Sounds to me like you need a break. Even just a few hours to yourself. Bless you and your DH for working so hard to take care of your uncle.

I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Tami

Being a caregiver has to be one of the most stressful, difficult 'jobs' out there. Hard not to have the occasional rough day. Hope your uncle's health soon even's out.

I don't know how old he is, but have you checked with the local office on aging? to see what benefits he may be eligible for? I found that there was lots of help out there for my mom--she got help with her rent, the state gave her money toward her electric bill, her state prescription plan had no premium and only a $5 co-pay for each prescription. AARP offers good supplemental health insurance (he'd need to have primary insurance like Medicare). I also learned--although we didn't need this option for mom--that there is a little-known VA benefit that pays something like $800-900 per month for nursing home care, should that become necessary for a vet or his wife (not sure if it's any vet, or just WWII vets). Keep that in mind, in case you need it in the future. You may have to dig a little to get the info, but a nursing home director gave me the information, application and phone #, so I know it's legit.

Now, any chance you can take 10 minutes, pour yourself a glass of iced tea and sit down with a good book?

Good luck

You are due for a break. I hope you can get some sort of assistance even if it is just a home health/nurses aide a few hours a couple times a week. That would give you a chance to get out of the house for some private time... even if you just sit at the park and read a book.

I hate to say it, but having to be a caretaker is one of my worst fears. I worked many years in nursing homes and did live-in work too and I know it is exhausting. I would do it of course if my parents or MIL needed it... but I'd make sure I had time off every week.. whether someone had to be paid or other siblings would take over for a day.. I'd get my time off. It's so important for the physical and mental health of the caretaker.

((((HUGS))))

How fortunate your uncle is for having you and DH helping!

Has he applied for Medicaid in your state? Sometimes that get assistance quicker than VA benefits. And sometimes it helps to call your congressman or legislatures office to see if they can assist in speeding up things with the VA. I know, it sounds a little crazy, but try talking to the bureaucrats to getting past it! As a former senior case manager, believe me, I know how long it takes just going through the system.

Call your state's dept. on aging, you might be able to get a case manager assigned to him. If he needs home assistance, medications, they might assist with the Medicaid applications if you all decided he could use that. They might have homemaking assistance for him to help take some of the load off you. It usually is based on the clients income only and sometimes free services. Please consider this.

Your uncle is on blood thinners you said? This has to be continually monitored (usually in the beginning) to find the best "window" of anticoagulation. It's vital that its done, and I know, adds up costs. State and Federal "insurance" can help--Medicaid or Medicare. Is he on Medicare? Also check our cancer groups. Sometimes American Cancer Society can help or give referrals for medication help.

And my most important advice is to take care of yourself too. Uncle would not have anybody if not you & DH. Get more help, please. It is out there.
Peace to you all,
Jan

DH and I spent 4 years taking care of my FIL and it was mentally and physically exhausting. You should at least qualify for a respite worker to come in and give you a break. The only way you will be able to maintain a positive outlook on what you are doing is to not get burned out by all of this. Please allow yourself a chance to take a break. You are human you know. My DH is a firefighter too and I am a former Paramedic. Both of us had the attitude that if someone needed to be taken care of we were the right people for the job. We soon discovered that even we had a breaking point. Take the opportunity to take a step back, catch your breath, look at your situation from the outside, and get back in there refreshed. You are doing a wonderful thing.

If he retired from the military he shouldn't he be getting a pension? At any rate, he is entitled to medical care through VA. Do you have a VA hospital close to you? I'm really happy with the care DH receives at ours. We have to drive about 40 miles, but it's worth it.

I say pour something a little stiffer than the tea and take an hour or so for yourself.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel like I am being such a baby about this. I am so grateful his health is improving. He's 67 years old, he's divorced and bless his heart he has raised three of the most worthless children you can even imagine. One doesn't even know her dad is with us, the other two call for money which he doesn't have.
I never thought at age 33 I would be a care taker to someone. For the first couple of months we had him he couldn't even bathe himself so every other night my husband and I would get him in the shower. My husband did all the "cleaning" while I changed his bedding and would get him ready for bed. This had just been so hard.
He's starting to do a lot more for himself I am just tired. It seems like that is all I ever say to my DH is I am just so tired.

I deal with all the stress at my house then with my family. UGG...enough is enough!

...and I'm awful sorry about your parents. I really don't think there is an age where it is easy to hear news like that.

((((HUGS))))

If you have a VFW Post in your area, ask for the Service Officer. This is their job to help Veterans. And you or your Uncle do not have to be members. My DH was very active in the VFW and we had an excellent person. Sometimes you have to push them or find a very active post, or contact the state VFW. DAV also has service officers to help out--don't know about the American Legion. Just keep pushing, keep a notebook of who, when, why etc. That way you can go back and say--I talked toXXX onXXX and was told thisxxx. Also this is an election year. Contact your local and state representives and as for help. Is there a military base in the area? If he is retired, they have people to help out.
As to his relatives, be firm and tell them Sorry he is not avaiable to help out now. The social services at the hospital should also help out as the Council on Ageing. Even where he has his cancer treatments might have some help. It is amazing once you get started how much help you can get.

If it looks as though your Uncle will need to be in a Nursing Home you should go the Medicaid Route. The VA only covers certain Nursing Homes and they are usually aweful, my Brother was in one for 24 hours and I got him out and bought him home. It was horrible. Later he qualified for Medicaid and went into a wonderful facility.

Gayle

Our nursing home here is one small step up from hell! There is no way I could put him in there.

I will not help his kids. He has NO money what so ever. He just sold his house and got $9000.00 for it! He lived in a really old single wide trailer, I was surprised he even got that.

My heart just breaks for him. When he showed up on our door step I was out of town on training and my DH called to say we had company. At that time I had no idea what was going on or how long he would be staying. Now he will always be with us. He has no where else to go.

He had made friends with my DH uncle and they pal around together. He is teaching my uncle how to tie flies and fish. They have also been making bread! Totally shocked me. They play chess and cards together. Everyonce in a while they will hop on 4-wheelers drive down to our local diner and get a cheeseburger. They have a lot of fun together. So he gets is outs and it makes him happy.

He is so cute, he had my buy him a little dry erase calendar so he would keep track of is "social life". I make him leave me a note if he goes some where so I don't panic when I can't find him. It's almost like having a teenager in the house.

FMW--if he's 67, he should be eligible for Medicare, I would think--unless the VA thing supercedes that. And Medicaid if he really has no assets. What about Social Security?

If you get him on medicare, and he has legitmate, on-going health issues, you should be able to get home health aids in a couple of days a week, to help with his bathing and other care (and to give you a break) and Medicare will pay for it. If he doesn't have qualifying health problems, you might still want to look into home health aids. My mom had a girl come in twice a week and it was only $40 for 2 hours of help--you can hardly get a cleaning lady for that. Well worth the cost.

You really do need to sit down with a senior advocate and find out what help you can get. There's plenty of it out there, you just have to track it down.

And HappyGLGayle--the VA nursing home benefit isn't just for specific homes--while it certainly doesn't pay the full monthly bill for a nice one, it can be applied toward the cost. I know, we were applying for it for MIL, before her status changed and it was decided not to go that route, after all.

I am so sorry about your parents. That must be an awful blow.

You are receiving some good suggestions here for getting help for your uncle. I had always thought that if one was a veteran, medical assistance was always automatically available - guess not! And heed those suggestions to find time for yourself. Caring for my elderly mother, who didn't live with us, exhausted me to the bone.

Just want to add that I am in awe of your taking in your uncle and making his life better. You are doing what in Judaism is called a "mitzvah" - a good deed without expectation of reward. It's the most noble thing that one can do. May you be showered with blessings!

I'm glad your uncle has somewhere to go, so many older folks have no one. I see it all the time where I work. It's really sad, even those with family won't help them or do but then will dump them on long holiday weekends at our hospital. So, they spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with strangers.

Sometimes they never come back for them and just don't answer the phone or keep making excuses why they can't pick them up. We're a critical care floor but you would think sometimes we're a nursing home for all the people we keep long-term when there's really nothing wrong with them, other than they can't or won't take care of themselves.

God bless you and your DH for caring enough about your uncle to help him and I hope you find some help from either the VA system or somewhere else.

I'm sorry everything is happening at once! Hugs to you and your family.

It sounds like you and DH are the best thing to ever to happen to Uncle, Firemanswife! Kudos to the two of you, you are so good to help him and love him. Phooey on his rotten kids.

I hope you find some good ideas here and act on them, you deserve a break. Our local VA is wonderful, so if yours is anything like ours, I really hope they accept him soon and take over his medical care.