It's good that you're going to see her. She could probably use the support right now.

(((Hugs to you and your sister)))

Tammy

Oh I'm so sorry for your sister. I'm glad you can go be with her. Is she there all by herself?

By the time one of my friends' husband had told her he was seeing someone else, and he had already cleaned out their joint bank accounts and made arrangements to move to another state with his mistress.

It might be a good idea for your sister to go to the bank today, right away, without saying anything to hubby about it, and check their accounts to see if he is doing anything funny with their money.

If they have joint accounts, she could open an account in her name and put her half of their funds into it for safe keeping.

I agree with petaloid. My girlfriend went through that also, and her husband gave all their money to his "mistress". It turned out that the mistress had a husband, and they made their money by scamming married men.

Your BIL may be sorry...and trustworthy...but I wouldn't take the chance. If he'll foresake his marriage vows, what else is he capable of doing?

My mom and dad are there with her and they went to the bank this morning. My sister owns her own business and of course his name is on all the accounts.
They have two kids together and right now they are with my parents so for right now my parents are taking care of her. She kicked him out last night and he went to a hotel and when my parents picked up the kids and my sister drove past the hotel and his girlfriends car was there.

oh no..... having been through this, my heart breaks for her. Just love her and listen to her. I know I talked about it ALOT to my sister, just trying to make sense of it. I know she got sick of hearing about it but she never let on.

Good advice Petaloid. And right away get everything in her name unless he wowes a lot of money on it then get her name off.
Tell her to DROP THAT ZERO AND GET HERSELF A HERO
She doesn't need his kind of influence around her children.

Please know that I will be thinking healing thoughts for your sister. She will need the strength of a bull to get through all of this.
What a jerk.

Trin

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry, what a louse. But on the bright side, she has a wonderful sister and great family support. From experience I can say the same as the others ..... be there for her. She will need you at any hour of the day or night over the next few months, until she gets back on her emotional feet. Please give her a big hug from me!

I'm sorry for your sister and her kids!
What is the matter with people?

I am so sorry.. geez.... Glad that your parents are taking care of her and helping her. I imagine it's hard to have a cool head in a situation like this. someone that knows what needs to be done. Wish I had known some of this kinda stuff to help out a friend.

Sadly womem ( and men) like this are a dime a dozen. They don't care that he( she ) is married. I have a friend that is going through this right now. Her husband coached his little girls ball team. One of the moms of another girl took a liking to him and by the time the summer was over she had him.. She didn't give a darn that he was married with 2 daughters.. They never do.

Just be there for your sister. Your support will mean the world to her..

Susie

I have been in your sisters situation. I think one of the big things that helped me hold it together was the support of one of my sisters. So go, be with her now, and in the future be available by phone when she needs you.

Shirley

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I don't even know what to say to her. There have been times over the years she has called me upset over a fight they have had and I can get her to see his side too and calm her down but this I can't. I just want to ring his neck! To hear her tell me that he's sleeping with another woman made me sick to my stomach. I cannot even begin to imagine what she's going through.
I called her this afternoon to check on her and she's talking about coming to my house this weekend. It would be good for her. My mom is going to keep the kids and this will give her a chance to figure things out a little bit plus I will be able to take care of her and spoil her. Give her much needed TLC!

Maybe some physical distance will help her get some emotional distance.

I hope karma gets him good.

She is so lucky to have you for a sister and that your parents can help out. Honestly I don't think you have to say too much to her - just be a good listener and let her get it all out. I doubt you're going to try and get her to see her husband's view this time, but it might be a good idea to refrain from bashing him either. He is the father of her children and that will never change and you never know that someday they might get back together.

I hope I don't sound like too much of an alarmist- but should she consider changing the locks on the house before she comes to visit?

I know this is going to be hard on you too. It's so difficult when a loved one is hurt. Is she your younger sister? Give her lots of hugs. We'll be thinking of you.

Just a suggestion, if she is going to be leaving the house for the weekend, I'd suggest you/she take pictures of every room in the house to show the contents. Open cupboards, closets, etc. Document. She may not need it but you never know. So sorry.

Another one who's been there - don't know what I would have done without a close, close friend of mine. Bless her heart, she listened to me night and day and for as much as I needed to vent/moan/groan/cry/plot, etc.

I'll keep your sister in my thoughts. I hate that this happened to her family, also.

Hate to mention it but I hope he was using protection. Maybe she should have a physical soon.
He might say he did but men do lie.

Sending hugs for you and your sister. Some good comments here, like photographing the house, puting away tax documents, documenting items, house and garage. She should notify the bank to watch for unusual withdrawals, funny signatures (girl friend signing your name) cashing CD's etc. As a retired bank person, guess I have seen too much.
Hugs again

My heart goes out to your sister. This has happened to two very close friends of mine and both times just before the holidays. Knowing what to say is hard, but what she needs is a an ear to listen and shoulder for support. I can't tell you how many times we talked about the same things over and over, but if thats what is needed then thats what you do. I'm so glad she has you there for support. Maybe getting her into see a therapist might be a good thing too.

In both my friends cases, the husbands had been moving finances around without them knowing.

hugs to you and your sister!

I'm so sorry this happened. I'm sad for your sister and angry at her selfish husband. She's lucky to have you and your parents in her life.

Been there. done that!
My thoughts are with you!

This is my second try. First reply went who-knows-where.

Your sister is lucky to have her family by her side. She may also need some non-family counseling -- *now*, before things are said and done that make everything even worse, long-term.

Is this marriage OVER? I don't know if this is a last straw with this man or a first, *stupid* mistake. Sadly, many spouses cheat. For some it's one time. (The involvement with a Ms. Twenty-One makes me wonder about BOTH of THEM!)

People do get past these things, if both partners want to repair the marriage. It takes time, but there will be plenty of time either way. No fun being a single parent for years and years. No fun living with a repeat cheater, but is that the case? (No fun being kids-in-the-middle either. Been there.)

You might consider not taking sides, just being there - they may reconcile, and if you've bad mouthed him....she may distance herself from you later.

Just a word to the wise.

this happen to a lovely cyber pal..3 kids...his was a 26 yo...it's been really rough on her, esp since she has no family locally...

i do have to agree on 2 points...the bank, and what amyfiddler said..be careful what you say/do. she has to protect her children and business first and foremost.

You have received some great advice here. All the money issues are right on. One thing that has not been mentioned is when it comes time to tell the children, be gentle...don't alarm them with all the facts. Make them aware that they are loved by both parents...and that none of what has happened is due to anything they have said or done. And never make them feel that they have to take sides or involve them in the divorce "nastiness" (should it come to that).

My heart goes out to your sister...she is lucky to have a great family support system.