It is not uncommon in domestic abuse cases for the woman to think (incorrectly) that what happened was somehow her fault, that she "deserved" what she got. Also, the guy will almost always apologize and promise that it will never happen again (even though it certainly will happen again). That's why it is so difficult to get women out of these situations.

My younger sister was in an abusive relationship for about 10 years, before she finally got out of it. She's been out of that relationship for at least 25 years, but she will still speak fondly of the guy. it never ceases to amaze me.

I would think that she is also emotionally battered. She's probably scared as heck to leave him.

Even more important; instead of wondering why she stays, why don't people and the media question why on earth he thinks it's okay to knock the living poop out of a woman.

took my dd 10 years and him cheating on her with the 20 yo nanny before she reread her journals and realized how abused mentally she was. could should would, tried from day one to change her mind...but then 2 beautiful children, lovely home, both with good jobs...it was a glass world she finally broke...only wish the children had less contact...as it stands, they share time every other week...

Exactly, Jasdip.

Why do we even talk about why a woman stays? Many reasons - and fear being the major one of them. Most domestic violence murders happen while the woman is attempting to leave, or in the first weeks after leaving. Quit putting this situation on the victim.

Why isn't the question "How in the hell does Ray Rice or ANY person think it is OK or allowed to punch someone else?"

Fighting back against an abuser, or doing whatever you'd do to make somebody 'sing soprano', would get the he!! beaten out of you;
if he was enraged enough, it would get you killed.

Those of you who think you'd just put a stop to it pronto are not living with abusers.

Personally, all it would take would be 1 small smack and he'd be gone, probably speaking in a soprano voice.....

I'll repeat what Sylvia said: Those of you who think you'd just put a stop to it pronto are not living with abusers.

I had a lot of training when I worked for a domestic violence agency. Abuse seldom starts with a "smack." By the time the physical abuse starts, the victim has been conditioned to think like a victim, believing she's worthless, no one would love her but him, and so on. It's complicated.

Those of us who have never been in that situation can find it hard to understand or accept. It's easy to get impatient or angry with the victim. Just be glad you've never had to suffer through this.

I was in an abusive relationship, will not go into details. There are countless reasons why you stay. Every situation is different. I will never judge an abused person, man or woman. They all have their reasons. You can only hope they eventually find their way out before there is permanent damage.

Now that they quickly got married she doesn't have to testify against him. Pretty much tells the story right there. He is in full control.
It's amazing she didn't die from her temple hitting the metal hand rail so violently. That alone could have easily killed her then he might have had more than a slap on the hand. Sad that it has to go that far these days especially when athletes are involved.
That all took place in a public place imagine what happens at home.

From what I saw in both videos, it looked like she was acting fairly aggressively also, I kind of think that this might have been the first time she ever got physically injured in an argument with him. She didn't act like she was afraid of him, she was charging him and swatting at him and I heard mention of spitting. Would you spit on someone that abused you previously?

I don't have high hopes for a long marriage for them, especially now that he's unemployed. And as much attention as they've gotten over this, if she wanted to leave, now would be the time to do it, I'd think she'd be pretty safe.

*edited to add a word so a sentence made better sense*

This post was edited by FlamingO_in_AR on Thu, Sep 11, 14 at 10:09

He's a POS. Any man, or woman, that does that is a waste product. I understand about what others are saying is the mindset of the abused person. They are trapped, low self esteem, terrified, etc., but in this case, I think this woman stayed for the money.

Well, he won't be getting his $4 million, this year anyhow, let's see how long she stays.

That guy should be in jail. They don't need her to press charges or testify now that they have the video.

Janay Rice is not a stupid woman. So he's unemployed now, but he has earned 24 million dollars of a 40 some million contract. That's more money than most people will ever see in a lifetime. Like Flamingo says, she was not the least bit afraid of him and she appeared to me to be the aggressor. I would be livid if my partner spit in my face. All of the pundits are up in arms over Janay having apologized for her part in the situation. Why shouldn't she apologize? She played a part in what went down.

Having said that, I cannot speculate as to whether there had been abuse in the past and neither can anyone else. And there is no excuse for hitting another man, woman or child. Especially when you are twice the size and muscularity of the other person.

I think the NFL got it wrong with the initial 2 game suspension and I think Roger Goodell will pay for that with his job. That was seriously bad. But I also think that RR should be out for a year, but in that year he should have to pay for extensive counseling at an inpatient facility for anger management. I think his return to the NFL should be contingent upon his progress in treatment, and I think Janay should also be in treatment. These two need to grow up and learn how to treat each other with respect.

I believe there is some truth to the emotional battering comments. BUT, I also believe that athlete's wives expect a certain lifestyle (as in a $4 million Kobe Bryant apology ring).

While he was employed he was making millions and had a lucrative Nike endorsement. I think her Instagram comments were an attempt to quell the uproar. I do believe there was some self-interest her efforts to downplay what happened.

disgusting how people chime in, post after post, piling on like a mob, when someone suggests that assault is the victim's fault.

so, sleeper, if someone spit on you, you'd be livid.

so you'd...
what?

beat the sh!+ out of her (I say 'her' because these unendurable things seem to always have been provoked by a woman; when a man, especially a bigger man, does them, somehow the insulted party manages to control the desire to retaliate)?

What if you came close to killing her?

What if you did kill her?

Would you expect to be no-billed because it was her fault?

Listen closely, please:

Beating, punching, bloodying noses, blacking eyes, breaking bones, *assaulting* is never okay.

If someone slaps you, gets in your face, "disrespects" (love that whole arrogant concept) you, calls you names, spits on you, throws shoes at you, *you cannot assault or kill that person*.

Spit does not justify broken bones.

Jeering does not justify punching.

There is *no* excuse for this guy.

edited to add:

Kobe Bryant never was accused of raping his wife to whom he gave the expensive jewelry.

He was accused of raping someone else.

As far as I know, she did not get any jewelry.

This post was edited by sylviatexas on Thu, Sep 11, 14 at 12:49

Is it "piling on" when everyone agrees that he's a POS? Sylvia, you seem to accuse people of that every time someone or several someones disagree with your opinion. We actually are entitled to our own opinions and denigrating them by painting them as "piling on" doesn't seem fair.

I don't think anyone said that it was OK that he hit her. I don't think anyone thinks that it's OK that he hit her. What I 'm saying is, I think, maybe she had no idea he would react like that. Maybe it was the first time.

This post was edited by FlamingO_in_AR on Thu, Sep 11, 14 at 14:49

Domestic violence, or interpersonal violence of any kind, needs to be addressed and laws enforced aggressively. In the meantime, I think our popular culture has devolved to the point that undue attention is paid (on a daily basis) to people who, in the grand scheme of things, are really pretty unimportant.

Here's what we all know - the worlds of entertainment and professional sports bestow large amounts of money on many individuals who are often rather uneducated and dim-witted. They act how people like that act. Too many of them don't have the sense or the upbringing to know how to deal with the trappings of fame and celebrity status they find themselves in. Yes, people in any part of the public eye should lose their jobs and their privileges for such conduct.

But why is so much attention paid to them? And to those in the new category of celebrity, people who are famous for being famous?

We get daily reports of what disco Moron A had a bust-up in last night, or what new male Moron B has decided to mate with this week, or what lightpole Moron C decided to wrap their Maserati around.

I really don't care, do you? If we stop paying attention and talking about these idiots, maybe the reports will ease off?

to make sure that there is no mistake He spit on her! It is visible in the tmz video. outside of the elevator he was standing behind a column she was in front of him he leans out and visibly spits on her.
The minute they stepped into the elevator as they were at the buttons he slapped her face and then he cocked back his fist and full force punched her so hard she slammed into the wall coming down hard with her temple crashing against the metal handrail.
I see it clearly he physically attacked her. The proof is in plain sight.

Sylvia, I knew I would get that reaction out of you by posting MY OPINION. Yes, I would be livid if someone spit on me but I have enough self control and maturity that I would (hopefully) not spit back. I don't know, I've never been in that position. But I do agree with Snidely that some people are unprepared for the scrutiny and stresses that come with public life. I don't know RR, I don't know Janay. No one deserves to be attacked like that. He is a lucky man that she is alive to defend him. BUT THIS SITUATION ESCALATED BECAUSE BOTH OF THEM WERE ARGUING AND ACTING AGGRESSIVELY. He can afford inpatient treatment, and I think if he gets it and LEARNS how to control his temper and be a decent human being, he should be allowed to do so. They both deserve a chance to be productive citizens and members of society.

Raven, I thought I had read that it was her that spit on him. Thanks for correcting me. I did watch the video but only once and did not want to view it any more than that.

I do not take domestic assault lightly. MY OPINION is that this couple might be able to change the course of their future. Please allow me the courtesy of expressing my opinion.

Sleeper, do you think I'm offended by your taking up for this creep because it's your opinion?

I'm offended by anyone taking up for the creep,
by the point of view that 'she had it coming',
by the stance that 'I could control myself, but I sure understand where he's coming from'.

& no, I don't accuse people of piling on when they disagree with me.

I accuse people of piling on when they indulge in a mob-mentality feeding frenzy attacking someone, in this case a woman who was assaulted & beaten.

As far as the "situation" "escalating" because of the behavior of both of them:

If two people are arguing, yes, both of them are arguing;
it takes two to argue.

But if two people are arguing & one of them slugs the other, that's not "it takes two to argue".

That's assault.

*She* didn't punch him;
he hit her,
he punched her,
he's lucky he didn't kill her, &
he, not she, is to blame for that.

Saying that her behavior "escalated" the whole horrifying assault is blaming the victim, much like saying that a rape victim was asking for it or that a victim of theft/mugging shouldn't have worn that Rolex.

The person entirely responsible for assault, rape, or theft/mugging is the assailant.

I'm glad everything is so black and white in your world, Sylvia. You paint yourself as the authority for all the downtrodden in the world. I'm getting a little sick of listening to you.

What I don't understand, is why all the whoopla about when the film was seen...Whether it was seen last April or yesterday, it shows a man hitting a woman...Whether she spit on him, he spit on her, he slugged her and knocked her out....I think in any normal circumstance, this man would be locked up...But, if you're famous, "movie star" or professional athlete, the law or rules seem to change....This man and/or any man who does this is dangerous....He clearly needs help.....Also, there should be an investigation into how many times this has happened not only with this couple but with so many others that has been swept under the rug....This really, really makes me mad!

Yes, she did hit him, several times.

Not that that gives him a license to hit her back but her behavior was no better than his.

Here is a link that might be useful: Video

No one held a gun to her head when she married him AFTER the elevator incident. He is a battered man. She is a battered woman. They deserve each other. It's not the mob's business. It's their business. And it's insane to hold an employer accountable for the personal life of an employee.

"Judgment & punishment are not yours, or mine, to dish out'

Sylvia, you might do well to take a dose of your own medicine that you so freely dish out. You castigate people for being mean, vicious, disgusting, critical, mud-slinging, gangbanging, mob-mentality, judgemental, piling-on a$$holes. Yet *you* never miss an opportunity to get on your own "bully" pulpit to beat a dead horse with your personal biases. And you repeat it over and over and over to make sure none of us miss a single little nugget of your very important input. Pot. Kettle. Black. It is becoming predictable and frankly, more than a little hypocritical.

You could do to practice a little more of that tolerance that you beat over everyone else's head.

Oh, and by the way my point must have gone over your head. Kobe's wife was willing to look the other way in exchange for a high profile lifestyle which bought her a $4 million dollar ring in exchange for her standing by her man's bad behavior.

Janay Rice's instagram quote:

"I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like IâÂÂm mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that itâÂÂs reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted options [sic] from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What donâÂÂt you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, youâÂÂve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is!"

This post was edited by tally on Fri, Sep 12, 14 at 0:30

For those who insist that the woman is (partly) at fault, please read Shattered Dreams by Charlotte Fedder, and The Burning Bed,

http://www.amazon.com/The-Burning-Bed-Story-Abused/dp/0380707713

Both are movies as well.

Here is a link that might be useful: Shattered Dreams

Seriously? I don't understand why there is even any talk about this. He should be in jail. Plain and simple. He should be in jail.

Bump, since this is just getting uglier by the day. Fortunately, it is getting a lot of press and pressure.

So far...I don't see that 'the injured party' has complained. Our 'normal' isn't her 'normal'.

Would we really be amazed to know that Roman gladiators fought with everyone, male and female, within their sphere? The 'gentle giant' is a cherished myth. When someone comes from nothing, then is trained and lauded for extreme aggression, what do you expect? Do you believe that is only utilized in some *game*?

Few men with better life options would choose to ruin their bodies with drugs and maiming contact sports if they had anything *else* going for them. Do you suppose that marital violence was something out of the ordinary in Rice's life experience?

There is also some 'justification' going on here, and with any father who beats his wife or thrashes his kid. It makes everything that he witnessed and experienced 'normal'. Only now *he* is the powerful one.

*someone pass the popcorn*

Does "TMZ" mean ... "Too Much Zoo"?

o j