The Perils of Reading Self Published Books

13 years ago

I mentioned in Freida's 50s thread that I haven't been around much lately, partly as I have, to my own bewilderment, been reading a lot of books with little literary merit, mostly romance and erotica.
Some of these books have been free downloads to my Kindle, and a couple of these have been eye-openers. I understand that many people feel they have a book inside them, but really, in many cases, it should stay there! An aspiring author should at least be able to write decent English.
Recently I read a book that was so appalling, I had to finish it just to see how bad it could get. There were 8 reviews at Amazon, of which 7 were five stars. I sincerely hope these were either the author herself, or her friends, especially the one that said it was 'well written'.
Here for your amusement are some of the better examples of why self published books should mostly be avoided. (And I assure you they are exactly as published, including the punctuation).

'His back was to me and I ran my eyes down his broad shoulders that ran like a cylinder down to his hips.'

'The moment he interrupted my life, something strange happened inside of me. And I felt that strangeness as I stood in the immaculate entryway to some man's mansion I had no idea who it was.'

'My heels clicked on the marble tile as my mind battled between being more nervous about hearing my heels on the tile or standing next to this beautiful man who had invited me to dinner. It was as if I hung between those two feelings with a piercing thought trying to sandwich between them.'

'Mr Thomas had the debonair, maturity and confidence of the other men in the room.'

'I glanced up to see the dark, brown eyes of which I thought was Mr Thomas.'

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Comments (9)

annpan
13 years ago
Oh, come on Kath, these people are trying....very!
annpan
13 years ago
It isn't only authors who write poor prose. I was watching a travel program on TV and the presenter said
"..and as we inhale the beautiful coastline" !!
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Thanks for thinking about me, Mona. I hesitated to post here because of the word, "successful" in the subject line. :-) Newdawn, I would suggest you get the latest copy of "Writer's Market", usually found in the reference section of your bookstore. It contains a wealth of information on how to submit manuscripts to publishers, as well as a listing of publishers and what they do and do not accept. It also contains contact information for agents. I was lucky to have three murder mysteries published without an agent, but my publisher caters to a specific market--libraries that buy book packages on a quarterly basis (two mysteries, two romances, two westerns, etc.). The books are offered to the public online through Amazon and Barnes and Noble. So, while it's fun to have them published, there's not a lot of money in it. To make it big, you really need an agent, and they're almost as difficult to get as having your book published. Getting an agent is my next goal, as soon as I have the time and motivation to start another book! Most large publishers will not accept unsolicited manuscripts and only work with agented material. Those publishers that do accept unsolicited manuscripts generally want a synopsis of your book and the first three chapters at first, then they'll let you know if they want to see the rest. Beware of publishers who want money from you to read your stuff, and I'd also advise against self-publishing offers. Also, before you submit your work, make sure it's proofread well and the copy is clean (that is, no spelling or horrendous grammar mistakes). If it's difficult to get past mistakes, the editor won't read much more than a few paragraphs. Good luck!
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The only fiction book I ever bought that was self published was written by a friend (I helped fund her Kickstarter campaign and got a copy of the book for my effort). I'd like to say I enjoyed it -- it was a historical fantasy bodice-ripper -- bodice-rippers are definitely NOT my style of book, and the heroine was just too, too perfect. But there is a market for that style of book (just not me), and the author's writing was overall good (she could have tightened spots, of course, and the middle was a bit slow), and there weren't plot holes. I got the paperback, and the quality of the book manufacturing was excellent. I do buy and enjoy non-fiction/memoir self-pubbed books (I can't tell you how many "I walked the Appalacian Trail" books I've read (on Kindle). I am considering writing a cookbook to self-publish after I finish moving this summer. I know for that, since I have no name for myself, I'll need an angle. With Science fiction -- there's probably more of a market than non-genre fiction. I know I used to write a lot of it back in the day, and there were ways to mail off manuscripts to a network of afficianados who weren't your friends, but who would critique honestly and send the manuscript back with suggested edits. Feedback (as on kitchen plans!) is essential!! That you have an editor looking at the full first volume is wonderful -- hopefully your story sustains through the whole book! You will have to market.aggressively if you go it yourself -- for genre writing there are always conventions you can attend which will help. Speaking of The Martian, I'm about to start reading that book!
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Hi Carolyn - yes, I'd like to read the Stand, but as you say, it's been revised (as in - made much longer than it was). It's the old problem - the more popular an author, the less likely the editors will be prepared to say "Look, this is really a bit verbose - it needs to be cut down a bit...." Stephen King wanted to revise The Stand, and that's his prerogative - but I'd like to read the original version, not the new one. It's like DVD's and "director's cut" or "extended edition" versions. I want to see a DVD of the film as shown in cinemas - not some other longer version with scenes which, when you see them, you realize why they were edited out !
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friedag
13 years ago
Maybe these self-styled authors compose on their phones as I sometimes do. I blame my often tortured syntax and misplaced punctuation on the size of the screen. I need to see the whole piece to ascertain whether I'm making any sense, but if I can see everything I need a magnifying glass to read it. However, if I enlarge it, I can read only about ten words at a time so l lose track of the antecedents, and I wind up writing a mess. If I try to edit, I make a bigger mess.

Annpan, I've 'inhaled' some beautiful coastlines. I like that wording. :-)

However:
...his broad shoulders that ran like a cylinder down to his hips. This fella had a strange anatomy! I'm entertained by the very thought.
annpan
13 years ago
Oh, Frieda, didn't the sand get up your nose, though?
That poor guy, half man, half motor! Like an anime?
I must admit to polishing my posts. The Preview Message gets a good workout sometimes...
woodnymph2_gw
13 years ago
I constantly find glaring errors in grammar and spelling in books that are published by the finest publishing houses.
J C
13 years ago
Obviously the author(s) have a made an attempt at humor and failed miserably. You know how difficult it is to write good humor. Maybe their next book will actually be...funny?
yoyobon_gw
13 years ago
One of my favorites is the local reporter who wrote:

"The deer broke through the front window and ransacked the restaurant."

I guess we're just lucky he wasn't also bent on raping and pillaging !
mudlady_gw
13 years ago
Ummmm--"It was a dark and stormy night."
sheriz6
13 years ago
Kath, I've been in the same rut, reading all sorts of romance novels, some of them free for the Kindle. I've discovered there's a reason they were free!

I did find one free author I liked, Elizabeth Hunter (Elemental Mysteries - vampires & lots of sex, but I thought the story was good and the writing quite competent), but the rest were pretty bad. I guess I was lucky to avoid the types of descriptions you encountered -- those were hilarious!

The Perils of Reading Self Published Books

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