Lack of Social Graces
hoovergal
9 years ago
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Comments (22)
mxyplx
9 years agohoovergal
9 years agoRelated Discussions
Social graces
Comments (32)I'm guilty of using "you guys" when addressing a group. It's a habit I've had for a while! My grandma hates it though so I try not to do it around her. I also answer "thank you" with "sure" or "no problem" or "of course" and sometimes "you're welcome." It depends on the setting. If it's a big thing or a more formal event I will say "you're welcome" but if someone thanks me because I hold the door open for them in the bathroom, I will usually say something like "no problem" because it wasn't. But I suppose it's personal - I've certainly never intended or inferred any disrespect by any of these responses. There will always be standard social graces, like being nice and not chewing with your mouth open, but I think a lot of standards evolve. I am sure the ladies of several generations ago would be horrified by some of the perfectly acceptable politeness standards nowadays. :) All that being said, I do especially love seeing children with lovely manners as it doesn't happen very often. Most have some manners, and will say please or thank you (though sometimes prompted!) but I mean the ones that go above and beyond that. I have a set of young cousins (8 and 12 years old) from Tennessee that I love to observe. Whenever their mother calls them, they get up, walk over to her and answer "ma'am?" instead of yelling "what?" like a lot of children do. Any questions from adults are answered with a "yes ma'am" or "yes, sir" and they will hold doors open, say "excuse me" if they need to speak while their parents are talking, and just overall are extremely polite without being prompted because they have been taught all their lives....See Morehigh school graduation opinions please
Comments (22)geez, you get an apology, even saying your son "deserved better" than he himself had done, which is certainly placing all the blame for the incident squarely to the his own shoulders--exactly what an apology should do. But somehow that's wrong too? (you wrote: "It really seemed to be insulting towards himself." -- what did you want him to do, make excuses?) I have to say that I think it's churlish in the EXTREME to criticise someone for their APOLOGY. He even went to lengths to make sure the letter would be the sort of thing your son could keep in his files and show to someone as a letter of recommendation, etc. I'd call that a pretty graciously written letter. And yet you can still criticize it? He wrote the letter without prompting from you, right? You bet your bippy you should give him credit for doing that. Some people wouldn't bother with the letter. He made a MISTAKE. I for one do not believe that he'd deliberately leave your kid off for mention because of something that happened between you and the principal *9* years ago. Or even 2 years ago. Teachers and principals are capable of separating parents from children, and they see the children so much more clearly than they see us. Plus in the intervening 9 years, I'm sure he's had more parents than you say worse things to him--why would he remember with any strength? It's obvious you're determined to hate this guy, since even the appropriate gestures he makes are met with such scorn. I wasn't there 9 years ago (which is a long time to hold a grudge on EITHER side), and I don't know all the other incidents--maybe he is a crumb, or maybe he's just sort of easily confused. But I'm sorta feeling sorry for this guy--even when he DOES do it right, he's in the doghouse. I'm w/ Arkansasgardenboy: I hope you will find closure to this and not hold a grudge any longer. I suppose my comments won't do anything to further that, and I'm sorry if I've chosen wording that's harsher than I intend....See MoreHelp with Wedding needed
Comments (59)kkny- I do think your point regarding how long SM have been in the picture is valid. My mother remarried when I was 35 and frankly he is my mother's husband not my stepfather. I had a father who died- he respects that but he is my mother's husband and I show him the same respect I show her. A girlfriend,boyfriend is another story still. My SSs have been living with me half their life since they were 4 and 5. I don't expect to be treated like their mom at their wedding but I do expect to be treated like their father's wife and a member of the family. In my immediate family to do anything less would be considered a lack of social grace and disrespectful. I will gladly stand with their father whereever they choose to seat us but I will not be hidden in the back alone just to make BM feel better unless of course I am standing back there with her husband (I would agree to that compromise). It will be a very difficult event as my work involves hosting parties and speaking with people all day and BM is very shy and uncomfortable in social situations. So there I will be in another difficult situation where at my children's wedding I will go all out making people feel comfortable, arranging plans, etc and in SSs wedding I will have to sit on my hands and bit my tongue watching BM struggle. IF I'm too nice I'm trying to take over, if I do nothing I don't want to help. Until you are a SM- you can't even imagine how difficult it is- I sure didn't think it would be this hard....See MoreSocial graces in literature
Comments (7)My sense is that women of the upper classes would have "at home" days, a day when she would remain at home to entertain visitors, particularly other ladies. My grandmother had a social-climbing aunt who was notorious for not being "at home" for members of her own family, yet was known for her hospitality to the wives and daughters of the wealthier families. I suspect the reason these customs dropped off is that the women were no longer "at home", but rather working in the outside world. Some of these customs seem charming to us, but in reality I bet many women found them stressful, irksome, and boring. I wonder if the reason so many of these social graces were gradually lost is that men were not expected to fulfill them, and women became just too busy. Still, that's no reason why people can't send thank-you cards! I collect vintage and antique postcards, because I find the artwork often really beautiful. I love the messages written on the back. So often these cards were sent by relatives and friends to convey news or mark a special occasion. Several of the cards in my collection were mailed to young children by female relatives (aunts, cousins, etc.). I am sure these children must have felt very special receiving their own mail. Of course, postage was cheap back then....See MoreCA Kate z9
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