It wasn't all that complicated Carla, so I'll list it here -- and I'm only suggesting it for someone married to a narcissist. 1. A narcissist will need to feel like he's won, so my best advice is don't even waste your time trying to "take him to the cleaners" or "make him pay," because to "win" in the traditional monetary sense, you would have to spend more time, money and emotional energy on lawyers than you could imagine. And since most narcissists are so good with their 'public faces,' you are unlikely to be able to convince the judge that they're awful unless you have aLOT of hard evidence. The differance between a "fair" and "you-win" settlement is not likely to be big enough money to change your life. So go for FAIR - not more. Go for half of the marital assets, your state's "standard" support arrangements, and a pleasant, quick, settlement. He will *need* to be able to walk away feeling like he's won. Remember that for you, walking away IS winning. 2. Since he will need to feel like he's won, find out what it is that will let him feel this way. Realize that it *might not* be anything you would even want. It'll probably be something visible - might be money, the house, the 'good' car, artwork, furnishings, even certain child custody provisions that preserve the appearance of him being a good dad. You'll need to know what he wants, and if it's something that's not particularly important to you, don't tip off your hand that you don't care about it. Again, it's not so much that he needs to win -- it's that he needs to be able to *feel* like he won. Let him "win" something visible, and make a loud and visible show of him winning-you losing. (You know how much he likes that.) 3. Deep down, most narcissists feel really lousy about themselves. At some level, they feel they are worthless frauds, and this is why they work so hard to buff up their public images. In my opinion, their greatest fear at this point in time is that you will somehow reveal to the world what a fake they really are. So don't do it! This will be very difficult because you will probably have years of pent-up anger at your abuser, and venting that anger is cathartic. But make a list, build a file, gather your evidence and ammunition -- anything that would embarass him to the world and invalidate the picture he tries to paint. (sexual performance issues are biggies, social embarassments, career slights) Then sit on it. Tell him that all you want is a FAIR settlement with no mudslinging public trial that allows you both to walk away with your DIGNITY, SELF-RESPECT and PRIVACY intact. Let him act like it's you who would be embarassed if all your secrets came tumbling out, because that's important to him. But realize that if you expose him to the world as a fraud (like the world cares!), you've blown your best weapon. That's my two cents --

I like your idea of the fabric--or even wide ribbon at the bottom. Try this to cover up the crease line that forms there. I wouldn't cut them off. I'd cut off the hem and turn them up towards the right side of the jeans, the same width as the bottom trim. You will have the fold at the bottom. When she outgrows them, take off the trim and sew it to the raw edge at the bottom and it should cover the crease line that's there. A nice addition would be a scarf belt to match. You can cuff them like you did and when you let them down then put a couple of rows of narrow ribbon on the bottom. One of which will go right on the crease line. As for the dresses-- I don't know of any websites, but maybe this will help. Look in pattern book to find a similar style of dress and see how you can alter them. If they are too big maybe you can cut them down by putting the new pattern on top of the dress pieces. If they are patterned, you can pick a color that's in it make a bodice out new plain material, or vise versa. That's a few ideas--maybe someone else can come up with more

I have another nomination for Worst Mother... My SK's mother gave birth to "her babies"(as she calls the 14 and 15 yr. olds) and that is where she ceased being a parent. DH, while still married to her, would come home after a double shift to find BM on the computer(she could not keep a job) and the kids hungry with diapers full. They divorced, got joint custody with stipulation that kids lived with DH and BM was to pay CS. B/C she could not keep a job and therefore could not pay CS, DH let her slide as long as she agreed to see the kids, but not interfere. Soon after, she moved 1000 miles away to be with her family. The kids were 3 and 4 years old. She left on SS's birthday, which bothers him to this day. Over the next 5 years, BM would call once or twice a year to talk to the kids. She never had consistent phone service (to this day). DH took the kids to see her when he was able to afford it when they were 6/7. I came into their lives at 10/11 yrs. old. They had not seen their mother in 4 years, and only spoke to her once in a while. After 2 years, DH and I decided to marry. Suddenly, BM begins calling regularly, sending little trinkets and even BD and Xmas gifts (a first!). Just before the wedding, BM even traveled here for the first time to see her kids, and stirred up s**t with me at the same time. After the wedding, she decided she wanted to take the kids for a few weeks (another first!), but couldn't afford to get them. So DH paid for tickets with the agreement BM would pay it back, and that she would be sure the kids called while they were there. We spent half the time frantic b/c we could not contact them. When she finally did call, she started crap with me again. She told the kids they did not have to listen to me and that I was treating them badly and she would not put up with it. For 6 months the alienation of the kids from their "wicked SM" continued. She never did pay for the tickets. Then BM disappeared again. It has been 5 months with no contact what-so-ever. SK's cannot contact her (phone disconnected again) or her family. She did her damage and left, again. But it is coming time for the SK's birthdays...wonder what that will bring. I feel awful for wanting her to just stay in whatever hole she's in and leave the kids and us alone. She plays such head games with the kids, telling them how much she loves them and how they are her babies, and promises them this and that, then drops out of site leaving them worried about her and wondering why mom doesn't call them. Meanwhile, who is taking care of "her babies"? That's right...DH and the awful SM. Naturally, the SK's hang on every word BM tells them, including how awful I am. But they are getting older now, old enough to really see what is going on; old enough to question things, but still in denial, which has left them angry and bitter at us, at me. So they are denied a relationship with the only mother available to them b/c BM has made them feel guilty about doing so. So this is why I nominate her. Unfortunately, each one of us that are FT SM's know a BM that fits the description of worst. I am sure there are some BM out there who have made mistakes with their kids, and are really trying to make amends to those children. And I applaud them for trying to right the wrongs they have done. I could respect my SK's BM if she would only just step up to the plate and try for the sake of her kids.

There are soooo many issues with your living arrangement as well as your relationship with the kid's Dad, not the least of which that you are putting your 2 year old in daily danger because of the 13 year old. Your first obligation is to protect your son. If you embrace your "mother bear", you'll know exactly what to do. (Hint: MOVE OUT!!!) Date your boyfriend if you want to, but don't live with him. His parenting is a train wreck. Get yourself off the tracks.