preferences, poking fun at their partner's opinions, etc , it's not likely their marriage will be happy or long-term. Respect will get a marriage through some tough situations whereas lack of respect will just make the issue worse.

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Comments (6)

sushipup1
11 years ago
Remember that your spouse is your family. Don't let parents, in-laws, siblings or step families get in the way. Support your spouse first.
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veronicasgrandma
11 years ago
While it's important to have some things in common, I think it's also important to have alone time or time with others and specifically time away from each other. I don't think it's healthy to be around each other 24/7 when you're not working. Bottom line, there should be a good balance. But I think what sushipup1 said above is THE #1 rule, spouse is #1, always. Even before children, because without that solid foundation of the husband and wife, children will suffer anyway.
pooja mittal
11 years ago
First, your spouse is your family. You both should understand each other and discuss everything.
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Whitelacey
10 years ago
Two weeks after we were married, both with full time jobs, my now ex told me he didn't do 'women's work'. And he didn't. One reason, among many other arrogant ones, he is now my ex.
tete_a_tete
10 years ago
Yes, that whole attitude of 'women's work' would be a deal breaker for me too.

What Advice Would You Give?

jewelisfabulous

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sushipup1

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