Gripes and snipes
Annie Deighnaugh
8 years ago
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Annie Deighnaugh
8 years agoFun2BHere
8 years agolast modified: 8 years agoRelated Discussions
Watering much less outside?
Comments (16)Thanks, everyone, for the thoughtful, detailed answers. All my 'chids are in plastic pots to keep them from drying out too fast inside in the winter. Before the old-timer said he watered every couple of weeks outside, I'd repotted the smaller plants that were in bark mix, adding sphag, afraid they were drying out too fast, even in plastic. All but a couple of plants in bark had been repotted between April and June, so they were drying quickly. Jane, I remember your technique of topping your plants in bark w/ spahg for the winter or covering exposed roots. Doing that would make it easier to convert to the plain bark mix for summer outside. And Kevin, you're right. I was so stunned that I didn't ask the guy what medium, what kind of pots, etc. Your styrofoam couldn't take less watering. I put marbles in the bottom of pots 'cause they're pretty and they add stability. The rest of it is the medium. Putting clear Plexiglas on top of the lathe house this year has given me more control over the amount of water the sphag gets, esp. It hangs over the sides a few inches. When the wind blows the rain, it still wets the sphag, but it's helped enormously anyway. Last summer, a lot of plants got set back because the sphag didn't dry out fast enough between rains. I'd rather water more often the few months the orchids are outside than water for lots longer when they're in the house. Qylliam, DH teases me that the orchids have to toughen up here in the North - no more piddly-a-s wimps that have to have this and can't live with that. And to all of you who said pay attention to my plants, yes - esp. because I'm such an underwaterer. I'd just never heard that watering every 2-3 weeks was possible anywhere around these parts. Amazing. Thanks for all the good comments. Whitecat8...See Moreneed homemade planter advise
Comments (33)Hiya Cena, Waving attacha here, longgggg time no see. Well thanks much, aren't you the kind one, but pls. don't add me extra yrs.; only been on here 11 yrs. When I recently pointed out to Jeff (now posting as Cactus McHarris) we'd both first signed on here in 2001 he said, Yikes, time warp!! Well I do hope I've softened somewhat, apparently not enough or not to some folks' liking ... but thanks to the others Amber, Golden, who understood both my point & intention, even if I could have worded it better. Yes, I do believe Denise gets Queen, unless Lesli/GA were to return (I still consider her the founder of Hoya Forum), am happy to be Princess. Does that come w/ a wand? Or are you sending us some Hoyas to act as Scepter & Orb? Other business (jewelry, if I recall?). Hope all's well including the family. Got any of your fabulous outdoor blooming Hoya pix for us?...See MoreWhat's with "I'll bring the (frozen) turkey" ???
Comments (33)Just as an aside - the man who had a heart attack would have applied for disability, which is NOT welfare. And which he had undoubtedly paid into in the form of Social Security taxes all the years that he did work. The amount he would have collected would have been a fraction of what he made during his working years. I am on disability myself - and I'm sure there are many others on this list who are as well. We are not deadbeats or layabouts, and we are not raking in undeserved huge piles of cash. We are getting by, by and large, and some people don't even manage that on disability. The man could not have received "welfare" as even when it existed it was not paid out to men. But aside from that - back to the original subject. Frankly I would have been quite up-front about telling someone who offered to bring a frozen turkey that they should either bring a COOKED turkey, or bring something else - also already fully prepared. Seriously, any adult should know better. "It's too much trouble for ME to make a turkey, but I'll dump this onerous task that I can't do on someone else" - that's just not acceptable. You know that nearly every grocery store in the country offers fully cooked and hot turkeys through their deli departments, if nothing else. So they could still buy a fully cooked turkey if they didn't know how to cook one themselves. I would have had no qualms whatsoever about telling someone, politely, with a big smile even, that only a COOKED bird was acceptable, and then offer alternatives for things they could bring instead. On the other side of the equation - the host doing something obnoxious instead of one of the guests - one year a fellow grad student offered to make Thanksgiving dinner - and then charged every one a fee PLUS required us to bring something. Needless to say I never attended a dinner at that person's house again! I figure she cleared at least $50 on that deal, plus kept all the leftovers. I found out about this in the car on the way over there. Too late by far to back out, and we had to stop at a grocery on the way so we could all buy something "to bring" - selected from a very specific list which she had provided (at the last minute) to one of the other students. Had I known in advance about the "to bring", I'd have made something. Had I known in advance about the fee, I'd have bowed out entirely. That's the other side of rude dinner party behaviour, LOL! Thanksgiving is no longer stressful for me as I stopped doing it the year my son (now 29) was born. I was one day out of the hospital, he was 3 days old, and the entire family (and all their kids and various and sundry significant others) descended on me with their usual ridiculously high expectations. Nobody brought anything, they all knew I was less than 24 hours out of the hospital after childbirth, nobody even OFFERED to bring anything. They all sat down and proceeded to gripe about every. single. thing. They were particularly incensed that there were no home-made rolls (I had bought good-quality dinner rolls) and no pumpkin pie (which I have never made in my life anyway, including for all the 20 preceding family Thanksgiving dinners). They complained about the lack of cranberry relish, another item which I have never willingly made and certainly hadn't made in the 8 years since leaving home as an adult. I spent 2 days preparing a huge feast, and then I spent the entire Thanksgiving "celebration" inundated with nitpicking and whining. In 20 years, I had done every Thanksgiving dinner - since I was 6 years old - by myself except for 2. And they KNEW I was pregnant and due to deliver sometime in late November/early December. The fact that I was 10 days early had things gone according to "plan" doesn't help, as if I HADN'T been early, I'd have been hugely pregnant and about to pop while still having to make dinner for 12 ingrates. So, that was the last bird day for me, and no one else ever bothered to do a family holiday meal ever again (keeping in mind I nearly always did Xmas meals as well for the family). Sometimes one sister would do a mini-family meal, where she would pointedly NOT invite certain of the rest of the siblings - and she always wondered why my dad boycotted those meals. He didn't want to go unless the WHOLE family was there. Otherwise he knew he would have to listen to hours of sniping by those present against the unfavored remainder of his offspring, LOL! I take that back, I did do bird day one more time - when my dad was in his late 80's. Nobody but the sister who was living with him and mooching off him bothered to show up - until the next day, when some of them swung by just long enough to grab leftovers and complain about there not being any turkey (my dad hates turkey and had asked for a ham) or any pumpkin pie. Talk about gall, LOL!...See MoreOh, Baby....
Comments (15)--"When we first got together, he was ambivalent about the idea of having more children. At times he seemed ok with it, at others it was a soft "no." It wasn't discussed much, more eluded to at times. Given the fact that I wasn't sure I'd ever want to have a baby (about 50/50), the subject didn't come up often. "-- Maybe I'm reading this wrong,but it rather sounds that this is not a case of a controlling male. The gentleman 'seemed ok' and othertimes 'soft no'. Sounds like he pretty much said 'I don't want anymore children' from the beginning. I also would believe that it was the 'scare' that seriously brought the subject to the forefront for the OP. Had come to grips the face time was passing, may never have children, then suddenly believed she was indeed with child. Very emotional. What she had all but accepted would not likely happen was now very real and quite possible. I certainly not going to fault OP for desiring a child of her own nor the wish to let a child happen naturally between husband and wife if it is to happen. But I seriously think a full discussion with clear communication should have came many months ago. It didn't...but it's not too late for OP to now take some time to reflect on her life and the direction she desires it to take. If she finds she would like to have child of her own , the guy is giving her the out to do so. He's not holding her back from following her desires, he's just telling her it can not be the future with him. Perhaps the 'scare' brought the issue home hard and real to him. Reading the two postings from OP it sounds like there are several factors that he is taking into consideration besides just whether or not he wants additional children. The children he has now had for a while been 'left behind' by their BM and are struggling with abandonment issues. There was also no mention of the gentleman's age. As OP is 38 I'll assume he is that if not perhaps well into his 40s. He has a 13yr old who will be going off to higher education in five short years. Perhaps he is thinking about several things in that area. Cost of education, his own retirement savings for example. Plus the realistic thought that something could go wrong with a second marriage. There is likely many things bouncing around up in the gentleman's head and being OP/him just had a 'scare' he is trying to be honest and open with OP. Yes, he loves her, yes, he desires a life with her, but no, he will not create another child. I don't necessarily find his stand as controlling and selfish, but rather realistically considering the thoughts that he has not only himself and his own desires but also two minor children who must fit into any decisons he makes. A controlling selfish man would have quietly went off, gotten snipped and never mentioned the fact pre-marriage and let OP think God had not desired a child for them. Instead, he is being open and giving OP a chance to change her mind on their relationship. Now would be the time to bring out any other topics that you feel MUST be discussed and agreed to while the two of you are taking this break. If OP feels perhaps her feelings and thoughts and desires will never be given importance and proper place in this relationship, the time to discuss it is now....See Moreeld6161
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