May God in his infinite wisdom, bless you, keep you and grant you peace. And thank you for the goodness and caring of all the caregivers on this forum. It gives me refuge and hope.

tuscanlover - Thanks for the kind words. I wish your daughter the best with her 6 year old. They are learning so much today about Autism and how to work with it in the schools. It is so much better now then it was when my son was a student and they didn't know what the heck was wrong with him. And the general public is more aware and less likely to stare or make rude comments like they use to (though some people will never learn). I am sorry to hear about your move and the loss of your and DH's job, house and all. That is really tough to face at 55. My dad went through a similar thing when he was in his late 40's. In 1961 he was transferred by his company from Mass. to Illinois. He moved the whole family, bought a new house and less then a year later they closed that division. It was a very tough time for everyone. My mom missed her family terribly and we almost moved back to Mass. But then my dad changed careers completely and became a stock broker and made more money then he ever would have at his old job. He left my mother very well off when he died in 1987. And she still is very well taken care of by what he left behind. So when I see the grey clouds, I try to find the silver lining. As to whether I am still sane or not, my DH might debate you on that fact. ;>) Clare

I didn't know you celebrated St Catherine's Day, but I knew about her. I loved reading the Lives of the Saints when I was in Catholic grade school! We have All Saints Day, Nov 1st. Dgdau's school has a Saints Parade. She is 6 and trying to figure who she will be. All the boys want to be Joseph so they can bring their tools to school, HA Thanks for the info. Love learning about the customs.

Wondering...your Mom most likely feels close to her son...they share a home now...why should she want to see him homeless upon her death? If she buys his cigs and booze..he must be doing enough household duties to get those things..she may buy them whether he did or did not do anything for her....have you ever gone there to help out? Run errands, take her to dr....all those things that adult kids do for parents?? Maybe...your brother feels obligated to live there....be her housemate because he does not see anyone else stepping up to do the maintenance that she may need to run a house...I have seen this arrangement for years with men who live with parents... They give up certain life events such as dating, marrying and sometimes holding a good job because demands at home do not allow it...when my father was ill...I could not work....I had my own home but had to stay at home just to be able to care for my fathers transportation needs to drs ofc. My mother would not do it.... It sometimes appears as if the brother has a great time, but have you actually thought of the things he may have to deal with...maybe that is why the booze...is your concern having the will favor you some? I think your mom might see you as someone who she cannot depend on...I have a mother who made it public knowledge that she favored her boys over her daughters....she even said it as I was carting her a** around town running errands...while my oldest bro...her favorite did not lift a finger for her...ever..that I saw.... My middle bro owns the house...mother is not that crazy about him...but she will leave anything she has to my younger bro....older bro has his own money too....I do not go to my mothers house because when I did my brothers wete verbally hateful....you never knew what they would say....my mother basically kicked me to the curb 14 years ago when I started working full time....if I could not do things for her...she had no reason to talk to me..as she had done to all five of daughters....when my older sister passed away...she did not want to really talk to me after all that time...nephew passed away several months prior and I sat next to her after 12 yrs and she got up and left room. When my sister passed away she started speaking to me only to get a ride to funeral home...after that..nothing...about 2 yrs later after a conversation with another sister about problems in my marriage...my mother calls about a month or so later.....only to hear the details...thinking I would tell her anything...when I did not give her what she wanted...she stopped calling...my mother was just vacant emotionally to her daughters...not much better with sons but she treated them better.... If you are smart...you will let your brother be with this issue....some women thrive on seeing their kids fight..mine did....I have nothing to say to my mother that would mean anything at this point...she raised her kids half a**ed...but we all turned out good.....the girls all have had marital problems...and dependence on husbands because we were forced to leave home by the time we were sixteen....I did not go to clg till I was an adult and had no op to have a real career... I say all this because some women are just born to make trouble for their kids...they will play one off on the other....thats likely what she is doing now...her way of saying..."see what i did"...