I have a daughter who is a single parent. She is finding it to be a real struggle. Maybe your DIL has got the message that being a single custodial parent is not a good option for either your granddaughter or herself. Your posting suggests that your DIL is involved as a visiting parent and that her relationship with yourself is reasonably civil given circumstances. Considering what I hear about couples who have split up, I would be thankful for small mercies. As to what to tell your granddaughter. I would tell her that her mommy loves her very much but that mommy cannot provide a good home and that you can. I think that it would be helpful to see if you can get/keep a good relationship as possible with your DIL. After all you are likely to be involved with her for a long time to come. You might have to work hard at being non-judgmental. If your son objects, tell him that it is for the sake of granddaughter. Ian

Jen - that is CRAZY! Lukki you are not alone! It is very hard for me to hold my tongue but in the past I felt that I had to so that I would conform a bit more to 'societies political correctness' of accepting everything. I've been accused of being rude in the past because, as my family puts it: I'm blunt and say what's on my mind. Somehow that stopped but once I had my 1st baby I decided that I didn't want him to grow up in such a rude world w/ so many egocenntric, thoughtless people so I started speaking up again. I work in a Dr.s office and one of the things that I point out to each new patient when they arrive (it's something in the paperwork that they sign) is: If you know that you can't make an appointment please call us. 'I know the paperwork says 24hrs but obviously that's not always possible and we certainly understand that.' I try to show that we are reasonable first. Then I say 'And if you know or think that you are going to be late PLEASE call us in advance. We schedule our appt.s every 20 mins. and the patient that is scheduled behind you may require strict one on one attention w/ the therapist and we certainly wouldn't want to shotchange that persons need.' And yet I still can't believe how many people just show up 15 min. late EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME! If someone is on their cell phone and they try to do business w/ me I tell them that when they are done they can come back. And if they try to talk w/ me while on the cell phone to conduct their business, I talk w/ them as if I were the only one in the room - I don't care if they are trying to speak w/ the person on the other end of their phone. Then I get up and walk away when I'm done so that they have to follow me for all of the information that they just missed. If they are just generally talking on their cell phone while in the waiting rm. I ask them to leave. I have business that I also need to conduct in this small office. On the retail end of it: One night I was closing our store when a last minute shopper came in 5 min. before closing. She putzed around for about 15 min. I asked her if there was anything that she was looking for and if I could help. She said that she was just browsing (talking on her cell the whole time) and I told her that the store was getting ready to close as it was past closing time. At 15 min. past closing I had the staff shut off the main store lights and started sending people home. 30 min. past closing (the mall was shutting of hall lights) she finally brought something to the register (still on that phone). I didn't do anything. She put her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone and mouthed to me that I could go ahead and ring her up. I very loudly told her that I would wait until she was off of the phone as I like to make sure that my customers have my undivided attention. She immediately hung up. As for the rude drivers, if it's daylight and in a very populated busy area, I have been known to put my car in park at a red light, get out of my van and let them have it. I know it's not a good idea but sometimes I just don't care. You should have seen the look on the guys face that tried to cut me off and then rode my bumper giving me the finger. He about died when we got to the red light (him behind me) and I got out of my van 8 months pregnant and headed for his car. He couldn't get his window up fast enough.

Have you thought through the paths that food will take within the kitchen from arrival to storage to prep to cooking to plating, etc. It seems to me that you have paths that will cross and double-back on themselves. That will make your kitchen less efficient and more likely to have conflicts as you make a meal. You do have quite a hike from fridge to sink and back to stove. Where do you eat your meals, in the DR? Have you considered having two sinks: one as clean-up on the DR side of the prep/cooking zones, w dish storage nearby; the other located closer to food storage zone or enroute from there and closer to the range. Your butler's pantry sink is not going to serve either of these needs, though useful on its own for other purposes. Although overlooked by many, and clearly not as fun as thinking about styling issues, for me the essential first step in kitchen planning is thinking about the food & work pathways. If you get those as right as possible (there is rarely perfection) then no matter what else you do in the kitchen it will be fab since it will work so well. Right now, your plan has the three main things the fridge/food storage, the sink and the range out of order. You'd have to walk from the fridge, past the stove to the sink to rinse the carrots before trekking back to the range to cook them. Then back to sink to add (and later to drain) water to the pot. You are correct to be wondering where to store the dishes. If they are stored near the present sink location then you'd have to walk back to there to get a dish, before schlepping the plate past the stove where the carrots were cooked, onward to the DR, etc. Using the outlines of the space that you have, start by thinking through where the food will arrive, be stored, be prepped (with easy access to water) cooked, plated and served. Then where the plates will come back from where ever the food was eaten to be cleaned and leftovers stowed. Think about whether you will be going out through the french doors for outdoor grilling. Forget, for the moment, the notion that sinks need windows. Keep in mind that ranges need direct, or easy upward venting. Some people with young children like to have a fridge near the DR. Just ponder the food flow, then afterward walk through in your mind each step in a dozen or so commonly prepared meals. Every time you have to double back make a note of it, when and why. Use those notes to smooth the paths out. HTH, L.

Hey, gardencool and everyone else, I could have a different hosta than S&S, but, I'm pretty sure that is what I purchased it as when I bought it from a mail order nursery, I can't recall which one though, the other 1 I think is S&S is dark green too, but, has no flowers, I have only purchased 2 types of huge potential growing Hosta, and that is Sum and Substance, and the Empress Wu, I got 2 of them, they are small, I just planted them this spring. So what other huge or biggest Hostas are there? And Connie, as far as the oak, wait until it's dormant then dig it up, try to keep a good bit of roots, but, make sure they aren't circling around each other, but, you likley did that when you first planted it anyway, then (of course make the hole not any deeper than the roots, but, a bit wider, I try about 6 inches wider on each side. Then cover with native soil, sometimes you may need to add some bagged TOPSOIL, just to have enough soil (in my experience anyway) then mulch and water very well. If I forgot something Ken can add it, of course keep it water well when there's not enough rain, but, don't overdo it, since the tree will be dormant, it won't need a ton of moisture until next growing season. Sometimres digging an oak up after it being in the ground for 2-3 years is harder than you'd think, if it was sown from an acorn in the ground originally, you just may have a real job there ahead of you, hope your soil isn't as rocky as mine is, you may need some power digging equiptment if your soil is hard clay, or rocky, and if the oak is a Burr oak they CAN have taproots go down as deep as 7 feet, I've read that before. Hopefully yours was planted from a nursery pot, then it will just be a bit hard, but, not too bad, I was able to move one myself, and I'm not in too great shape. I did need to use a saws all too cut the root that grew into the soil, but, a guy in great shape or a determined woman in not great shape can do it, with some small power equiptment.