Zone 4 Tucson, AZ Sonoran Desert, 2500' elevation Corrie, I REALLY like your thinking. I REALLY want to do that, I'm somewhat afraid of it. I don't want to end up with a pond full of a bulging, heaving, mass of green monster, either. How often do you need to remove baskets full of it, and what do you do with it? And, where is the beauty of submerged, or even floating non blooming plants? I might as well fill it in with dirt. Help me out here. Okay, I've read about hornwort, I'll get some. That may be the first plant I put into the pool. No duckweed, though. My pool is too deep (3 to 8 feet) for even lilies, which, as I said, I thought were floaters, not rooted in dirt. What can I use instead of, that hang their roots just in the water? And why can't I do that with water lilys? These expensive floating gardens support land plants without dirt, in the ponds, and their bare roots are sucking up water... I DO know I can't do everything at once, or even much at once. If I start out with hornwort to keep it clean, how much work is there to controlling that stuff? I don't want to solvle one problem and make others. And doesn't that stuff get caught in the filter? Don't you have to keep the water moving, at least some movement? I don't want stagnant, stinky polluted nasty water. Mike, No, I do not PLAN to use it for swimming, but I might, so I will test it at times. And if it's clean enough, might have dogs in it on occassion. I may put some edible fish in it. Doesn't the water need movement for them? Do I need mosquito eaters? And then bigger fish to help control them? Or, are they edible? Deep fried and chocolate covered? Ella Thanks for your responses.

I agree with postponing the wedding until these issues are settled. I promise you, it CAN get better, and that is up to your fiancee, but also up to you as well. Once he has addressed the issues with her, you will see a very dramatic turnaround in the behaviour of the child. Don't make that your issue because it's not. Your BM is behaving this way because a) she is being allowed to, and b) she is getting something out of it - satisfaction, attention, drama, pity - she is getting whatever reaction she wants and she is feeding off it. And you know what - your fiancee is getting something out of it as well. You both just need to figure out what that is. If your fiancee says only call once a day and then he answers the phone and argues with her several times a day, then he is teaching her that she doesn't have to take him seriously and she can do whatever she wants, regardless of what he says. HE is giving her permission to do this! I don't see a problem with you being the primary caretaker if your fiancee is working - don't worry about that - but he needs to give you a LOT more support. This is not your child, and you are not a glorified unpaid babysitter and nanny. What I would suggest is to get yourself in a place of absolute calm - take some time out and go for a long walk, have a massage, go get yourself an iced coffee or something - and just BE. Just sit and relax and clear your head. Don't sit and worry and stress about the situation. Don't even let yourself think about it. Just relax. Then when you are feeling in a more relaxed frame of mind, sit down with him and have a talk. No shouting, accusing, crying - NO DRAMA - and discuss it calmly with him. I assure you, I know how difficult this is, especially when tensions are running high - but the benefits are enormous. One point you need to make clear to him, in a loving way, is that if you leave then it's expected that sometime in the future he will meet someone else, and if these particular issues are not resolved, then that woman, and every other woman after her, will leave the same way. The one thing I said to my DH, a long long time ago, when I faced VERY similar problems that you are dealing with, was this, "If you are not able or not willing to address the disruptive and destructive behaviour that you are allowing to continue, through your ex wife and into OUR family, then you will always be alone. No woman - not me, not any other woman with any self-respect - will put up with it. That is your choice." Actually, I told him that he would never EVER have sex again unless he paid for it :) But don't try that unless you both have a very wicked and evil sense of humour like we have - he took it the right way and it gave us both a chuckle :D I said this out of love, and in understanding for the very difficult position that he was in with an ex wife who behaved like your BM. And it IS difficult for the man as well, trying to keep two women happy, for different reasons. One more thing - start taking a more logical approach over this situation. Men don't respond well to emotion, and the last thing he will want is drama from his ex and then drama from you as well. Where is his peace? His place of safety and security and comfort? Once I stopped fighting with my DH over this issue, and instead gave him a soft place to land after her erratic and aggressive behaviour and attacks, and once I LET GO OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP and helped him build up the self-esteem that she was working so hard to rip to shreds every day, and gave him the strength to believe he COULD have a more peaceful life by being more assertive with her, he started seeing it for himself, and he started changing things. NOT because I wanted him to (and of course I did!), but because I told him that his actions with BM were hurting me and hurting our marriage and family deeply, and I was going to put my faith in him and trust in him to protect us from that and to take care of the situation so that OUR family and marriage could be peaceful, loving and safe. Today, I can promise you, our BM is not an issue in our lives in any way. No tantrums, no threats, no aggression, no phone calls, no 20 text messages a day, no 10 emails a day, no fighting, no drama, no problems. HE is the one who has to do this, but YOU are the one who can make that happen for him. All the best x

I'm glad to hear that the LED lights are working for you. It sounds like you have a much bigger space than we do, with only 2 more lights. I think this was perhaps our biggest mistake -- just too many of these lights. (As I mentioned, I was worried that LEDs wouldn't put out enough light). Maybe if we had only installed 4 of them, the amount of light would be ok. To reduce the number to 4 at this point would require completely re-placing the lights and rewiring. I wonder also if the increased number of lights in our smaller space is amplifying the effect of the flickering? i.e. maybe it wouldn't be noticeable if the lights were further apart? The housing and dimmer switch we have are both on the compatible list on the Cree website. All 7 of the lights are connected to the same dimmer switch. So I'm not sure what the problem is. When they are on at full power, they don't buzz or flicker. We had friends over yesterday and at full power they thought the lights looked great. (It wasn't too bright for them). Then I dimmed them and they didn't think the buzzing was too bad. They also didn't really notice much flickering. But then I started waving my arms around and they were shocked. The strobe effect when the lights were dimmed made my kitchen seem like a disco! Cbjmidwood, when you dim your lights and wave your arms around, is there any strobing?

Image by: wintersown That's okay, don't worry too much about that. Experience is a great teacher and we all learn as we go along. I personally don't know the botanical name of lots of my plants. When I first started gardening and trading I actually didn't know the common name of most of my plants ;-) But I still felt comfortable about trading my seeds because I put a good description of them on the packets. I trade my seeds and if I don't know their name I make as good a description as I can in my posted trade offerings so there's no confusion. I feel confident when I make a well described seed trade....the other trader knows the plant description and they trade for my seeds knowing that I have done my best to decribe what I'm offering. It's fair that way. New traders are often new gardeners too and so they haven't had enough experience with plant names to accurately name the plant they gathered seeds from. What information should I put on the packets? I always put the following information on my packets: Common Plant Name and/or Botanical Name Flower color or "mixed" Height at maturity Sunlight requirements: full sun, part shade, or shade (fs, ps, or shade, or sometimes fs-ps which means full sun to part shade, or ps-shade, which means part shade to shade) A, P, or B (annual, perennial, or biennial) My email address (optional) My name (optional) ======================================================== My trader didn't put all the information on the packet that I thought should be on it....what should I do? Email your trader asap and politely ask for specifics....sometimes a trader can't offer them as they're sharing/trading the excess of a humongous pack of seeds that came their way and IT wasn't labeled with specifics. If you've got a packet that's not labeled with specifics grow it anyway. A packet that says something as simple as just "marigolds" is often a joy to grow. WHY? Well...you know it's an annual, marigolds love full sun. So put the seedlings where they'll get full sun. But I don't know the height.... Plant it in the middle of the border or up front. If they grow tall then you'll have added "dramatic depth" to your garden and reduced the monotony of everything short being up front. A brilliant patch of tallish flowers at the front of the border is often fascinating and is NEVER boring. But I don't know the color..... Marigolds can be yellow/gold, orange or mahogany red. These are the choices....sometimes they have a blend of those colors on the same flowers, or it might be a pack of mixed single colors. What I'm trying to say is that suprises are part of gardening and that you should celebrate the beauty of your plants even if they aren't what you expected. A garden is for relaxing and enjoying. It's NOT for causing frustrations....expect an occasional suprise and you'll be very happy in your garden. ========================================================= Flower Colors...I'm putting in this list as a help in labeling seed packets....no one is perfect in their eyesight so being "close" is just as acceptable as being "accurate". (This color list came from the "Field Book of American Wild Flowers by F. Schuyler Matthews, 1902) Pure yellow Deep yellow Golden yellow Pure orange Scarlet Pure red Pure pink Crimson Crimson-pink Magenta Magenta-pink Pure purple Violet Blue-violet Ultramarine Pure blue Madder purple Madder brown