Bittersweet Feelings...

14 years ago

As many of you may remember, my sister passed away almost 3 years ago. She was only 47 years old and left behind a son who was 23 at the time. After a really rough year with him, he joined the military and did a complete turn around. He found something that gave him a feeling of belonging and that gave him confidence. I'm so proud of him, I can't even tell you. Unfortunately, his military career took him away to Texas and he hasn't had much chance to come home. My nephew and I have always been very close... I helped to raise him. On Mother's day this year, he called me to tell me that his girlfriend was pregnant. I'm extremely supportive of him and I know they will do great together. They love each other and I have a feeling marriage is right around the corner. I have no issues with them having a baby out of wedlock. I'm very excited to be a great aunt (They're having a girl named Ava Therese- named after my sister) but for some reason everytime I talk about the baby or think of her arrival, I cry. I'm very emotional. All my mourning over my sister just came back and hit me hard. She would have adored being a grandmother and just knowing she's not here to experience it, breaks my heart. I feel like I'm cheating my nephew out of his excitement because I have trouble talking about it. I guess I just needed to vent. It's frustrating... the rest of my family chooses not to discuss my sister, so I don't have many people to talk to about her.

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Comments (14)

country_bumpkin_al
14 years ago
It's so hard to embrace the bittersweet things in life. I wish your nephew and his little family all the best that life has to offer. You sister will live on in that little girl! (((((Mom24)))))

"The rest of my family chooses not to discuss my sister, so I don't have many people to talk to about her." This reminds me of a quote I have saved!!

"When a person is born we rejoice, and when they're married we jubilate;
But when they die, we try to pretend nothing has happened."
oldgardener_2009
14 years ago
I have the exact same situation here. My sister had two sons and neither of them had children at the time that she died. Now one of them has a little boy and another on the way, and it's so sad to me that she isn't here to see them. I know she would have loved being a grandmother. Bittersweet is a good way to describe it.
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alisande
14 years ago
Grief is like that......it can blindside you when you were thinking about something else, and life's milestones can bring it back in full force.

My son and his fiancee aren't pregnant, but when the time comes for them to have their first baby I'll be in the same boat as you, acutely aware of how happy his sister Jill would have been about this event. I'll have to remind myself that she is happy, and fully involved every step of the way. I hope you can imagine your sister experiencing this wonderful event from another dimension.
Kathsgrdn
14 years ago
((((Erin))))
cherbo
14 years ago
I too had a sister who passed away fairly young. She was 48, she passed away in 1997. A year later only one week from the date of her passing her husband passed away. They had one child a son who was 27 and unmarried at the time. He now has 2 children. A boy, 5 and a little girl, 2 who looks so much like my sister it makes me tear up sometimes when I see her. I feel bad that my sister and her husband didn't get to know and enjoy their grand-babies. I know they would have spoiled them big time as they did their son.
FlamingO in AR
14 years ago
(((((Erin))))) I think you need to give yourself more time to come to grips with the loss of your sister, sweetie. Just remember the good times with your sister and know that you'll be able to tell this little lady all about her other grandma.

Congrats on the new baby, sweet little cheeks to chomp on, oh boy!

(((((Pidget)))))
susanjf_gw
14 years ago
you're going to have double duty..bing a great-aunt/"grandma"...trust me the minute you start buying all the pretties for baby ava, it will be so much fun...

why not make a memory book for her? i think i saw a journal book call my grandmother in a recent costco magazine..i'm sure they can be purchased elsewhere...

and arn't you happy that your nephew knew his mother as long as he did? even with the good and the bad...
liz
14 years ago
this post just makes me cry...my niece just had her first grandbaby last month...Her husband was killed in the pentagon on 9/11...it was such a happy event...but brought sadness cause we all wished Jack could have been here to see his first grandbaby...I hope you can get thru the feelings of sadness and love that baby all up for your sis...I know she's smiling down and hoping you can...My mother died when my first son was just 6 weeks old...it made the most wonderful time in my life very sad cause she was a wonderful grandma...i have such sadness knowing my kids never got to know my mother...(((Erin)))
pattico_gw
14 years ago
I don't feel sad for the ones who are gone but the ones left. I know your nephew will have many times he thinks..."I wish mom could have seen her do this"

I've done it all my life. Denny's mother missed out watching our kids grow up and the grandkids.
mom24
Original Author
14 years ago
Ah, thanks guys. I will definitely be there to love little Ava and tell her all the good stuff about her grandma. My sister would want it that way and I won't let her down. I like the idea of a memory book for Ava. Thank you all very much. It's a hard thing when you're expected to "forget" about someone you loved so much. My nephew will surely have his own moments of sadness over the absence of his mom, so I pray that I will have the wisdom to comfort him through that. You guys are the best and I truly appreciate being able to unload my heavy heart here. You're all very special. Thank you. Ava is due in mid September, so I will definitely post pictures when my sweet, baby niece gets here.
jannie
14 years ago
Mom24, I feel so sorry hearing about your sister. I am so fortunate all my sibs (two sisters and a brother) are stll here on earth. I live pretty far from them so we only get together a couple of times a year. But baby Ava is so fortunate to have you to "step in " and fill the void. Your nephew sounds like a good person and I'm sure his fiancee is lovely. I do hope they get married. And why not write a journal about your sister that Ava can read and have when she grows up? You know, memories of your sister, what it was like growing up, what she looked like, things she liked to do, her whole "story". May God bless you in this.
neesie
14 years ago
Baby Ava will be a blessing! I just love Jannie's suggestion of writing a journal that she'll treasure someday. In the meantime, mention her every time you feel like it, whether your family chooses to join in or not.
sjarz
14 years ago
It is so sad that the other family members won't talk about her. That would make it very difficult for you and all of them to get through the grieving process.
For you, if you can, try and think of it in this way - she is not here on earth to be involved in the daily life of the baby and family, but she is up there and is as involved as she can be from where she is.
She will see the baby's birth and she will be "with" you and the baby's immediate family as much as she can be.
If you've never done it, ask the universe outloud one day if your dear sister could send you a sign that you will recognize as something from her so you will know she's doing fine in Heaven.
I personally am a great believer in gifts from the other side. Before my Dad passed away we had a great conversation about people that send messages back to their loved ones to left them know they are alright. My Dad said "I'll put a dime in your shoe and you'll know it's from me".
That was years ago now, my Dad passed away in 2003. Rarely a day goes by that I don't find a dime in my travels, often in obscure places. Just at the beginning of August my brother had a birthday. In the bottom of the box that his gift was in was a dime - this box came right from the store with the contents in it.
Every time I find a dime I say "Hi Grandpa!". Where I used to work I said it so often that the other staff started saying it too if any of them found a dime somewhere. LOL.
Of course it could be coincidence. But give it a try, Mom.
You just might be pleasantly surprised at the gift you receive from your sister.
Suzan J
irishdancersgram
14 years ago
So many of us are having those bittersweet feelings and hopefully it's a natural thing....We lost our oldest daughter in law from a blood clot, very suddenly at the age of 47, leaving 4 children...Her oldest daughter was planning her wedding and just the day before her death, had received the invitation order...They went on with the wedding 3 months later and it was a happy event but still very sad...Now the oldest son is getting married and all those feelings are back...Of course his mother will be there as she was for her daughter but not physically and it's sad....I often think, when the babies start coming, she would have made a wonderful grandmother...

Baby Ava will be very lucky to have you in her life...Every time you give her a hug, you'll be hugging your sister....

Bittersweet Feelings...

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country_bumpkin_al

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Bittersweet Feelings...

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