I was a working Mom,so I can tell you the other side of the coin. I left my two babies with a sitter, a SAHM of one boy, the same age as my older daughter. She raised them the first four years. I felt terrible leaving my kids with her, tho as the years passed I saw she treated them lovingly. But I missed my first daughter's first step. And it cost a lot of money, $250 a week for the 2 of them. I was constantly broke. My salary was decent, but after childcare, I barely made enough to buy our groceries. I did have a kind employer who let me use my own sick days when my children were sick. I remember taking a week off when one had pneumonia. I feel I did the best I could given the situation. My husband was employed but I actually made more money. We couldn't afford for either of us to quit. I felt a lot of guilt. I wanted to be a SAHM but couldn't swing it. Grandparents were zero help. Now I'm retired and home all the time. My daughters turned out welkl. Both are in college full time and working part-time jobs. When / if they marry and have children, I will babysit if they want me.

I was too fearful to stay at home, even though DH has always earned a good living. I didn't know what would happen to us if something happened to him, or to our marriage. In my job I see many women in that situation, unemployed with no discernible connections to the labour market, who are suddenly on their own. It's a very frightening and traumatic situation for them, especially here, where the job market is poor. It's important to keep yourself competitive here.

I used vacation days and lieu days to attend school functions, trips, pancake days etc. I was present at the school more than many of the moms who didn't work outside the home, and I was always on school council (secretary). When DD had to spend two weeks at Toronto Sick Kids I used vacation then, as well. I did want to be home more, and I'm a homemaker by nature, but I was always able to do extra things for and with the kids without feeling financial stress, at least, and we had some great experiences.

My kids have always known, however, that we would only help them as much as they helped themselves. They have both had jobs since the age of 16, and knew they had to contribute to their education(s) for us to do so as well. They both received very good post secondary educations and have good jobs that are rewarding to them now. They are very grateful kids, thank goodness.

I was always a little jealous of stay at home moms, I admit, but I was very impoverished when I was young. I was terrified to get into that situation again, so I was unable to become dependent on another person's income. My baggage, I guess.

I also was a SAHM, and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything!

I stayed home with our six kids, until I started working 3 hrs a day in the school offices when the youngest was five, then moved up to the high school library. We always needed more money, always, but it was well worth it to stay home. Five of the six have master's or better degrees, the baby will begin her Phd next year. They all have school loans to pay, but so do we; we were never able to help with grad school, just undergrad. It was our priority.

What absolutely delights me is that the three of our six kids who are now parents themselves have all opted to stay home with their kids until the kids go to school all day. I am so very proud of my kids and their choices. Getting to be with those little kids, watching first steps, first spats, first defiances, first snowballs, feeling free to spend time with them rather than having to manage my time closely and spend only a couple managed hours and weekends with them, letting other people tell me what wonders I missed would never have worked for me. Though I truly loved my job in the library, I never felt the sense of awe and delight that I did watching my kids grow.

I am a stay at home mama to 4 and DH is a teacher. Each month it is a bit of a struggle to make ends meet, but it is worth it. We may not have the newest cars, the kids might not have the newest fashions or toys, but they are happy, loving and active kids. (not that working mom's kids aren't) I am glad that I get to spend time with them everyday and it is great having them help me do things around the house, even though sometimes they aren't the best little ahelpers lol.My mom stayed at home with us and out of my 5 siblings I am the only one that stays at home with the kids, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Stacie

the 70's were alot different than they are today...i was able to stay home and do all the things i could...but today my 2 dd's and 2 dils arn't so lucky, sigh...3 are lucky enough to work out of their homes, but dd1 is a sw, so doesn't have that option...

what is totally different are the guys! dh never had the option of attending any dr's appts, volunteering for a few hours at school once in awhile...and while ds2 has been unemployed, he's taken care of dgs, the days dil is required to go in to work...

even better is we can now discuss sahm v working mom without the old days of who or what is better...

I was fortunate also, my hubby was in the military and I mostly stayed home but did work a little part-time retail just for extra pocket money and to be out with adults. I also did some childcare. We didn't have tonnes of money, one vehicle, no trips. Now my kids are teens and I have the perfect job, 10-2, five days a week but I can take any time I need off for appointments, school functions, etc. My hubby thinks I should be working full time now but I ask if he'll do half the housework and cooking and for some reason he backs off!

Ther's a saying that's all too true: "Every mother is a working mother."

With the Internet these days, lots of stay-at-home moms can actually work from home. They have the best of both worlds... the extra money from a job and being home for their kids.

I was a SAHM for a few years when my husband and I had our daughter (his first, my 3rd child). I would never put any more children in a daycare or with sitters after all the problems I had with my now 29 year old child. At the time as well, the cost of daycare/sitters would have been my entire paycheque so there would have been no use me going to work. Dr Phil once helped a family get out of debt by telling the mom to stop working. Her cheque went to daycare and gas to get to and from work. Then there were the lunches she had to pack, which would have been cheaper had she just stayed home for lunch.

I think if you can stay home, that's fantastic. But if you really can make money after daycare costs, gas and other expenses, work.

When I did go back to work, it was rare one of us wasn't home soon after the kids got home from school.

I don't know how women do it who work full time and raise kids unless they have a spouse who can and will do a lot of domestic work. I have a woman who works for me in a pretty demanding job and she has two little kids. Fortunately she has a lot of PTO and hours can be flexible so I suppose that helps. My mom worked when I was a kid and I remember kind of wishing she didn't but my father was unreliable so it was a necessity.

I always thought I would not work and have kids. I would do one or the other but not both. However like susan_on I also grew up somewhat impoverished and in a situation where the man could not be depended upon to support the family so I had a career goal of never having to be dependent upon a man financially. It's pretty hard to do that if you drop out of the workforce entirely to raise a family.

It wasn't in the cards for us to have kids so I ended up with a career. In retrospect that has been a good thing because DH has been laid off a few times and I think it would have become pretty much of a financial nightmare if I'd ended up being a SAHM under those circumstances - the kind of thing I always wanted to avoid.

We tried for six years to have a child. When we adopted our DS I wasn't about to leave him to be raised by anyone else! There was also no financial necessity for me to work.

In the 1970's most of my neighbors were also SAHM's. Kids in our neighborhood had much the same life DH and I did as children. My DM didn't work outside the house until I was in school, and my MGM lived with us, so I never was 'latchkey' or 'in care'.

Now, though, DIL *wants* to work. (She is a teacher.) When DGS was born, DS alternated shifts so that one parent was always home with him until he started day care at three. They are also blessed to have a retired teacher living next door; she's been happy to 'fill in' an hour or two as needed to bridge any shift gaps. I doubt anything will change when Baby #2 arrives this spring. DGS will be six. They won't face a 'budget breaking point' of having two kids in care.

Side Note: Our town has many NAHM's (Not At Home Moms). Many aren't working, but have live in/live out child care. When I take DGS to a park, I'm often the only English-speaking adult there. So...it's not always a financial choice; some mothers don't want to be full time Mothers. (Our DIL doesn't! Yet she is a very good Mom.)

Thinking about it, I kind of had the best of both worlds for a while. For 8 years, I worked one 24 hour shift a week, leaving me 6 days a week at home. DH has always done a good portion of the housework, and all of the outdoors work. When I started working f/t days, I worked out of my home 1/2 a day, so I brought the kids home for lunch and was here (working) when they were sick. Some time after the job changed to us being in the office f/t, we got a house cleaner, partly because I'd had an MVA and couldn't do as much any more, and partly so my time off work could be spent with the kids at activities and doing family stuff. We were better off paying a house cleaner than we were having me stay home all day, and at that point, the kids were at school all day.

I was always a stay at home wife, even before we had children. Two of our daughters worked away from home after they married for some time and the third has always been a stay at home wife. Now they are all stay at home wives. In my growing up time, almost all women stayed at home with their children. When I was probably about 8 or 9 my Mother got a job working in our school cafeteria. She rode the school bus to and from work with my sister and me. She was still working there when I graduated from high school. I think it is very hard to have a job away from home and children and household to take care of too.

Sue

I was able to stay at home with my three kids. When the two oldest were in school I did childcare in my home. Only one other boy who was the same age as my son. When they were grown and married, I was a SAHG. I was able to take care of all seven of my grandchildren. By the time they came, it was hard for my children to stay home. They have grown up to be as close as siblings instead of cousins. Four of them are still here in my town and three of them attend the same High School. The oldest took my job at the Church Pre School when I had to quit. I was truly blessed to be able to spend as much time with my grandchildren as I did.

What a thoughtful discussion this is!

I always loved coming home in the '50s and having my mother there, sometimes with freshly baked cookies. So I wanted the same for my children.

I met my DH shortly after the time The Pill came about, so ours was the first generation that could really time our family expansion plans. What a blessing the pill was as it allowed us to get ourselves established educationally and financially/careerwise before the babies came. We lived frugally before their arrival to set aside a nest egg to let me stay home.

Our 3 kids were spaced 3 years apart. We were new in town, and I volunteered LOTS at their schools and in the community as I felt it was part of my job description as a SAHM to help make this a family friendly place, and it needed it IMHO.

Like Susan, I lived in fear that something would happen and require me to work, especially after our third child (a surprise) arrived. I had quit teaching with the first and probably would have to refresh my certification with more schoolwork before I could find a job. But we were lucky that no bad luck befell us.

We had a middle child who may well have been a problem kid if I had not been here to watch and know what he was up to. DH and I both feel that way. Today he is a wonderful young man and getting ready to propose to a sweet young lady.

My goal was to see each child through college debt free, and we did it. I don't think they realized what a boon that was for each of them until they saw their friends coping with great debt in their first career jobs while our 3 had no such debt to manage.

My kids did not have the vacations, wardrobes, and elaborate birthday and Christmas gifts that others had whose parents both worked. We also limited the amount they could work while in high school and cut back if their grades slipped. We were strict and always there, and I just know sometimes they wished we were not so aware of what they were up to.

Today our 3 are good friends with each other and all doing well in their 30s. My only DD is now a SAHM herself. My son's soon to be fiancee will not be so lucky as they must live in a very expensive community/area due to his work and that will require two salaries.

Awesome conversation!

I'm a SAHM to our 9 year old DD, and our 6 year old DS. I've been one since our DD was born and I went through a tough time thinking that I wasn't contributing anything financial to our family, but that quickly wore off as the demands of an infant took up every moment of our time. :) Before DH and I had kids, we both knew that I'd be a SAHM, something that was very important to us no matter how much we had to sacrifice. Luckily DH made then, and makes now, a great salary and even affords us extra. (Thanks, God!)

Over the last few years, since both kids have been in school, I've been finding myself volunteering more and more at their school. And though it was a private school and was wonderful, I could tell that the kids needed more- so this is our first year homeschooling! Half the time I'm wondering what I was thinking, (LOL!) and the other half LOVING being their teacher. They really like it too and found that we've gotten even closer than before. I'm stoked! I'm VERY thankful that we're able to do this- and we have tons of friends whose kids couldn't tolerate it b/c their kids thrive on being at school. Or my friends really enjoy being working moms. : D Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a HS'ing thread, that's just where my being a SAHM has led our family. :)

Blessings,
Haley

This is the Reader's Digest version.

I married my GI husband in 1944, knowing what his goals were. I also knew that what I wanted for my life was to have a good marriage and that included children, eventually.

When he was sent overseas, I went to work for the Government. When he came home he was hired by Sears to work on the loading dock; you can imagine what that paid!

After adjusting to postwar life, we moved to where he could work while starting his education. His goal was to teach school. He worked and went to college until he got his degree. By the way, during that time we had two children. I did not work, my job was to take care of the "home fires." We managed to buy a small house, but we had been married for 15 years when we bought our first automobile.

DH got his first teaching job two years before our second child started to school. When he did start school, I took a job in the school lunch room, so I was always home when the kids were. We were able to buy our "forever" home.

Almost everything Stacie said applies to my life. DH knew what his goals were: mine were to help him reach his.

Fast forward to the present. DH lost the battle against cancer 28 years ago this month. Our two children are now grandparents. My DD is retired, getting her SS and working at home. DS has a few more years as Machine Shop foreman, then he will be spending more time at his lake cabin.

Were times rough? Yes, but we paid every bill on time and I have no regrets about all the "things" we didn't have.

That was the way our life was, and was meant to be.

Sue

I was a single working mom for 13 years of my older DD's life, hard but we made it. After marrying DH and when our 2nd kid was born I did not work for 8 years. When DS was in 1st grade I got a job working in elemntary cafeteries in our distric 2-4 hours a day then 5 hours the last two years. I did it for 20 years allowed me to still be a SAHM.
And the BEST part is I get a nice but small retirement since I retired in June. Loving it! I feel I had the best of both the working with extra $$ world and the SAHM world;)

My sister had a topsy-turvy situation. Two young children, her DH worked rotating shifts 8-4, 4-midnight, midnight to 8. she was a pharmacist, working 18 hour days, two days one week, 5 days the next. that is, she was "off" seven days out of 14. Somehow she made it work, but she and her husband didn't sleep much or see much of each other. Maybe if they had, there would have been more than 2 kids.

I don't have kids but my mom was a SAHM. Always loved coming home at lunch time and having P & B sandwiches.

SamKaren
your resident DJ

I have loved reading everyones stories.. Motherhood is the best job ever but also can be the hardest. It is clear that no matter if we are a working mom or a SAHM we all love our children. What more can we say..

Like susie, I was a SAHM. But, unlike her, I do have regrets now. I wish, I had a job, and a skill.

Life would be easier now, that I am getting a divorce.

No, I don't regret having been home with the kids, I just regret not going in to the job market after they grew up.

Moni

I wanted a child but I never wanted to be a SAHM. I always knew that I wanted to work.

And so I did - my company was willing to let me come in at 5 am. So I got up, woke the baby and nursed him. Baby asleep and then DH was on duty. He'd feed and dress, then take our infant son into work with him around 7 am, then take him to the really wonderful daycare about 8 or 9 am - whatever fit his schedule and meetings. Sometimes the baby went to a meeting, LOL. Both of our companies were accommodating and progressive - and they still are.

When the son was really young I could go nurse him at daycare at lunch break - it was only a mile away from work. I also had a private place to pump breast milk at work.

But the best benefit was I could pick our son up anywhere from 2 pm to 4 pm, depending on my day. He had wonderful interactions with other children, but was really only in daycare about 5-6 hours.

We'd go home, have a little nap, then the rest of the afternoon to play and do home stuff like fixing dinner. It was perfect for us.

I also had my kids in the 70's also. It never occurred to me to be anything but a SAHM. The thought of having anyone other than myself (and that includes grandparents)bringing up my children and instilling my values was incomprehensible to me.They got enough of that from friends and school.

This is very timely because today I happened to attend an event where several people happened to know my DS. It was just a "it's a small world" type of thing. I was so proud to have several people come up and tell me what a fine man he is and how they have so much respect for him. This was coming from both his peers and elders. I was told a few positive things about him that even I didn't know. I'm still floating on a cloud of pride. Now my DS did not have an easy time of it as a kid. I know my being there made a difference.

DD wants nothing more than to stay home if she is lucky enough to become a mom. In today's economy she will have to work. She hopes to work at home but even if she can't she and her DH are planning for sharing the stay at home time if necessary. They are determined that they the parents will raise their children not some daycare or sitter.

I also that being a SAHM isn't always the best for the child. I knew moms who stayed at home but in reality they invested in themselves more than their children. They used grandparents and sitters so they could pursue their own hobbies and interests. As parents who were involved at school scouts etc. DH and I saw kids of working moms who still took the time to invest in their kids coming out ahead of those with self-involved stay at homers. So it's not always black and white.

I have always been a SAHM except for 2 years between marriages. I loved taking care of my babies. My first husband wanted me to stay home, my second was used to a working wife, but he found out he liked me at home also. I save more money by not working and taking care of the money.

I worked for a couple of years, but then we moved to another state and dh got a better paying job so we could afford for me to be a SAHM. I loved it. So far, it seems to be paying off. I think working first has made me better appreciate the time I've been able to spend with the kids. My kids are in school now. I'm still busier than ever.

I gave up a career that I went to college to make, but I don't really regret it. If I had to do college over, I would choose a different path or maybe not even have gone at all. If I ever decide what I want to be when I grow up, I'll probably be working for myself anyway.

I agree that being a SAHM doesn't make you a better parent. I've seen some really bad parenting from SAHM's and also some good from both working and SAHM's.