I have nothing more to offer regarding "how" to clean the mess, but definitely have a recommendation for "who" should actually be putting the elbow grease into the project. The offending son absolutely should be the person doing the cleanup and, if the pan can't be salvaged, he should purchase a new one from his own money. That being said, I'm in a never-ending training mode when it comes to keeping my husband from ruining my non-stick frypans. You would think that paying for new ones would help reinforce the "use plastic utensils" rule.

Hi Everyone! Thanks all for your concern. I'm not sure what to post, except, I'm quite certain it's MUCH better. He hasn't shown any aggression towards my son in several weeks. He didn't show any aggression towards my daughter either for about 3 weeks but then just recently, he snapped at her. We do take him running. He runs several miles a few times a day. We all run at different times during the day, so he goes on 2-3 runs per day. I take him at around 6a.m., at least one of my kids takes him after school and/or plays fetch with him and then my husband takes him in the evening. He gets PLENTY of exercise. I run the least, which is about 3-4 miles in the morning and on occasion 5 or more miles. I also took him to the vet. The vet is concerned, so he has a dog trainer that is planning to come by. I also contacted the local dog training school, who has not yet returned my phone call or email. BUT, my dog is doing better. I just don't have the heart to take him back to the shelter. He came from a shelter near by, which I believe is VERY good and everyone cares about the animals. They told me he won't get along with other dogs but were sure he would get along well with people. And by all accounts, he did until we brought him home. Remember, we visited him a few times at the shelter and he as great. I am sure that if we take him back,he will be euthanized and that idea is just too heartbreaking. My dog has some very loving qualities and such great charm.

I am in the same situation. It’s New Years Day and I am lying here depressed. My adult son came to temporarily live with me and my new husband of 2 years about 7 months ago. He asked and my husband said yes. My husband decided not to charge him rent or anything, even told him he can eat what we eat, wash clothes, basically our home is his home. We have a written agreement which we all signed. My son takes out the garbage and cuts grass, clean his room & bathroom. He’s making plans to move back out as agreed. He has savings. Is my son perfect? No, but he is not disrespectful. Other than not walking around the house naked, nothing else has changed in our marital relationship. My husband took it upon himself to step in as a father to my son and even asked my son if that was ok. His biological father…didnt do his job and has no real relationship with him. My husband and son get along fine. However i know my husband is faking it. If my son makes one mistake or forget something, my husband is very critical and judgemental. He complains to me telling lies about my son and says hateful things about my son. i love my husband but this is unacceptable to me. i am beyond hurt and angry. My son doesnt even know how my husband really feels. What brought to this post…my husband thought my son had left and left the door unlocked at 2am. My son was actually outside. Anyway all i literally said was to tell him and immediately he accused me of coming to my son’s defense and starts going off. I am confused. If someone does something wrong or forgot something, isnt the natural thing to do is tell them? What did I say wrong? There is so much more I could say to paint the picture of everything that has gone on. I dont want a divorce but this is too crazy!

I can only imagine what you're feeling, but I'd urge you to think things through very carefully before taking any dramatic and rash steps. Imagine your husband consents and you win custody of your son. You already know your husband doesn't love him and doesn't want him in your lives. How will he treat your son? Will that really be better for your son? And at what cost to you? What will day-to-day life be like? And will you have to walk on eggshells to buffer your husband from your son? If your son doesn't really want to move, what will happen if he misbehaves on purpose? If your ex decides to cause turmoil for you all? If your ex starts with the mind games? Imagine your husband consents and the custody battle drags on for months and months (like most do), increasing the stress level in your home, draining "his money" (I put that in quotes because I imagine that's how he will see it) and taking your time and energy away from meeting his needs? Imagine his relief if you lose, and your resentment of his relief. Now imagine your husband refuses your request. You say you have packed, but are you really ready to walk out dramatically? You have money? A job? A place to live? What about your daughter? Will she be better off if you leave? How's your marriage otherwise? And will your son be any better off if you leave? How? Will you even be able to get custody of him without your husband's financial resources? A second divorce won't look very attractive to a family court judge. If he's still only visiting you, will he now be visiting you in a crappy apartment no better than his dad's? Have you taken a close look at your children's behaviors? Many stepparents on this forum report that one or all of the stepkids are spoiled brats, treat them with disrespect, ignore them, etc. How does your son behave? And is there anything in his behavior that could cause or contribute to your husband's indifference? And does your son want to live with you now? Enough to change some behaviors? I'm certainly not recommending you do nothing --- only that you do nothing in haste. Drama is good for daydreams, but for real life, it's traumatic and destructive. Walking out could mean ending your marriage, and it's unlikely to get you what you want --