Don, we raised our first set of pigs last fall and over the winter. We butchered them typically smaller than most due to circumstances beyond our control. We ended up with just over 200 lbs of meat...which is delicious!! I will never buy pork at the store again. As a newbie I don't offer advice as "the golden rule," but just observations of what we found and what we would change. We used 4 hog panels for fencing and a 3-sided shelter made of old tin that my FIL had. Not pretty but they didn't seem to care ;) We kept straw in that for bedding. We fed them a sweet mix that we bought at the feed store along with corn, scraps, and alfalfa hay. To do it next time, we would buy ground corn or mix from the co-op instead of the whole or cracked stuff. They really liked the alfalfa hay. We bought one of those black rubbery type dishes for their water. We found that we were dumping mucky water anyway so didn't get one that big. Of course, over the summer you may need a bigger water container. We had females and there was a dominant sister. She would bite and nip at the other one to eat and of course got a tad bigger. They were fun and I enjoyed them but wasn't so attached that I couldn't bear the thought of them going to butcher. My heart attachment ended when I realized that they would probably happily eat me if I fell in the pen, LOL! They weren't mean but would bite at my sleeve as I fed them, etc. We had Hamshires which I thought were pretty little pigs and were very lean. You won't regret raising your own but you really aren't saving a ton of money doing it that way, just so you know. To us it was worth the satisfaction of knowing we had raised them and knew they had a happy pig life. Lori

You have to have a schedule and you have to adhere to it as best you're able. Sounds really draconian, but it isn't. It's the schedule that will keep an elderly person on course (esp. if they are losing mental capability), allow you to accomplish that which you must do, AND schedule help/respite. Help/respite. You must have this. Trust me on this. I have had Mum with me for nearly 3 years now. For fully 2 of them I did it alone. After her stroke I knew she was no longer able to bathe alone. I hired a woman to come in thrice weekly and assist her. Smartest thing I've done in a long time! I don't have to do it, it accords Mum some privacy, and she has another person with whom to interact. I calmly told my brother he had to step up to the plate and do some caregiving, too. It wasn't fair that I gave up my former life and he had to give up nothing. He now takes her for a month at a time; usually every 2-3 months. I'm OK with that arrangement; but know if he scheduled a "bath lady" it would be easier for him to take her more frequently. Try to incorporate them into your daily errands. I pack Mum into the car (along with the dog) and she "rides shotgun". She is perfectly happy to go for a ride, wait in the car in the sunshine while I dash into one place or another... sometimes she wants to go in, too... so I usually allot enough time. If I haven't, I simply say, "No" and explain why. I will grab her a "treat" if she must wait in the car. I make sure we get out to do something "fun" at the next opportunity. It takes practice to venture out with an elderly, infirm person. You will learn the places that easy to access, have comfortable bathrooms, have help that is willing to move slowly and patiently with the elderly. Mum goes every month for a shampoo/haircut/manicure. The woman is a delight; warm, patient, and gives Mum her undivided attention. We are "regulars" at several establishments BECAUSE they are willing to make time for a slow, old woman. It's hard work; not always fun. I miss my freedom terribly, if you want to know the truth. But I can do this and feel it is important for me to do it. She ain't gonna live forever, afterall. (Hi Connie!)

My DH has a small insurance policy through his employer, which I am named as primary benificiary, with his 3 kids named as contingent benificiaries. He has no other policy. There is no policy with them listed as primary benificiaries. And remember, his pension has already divided in half with his ex at the divorce. I am listed as primary benificiary on his IRA account (and he is listed the same way on mine). His pension is no where near enough to retire on, mine either. I feel if he died, I would need his pension; and if I died he would need my pension. My home was 95% paid the day we married. The assessed value (which was done in 2008) is $195,000. That is what a home of comparible worth in our area would sell for today. He has not and is not investing in the house since our marriage. Do you mean paying monthly bills like utilities, or what do you mean? The house is already paid for. Neither one of us is investing in it. The investment was already made before I married him. Do you mean the yearly taxes? Or what do you mean? If it's fair for me to pay 100% of the taxes, because I own the house, then it's fair for me to charge him rent. This gets ridiculous. If he didn't move in with someone who owned a house, then he would be paying several hundren monthly for either rent or a mortgage. So I don't think that because he helps pay the yearly taxes that that entitles his kids to inherit a portion. I think sharing the maintainance costs of the house, the taxes, and the insurance is fair. This does not change the fact that I am still owner. He gets the benifit of living there without making mortgage payments. Alot of my coworkers are paying $2000 monthly in mortgage payments, he doesn't have to do this because of me. As far as the airplane goes, it's value is about $40,000. I feel that if he died, that it goes to me. Like I said in my last post, our joint money pays the $3000 yearly needed to maintain the plane. His kids won't even come and help him wash it. Why should they inherit it? It would be different if suddenly we both were killed together in a car accident. And suddenly there were assets to liquidate. Then by all means, sell it and divide the money with his 3 kids. But if he dies, I may need the money from the sale of the plane to live on. The airplane really doesn't depreciate like a car does, they hold their value much better. As far as the college payments to his kids. Well, that all didn't happen prior to our marriage. The only part that happened prior to our marriage was his agreement with them to pay their college. He had loans out on them when we married, and those loans were brought into the marriage. So, the way I see it, some of the money that we both together today are bringing into the marriage, is paying off the remainder of his kids college loans. The loan for SD24 hasn't been started to be repaid, she is still in college. He won't start repaying for another year or two. I was not at all suggesting that my kids get something worth $120,000 to even the score. If he took his kids to Disney Land when they were 8 years old, then does that mean that my kids are owed a Disney Land trip too? Of course not. I just look at it like he chose to give his kids a start in life, and this is the way he/they chose. I don't think that I shouldn't be able to give my kids a start in life too. I was thinking something more along the lines of helping with a downpayment on a first home, or something like that, maybe like an amount of $10,000 or something like that. I don't have that much cash to give any of my kids, and would need to take out a second mortgage to do it. But I don't see this as different than taking out a loan for college. 15 years from now I'm afraid that our 6 children will look back on things and feel that 3 kids got a start in life from their parent, and 3 didn't. I don't think that because they don't want to attend college, that it is fair to pass judgment on them and say because they chose to not do what I wanted them to do, that they get no help. Mind you, my kids are not asking for help, and when I've offered, they say they don't need it. They don't feel entitled to cash from me or anyone else. When DH and I talk about what would be fair to designate in a will, he says that neither will die untill we are elderly (that runs in our families). And that after 25 years of marriage together, that it will seem more like a blended family, it will seem like "our house", and our money. Then anything left in the estate when we both pass would be divided 6 equal shares between all children. In other words, his kids would get an equal share in all of our assets (including my house). I told him that I don't think this is fair to my kids, and he disagrees. Since we haven't agreed on anything, we haven't written a will. I know that I can just go to an attorney by myself and write up whatever I want, but what would that do to the trust and communication that we are building in our marriage? I feel that whatever we do, we have to agree, and go in together to do wills. I just feel like, he basically started over from scratch when he divorced. And because he divorced that he was screwed financially, and his kids also. Had he not divorced, his kids would have inherited his house. It is unfortunate that it happened this way, buy why do I have to share my kid's inheritance with his kids, to compensate for what he and his kids lost at his divorce?

Lovemykids Too, I'm so sorry you are going through this. There are a lot of parents who have been through similar things, so don't feel like you are the only one. We went through some difficult times with one of my kids, so I sympathize with you and I have advice. First, nurture and take care of your marriage. For a lot of couples these kinds of problems take a toll on a marriage. Next, even if your son won't go to counseling, you can go. Particularly if he has anxiety and/or depression you may want to get some tips on how to handle this from a professional. If you haven't been to counseling before then keep in mind you may have to try more than one to find someone you can relate to. My husband and I found a wonderful counselor who had been through a lot of the same things our child had been through, but the first counselor we tried was a useless waste of time. If it were my child, I would consider paying for a cell phone for my son. It would be worth it to me to be able to call him directly if he went back to live at his girlfriend's house. But you don't owe him a cell phone and don't pay for one if you don't want to. In my opinion you are doing the right thing about the car. If the car becomes a major point of contention then I might even sell it or keep it and store it somewhere else. Since I'm not familiar with the situation I am just guessing, but perhaps the situation might partially resolve itself as time goes on? I can't imagine your son's girlfriend's parents like having an unemployed 19 year old man around who can't help pay for food and has no car. Hmmm, sleeping on the couch, sharing a car, burden on girlfriend's family....betcha there's more to that story than he's telling. Maybe girlfriend will lose interest after a few months if he has no more money. I would talk to the counselor about what to do when your son swears at you and says he hates you. Our daughter never did that and I have no idea what to do but I would be very reluctant to allow a grown man (or woman), even my own child, swear at me and say he hates me while he was standing in my own house. I would sit down with my husband and my son and work out a formal agreement between adults who live in the same house. I would go to a neutral location, like a local McDonald's, sit down with a cup of coffee and a notepad and tell him that you respect the fact that he is an adult. Ask him to tell you what he thinks parents should expect from an adult son living in their house and what adult sons should expect from their parents. Hear him out. Stay calm. Although he is sort of an adult, he's a very young adult, so model the behavior you wish he would use. If he starts getting angry or if you start getting angry, you can always stop the session with "I'm glad we sat down and talked together, it has been very helpful to hear what you think, let us think about it and we'll talk again tomorrow". If he is talking without swearing or yelling then be sure to end the session before he gets tired or overwhelmed and the situation deteriorates. Resist the urge to keep pushing through because he's been *good*. At this point you want to start a pattern of reasonable communication more than you want the agreement, although you do want the agreement. Another tool in your toolbox is "convince me". Instead of convincing HIM that you are right, ask him to convince you. I think I would find something that you think you could compromise on and let him convince you before I started on something bigger. Another great phrase is "you are an adult and I know you will figure this out". Also excellent is "what is your plan", a very versatile phrase. Also good is "you are an adult, adults contribute to the household they live in, how do you plan to contribute to this household". Adults living in a household pay their way, either rent, chores, or both. My daughter asked to discuss our issues by email and I was reluctant to do that, but it worked out much better for her and surprisingly also for her dad. We handled some in person but some in email. Work out consequences for infractions, yours and his. Don't agree to consequences that you won't follow through on. Don't tell him he can't live there if he doesn't mow the grass unless you're prepared to make him move out if he doesn't mow the grass. Not all consequences have to be negative. Maybe one of his consequences has to be finding a joke that makes the whole family laugh, maybe he has to figure out how to make ganache for the family or you get to wake him up with a silly song in the morning. Maybe the family has to eat dinner and talk to one another only through sock puppets, or he has to learn to say a phrase of your choice in Italian. Or give him a choice out of 3 things. I picked something that my daughter could not do without laughing and that worked like magic. She couldn't wallow in her role as martyred victim if she was laughing. Stay calm. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page. If your son starts swearing, yelling, saying hateful things or if you start getting angry you can always tell him that you are stepping away for now until you can all talk like reasonable adults. Your theme is reasonable, calm, adult. It may take some time to change the dynamic and don't expect overnight change. Since your son has anxiety and depression, it would probably be very helpful if there is some kind of exercise or outdoor activity he would do with your husband, you, or a sibling. Kayaking? Rock climbing or bouldering? Disc golf? Geocaching? That phone Pokemon thing together? I doubt you will accomplish anything positive by criticizing the girlfriend. Just try not to dwell on the girlfriend in your head. I tried very hard to remember that I taught my daughter to do the right thing, and if she wasn't doing it that was on her, not her boyfriend. Your best hope is that you taught your son well and hopefully he will recognize the flaws in his girlfriend over time and they will either both grow up and be better people or he will end that relationship. Having 5K, blowing it all because his girlfriend wanted him to and ending up with no job, no car, and no money to do fun things with that girlfriend is a priceless lesson that could save him untold amounts of grief later in life. Don't be manipulated, it won't help your son. Have confidence in yourself and remember that what you want is a responsible, reasonable, self-supporting son in the long run. My once-difficult daughter is now a kind, thoughtful, responsible, hard-working, delightful adult who is as lovely on the inside as she is on the outside, which is saying a lot because she's very pretty. I could not ask for a better daughter. And her bratty boyfriend is now a wonderful, responsible, hard-working, delightful adult who is a much-loved and wanted member of our family (they married last year). But in the thick of our difficult times all I could do was try to do the right thing, hang on and hope for the best. Best of everything to you and your family and hang in there.