Having worked in the mental health field of medicine for 20 years, I can say that family members/friends of those close to a person displaying mental illness, do not want to admit their loved one could be mentally ill. They tend to hide their heads in the sand, not wanting to admit their friend/loved one has a mental health issue.

I saw this on a daily basis in my job as a mental health technician - even those with Autism or ADHD want to believe the loved one is 'o.k.'. Most family and friends are not prepared to cope with someone with mental illness, so choose to ignore it.

Many of these illnesses have been diagnosed in grade school, but nothing was done about it. When that person grows up and does something unspeakable, they want to say 'I had no idea there was anything wrong'. That's simply NOT true.

If there is a sudden change in behavior, or the behavior is not characteristic of someone their age, TAKE NOTICE - let the appropriate professionals know what you observe. People don't 'just suddenly change' - it's gradual and as it gets worse, more noticeable.

Mental illness is a chemical imbalance in the body, displayed in disrupted thinking, mood swings, the inability to interact with other people and inability to do daily activities of living.

Mental illness can manifest itself in many ways, so sometimes it's hard to discover, but if there are extreme behavioral changes, TAKE NOTICE and get the person the professional attention they need.

(edited to correct my grammar)

This post was edited by kayjones on Fri, Aug 8, 14 at 11:17

I have nothing further to add but just, I feel so bad for the family that has been left behind...But, also, just cannot imagine the pain and hurt that she must have been going through, alone, to decide to take her life....So sad!

I had to google the name to discover this is the wife and mother of two who is now judged to have committed suicide by hanging herself. (She had also bought an OTC sleep aid, with container found at the scene.) I was surprised that a woman committed suicide by hanging? Isn't that unusual?

Xmnion seems to tie this suicide to a history of depression or unrecognized/untreated mental illness. I didn't find anything about that in the news report of this death. More facts?

I do know that more suicides are successful today due to the easy availability of guns. A 'cry for help' attempt is almost always lethal with a gun.

The 30 year old son of a friend of mine committed suicide a week after Mother's Day this year. The minister of the church where they were wanting to hold the memorial service would only do it if he could be honest and talk about suicide. He wasn't going to talk details or be judgemental, just the pain of suicide for all.

They jumped at the chance - they didn't want to sweep it under the rug. They wanted to be honest about the details of his death but having the minister talk about it saved them the pain of having to talk about it a hundred times or more to friends/family. It was really well done.

kayjones, I like your thoughtful comments. I know this is an area with more unknowns than knowns. Oftentimes those with mental illness turn to self-medication (alcohol and drugs) for relief. For some reason, there is an irrational societal stigma and lack of understanding concerning mental illness. People accept when someone's life or work is compromised because of arthritis, for example, but not if they suffer from depression. Both are MEDICAL problems.

And it's true that that many who haven't been effectively treated view suicide as the only available escape. This case is tragic for the young children left behind.

Suicide rates in the US haven't increased over the last 60 years, if anything they're down slightly, see link. It's interesting to see that male suicide victims outnumber females 4 to 1.

Here is a link that might be useful: Suicide rates 1950-2010

Kayjones probably is right in this situation. It seems her family had no idea she was so depressed, or they aren't revealing it.

My husband's family has a history of mental illness. His mother was institutionalized for a while, his sister was schizophrenic and now his brother is grappling with bipolar disorder, which he denies he has. He does not want to take his meds. He lost another job and is having a great time in his manic phase. Very sad.

I worry for my children with the genetics they have. DD has been on meds for depression for several years now, and wants to go off of them because she says she "can't feel anything". This is so untrue, as she is an extremely emotional person. I know she has been reading books on depression and I fear she is getting these ideas from that. I also listened to a podcast on the Moth that I know she listened to (it was on her ipod) about a guy who went off his meds because he was so even keeled he didn't feel good or bad. She is easily influenced by what other people say/write, but she won't listen to those closest to her. Like I said, I worry about her.

People hide it. They hide how bad the emotional/mental pain is. Don't ask me how I know.

Thanks, kayjones, for your input from the "front lines" of mental health treatment. I know many good people like yourself that face familial mental health problems with compassion and equanimity. Some, however, are so close to a person, that they can't see the problem for what it really is.

However, I am wondering if society in general has room for just a little more support, just a little more understanding,
and, just a little more funding for mental health?

For example, I run 5k's. There's 5k's for heart disease, breast cancer, stroke victims, MS, etc. All very important causes. Is there a 'run for bi-polar disease' or 'depression treatment'? Not in my area of the country. It's still the elephant in the room.

Chisue,
Suicide by hanging is not all that unusual for a woman. In fact, Mike Jagger's longtime girlfriend did just that recently, and it's not at all an isolated incident. And, perhaps, Jennifer had had a brain tumor that drove her to suicide, although unlikely. (not the brain tumor part, the suicide part)
Blfenton- What a wonderful minister. IMHO he was absolutely correct to speak about it.

Sleeperblues -Thank god your daughter has you and your husband. Familial support is very important. You are my unsung hero.

A news release last month from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention stated that the number of suicides in the US has risen every year for the last five years. They quoted CDC findings. I'm not finding a break-down on methods. This foundation also reports that over seventy percent of suicides have various illegal drugs in their systems. (More 'cries for help' -- but help with what?)

Three young men in my immediate neighborhood (no more than ten houses away from ours) have committed suicide by hanging in the last few years; all males, ages 14 - 20. Three teens in our town committed 'suicide by train' in the same period. There is an epidemic of deaths and near-deaths from heroin in this and other affluent suburbs.

All the Mothers Against Whatever, all the high school and community outreach -- has not slowed this epidemic of (What? Depression? Lack of Purpose? ).

The US armed forces reports that we shouldn't be surprised by the mental illness in discharged veterans because so many came into service with psychological problems.

I would never dispute that there are individuals in need of meds due to natural chemical imbalances in their brains. I know too many adults for whom a 'normal' life is only possible with prescribed medication. However...

...why are so many *young* Americans so unhappy in our 'land of plenty'?

...is the US unusual in this regard among first-world nations?

...what can we do?

Sue, I have two grandsons, ages 10 and 12. The younger one is a social butterfly, has lots of friends and it very outgoing. He's been the allstar for his baseball team for the last three years - he's always smiling.

The other one is studious, very smart, accomplished in martial arts and doesn't make friends easily. At his age, people would say he has 'attitude'.

These boys' general mental outlook on life is as different as can be. The younger fellow sees everything in a positive way, while the older one can be sullen and withdrawn. As soon as I noticed the older one's pre-teen attitude, I took him to a child psychologist. He was pronounced 'fine' and within the normal guidelines for his age.

I am keeping my eye on his reactions to life around him, because I've raised him for years, and would notice any behavioral changes. If I notice any more/different 'attitude', different than what I see daily, we will head right back to the doctor.

Tally Sue, I sincerely hope you are getting help if you need it! Are you ok?

Kayjones -- Now, you know what? *I* might worry as much about the 'social butterfly' who is so popular so early in life.

Gah! Mothering is all about *worry*! LOL

I hear you about people 'coming with' sunnier outlooks though. I sometimes wonder how my own DH survived lifelong emotional abuse from an adoptive mother who never wanted him -- while never telling him he was adopted. Then I remember he was evidently born with sunshine in his veins. He also inherited some tendency toward mild depression. You'd expect the depressive tendency plus the frozen mother would have resulted in disaster, but the sunshine evidently protected him!

In my work with adult adoptees and birthparents I saw several times the 'inheritability' of mental problems. One of our birthmoms had four kids in her marriage, all of whom inherited her bi-polar troubles. Her found son was very relieved to discover his similarity to his half-sibs -- and to discover that meds that helped them could also help him.

Thanks for the concern, sjerin. I got help, eventually--probably a year later than I should have. And it's not really a concern. I can feel the lingering scars, so to speak; and those "muscles" will always be vulnerable (I liken it to a soft-tissue injury). But I'm fine.

It was an eye-opening experience--I am far more tender toward other people, with all their quirks, than I ever was before.

I wasn't that close to the abyss, but I could see it--and that was hard enough. My heart cries for people who end up closer.

I suppose those who try suicide each have their own reason, but it has to be so painful. Lord knows it was painful enough from where *I* stood.

And when I think back on that time, and all the clues other people had, and there were so few people who said, "Please see a doctor."
When things are emotional, or "all in your head," there really is a sense that you should just force yourself out of it, cope on your own, etc.

Not long ago Mick Jagger's girlfriend committed suicide by hanging. I can't remember her name. One of my neighbor's (in town where I used to live) committed suicide by hanging. She was very involved in drugs and had a bad relationship. 'She hanged herself in the barn.

Sue, my 'social butterfly' loves people. He has had a 'girlfriend' since pre-k! LOL Everyone loves him, too. His friends are mostly the kids he plays baseball and football with. He gets invited to events with the families of these kids, so that's why we call him a social butterfly. We've known these families since he started playing T-ball, so it's not as if he makes friends with strangers. Darin breathes and dreams of being a baseball and football pro.

The older grandson played baseball for a couple of years, from T-ball through 3rd grade, but now, his interests are science and gaming. He has plenty of online buddies, but he's never met any of them. He does have one young man that he goes to school with that's a gaming buddy. The older one is 12 going on 30 - the younger one is a 10 year old all the way. The older one is meticulous in how he looks, the younger not so much.

Both boys have been taught, from a young age, to never share personal information with anyone they don't know, and I keep an eye on what's happening during his computer time. If my older grandson ever loses interest in online gaming, I will really be concerned and seek to find the reason. He is very successful in school, taking pride in how well he does. He is simply a 'nerd', whereas his brother is athletic.

My point is this - if either boy's personality changed to cause me concern, I believe I would recognize it and get them the professional help they might need.

Kayjones -- Your grandsons both sound like wonderful, normal boys. I was really thinking about something I heard recently on the radio.

The talk-show host was commenting on an article he'd read about parents worrying because their middle school child was not 'popular'. A study showed that kids who will will do anything to BE popular in junior high and high school often become messes by the time they are young adults. (Doesn't sound like your 'butterfly' at all!)

Our DS had two 'best men' at his wedding. The three (along with with some other boys who who came and went over the years) had been *quiet* friends since grammar school. Our boy was the 'regular guy'. One friend was the 'funny fat boy', and the other was the 'scholar'. When they were in junior high I worried about all the time they spent with Dungeons and Dragons, but that was just a framework while they worked out who they were, independent of school cliques.

You mean Jennifer Hudson right? I can't find where she is dead.

Jennifer HUSTON, the missing mother who had been in the news of late.

When Someone Takes Their Own Life
by Norman Vincent Peale

In many ways, this seems the most tragic form of death. Certainly it can entail more shock and grief for those who are left behind than any other. And often the stigma of suicide is what rests most heavily on those left behind.

And my heart goes out to those who are left behind, because I know that they suffer terribly. Children in particular are left under a cloud of "differentness" all the more terrifying because it can never be fully explained or lifted. The immediate family of the victim is left wide open to tidal waves of guilt "What did I fail to do that I should have done? What did I do that was wrong?"

To such grieving persons I can only say, "Lift up your heads and hearts. Surely you did your best. And surely the loved one who is gone did his best, for as long as he could. Remember, now, that his battles and torments are over. Do not judge him, and do not presume to fathom the mind of God where this one of His children is concerned."

A few days ago, when a young man died by his own had, a service for him was conducted by his pastor, the Rev. Warren Stevens. What he said that day expresses, far more eloquently than I can, the message that I'm trying to convey. Here are some of his words:

"Our friend died on his own battlefield. He was killed in action fighting a civil war. He fought against adversaries that were as real to him as his casket is real to us. They were powerful adversaries. They took toll of his energies and endurance. They exhausted the last vestiges of his courage and strength. At last these adversaries overwhelmed him. And it appeared that he lost the war. But did he? I see a host of victories that he has won!

For one thing -- he has won our admiration -- because even if he lost the war, we give him credit for his bravery on the battlefield. And we give him credit for the courage and pride and hope that he used as his weapons as long as he could. We shall remember not his death, but his daily victories gained through his kindnesses and thoughtfulness, through his love for family and friends, for animals and books and music, for all things beautiful, lovely and honorable. We shall remember the many days that he was victorious over overwhelming odds. We shall remember not the years we thought he had left, but the intensity with which he lived the years he had!

Only God knows what this child of His suffered in the silent skirmishes that took place in his soul. But our consolation is that God does know and understands!"

WOW éclair. What a profound article. If nobody has sent it to the survivors, I will.

Do you remember when suicides were not permitted church rites or burial in 'sanctified' ground?

I'm so glad to hear you are well, TS. Yes, I think many, many people are too afraid to "wade in" and instead just do what's easy, which is ignore. Just as many people "don't know what to say" to a dying person. Human nature, I suppose. I don't mean to say I'd know for sure if a loved one or friend were thinking of suicide, but I would hope I'd notice a little outward change. Stay well, Talley!

I just read an article, that said, she was found by her SUV and cause of death is asphyxiation. She and her Lexus SUV were found on a rural Sherridan Logging road. No mention of hanging in this article.

Here is a link that might be useful: Jennifer Huston

Cat, it's all over the internet that she hanged herself. Here's a HP report:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/08/jennifer-huston-suicide_n_5661761.html

Here is a link that might be useful: Cause of Jennifer Huston's death

I guess, a lot of the articles are leaving out what type of asphyxiation she died from. Most lead a person to believe that she used her car to asphyxiate her self. Its sad, no matter how it happened.

Chisue,

Do you remember? I don't but it was (and sometimes still is) considered a 'moral' problem.

Did you know, according to FREAKANOMICS the suicide rate is DOUBLE that of the homicide rate in the US? And yet, the US is known far and wide as the homicide capitol of the world.....

In the Milwaukee, WI area, mental health care has fallen by the wayside due to various concerns about privacy and legal barriers; Facilities have been reduced and it is difficult to find quallity staff under these conditions. Also, funds have been cut and programs dumped. As a result, we have an increase in the number of folks on the streets incapable of surviving well on their own. These people fill shelters in the winter. Occassionally, one freezes to death. Three years ago, one of these people, on a -10F night, sat down on a railroad track and waited for a train to strike him.

Jemdandy,

Yet the gov't can fund to send illegals to Hawaii, (yes, Hawaii,) but we can't find the funding for mental health programs. Shameful and disgraceful.

PS - I don't mean to turn this thread into a political rant.