Are you sure it's a devil worshiping club? Where did you get your info on it? That sounds a little extreme and I know things outside the norm often get exaggerated, especially second and third hand info.

My guess is it's a response to her life changes. Not having much direction can be hard after working so hard to educate yourself. Maybe she felt stuck in the relationship. First loves can be hard to end and most people change a lot between high school and mid-20's. I bet the fact that he was super religious is contributing to why she's looking for something completely opposite and shocking right now.

I probably wouldn't worry too much unless you notice drastic changes in her. Chances are it's not as bad as you are imagining. I would try to be there for her and listen to her. Hopefully you can hide how much you love and miss her ex.

ETA: Changed my opinion after re-reading and realizing he broke up with her after she started this, not before.

This post was edited by chi83 on Sat, Feb 7, 15 at 11:58

Are you sure the "cult" worships the devil, or are you projecting your fears on it? If I were you I'd try to get more information on what this group is and then speak earnestly to your daughter about the reality of this group and your concerns. I'd enlist the ex-boyfriend to do the same. Hopefully it is only a passing fancy, but cult are, of course, known for brain washing.

What religion did you raise your daughter in? If she's well training in religious/spiritual conviction that will be a way to help her. Can you enlist a pastor or spiritual mentor to also speak with your daughter?

Also, if your daughter is living at home YOU need to make the rules about calling, being home at night, etc. Do so.

I know nothing about cults, but I don't quite get the connection between exploring sexuality and devil worship. I also don't get the need to explore your sexuality unless you have repressed your true self. She was in a heterosexual relationship...maybe she's known all along that's not who she is and finally decided to confront it openly.

My mother used to say "show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are." Is she starting to spend time with a whole new crowd? Is she still seeing old friends from the neighborhood, high school, college?

She is an adult so you don't really have a say in where she goes and what she does. Since she is living at home though you DO have a right to establish rules. First and foremost.....she must call and let you know if she's not coming home and where she is staying. As parents, if a child does not call or come home we immediately think they have met with foul play. This is an unfair position to put you in keeping you up and worried all night wondering. . And you need to have an idea of where she is and who she's with in case something does happen you will have at least some basic information.

Keep a watchful eye. Only you will know how much she is changing. Ask questions about her day, job, friends but not in an interrogating way....just general daily conversation. If you feel things are getting out of hand I would seek professional help. Your family doctor or local police can probably refer you to services in your community.

I realize she's 26, certainly an adult and I really can't control her. Yes, I will speak to her about the not coming home behavior. I found out about the devil-sex cult through her Facebook page, a suggestion from the boy friend. I did a little research on the cult and their website indicates they are for "curious" people. The website is full of drawings of satan, photos of freaky things like Siamese twins, autopsies, just weirdness, in my opinion. If she wants to be curious and explore different "lifestyles", all I can do is wait and see. Hopefully she will make good, healthy choices.

There are so many off center groups out there now, just go on Meet Up and you can find anything. I would talk to her and try to find out if the group has a name and Google. Ask the exBF if he know the name or anything about it.

It could be nothing, most likely is, but you never know best to inform yourself if you can.

My DD lived at home and did not come home a few nights, DH went nuts, new rules were set down, if you do not come home he wanted an address of where she would be. Explaining to her that if something happened he would need to have a place to start looking for her. Does she use a family car? Ours did so the threat of taking that away helped us get her to follow the rules.

I would try not to make a big deal out of it, but be researching it, just in case I needed to jump if it starts to go sideways.

She owns her own car, bought with her own money.

Well, liking something on Facebook doesn't necessarily mean she's really involved in it. It's not abnormal for young adults to explore a bit. Unless she's acting differently I wouldn't be too concerned. A 26 year old not checking in with her parents isn't that unusual either, though you have the right to ask that if she lives with you.

Keep in mind the boyfriend's perspective is bound to be skewed given the circumstances between the breakup and his religious background.

Jannie, I'm so sorry you are suffering and anxious about this. I would be so worried too. Sometimes things just work themselves out, and I hope this happens for you. Over time she may develop a distaste for the group. She's an adult. You have some good advice here.

Jannie, is it possible for you to make an appointment with a therapist and talk to him or her about this - just you, not with your daughter. You could show the website to the therapist. The therapist would have a better idea of how serious this is and whether she is in danger.

I agree with Graywings. What is sort of alarming is her age. This type of first time behavior seems to me to be more in lines with a high schooler.

Was the relationship with the ex very long? In other words, she didn't have an opportunity to date others or just be on her own?

I would be honest with her and tell her what you know and how you learned about the cult. Your worry comes from a kind place out of concern and love for your daughter.

I realize that more adult children continue to live at home now, partly due to a slow economy. In the past, you would only know about your DD's personal choices if she chose to share them with you. She would be living on her own while discovering her Self. (It would be tragic if she was living in a half-hearted marriage during this time.)

It sounds to me as though she's been very conservative -- only ONE (conservative) BF -- for eight years? Now that she's landed a decent job she may fell truly adult and independent for the first time.

The pendulum can swing far out, just as a reaction to the conservative 'known'. Yes, it's a scary time -- for her and for you. Remember that your DD has the balance of all her conservative experience at the other end of the arc.

I suspect she had to give the BF some extreme reason to draw away from him. The 'explore my sexuality' statement is one form of, "It's not you; it's me." How much better that she is curious about many things now, rather than later. It would be tragic for her to follow a marriage path that someone *else* has laid for her without knowing her own mind.

A tenet of early childhood education was intended to explain 'The Terrible Two's', but it also applies here: "You have to feel empowered to say NO before you can honestly say yes." Growing up doesn't -- and shouldn't -- end at college graduation.

Support her in her quest for independence and self-knowledge. Be her rock. (Let the nice BF's family be his.)

Being a parent means being always concerned and even sometimes anguished about the kids. Except as so many (and the OP) have said, she's an adult. Like it or not, I think you should mind your own business.

If you find your sideline vista disturbing, ask her to move out. But don't tell her what to do.

I'm more than slightly amused by this "devil worship" reference. Recognize that many have a similar, "cultish" view of those in mainstream religions too. Rightly or wrongly, people find the beliefs and the peers they choose to have. She can do that without her parents' approval.

Fight the battle on your knees. Start praying and keep praying. Plead the Blood of Jesus over your daughter. Out loud. Say it mentally/in your mind every time you look at her.

You didn't say if or what your (and your daughter's) religious beliefs are, but could the boyfriend have possibly been pressing her for more of a commitment than she wanted and she simply used the "satan" excuse to push him away?

Unless you see some real and bad changes in her, I would just try to keep the communication open between you and see where she is coming from.

Thanks for the input. I will do as always with her- love her, keep the lines of communication open, etc. We always had one rule- if you are out somewhere and need to come home, if you don't feel safe, call Mom and I'll come get you from anywhere. I will tell her the rule still holds. Maybe it's not that big a deal. When I was 26, I had moved far from my parents, had an apartment and a job in New York City and I didn't tell them everywhere I was going. I didn't join any cults, but I was sexually active more than I'd like to admit. I outgrew that behavior and my life turned out well. Husband, house, two kids, two cats and a dog. I'll talk to her.

Okaaaaaay Deeby, your jibberish sounds cultish to me LOL.

Jannie.....can you name the website so we get a better idea of what it's about? It sounds very creepy to me and I would be worried if my daughter was meeting up with people from this group.

Remind her that social media has a strange way of creeping into and can affect her chosen career of fashion....the industry is very close knit, and very very difficult to break into despite the crazy things that top designers can do...keep talking but don't cave in....please let us know....

For what it is worth.

i have a situation with concern and had a heart to heart talk with dear friend and her advice: Show them LOVE!

Best of luck! I care!

I'm in agreement with justlinda. Deeby, that it just downright creepy!
Daughter is 26 and still living at home, has had one boyfriend since 18, finishes college and finally seeing the fruits of her labor ... she's bound to explore and test her boundaries. Most kids seem to go through it anytime between 13 to 14 and 22 to 23. I do agree that she needs to check in and let you know her plans while she is under your roof. Common courtesy. You are always responsible to someone ... how would she feel if you didn't come home all night, with no call or warning?

I'm sorry I ever posted this. I realize I jumped to a conclusion. I don't know that much about it, the website is called "Morbid Curiosity Singles". Like I said before, my daughter is 26 and should be free to make her own choices, live her own way. She's been a good kid all her life, I don't think she'll suddenly go off the deep end and become a crazy vampire or some such nonsense. I appreciate all the advice points of view. Even Deeby, who I think meant well. My own religion does encourage prayer and there's nothing wrong with that. So, I'd just ask anyone else to ignore this post. I'm sorry for over-reacting.

This post was edited by jannie on Sun, Feb 8, 15 at 13:47

It looks pretty harmless to me. I don't think there's anything about devil worshiping or cults, just an interest in different things.

If I found the right group, here's an article from someone who went to one of the single's nights and it might help reassure you.

Here is a link that might be useful: Morbid Singles Article

No advice, just sending hugs and prayers for you and your family to make a good decision for all.
Marie

Looks harmless to me too. Just a passing fad for 20 somethings looking for the countercultural similar to the Goth stuff. At the very least something your daughter will probably outgrow pretty soon.

You were absolutely right to post here, Jannie. This is a perfect place to find 'an ear' (or twenty). It's helpful to put a concern into words -- as well as to hear of similar experiences. This is one of the strengths of the KT!

No doubt they have outgrown each other. There are so many changes from teenage to young adult it's a wonder anyone stays married to their high school sweetheart.

Hi Jannie,

I hope that you won't continue feeling troubled about having come here.

I think that there's been a good discussion, you've heard a number of viewpoints, several of them substantially reassuring.

And you've been doing some thinking, yourself. Often it's helpful to run some of those ideas past some people in whose judgement we've developed some confidence.

Possibly a religious person ... but probably good to choose such a person with care - a good listener, with good balance in life, who won't bring a lot of ready-made solutions to the issue before having listened well and thought it through carefully.

One of the most important jobs that we have is a parent is to encourage, advise, some times limit (when they're younger), discuss, etc. with our young ones as they move along the road to maturity. They need to learn how to pick up their own marbles ... wisely.

Have some faith in the girl - more than likely she has her head screwed on right.

Good wishes to your daughter ... and you ... and the ex-boyfriend.

ole joyful

I went to the Morbid Singles Article link. I'm almost 70 years old. I'm single by choice. I think it would have been a blast! If only I weren't such an introvert.......