lost my spouse of 25 years 3 days ago

Ava Mapp

I'm Ava I've been married for 25 years to my wonderful husband Richard. I'm in so much pain right now is unbearable. He was healthy 48 year old man who worked hard for his family everyday. He was an engineer on the railroad. He went to urgent care last week cause his leg was hurting bad so the doctor asked if he had prior injuries from past. He said a few years ago he went sledding with the his and bumped his back so she said his leg pain could come from his lower . She gave him muscle relaxant and told him to continue to take Aleve for pain so he did. she told him to make appointment with his primary care doctor to get an MRI but the doctor can see him till May so we called her back because she is a primary care and she scheduled him in that Monday. he went to the doctor if she order the test did some more tests on his leg he couldn't push his leg up.so she ordered the MRI for him. three days later it was too late. my husband came upstairs from the basement when I get home looked at me and fell out I screamed Richard what's wrong. My son and daughter were home came rushing up stairs we called 911 they came quick. I did chest compression like the 911 operator said. he was in the ambulance for a long time before they got to the hospital. they did everything to save his life it turns out he had a blood clot and he knew the urgent care doctor didn't even send him to the emergency room that same day that he even mentioned that he thought it could be a blood clot. We would have just went to the hospital that same day. Now I'm looking at caskets and making funeral arrangements. I'm so lost with out him he was my best friend for 25 years. He loved me unconditionally just as I loved him. I need him to come through that door and this was all a nightmare. I need major prayers.

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JoAnn_Fla

I am so sorry for your loss, it is the hardest thing we will ever do. There are no words that will help it just takes time and then more time. It will get easier but never the same. You will go through stages of grief and it will feel like a roller coaster most the time, full of ups & downs. This is all normal, in fact everything with a loss is normal. I go to the Daily strength website for widows/widowers for support. Daily Strength you will see you are not alone there.

We have all been where you are right now, its so very hard. Even after 3 1/2 yrs I still have my days and wonder what do I do now?
I was with my Husband 40 yrs. I was never alone and now I am most the time. I seem to just be ticking off time.

Hugs and better days ahead.



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bleusblue2

Dear Ava Mapp, your story is unbearable. I understand what you are feeling and a lot of it is just plain anger. This is simply not fair. We depend on these professionals to make the right judgement call. Afterwards they tell you that you have to "be your own advocate." Don't listen to that. I'd say that the only way you might be very sure that you are getting the best treatment is if you have a family member who is a doctor or nurse and checks up and asks questions every step of the way. Even then, they tell you the medicine is an art and mistakes can be made. So I've expressed my own anger here on your behalf and which I have experienced myself. And in case anyone objects that the medical profession is a healing one -- yes, it can be. But it fails us many many times. I am grateful that there is so much good care but there are too many instances like this.

It is true, you are now on a roller coaster. Your husband's spirit is still nearby. I believe that. You are a loving wife and lost a wonderful husband and you need all the sympathy and help that surrounds you now and still it is just a bit of comfort. Please believe that he hears you and God hears you and will take care of him now. You are full of tears and that's how it will be for a long time. I don't know when it will end; for me, it's been only four months and I take it a day at a time. God bless your husband.

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veronicasgrandma

I'm so sorry for both of your losses, sending prayers your way. I hope the good memories of your husbands help you get throught these difficult days and months.

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kellie_in

Dear Ava,

My heart is with you. I don't know if you will read this, but I pray God's peace to surround you. I also lost my husband suddenly, with no warning, a little over 9 weeks ago. He was 50. I do know the unbearable pain you are experiencing. It is unbelievable that we are going thru this. I am existing by living each day one hour at a time. Sometimes one breath at a time. I have to believe that there is a reason we are still here.

My husband was put on a rather radical diet the week prior to his death. Other warning signs were ignored. A cardiologist visit was not recommended, and I now know it should have been. I have anger toward his doctor, and toward God. I know that is wrong, but I do. My husband was a strong, faith filled believer in God and Jesus, but God chose to not save my husband. I could go on about those details immediately prior to his death.

Somehow we will go on. We have to. You wrote that you have children. That right there is a reason that you will be okay and you have a great reason to live on. Please take care of yourself and try and eat and sleep. Drop us a line if you read this. God bless you.

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Ava Mapp

Thank you everyone for your love. I am still learning to cope I feel extremely lonely even though I have our kids at home. I also have our two grandbabies to keep me busy. They always hug me and tell me they miss their papa. I feel like I am constantly looking for him waiting for him to visit my dreams. I know this is going to be a long process. I just don't like being unhappy I can't find my self.I'm usually upbeat, funny cracking jokes. Now I'm sad and crying daily. I need to find peace , and I know I will in time.

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JoAnn_Fla

It will take time, I am at just about 4 yrs now and it still hurts an I have bad days. I am very lonely most the time. I don't know if I will ever get used to this "aloneness"


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Ava Mapp

Me neither Joann I feel extemely lonely. I pray that God helps us all in our time of need. I pray that we will find happiness one day.

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bleusblue2

You know, I have so many friends and I find I can be distracted. Yet daily, the terribly empty moments come without warning. It's a kind of loneliness that is new to me. I suppose that over the years I will experience it in other ways. I asked a friend of mine how she deals with her mother's dementia which is really a loss of the person who means so much to her. She said, "You learn to live with it." I thought this was so wise and simple. You don't 'get used to it.' You live with it. Happiness can come in moments but everyone lives with loss and still we can appreciate the other gifts in our daily lives.

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