It hasn't worked out. We both really liked the Aide, she was very pleasant and helpful when she showed up. But she was out a week with strep throat, then out another week due to a car accident, then she came back last Monday and DH refused to see her, he decided he doesn't want to be nagged to shower. She did a little cleaning and laundry, but he insisted no shower and didn't "want" her. Wednesday and Friday she called and said she had no babysitter for her son so she culdn't come. The Agency phoned and said "she is off the case" and they'll send someone new this coming Monday.

>>Aren't medical expenses in the US heavily concentrated on measures to stave off inevitable death? >> I've read several articles (must have been either AARP, NYTimes or WSJournal) that say that 80% of Medicare's budget is spent on 20% of insureds - the very frail and dying. But we should remember, this is true the world over. It's merely a question of who pays for it and for how long. Nobody anywhere wants to be the one who says to the family, "the plug has to be pulled because we're not going to pay for it any longer." Now, the ridiculous claim of "Medicare Death Panels" has been thoroughly debunked already, so no need to go over that ground again. Factually, ALL insurance companies globally have a Chief Medical Examiner whose job it is to approve or disallow payment for expensive treatments. That's what they do - balancing medical guidelines, doctor preferences, patient coverage, and company profit (no, company profit is not always paramount; but is an important factor in overall portfolio risk management). In the absence of clear, specific legal forms by the patient as to how end-of-life treatment is handled, the medical profession by its nature will do everything to save you from dying. Palliative care and pain management is only beginning to make an impact on their thinking, but again - without clear legal guidelines as to what the patient wants, ESPECIALLY if those instructions are contrary to what the family expresses - the doctors will do everything possible. And these days, "everything possible" is usually expensive with little regards to the quality of life. That's why it's absolutely critical to talk about what you want with not only your spouse, but your doctor and your family. Then put it in writing! BTW, I should amend my posting about the 'wellness' exam of the Healthcare Reform Bill. The NYTimes did an absolutely wonderful, comprehensive piece on this subject - what is covered, what is not, and why some consumers are surprised when they receive a bill they didn't expect. We have to remember, a physical exam for a 16-yr-old is going to be different than that of a 50-yr-old, which is again different than the exam for a 70-yr-old with severe medical issues. As it stands now, with the government gradually clarifying what is paid for and what is not, the two key things to note are: most of these don't begin until next year, and in areas where it's still 'gray' without legal definition, the insurers are allowed to make their own decisions about what is covered and what is not. (Access to the NYTimes is limited to 20 free articles/mo.) Preventing Sickness, With Plenty of Red Tape NY TImes September 19, 2011 (Excerpt) "Prevention has never been the cornerstone of American medicine. In this country, we tend to go to the doctor only when something is wrong, a habit long bemoaned by researchers and medical groups. The federal government aims to change that, and soon. Starting this year, insurers will be required under the Affordable Care Act to completely cover such services as annual physicals, childhood vaccinations and dozens of screening tests for everything from high blood pressure to abdominal aortic aneurysms. Just last month, the Department of Health and Human Services released additional guidelines specifying fully covered preventive services for women. Mammograms, cervical cancer screening and other services already had been mandated; the new recommendations expand that list to include screenings for human papillomavirus (which causes cervical cancer) and domestic abuse, and reimbursement and counseling for contraceptives. These services are to be fully covered by most insurance plans beginning in August 2012. Despite these new regulations, there's still a lot of ambiguity - and not just among consumers - about what qualifies as preventive care and what insurers are obligated to pay for. "I've seen so much confusion among patients and doctors alike trying to figure out what's paid for and what isn't," said Dr. John Santa, director of the Consumer Reports Health Ratings Center and a primary care doctor. " Here is a link that might be useful: Full Article: Preventing Sickness

Oh how I read your posting and my heart goes out to you. I lost my sweet Dad too, it was 2 years ago in August. So many of the details that you described about your Dad's condition were present with my Dad too. Your story brought back my memories. I know losing someone that you love so much is just gut wrenching. It is so tramautic. To me, it's like post tramautic stress disorder, the act of losing that special person is so mentally draining, something you only go through when you love someone so much. After I lost my Dad, well it was so hard. But my Mom was so miserable without my Dad. We all immediately focused on helping Mom to manage without him. But 7 months later we lost Mom. Mom was my best friend, along with my Dad. Now there both gone. How do I manage without them? I don't even know. I was so very lost in the beginning, and so very angry. There were so many unforgiveable surrounding circumstances. So many things made it harder to bear. I, too am so sad that my kids don't have their grandparents, that loved them so much, and I feel so cheated. They still have a paternal grandpa, but it's not the same. And it IS hard to hear them talk about my husband's father. But I'm glad my husband has HIS dad, and I talk about MY parents to them. And show them things they bought them, and cards from them. And we have pictures and some videotape of them, of course I haven't been able to watch those yet. I just think that your grief never completely goes away. But you do figure out how to get by each day without them. Other things and people come into the picture to help you figure that out. I'm just sad now, not so angry anymore. I guess because I believe in Heaven and I believe they are there. And I look forward to seeing them again. And I believe they are together and in no more pain. I am sad that they miss out on my life but I believe they can see me and my family and I look to the sky for them. Death is a part of life but we still never want to let go. I would have been just of sad had my parents lived to be 100. Just hang in there. Love your children and your husband each day. Thank God for them and for the time you had with your Dad. I've been reading a book "Motherless Daughters". It is very validating for me with my feelings but it also reminds me of how so many people lost their parents before they were even grown. I'm so glad my parents got to see my kids. My last child was an unexpected girl, after 2 boys. I'm so glad that they knew her and could share in those moments with me. Hugs to you.

It is confusing, Mare...and that's what got me into trouble in the first place. Let me see if I can explain my particular issue to further clarify why I'm being charged a penalty. When my husband died a few years ago, all my benefits died with him due to an agreement he had made with the PBA long before he even knew me. His decision, unfortunately, was irreversible. Throughout our married life...all contact involving his benefits package had to be made by him even though I was covered under all his plans, therefor I was often left in the dark about what the plan included and who the carriers were. I was already enrolled in Medicare when he passed and knew that I would have to replace the supplemental policy he'd had for me with BC/BS. I did so immediately. What I didn't know was that I had to replace the Medicare D policy. I had never needed it and had no idea what it was let alone the fact that it existed as part of his benefits package. To make matters worse, the PBA didn't notify me that I had to replace this coverage with a policy of my own choosing. I went for almost 4 years without realizing that I was in default with Medicare. Fortunately, it was brought to my attention and I applied for a policy but in so doing, I learned that I was going to be penalized for the time that had lapsed between the loss of my husband's coverage for me and my "awakening". The penalty is based on a formula...1% of the policy monthly premium...times the number of months that one goes without coverage. It was a substantial amount to me and I had limited recourse. I contacted Medicare and filed a challenge. They agreed that I had a basis for my challenge. They reduced the penalty by 12 months...but said ignorance of the law was no excuse and I was left responsible for the remaining month's penalty. The penalty is NEVER removed. From now until the day I die...I will have that penalty added to whatever Medicare Part D plan I carry. My only hope to be relieved of this burden is that two US high courts agree with me...that the penalty, along with the Federal edict to force people to carry health insurance above and beyond Medicare...is illegal. If the Supreme Court agrees with the two lower courts, the entire forced insurance system will be reversed and my penalty will be dropped. Needless to say, I'm anxiously awaiting their decision. I hope this gives you a little more info. If you are already enrolled in Medicare, the booklet that they send out every year will give you more information. Or, you can call their office. I've found them to be very helpful...even thought I don't always agree with them. As long as you get Medicare Part D coverage as soon as you're eligible, you shouldn't have to worry about a penalty...unless somewhere along the line you decide to drop the coverage...and then pick it up again at some later date. You'd be penalized for the lapsed coverage time. HTH Anne