guilt is something that you have to work through- the letter was, incidently, a brilliant start. telling her during your quiet moments (and taking time for quiet moments) will be another step. after that, the best thing to do is to atone for the mistake by proxy- literally, paying it forward. if you used to cook with your mom, bake in her memory, and share the food with people who valued her- or total strangers, who would benefit from the kindness. if she sewed- make pot holders out of an outfit she never liked on you any way, or start a quilt from favorite garments, and think of her while you work. (you can do two- one for the memories, one to 'sacrifice' by donating it to a shelter, or to a church raffle) if she gardened- plant a perennial, and express your love for her by tending it until it is big enough to share with other gardeners. if you're church-going, instead of paying for masses or candle vigils- give of yourself, donate TIME, or the skill of your hands. I know too many churches that seem to frown on this- if they're greedy, find your local Unitarians or Society of Friends (or habitat for Humanity, or women's shelter) and give of yourself there. then... start a scrap book of you and your mother as you were without whatever family nonsense parted you. rebuild that relationship, and carry it forward. that will allow you to tell her story to your children (or your god-kids, if you're like me, and non-breeding) without the shadow of the feud. it's not easy, and take some effort- but it pays you back over and over again. trust me. it's people like my brother that worry me- he simply doesn't care. not only is he not feeling guilty- if I suggested such a thing, he'd be somewhere between amused and offended (well, more offended, since he's not a fan of mine, either)

Some of our fabrics these days are just not that high of quality and will wear out quickly. If you are using an powder with sodium percarbonate (oxygen bleach) it will lighten clothing eventually. I hope the real laundry experts come by, but this is what I do. for darks, I wash on warm to very warm, on a permipress type cycle. Never "Normal" or "Regular" because those cycles are rough and are only there to meet the standards set forth for the energy star ratings, I believe. They will be harder on the clothes. Use a detergent designed for darks, such as powdered Cheer. There is a bit of oxygen bleach in the Cheer, but it is there to neutralize the household water chlorine. Its not there to provide whitening. Or you could use a liquid for darks such as Peroll for blacks, but that gets expensive if you have a lot of laundry. I usually dry by hanging or on a gentle cycle, lower heat. Dryers kill fabrics on high temps. I have several black slacks for work that are poly with stretch, and they look about as good as the day I bought them 4 years ago. They get washed weekly in Peroll on warm (104f) or very warm (120f) water and hung to dry. The threads are starting to wear. For medium colors, I use something like Cheer powder, or Peroll for colors, or Miele powder for colors. Again, on warm or very warm, and dry on lower heat. For whites, I use an oxygen bleach in my powder detergent. I still have a bunch of Persil Powder left and use it for all heavy duty cleaning. They don't make the powder any longer so I stocked up. Tide has a variety of powders. I use hot hot water. My hand towels get washed in 190f temps, because the are used on our working farm by my DH with grimy hands. The other whites get washed in 140f temps, which is my Hot cycle. My whites include my DH tee shirts, socks, and shorts, in addition to my white bath and kitchen linens. Sheets get washed in hot water (140f), even if they recommend cold. Hot water gets the body oils out of fabric. I use a gentler detergent then Persil, such as Grab Green. They have enzymes and some oxy, but no brighteners. I also use Le Blanc Linen Wash liquid sometimes. It smells good, but is expensive and sometimes I get tired of the smell, lol. For delicate clothing, I use Purex liquid, the one without any enzymes or brighteners. I use a hand wash cycle, and hang to dry. Cool water. Wools, silks, and down, I'll use a product made for those fibers and feathers. If there is no enzyme in the detergent it should be ok, but you have to know what to look for on the bottles to determine this.

We'd love to help. Do you have an image?

Partim, I have actually posted pictures of that corner. They were posted 4 days ago, if you look back at my history you will see 3 or 4 of them. One from the kitchen view, that corner to the family room. One of the corner from inside the room, from in front the built-in and a couple from the leather chair and ottoman on that side. There is a step down into the room from behind the recliner which you can not see well in photos. Have not decided on the final layout. I did square up the recliners, one on either side, removed one of the chairs in the room and moved the sofa down toward the tv as an experiment. Not sure I love the setup by the fireplace as it shows cords for the lamp :( the lamp on the there end table can be plugged into the floor, so that is not an issue there.