Latest update on SIL and dumb brother

17 years ago

I'm really sorry, this got REALLY Long....

He plead Not Guilty in court, and next hearing is Jan 7th. He will remain in jail until then. As my son put it, he gave his wife the best Christmas gift ever...she doesn't have to worry about getting beaten up.

Of course now the rumors are really flying. My Dad and Step mom are saying that all family members are going to be given restraining orders from DSIL and not be allowed to contact them or the nieces and nephew. (I asked her, she said if that does happen it is not from her). They are saying that the police told them that. My guess is that the police emphasized to them that my brother has a no contact order of protection, he is to not contact them in any way, no letters, cards or gifts. They are not to try to give the kids anything under the pretense of coming from the grandparents. Brother 1 (I have 3 brothers...B1 in Wi, B2 in MN and B3 is DUMB brother). B1 tells B2 he can't say anything because of restraining order. B2 is complaining because how did he get into this (what..he isn't into this, what's with the poor me attitude). My Dad says I'm mad at him...I am, he was dis-respectful to me...and that I'm "not on B3's side (um NO) because it's B3 (huh, what does that mean...I don't even know). So I'm a "bad guy" there.

Other rumors. SIL took out a home equity loan on their house (she didn't...there already was one) She has a boyfriend (discussed before she says she doesn't, i believe her, and if she does, so what), she wiped out all his money (they lived paycheck to paycheck, he quit his job when he went to jail, she has 3 kids to raise as a single parent..of course she did...but she did this right away, then changed all the PIN's..HAHA)..she's selling his posessions (no, she's packing them up and putting them into the garage), She's the "cause" of all these problems. You see, the fact that he beat her regularly isn't the issue anymore. He's going to a bible study and so everything is OK now. This is the guy who believes in the Satanic Bible!!! Sorry, I do have a hard time believing he's turned his life around that quickly.

I haven't even told the family what I know. You see my SIL got into his E-mail accounts...she figured out his passwords. He was having an affair on her with a co-worker. AND that's not all, I guess he decided to experiment, not with drugs or alcohol, but with sex..with men. So he was actually having multiple affairs. Yes and he is blaming her for having affairs. If he wasn't happy, why beat her, just get a divorce. I think this is the part that pisses me off the most. If you use the excuse that "she's having an affair" to beat her..and everyone is pissed at her for "having an affair", why is it ok for him to have an affair(S)? Double standards. I so want to say something to the others, but it wouldn't matter.

Vickey-MN

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Comments (17)

lindyluwho
17 years ago
I'm proud of you for sticking up for your SIL. I hope the restraining order doesn't include you.

Linda
susan_on
17 years ago
I agree. You did the right thing, even though you had pressure not to. Good for you.
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phyllis__mn
17 years ago
I feel so sorry for your SIL....she has no one but you to give her any comfort in this situation. I just don't understand the rest of the family not seeing the truth in this matter. I, too, am proud of you for being there for her.
monica_pa Grieves
17 years ago
Stick to your guns...I know you well enough to believe you will.
IMO, you've crossed the highest hurdle by taking off the "not in my family" blinders and seeing things rationally...it's hard, I know.

Take care, courage to both SIL and you.
ont_gal
17 years ago
ahhh,family politics..don't ya just love the @$%^&*%^*

Been there,done that myself...I was the one that got the crap beaten out of me in the end(after 30 yrs no less),HE was the one that did the screwing around,but dontcha know,I HAD to be...lol....ahhh,this brings back soooo many memories.

Well Vickey,help your SIL and the kids' to having a good Christmas,treat the rest of your family the way they should be treated,like ass&^%$#,and don't you feel the least bit guilty about it

Thank God that you have the brains to be the good guy and not the judgemental idiot....you can certainly be proud of yourself Vickey as far as I am concerned.

Merry Christmas Vickey to you ,your immediate family,your SIL and her kids'

Oh,and the wife beating meathead--no,he CANNOT possibly have turned around yet..the satanic bible would be and will continue to be his only bible
jannie
17 years ago
Vickey, it sounds like you may be her only friend. Stay strong, don't talk to family members about it. All those "rumors" sound fake. Stay above it all. You are a good person. I'm glad your SIL will be safe at least through the holidays. God bless.
nodakgal
17 years ago
Vickey, you ARE an angel for your DSIL and their children.
Stay strong for them.
sandy_in_ia
17 years ago
So glad she and the kids will have a nice Christmas...just the fact that she doesn't have to watch over her shoulder the whole time will make it awesome!

You are a good person and YOU are doing the RIGHT thing!!!
grammahony
17 years ago
I agree with all the above. Stay strong for you SIL and the kids. Dumb B #3 doesn't deserve her, or your familys support.
Leslie
FlamingO in AR
17 years ago
Oh, great, sounds like now she needs to be tested for AIDS or HIV, too.

Yep, stand strong, Vickey. It's hard to do the right thing and not get defensive, but just ignore what you can. You're doing the right things.
pattico_gw
17 years ago
She'd be smart to print out those emails of his.

Sorry she is going through all this...and so glad she has someone on her side.

patti
golfergrrl
17 years ago
I admire you, Vickey, for being a strong woman and standing by your principals. You go grrrl...and good luck to your SIL.
tralynn
17 years ago
Vickey,
I was just thinking of you this morning and wondering how things were going for you and your SIL and kids. Hadn't heard anything for a little while.
I'm sure you will have a wonderful Christmas and hopefully you can spend part of it with SIL and kids. Makes you wonder what all the past holidays have been like for her and the kids. Maybe this year they can truely have a wonderful Christmas. This goes to show, Christmas is not about all the latest gizmos on the market, it is truely about "peace on earth". Right now it sounds as though you are her "peace on earth" Bless You.
As far as the rest of the family, I'm sorry you are on the outs with them, but until they come to realize, the wrongs that your brother has done, she needs you more than they do.
May you have a wonderful holiday! Stay strong..
babs77
17 years ago
Vickey, first off (((hugs)))) to you.
I don't post here often (lurk a lot), but had to comment on this one due to prior experiences. I spent many, many years in an abusive relationship. I "think" (hope) I got out early enough to save my kids from repeating the same behavior with their adult relationships.
Remember first that you are supporting her and giving her guidance and comfort and that you should be very, VERY proud of yourself for doing that. I hope, if they have any young(er) kids, they are young enough to not learn/repeat this unbelievable horror on the next generation.
You are a STRONG person -- just keep doing what you are doing. She needs you SO much right now... and I am so happy that you are there for her. Bless you Vickey for being there for her and pls keep us posted.
(((HUGS))) to you -- Barbara
drewsmaga
17 years ago
This disturbs me on several levels. First, it's sexualizing little girls. Second, it's a sad commentary on the mind-boggling excesses that has now driven our economy into a bad recession. Yeah, what happened to a "cake-and-ice cream" b'day party (which is what my 8 yr. old DGD is getting tomorrow.) And why would a 5-13 yr.old LITTLE girl go to a kidddie spa? We have a "dog spa" here. . . same over-the-top mind-boggling, "burn up those credit cards" mentality. Our society has gotten pathetic. . . .
cynic
17 years ago
I feel bad for everyone concerned here. It's a sad situation all around. Nobody benefits from this in any manner.

Vickey, I wouldn't bother trying to answer your family's "charges", it's not worth it. It'll just give them more fodder to play with and talk about. I found with my family the less said, the better. But again, use your judgement. You've been very wise so far and I know you'll do the right thing.

I would advise caution about those emails. It would be worth a call to an attorney before doing anything. They are his property and at this point it is possibly an invasion that could have ramifications especially with the hacking into his account. I'd definitely keep that computer in a safe spot though.

My best to all and hope that everything works out as it should.
gardenspice
17 years ago
Vickey,
Stick to your guns and try to remain calm. You may be the sanest person around.
Your DSIL can get STD testing at Planned Parenthood or a community clinic - she really should not wait, some STDs can be easily treated if caught early.
I sure hope she is 1) printing copies of those notes for her lawyer 2) Forwarding copies to another account for safe keeping.
This is gonna be a tough holiday season for your family - hang in there and know that good thoughts are being sent!
Drewsmaga - I feel sure that you posted to the wrong thread by mistake.

Latest update on SIL and dumb brother

Comments (17)

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