That is awkward, isn't it? But bound to happen sooner or later. Yeah, I agree with a smile, politeness, and keeping it as short as possible. (Maybe she is wondering the same thing.)

Moni, you can do just that!

Just acknowledge her being there, and if he introduces her, smile and say hello. Then mingle.

For the sake of your family it is best to keep a cordial friendship.

You are a different person now and you can do this.>

Sue

Yep, take the high road. I think the situation speaks for itself. I would be polite but say as little as possible to her. She thinks she won the prize but it's the booby prize!

Thanks every one! I really appreciate your feed back. I think, Susan said it best.

"Hi, I'm Moni" ought to do it.

Susan, I will take your advice.

Moni

I would be surprised and upset if he introduced her to you.
That is low-of-the-low.

On the off-chance that he does, just do what the others said.

You can do it Moni!!!

Sounds to me like your ex has an "agenda" of his own, Moni. I agree with Kat. Also...it appears he has got an ax to grind.

Show him up, Moni! If you must present yourself to the soon-to-be next Mrs...do exactly as you plan. Hold your head high, smile sweetly and simply introduce yourself. Let the rest of the conversation be from her end. I doubt that she'll have much to say after that...and you'll be able to excuse yourself to go visit with other friends.

Many eons ago I found myself in a similar position and after conducting myself as I advise you to, I was later approached by the new Mrs who felt I simply must be told about what an undesirable husband my ex made. LOL I was amazed it took her such a short time to come to that conclusion...and...not wanting to get in the middle of that particular mess...I smiled very sweetly and moved on.Perhaps the same "intelligence" will occur to the woman you may meet Saturday night. Considering that she's probably received an ear full from your ex...prove him wrong. That's the best satisfaction you'll ever get. ;-)

Have a good time Saturday night. Although I don't post often...I've kept abreast of your progress over these last months since your divorce. You should be very proud of yourself. You're a success, Moni. Remember that when you walk into that room. No one can ever take that away from you...and I suspect that may be part of your
exes "agenda". He'd like to take it away.

Anne

What a jerk. I hope you enjoy the party despite his attempts to ruin it for you.

You can do it....and as it is a party that most of the patrons will be friends of your or all have the same interests as you, she will be the one with the two left shoes....Oh yeah, as you smile and say hello just keep in the back of your mind that she is the one that has been served the leftovers, YOUR leftovers, and you have a whole new world to meet.

Moni, I've been there too and like the others, advise you to just say hello, Merry Christmas and then move away. If they don't get a rise from you chances are they will leave very disappointed.

Good for you! And just remember, if you find yourself fact to face with them you have a whole roomful of KT friends backing you up.

Yep, I agree with taking the high road. If you don't, you'd just be giving them something to talk about later.

I just had to meet my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend for the first time, and it was pretty awkward too. While I wanted to say, "uh, good luck with this guy", LOL, I just said, "Hi, I'm Jenn, nice to meet you!" and that was that.

Get it out of the way fast and then have a blast with your friends!

What an a$$ he is coming to bike events with her when he didn't come when you were married. I am sure your biking friends must feel the same way about him. You can do it Moni!

Keep your dignity and just smile and say, "Hi, I'm Moni". Under your breath, you can say anything you like, but don't come down to his level. He lost, you won - act like a winner!

Moni, I have found myself on both sides of this...being in a social situation with the "new" woman and also being "the other woman"
I will say I have secrectly envisioned punching my former "friend" in the nose, but after almost 5 years I think taking the high road was classier.

Now, I can say being on that end really made me appreciate needing to meet my man's Ex. Having grandchildren made it a necessity to occasionally get together. I can say we really do get along quite nicely now. Last year we shared Christmas at my house so they kids would not have to be drug all over the county....It went well.

And while I am not suggesting you need to be bosom buddies...rise above and have fun! I am sure all your friends will appreciate seeing a healthy smile from you and know you are strong and well.

(oh yeah, if you feel like being a little devlish - give your ex a kiss on the cheek, wink and walk away! bwaaahaaahaaa!)

Moni, the only advise I can give you is be yourself and don't act any different. First and foremost, you must remain true to yourself. Don't retreat into a corner or stop going to events. You do what you want and do it with your head held high.

If you happen to be introduced of bump into her, please treat her like anyone new you would meet. Don't be overly cordial or cool. Be pleasant and smile; strike up a casual conversation and let it play out naturally. Please don't compromise yourself.

While your ex may be an @ss, that doesn't necessarily mean all who come in contact with him are. What happened between you and your ex should stay between you and your ex.

The best thing you can do is have peace and happiness within yourself and not let anyone or anything get you riled up. My ex married two times after our divorce and it p!ssed him off to no end that my life continued on. Once he understood that I didn't give a hoot about his life, he stopped making a big deal about his life.

Indifference is the worst insult...forgiveness the best revenge.

Indifference is the easiest and drives a person crazy! They seem to want to get all up in your face "wondering" when the axe is gonna fall. LOL!

All of the above I like the term "Leftovers"

Was in a situation like that. My future and I were forewarned his ex was coming. We didn't go :o(

Good luck and enjoy. I know there will be butterflies in your stomach, but you are strong and can get past it. First time is the hardest.

Yep, IF you have to, HAVE to, I agree with just "Hi, I'm Moni!"

Hi Moni , this woman is going to be involved in your life, it's inevitable.They will be at grandbabies birthdays etc..so just make the best of an uncomfortable situation.Like others have said
smile, say hello ,and move away.
You can do it Moni, you are strong and determined.

june

I can only add.... remember that YOU are the winner.... to keep those butterflies away.

and if she gets "chatty", just smile and don't say a word, no matter what! Drives them nuts!!!!!

Moni, show them what a classy woman you are.. Introduce yourself with a smile on your face. Believe me it will drive your ex nuts.. I like the whink to the ex.. Kill him with kindness. Go and have a fabulous time. You have earned it....

I hope this isn't being too blunt, Moni, but this ex of yours sounds like a real jerk. This is just cruel of him, imho and I am hoping that he was never this cruel when you had to live with him. I'm sure your children are disappointed in him too.

Follow all the good avsise you've been given and you'll do fine.

Here was my first thought--well, it's too violent for here so I think before you go you play out the scene in your head and get what we'd all like to see you do out of your system. ;-)

Then do like Kat said, if you're introduced, just say hello. Period. Excuse yourself. And be sure the ex sees you laughing and having a good time with your bike friends. I'm sure they all know what he's up to.

You put that German determination to work big time, girl!! And really do have fun. (Maybe he won't even show up.)

Just remember ---> he's an EX for a reason. You know that, and she's about to find out!

"If it were me..."

I would not acknowledge him or her. I would not come forward to 'introduce' myself. I would make no effort to avoid them; but I would not make any effort go up to them or acknowledge them in any way.

IF he approached me and spoke or tried to introduce 'her' I would then smile (or show teeth) and say "Hello." No conversation except to answer questions, cooly, and certainly no "Merry Christmas," etc. I'd be distant, distracted, and on my way.

I like all the ideas above...and especially those from PKRammer, SalGal, and LynnD, and JennMonkey.

Why is he going to one of your biking events? Is he a biker too, or is the floozy?

Another question...if this tart was involved with him before your divorce I would in no way meet her eyes or wish her a "Merry Christmas." I'd answer any question she might ask while staring over her shoulder. If she is someone he met AFTER the divorce was signed, then I might consider her a future victim and wish her (mentally only) good luck.

I have nothing new to add except we all believe in you and know that you can do this. You are a strong woman!

I believe it was Mark Twain who said, "Always do your best. Your friends will be proud of you and your enemies will be astonished."

This woman will be at events with you every now and then from now on. Who knows, you may even grow to like her, and she may reflect your same feelings of initial awkwardness. Be civil and brief as advised. You want this to go adequately well for the time you will meet with the kids and grandkids also in attendance at family events.

Lots of hostile, vengeful women here! LOL But Moni, you've never shown that as part of your makeup, at least that I've seen. You're obviously troubled by this and I suspect it's more nervous over what *might* happen and fear of what's expected from you.

I agree with the ones who say "be yourself". Why should you avoid going there? Go and have a good time. Why should you be afraid to meet someone? As suggested, you might make a good friend. Granted there's the gender difference, but a good friend of mine became good friends with his wife's ex. No reason you couldn't have that happen, except of course if you're convinced to not let it happen.

I take it you know her by looks? If so and you see her, why not go up introduce yourself briefly and there's nothing wrong with wishing a Merry Christmas unless you're as vengeful as some of the posters here. I highly doubt you are and I think wishing them luck in their upcoming marriage is a classy thing to do. (And that sounds more like you Moni) If you have to work with them with grandchildren or something, you can either go in positive or negative and see how you're treated. Why not wait for a reason to hate her, other than other frustrated people forcing you into that position? LOL Relax. Try not to think about it. In the grand scheme of life, it's a few minutes and frankly no big deal. I'll lay odds that once the party is over, you'll go "that was nothing!"

And it's pretty selfish for the ones to suggest that he's not allowed to attend public functions since you're no longer married. No more right than for you to not be allowed there because you're divorced.

Divorce can be a positive thing or a negative and it's usually what you decide it will be that determines how it turns out. Take a deep breath Moni. The marriage is over and you're moving on. No need to worry what they think.

And don't come in late. People will see through it. Go, on time, have fun. Say hello. If you're so angry with your ex that you don't want to talk to him, that's understandable, but is it fair to take it out on an innocent person? You're probably going to run into each other sometime, maybe sometimes. Get the initial meeting over. I'd say do it as early as possible and then you'll see there was nothing to get worked up over and have the whole rest of the party to celebrate the season, socialize and enjoy yourself.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Cynic, so true! What's with all the vitriol?

You will likely run into this woman at family functions, so unless you choose to absent yourself whenever you might run into her, why not have a civil relationship?

Say hello. Civility costs you nothing, and it is the only classy way to go. You don't have to have a prolonged conversation with her.

But think to the future - grandchild's major event, or something like that. Do you want to be there glowering in a corner, trying to think of some cutting remark, just because she was also invited? Yeah, that'll look good, LOL.

We're "hostile" because he is only going to hurt Moni, since he has never gone to these parties in the past. Or so it appears to me. From what I've read of Moni's past posts about her divorce, I assumed he was seeing this woman before the divorce. I may be wrong, but that may be why a lot of us think he's being an a$$ by dragging this woman to a party he has never wanted to go to before.

Hi Moni,

Go to the party and have a good time. When you are introduced to her smile, shake her hand, look her in the eye and tell her that you are pleased to meet her. That is all you need to do. Just be the warm, wonderful and beautiful person you are, the rest will take care of itself. Once that is done you can go back to enjoying the party.

This will be the first of many meetings between the two of you that will take place over the years to come. Relax and make the best of it. You might even end up liking her. I am also sure that she is a little nervous about meeting you.

Enjoy yourself, Moni. And remember, you were married to Jerry for a long time, you know exactly what she is getting herself into. So, smile and remember how much better off you are.

sooey

moni - My sis and exBIL divorced 20 years ago after 20 years of being together. He was as much a brother to me as she was a sister. I still miss having him in my life.

But, to this day I am extremely proud of my sister and the way she conducted herself before, during and after their divorce. Including her polite behavior towards the women he paraded around in front of her. She and her current husband have even had dinner several times with her ex and his newest wife. (I think my ex BIL is finally happy in life)

It's a bit too soon to expect anything from you other than polite civility. Personally though, I would -never- turn and walk away. It might seem "dismissive" to some, but to me it would seem like running away. JMHO.

I think it's interesting how perceptions change. I'm seeing a lot of venom based on assumptions. Floozy and tart? Really? I'm sure there are many people here who are second or even third or more wives, and there have been stories about the "evil" first wife making trouble, lol. I suppose it's all about perspective.

She might be just as nervous or uncomfortable as you are.

I dunno, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he realized he missed the biking environment, maybe he has mutual friends there through you, Moni. Maybe she's interested and wanted to go. I don't know - I don't know the whole story. But I think if you start to see it as him trying to get back at you and his fiance trying to flaunt herself in front of you, you're just going to be bitter and not have fun at your party.

Go in, be yourself and have a blast. :) Don't worry about anyone else. Say what comes natural and don't sweat it. You are your own strong, independent woman now and you are entitled to enjoy yourself!

nanny98 beat me to it. I was going to say just remember, you are the lucky one here. Hold your head high, be friendly and sweet. That will dispel anything he might have said about you.

I believe this is the "other woman" and Moni's ex was cheating with her. Is this correct? In that case, a little animosity is completely understandable and it is not just being "catty". However, I still go with my above advise.

While I understand that Moni has every right to feel animosity, I do believe that Moni has a lot more class than to act petulant in public.

Moni is a sweet, kind, loving, warm, and wonderful person. She should be herself at the event, and be pleasant to Jerry's soon-to-be second wife. After all, Jerry likely has only told this woman the negative things (in his viewpoint) about Moni, and nothing would be better than to prove him wrong. If she acts in any way other than her normal self, this other woman will think, "wow, Jerry was right about her." But, if Moni behaves as she would with anyone else she was meeting, this woman will be left thinking, "wow, Jerry told me some lies about her. She's wonderful!"

No one will ever think poorly of you if you are mature and gracious. It won't hurt you to be so.....ever.

When introduced, you shake her hand and say, "Oh dear! You too!"

you don't have to be friendly, just polite.

If Jerry was messing around while still married to Moni (I don't know) why would you call the new woman innocent? She is anything but! The end of Moni's marriage has caused her much heartache in the past year, from losing her home to living in a horrible leaking apartment, to finding a suitable job, and generally uprooting everything she has known for many years. I could understand a little anxiety over finally meeting the person who was the catalyst for the end of a marriage and the beginning of a new uncertain future. I think a little vitriol is perfectly acceptable here.

However, Moni, you will probably have dealings with this new person in the future. So my advice to you would be to say "Nice to meet you, Drusilla" and walk away.

Moni - I would not go up to her and introduce myself.
I would let Jerry come to you and introduce you to her.

This group is your "turf", and any stranger should be introduced to you.

Treat her as any other member's date, with a generic greeting.

Woah, peeps, it really was just about what to say. I wouldn't call her a sloozy... just kinda dumb. She started going out with him last December. We were separated (October 5 2010). Since then, we got divorced (May 2011). He asked her to marry him about a week after the divorce.

All that aside, I know, we will see each other at family events. I hope to keep my cool over the long run, and remain civil, and maybe even be friendly.

Right now he is a butt head, and messing with me financially and emotionally. But that is him, and really was sort of expected, but of course, I hoped it wouldn't happen.

We have children together, and grand children. Meeting is unavoidable in the future.

Right now I have to get through the here and now, and their wedding on the 31st.

Only bonus out of the wedding is: I get to see Lori and the kids, and my fav. sister in law.

:)

Moni

PS, he did go to the bike Christmas parties in the past, just wasn't active in the club, and snubbed it overall.

Moni, is he a member of your club or did he just go to the Christmas party with you? I still stick with just "hello" and a quick exit to the other side of the room.

I think Moni has a right to be upset. Our "vitrol" isn't any worse than what he's doing to her. He deserves it just for the financial and emotional reasons.

There is no way I will ask anyone in the club, officer or not, if he is a paying member now a days. I am. I have been since 93, but it is a family membership, if you are a family.

Moni

Good attitude, Moni! I am a second wife (NOT responsible for the breakup of his 11-year marriage), and went through all the awkwardness and acrimony from the other side. Years of it. Three kids were caught in the middle. Eventually she and I connected on a woman-to-woman level, but it took a long time. (He and I were married 40 years.) Today I'm happy to call her my friend.

More recently, I was seeing someone for awhile who got divorced 30 years ago. His ex-wife was at the many family functions, and I thought, Oh, no--no more awkwardness, please! So at one party I asked her to dance. Good move.

I agree with monica. He should do the introductions. However, he may not if he thinks he's getting the cold shoulder. I would smile and maybe give a small "royal wave" of the hand if you catch his eye across the room. Don't make a special effort to cross the room. Let him come to you and do the introductions after he feels he will not be shot while doing so. After all, you ARE the better person. Just let THEM know it.

Your timeline of events changes the way I would react to her, since she had nothing to do with the problems in your marriage and only "knows" you by what Jerry has said. I totally agree with the way Pris would handle the situation. Be friendly. After all, she may be more similar to you than different. (Not the dumb part, though)

Moni, just be yourself and let happen what happens. You'll handle it just fine, however it plays out. And remember, we will ALL be crowded around you for moral support!

Tami

Monica, he doesn't have the balls to do that. I started to posted this, this morning... but now, I decided to tell it anyway.

While in Tulsa, I shopped with Chris, and bought me a nice red pair of shoes, with a purse to go with it.. and I will take my red shawl I just finished as an accessory... with my little black dress.

Moni

good! red will do fine! in fact i'd splurge and have my hair done, too...

just keep a mona lisa smile and head up...if he should get chatty, keep your cell phone and have a pal ring you if you can't get away fast enough..