Not sure which is the main issue - the appearance of the fence or "privacy." Simply in terms of what might survive under all those trees, you could try either eleutherococcus sieboldianus ('Variegatus' is a very pretty shrub and does OK in dry shade) or akebia quinata vine whose exuberance will be muted without access much water. Neither is evergreen. I have three rhododendrons within reach of the roots of my large maple and two dogwoods and they're doing OK. They look better now that my neighor cut HIS big maple down and they get more light. Agree with digging about the yews - they'll grow in the basement. They can also get very large, so don't plant them right up against the fence.

Austins, Austins, Austins!! Many of them are hardy in an average Maine winter. I will admit that I lost 3 of mine last winter, due to the extreme cold and no snow cover. But I replaced them all and then some more because, for me, they perform better than nearly every rose I have tried. I have never winter-protected in the past, but may consider placing some leaf mulch around the Austins this winter. If I had done this last winter, I may not have lost the ones I did. Let me say that if you are looking for very fragrant, big fluffy flowers, David Austins are the way to go. Your wife will fall in love with them. I have fallen in love with them. They are the only roses I have ever been enamored by. Although the Canadian Explorers and Bucks are hardier, you are right in that they have no scent. I have two Champlains (Can. Expl.) that do bloom red continuously all summer, but I am not impressed by them because they have no scent and their form is not as nice as Austins. I have tried a couple French Rugosas, and though they are fragrant, they have not been anywhere near the blooming machines as my Austins. In fact, I have been quite disappointed with my rugosa "Souvenir de Philemon Cochet" because all the buds just beginning to open balled in the rain (turned an ucky brown color and never really opened). Nearly all Austins will bloom all summer long, even into the fall sometimes. Their fragrance will make women swoon (and some men too). They are absolutely beautiful, old-fashioned round, fat, thousand-petaled, scrumptious blooms. They have been very disease-resistant for me. An occasional speck or two of black spot is all I have seen on some of them. Many are 100% clean. Now to the hardiness part: Last winter was a doozy, but I have had Austins sail through the previous two winters very well. Their canes do winter-kill, usually down to 6-12" depending on the conditions. In mid-April, when they have started to put out new buds, I prune off the winter-killed canes down to live growth. They make up for the lost height by mid-summer. If you winter-protect, you will have less winter-kill. Email me if you want some pics or more growing information, and sources.

I haven't replied to this thread because you laid down some very specific criteria in the original post. However, you might find my experience with the GG's interesting nevertheless even though I'm in z6b. I planted 21 of them as a screen a couple of years ago. They were 7ft tall when I planted them and after 2 1/2 years, they are now 12-13 ft tall. I've been extremely happy with them. They have survived 2 very bad years of drought (including this year on the South Shore), high winds, and heavy snow without a problem. I couldn't be any happier with them. I also like their wonderful scent. Here are some pictures when I planted them and last October when they were 1 1/2 years older. The pictures are misleading in that they are actually in full sun even though there are trees around and forest in the background. My property is actually to the right of the GGs. I put them up to screen out my neighbor's pool (shown in the picture) and their house.

My heart goes out to you as I read your saga. Here are a few items that may be of assistance, they are not garden related but may help you enjoy your yard and not have to worry about your children. There is DIRT, an internet discussion group that is a service of American Bar Association and University of Missouri Law School that has a real estate focus. Post your story there and see what ideads that have. Ask if there is existing case law that would support your claim http://dirt.umkc.edu/ There is a legal concept of "unreasonable decision making" when a HOA does this, in some states the court will not allow them to restrict your actions. To be reasonable the decisions have to be documented and consistent. Some HOA have buried in them a clause that gives you the right to call for Arbitration to resolve an issue. I will pray that justice prevails.