It is very difficult. May we ask what is the difficulty? Too loud? Rude? Control?
I went thru this and wish I had handled it different. But that was many years ago.
Is there someone else that is an officer could help? Past officers? Maybe with a bit more information would help.
Whatever it is, hang in there. Good thoughts are coming
Marie

Sometimes you have to just "consider the source" and not get involved in conversation if you can help it.

Wouldn't it be nice to look at her and tell her she's a major PITA? I don't imagine you could bring yourself to do that, but you could dream about it! :)

Personally, if I couldn't do that or change her or the way I react to her, I'd probably stop being in the organization, if she's that bad. Life's too short to be annoyed by people like that.

When I was in "college" we had to buy a book, I think it was called "Office Politics" Lord only knows where it is now. I found it invaluable. Having a good temper doesn't hurt either. =) IMHO

Without knowing more there's no way to advise. Sometimes people you find problematic find you even more problematic. Sometimes we make our own troubles. Without knowing more there's just no way to know. Good luck anyway.

Have you ever tried motivational interviewing? I think it was originally started as a treatment component but I find it helpful in many situations. If you google it, there's many articles on it. If you are going to try this, I'd suggest you "practice" on someone else first. I have a co-worker that is having problems with another co-worker and I did some role playing with her. When she was confronted with the problem co-worker again, she knew what to do. I can't say it solved the problem but it helped my co-worker so she wouldn't be at her wits end.

I would invite her to lunch. During conversation, I would ask her if I had done something wrong to hurt/insult her because I got the impression that I had.

1. If she says "yes", then identify the issue and talk about it.

2. If she says "no", I would let her know how important I feel it is to work together smoothly and hope that we can 'keep getting along'.

Lunch only lasts up to 1 hr, so it WILL end and you both go on your way....til the next encounter:)

Seriously, by you taking the initiative to bring something up, you have the power in the situation. I'd use it!

Confrontation my not be your style but honesty is Ask her "what have you done to irritate her so bad that she is emotionally bullying you."

There are an excessive number of people who will SUBCONSCIOUSLY intimidate just to to see how long a person will accept the emotional abuse. Once the victim confronts them, the bully will come up with the Excuse "I don't know what you are talking about." but the intimidation quits 94% of the time. The more you emotionally run from them the more this personality-type pursues you in life.

As stone sharpens stone, so does [difficult] people improve a person. think of this as a challenge to learn about yourself. Good luck.

I can't really get a feel for what's going on from your post... What do you mean by difficult? Is she annoying you by asking you to put paper in the copier when it runs out if you're using it, or is it something more intense and personal? I mean, is it abusive or just annoying? Does her personality simply not mesh with yours because she confronts and talks about things that you don't like to do talk about in depth?

An important part of being able to ignore people when needed is really being able to ignore them (and not letting them get to you), so if you're not able to do that, you need to find a different tactic.

You could kill her with kindness, play dumb, talk over her, agree with her, disagree with her, make her look bad, make her look good, act crazy yourself, act like a know it all, annoy her... you have a lot of options, but again, can't really suggest anything in particular without knowing the specifics.

95% of people (especially women) just want to be liked. If this is at the root or part of the problem, make her think you like her and let her do you a favor. Flatter her, laugh at her jokes, etc. You may even find in "acting" that you like her that you actually grow to like her a little... Good luck whatever you do.

Try killing her with kindness......the hardest people to love are the ones who need it the most.

blitzyblond_protege, you are spot on about bully's coming up with the ol "who me?" innocent act when in fact they KNOW they are stirring the pot and then act the victim. I have one that sets her bully squad to constantly chewing on my legs and has been for nearly 10 years. She doesn't realize that there are dozens of people that see what she is up to and just shake their heads in total amazement...

I lost it a couple of times with her, but now..... I just consider the source and pray that her perpetual grimace will one day turn into a smile. I actually feel sorry for her.

Kitt

short of quitting your org, there's not much you can do with a "know it all"...what i'd do is quietly build a wall of other people in the org that are of like-minded goals and go about your business...have a pal do a rescue move, call you, or interrupt the conversation....

I tend to agree with Flamingo. Life is way too short to deal with people who irritate us beyond belief.

Approach 1. When you see her coming, look busy and after a curt hello, say that you got thing that have to be done, turn your back to her and busy yourself at your desk.

Approach 2. Arrange with friend to call your phone when she comes to your office/cubicle/work-space. you can answer the phone and say, "Please excuse me. I need to take this call." If you wish to continue in converstation with the intuder, merely answer the phone normally, acknowledge the caller and hang up.

Approach 3. Stand up and walk with the intruder to the doorway, excuse yourself and state that you have some affiars you need to attend to. This is the more gentle solution. Walking with the intruder to the doorway is non-thresting, lets the person know you are not angry and truly need to get back to business. At this point, you could defer the conversation to a later time, say the noon hour when you may have the time to spend. Unless it is important, most deferred conversations are forgotten and never restarted (by the offender).

Appoach 4. When all else fails and the offender persists, get rough. Speak directly and look at the face. If you are uncomfortable about looking directly into the eye, look at a spot on the forehead above the eye. State that you are here to do a job and do not have time to engage in idle activity during the working period. If it is work related, then ok, but for other stuff, you will deal with that during your spare times such as lunch or breaks. And then turn back to your work.

If it happens again, tell her that the boss has been watching. He has engaged an "office spy" to report to him when he is not present. Now get out of my hair and stop bothering me. For all you know, I may be the office spy.

Whatever you do, don't kiss up to her. Nothing irritates me more than seeing people trying to appease intimidators.

I assumed that this was not work-related, but in a casual social/comunity organization.

I agree that if you can offer some more specifics, we might be able to offer some more customized suggestions.

ole joyful ... who doesn't like to be bullied

My 'difficult person' was my MIL. I decided to 'give her her due' and not to get irritated by any demands beyond that. It was amazing how much relief I felt -- and how quickly she caught on! I only wish I could have taught my DH to handle her this way!

blitzyblond_protege, my hat is off to you! When I ran the imported cheese dept I had to cut and wrap my cheeses in the meat dept. One meat cutter was just a mean SOB and hated me being in his "territory". I hadn't been in there long enough to even know their names when he came flying in the door pushing a meat tray and tried to run me over. He headed down one side of the aisle and I went down the other and met him in the middle. I wish I remember just what sentence I used to bust his Balls but he never so much as looked at me again. I'd call that nipping it in the bud, wouldn't you? Did I say I was a redhead? lolol

Wish she would come back and tell us, but she does not post much.