Does this surprise you, or is it her nature to be selfish? I'd ask my brother myself, and $%&@ on her. Your not going to lose her friendship. She isn't one IMHO. She doesn't appreciate what you've done, for her no less, in the past.
Leslie

I hope I'd be more angry than hurt, but yeah, I'd undoubtedly be hurt, too. I'm just surprised she hasn't shown this side of her before now.

Oh, she's definitely selfish. Not only that, she's got this 'lady of the manor' complex, where she has this deep-seated need to feel that she's head and shoulders above the 'peons' around her. (don't ask me why--we grew up normal, middle-class kids, and none of us are rich or influential at this point!)

It was my BIL I was trying to line up through her. My brother is a sweetie and will always help. Actually, if I'd had any premonition that she'd have reacted that way, I should have not even mentioned it to her--just asked BIL, who WOULD probably have offered his help.

Even so--yes, her reaction did surprise me, because we're a pretty close family and generally help each other out when needed. Although, now that she's made me think about it, she's not often there--her husband is--unless SHE'S the recipient of the favor. Interesting. My husband was so annoyed that I was so hurt, he says he's done with her. Me? I'm definitely going to step back, and think twice before I do any more favors in her direction, now that I know that she doesn't appreciate them. Will be interesting to see how she treats us next time we see her.

There are both giving people in this world and takers. Unfortunately the takers know how to manipulate the givers. She showed her true colors long ago when she didn't consider what you were giving up to help her and when she didn't help with your mom.

Like Alisande I would be more angry than hurt. Go do something nice for yourself and learn to say no to her.

Yes, I'd find it hurtful and it would make me very angry. It would be a looooong time before I ever helped her out again, no matter what. I guess your eyes are fully opened now, now that she's really shown her butt.

Since weekends are "hers", I'd ask the men to move the furniture or whatever it is, on a Tuesday evening. PHOOEY on her. I would make a nice dinner, invite the men, get the thing moved, feed them and completely and utterly leave her home alone and out of it. If she had the audicity to show up, I'd show her the door. AND I'd let it hit her on you-know-what on the way out.

I truly despise petty, user people like that. Even if it is family. Actually, I think that makes it worse and even more egregious.

I'd be PI$$ED (maybe because I've dealt with a similar situation like this more than once). In my situation, I simply went to someone else to do the favor and learned to say NO (sometimes H_LL NO) from that point on. It didn't take the person long to realize they needed me more than I needed them!;)and I STILL say NO!

I'd have been hurt too...and furious! I'd tell Queen Bee not to ask me for further favors 'cause I would no longer be at her "service."
Suzi

Oh how awful for you.

I would be hurt and angry at the same time. If she ever asked a favor of me again I would definitely tell her no. I would never help her again with anything...NEVER!
I can forgive but I never forget. What a total slap to your face by her behavior.

Deb

I agree with everyone else, stop doing any favors for her, ever.

I'd be very disappointed. This is very revealing about her nature and feelings towards you. I'm sorry.

Yes. I would be very hurt and shocked when she said that. Doesn't she realize what all you have done to be helpful to her? How can she not see that? I am surprised that she didn't offer to help you move before you had to ask. That is really too bad. I am sorry. :(

I completely understand how you feel - my sister has demonstrated extremely hurtful behavior over the years. It is a challenge, but I remind myself that I did not choose to be related to her, but I can choose to deal with her as little as possible.

I agree with everyone else, except that I would make myself available to help BIL (when it is not actually for her.) The poor guy has to deal with her selfishness all the time and I'm sure it isn't in his nature.

"Users" really bug me!

I hate most of my husband's relatives. They're a bunch of snobs, divas, and b****es. Always ready to complain but never ready to lend a helping hand. The less I see of these toxic people, the better I feel.

Oh, yes--I'd do anything for her husband--he's such a sweetie, and he's SO tolerant of her.

You know--the thing is, she could have gotten out of it gracefully, anyway. If she'd just 'been busy' (we have a friend coming over, a wedding to go to, DH has to go to a coworkers for dinner--that sort of thing), I'd have thought nothing of it, and NOT been hurt or angry or insulted.

You'd best believe, it will be a long, long time before I do anything more for her. I may be gullible, and always willing to do a favor when someone asks, but you don't have to pound me on the head with a hammer twice before I 'get it'.

I understand completely. Virtually everyone I helped moved was "unavailable" when I needed help. How about this one? My brother and SIL needed my truck and help moving one time. I was moving the same day and they said they'd come help me move after we moved them. They had a couple others coming to help too so they'd all come help me and I'd be done in no time. Well need I tell you what happened after we got them moved? You guessed it. I had to go move myself after spending most of the day helping them.

I helped a good friend move twice. One time I needed help, it was "oh yeah, we can do that in no time...". Until the week before when I was confirming and was arranging some additional help. Well, then it was, "OH NO! I can't then. We have (their daughter's) graduation coming up in just 2 months and we have to plan for that!!!"

Greed and selfishness are pet peeves of mine.

sounds like my brother and sil..dont get me wrong i love them dearly, they live in the big house that should be mine, i said no because they have kids and i dont..in all honesty i dont have a pot to p%ss in or a window to throw it out of! im great to babysit whenever they deem that its ok, and im sorry to say i never say no because i just adore my neices...but god forbid ask either one of them for anything,l and i mean anything and the answer is always no....so i feel youre hurt and your anger!

No, it doesn't surprise me as I have heard over and over of family that won't help out, won't care or do their share of caring for elderly parents or help in any way a family member.

It can always be one sided, one person will help no matter what and is always there while others run the other way.

It is hurtful but that unfortunately is the way it is with lots of people.

YOU can do and do for others but yes, ask for one thing and no way are they there for you.

As I told a friend of mine, say no next time when they ask for something.

In a similar situation years ago, I ended up cutting all ties with the "so called friend".

No regrets here.

Maybe, my skin is tough. :)

Moni