M, I read that list at the same time you did, and it was a big part of deciding to throw the shower. Our friend can't resist a good party, and I knew she'd feel loved, and wouldn't say no if I suggested it. After the shower portion, the other guests and I told her that if she wrote a single da*n thank you note, we were taking our crap back. ;-) As she opened each hat/scarf, I helped her arrange it on her head (mostly the scarves), and she modeled each and admired how they looked on her. The whole gypsy fortune teller with big hoop earring look REALLY suits her. And the scarf tails hang to the side so she won't be too warm. I'm laughing at the idea of a lap robe, not because it's not sweet (because it is), but because our friend is at that time of life when she often experiences "power surges" and suddenly strips down to her bottom layer and fans herself vigorously while she "glistens." (We women don't sweat.) The event went very well. It started at five and didn't end until nearly midnight. One of the guests had just helped her 10 year old son through months of chemo for lymphoma, and she was thrilled to be on the "giving" end of the equation. She was able to share a lot of experience that will help both our mutual friend and us as we're looking to continue supporting her during what is to come. None of the ladies will disappear during chemo, and we've been present to her since her diagnosis, but it was really fun to celebrate her a little while she's still in a place to join us. I'm sure there'll be a remission party too.

There was always a way to rebel when one was at that age. I think though, that it's getting harder when there's so much more "anything goes" these days. It seems every time the rebels go to extremes, the extremes become more mainstream or at least familiar enough to no longer be shocking. Back when I was growing up, a rebel only needed to grow his hair long...the longer, the more rebellious. I recall what a todo was created when the "mop head" Beatles first came on the scene. I mean their hair was actually quite short and they wore suits and ties for goodness sake! I'm not sure what kids will do next to rebel...I mean tats are common, pants can't go any lower...they even make suspenders to keep the pants from falling completely down, skirts and shorts have already been shorter than short, make-up has already gone totally goth with black eyes and lips, hair has already been every color of the rainbow and gelled to the sky, earlobes have been stretched, tongues have been split, genitalia have been pierced and ringed. I honestly don't know what's next. I remember back in the hippy days, my FIL, a prof, who was very matter of fact with his students, would comment on their long hair and baggy bell bottoms and say, "You know, if you want to get attention, you don't have to go through all that effort....you could just walk around with your fly open." (Please don't misinterpret...I'm not suggesting all tats are a statement of rebellion.)

Reading all of your posts have made me realize I am not alone in how I feel about losing my Mom.. I lost my Mom Sept 10th 2010 she died of complcations of a debilitating stroke that she had a year prior.. It was my worse nightmare her dying as when she had the stroke in 2009 she didn't really know me most of the time and she had no idea where she was or what happened to her and could do nothing for herself so really i lost her twice.. I had went to visit her the night before she had her stroke and I stayed late and she walked me to the door i can remember her waving goodbye to me how did I know that would be the last time she would do that or be the same person.. I feel guilty for leaving her that night but I didn't know this was going to happen.. I always called her every morning to make sure she was up and had ate and taken her pills but she didn't answer the phone ..I wasn't concerned as she sometimes slept late so I waited a little while and called again she still didn't answer so I called her neighbor and asked if she had seen MOm and if she would go to her apt and check on her I just was not thinking anything was wrong..Her friend did and she said Mom didn't answer the door but she said it sounded like she could hear Mom's voice.. So I got myself together and went to her apt we had a hard time getting in as she had locked the screen door. When we got in I found Mom on the floor in a sort of a twisted uncomfortable position ,I said Mom what happened do you know who I am and she said yes that I was her Mom I knew something was wrong , we called the emergency squad and they came and tried to get Mom up and to stand and her legs were like rubber and she was not speaking things that made sense the apt was a mess as she had been stumbling and falling trying to stand or get some where she had bloody bruises on her arms . We got her to the hospital and they xrayed her and ran tests she had had a very bad blood clot stroke that should have killed her they said but didn't it left her paralyzed on her whole right side and plus affected her sight as she saw double it was bad.. They told me there was nothing they could do she stayed in the hospital for 4 days and then told me I had to decide something ..I knew I couldn't take care of her by myself as I had severe back problems and she was going to need 24 hr care I had no other siblings or no other family close and my Mom nor I had the money to hire someone to help me.So against all I beleived and didn't want to do i had to put her in a nursing home something I swore i would never do .. The year I had her in there was a nightmare in itself,I had to fight with them not literally but you know what I mean to get them to take care of her right I was always upset everytime I visited her as I knew things were not right I would talk to them and ask why ,they would always blame it on some one else she had MRSA twice while she was there and an infection of the colon called C-Diff both staff infections were very contagious.. I talked to people outside of the nursing home to try to get help and called the state and couldn't get anything accomplished they don't care about elderly people and maybe because Mom was on Medicaid maybe that was not good either..It just was a living nightmare I was so upset all of the time after I would leave seeing her it affected my health and I hated seeing Mom like she was as she would not want to have lived if she knew she was having to depend on someone else to do everything for her and she was totally bedfast.. I was the only one to go and visit her as all other family was far away and the nursing home knew that and i think they took advantage of it I tried to go at different times but it didn't help it was just so hard and my husband was not a supportive person for me so i was dealing by myself which was very difficult.. She very seldon knew who I was she could talk at times and sometimes she was silent I continued to talk to her..The times she knew me and was able to tell me she loved me i will cherish in my heart..I was with her the day and through the night till the next moring when she passed holding her hand and singing to her as I always did the whole time she was in there..I would try to get her to sing with me the songs she knew to try to keep her mind alert and talking.. I just have guilt of having to put her in the nursing home and how she had was taken care I understand nursing home are short staff but I think they could do better then they do ,there were a few that really cared and did a good job but most of them could have cared less and the ones that would take the time and do a good job they would let them go so sad.. I miss my Momma so much I miss her voice being able to ask her things and hugs she was my best friend and was there when no one else was always..I feel when she died a part of me went with her there is an emptiness inside of me .. We don't know how it feels to lose a parent or anyone until we experience it ourselves.. Some people can just deal and get on with it ..Lot of people don't want to hear how you feel or what you are experienceing and we need to be able to talk about our loved one it does help.. Some days are so overwheming that I don't I am ever going to be able to deal and then a few days will go by and I am ok but My Mom is always in my thoughts each day.. I know she is by my side at times or comes in my thoughts ,I really don't think it is going to get easier the pain at times is so great..It is just so lonely at times.. It is hard to keep it all in some days I will just cry alot till its all out then i will be ok ..The strangest things will set the crying in and comes on me when I least expect.. My heart goes out to each one of you that has lost a loved one and know I understand and feel your pain.. I do know that if it was not for my faith in God I would be in worse shape then i am I know that he helps and that crying and talking about your loved one is part of the grief process.

as the ladies said every doc has h/her own mix..i had 4 doses every 3 weeks...lost my hair (i helped it along and shaved my head) wore scarves, and a hat...a nice warm one, since i went thru it late summer/fall. the "side effect" for me was the steriod i was given ..motor-boated all over the house for the 3 days i took them, then crashed and slept--alot! i recieved the mix thru an iv in my arm and had to sit for 3-4 hours...watched tv or read..btw i drove to and from all my appts alone, because i was able to...never had to take the pill (at home) for getting sick..the mix they gave with fluids before the treatment, worked for me...now a pal i met did, and was sick, but not for long... had 33 radiation treatments...in my case i did have skin peeling (like a bad sunburn) and used special script ointment..what was difficult for me was the darn table you lay on..no padding and those 10 minutes were hard on my back...and holding still... now i'm on fermera an anti-hormone, that both a coz-inlaw and i have found makes you pretty tired..but she's back to work and i manage to get what needs to be done..almost, lol...thanks be for insurance! those little brown pills are expensive! i'm having a little difficulty dealing with the new curly hair-do...but actually it's kind of fun! i never use the "c" word. i'm not trying to hide or make believe it didn't happen, but i also don't want to be defined as that granny with cancer...think one of the best moments i had, was when i was leaving and the nurse said something funny...was loling...had another patient stop me and ask for some of whatever i had..so gave him a big hug...from then on i did/do try to smile laugh and not dwell on what has happen but what i can do ahead... please relate all your treatment, care, and what you're going thru...i was so happy the other ladies did here...who knows? you may help another woman sometime someplace... btw they have some cute bandana-type scarves at wal mart in the purse dept(?) i found one for halloween that was orange with skeletons..so wore it with an orange top for trick or treaqting with the grands...told them it was my halloween costume!