I say get a medium size stone and honeymoon for two weeks. :-)

I definitely would go for the larger stone! When we got engaged, DH gave me the choice of a new car or a large diamond. I chose the 3-carat diamond--I still have it, but the car would have long ago gone to the junk heap. I know I made the right choice for me!

Considering how thoughtful her boyfriend seems to be, the lengthy cruise will surely be in her future...possibly for a second honeymoon in a few years.

I'd choose the cruise and the smaller stone.

I would opt for the larger stone

I'm with Jodi...Little bigger stone and a TWO week honeymoon. They'll probably be ready to come home at the end of 2 weeks anyway!

Well, it really doesn't matter what we'd want--we're not your daughter.

I think, in this case, maybe the best option is for him to buy a dime store ring to give her when he proposes, and then let her make the choice and choose the setting and stone she wants after she's accepted.

Me? I wouldn't choose either honeymoon option. I'd go with a modest ring, and put the rest of the money into buying a home or something else we needed to start our life together

The cruise is more of a 'trip' than a 'honeymoon', IMO. However, if they're already a couple, living together, maybe that would be fine. It might be 'too much' if they'd be going immediately after a big wedding.

DH and I honeymooned in London and Paris. We would have been wiser to have spent our first days as a couple somewhere nearer, and quiet, following a big wedding. We've traveled abroad several times during our 45 years.

When our DS asked about buying a ring I advised him to get the biggest and best he could afford and take a short honeymoon immediately after the wedding. They went to Door County -- in January! They just wanted to 'be alone together' after the big wedding. The following summer they went to our Maui condo -- and have been back there too.

Say, can I rent your future son-in-law a condo? LOL

Go for the memories! The trip is for both of them and will give them wonderful memories and conversation for years. A rock is a rock.

If I were your DD, I would want to be asked. After all, she's not on the outside looking in, right? If I were her I would not feel too happy if my intended husband and mother made a decision for me. They have a lifetime of decisions, so they might as well start practicing now. What you said, Picky:

"I laughed and told him maybe he can propose with the stoneless setting, and offer her the two options after the proposal and then go get the ring set!"

I vote for a medium sized ring and a two week trip. Three weeks is a really long time to be on a ship, IMO.

I think the stoneless setting and ask her what she'd like is a great idea.

*I* would choose the large stone and smaller honeymoon.

Tammy

I would propose without the ring and ask her to make the decision.

This guy is starting off all wrong;
he needs to consult with the person he's marrying & nobody else.

If you were going to wear a piece of jewelry for the rest of your life, wouldn't you want to pick it?

Here's a great looking CZ ring for 30 bucks.
He could give one like this as a placeholder and then let her make the big decision.

Here is a link that might be useful: Ring

I agree that she should be involved in the choice of the ring and the planning of the honeymoon. I think a ring like Gardenspice posted (or even a plastic dime store one) would be nice along with some creative way to ask if she wants a "Big stone, little honeymoon" or a "Little stone, big honeymoon".

Three weeks is way too long for me. Who knows if employers would even let someone be gone for so long. I think I would go for the bigger stone and one week, but the travel ought to also depend on the season for the trip.

Congratulations! These are exciting times for your family. I still remember all our to-do over the surprise proposal, the boyfriend's request to her dad, and our involvement in setting up the surprise visit and location for the proposal. He did a good job of surprising her. It was fun!

I'm with the 'ask her what she'd want' group.

I would go with Gardenspice's idea. Or he could even buy a diamond ring with the understanding that it might go back. A lot of rings go back for a lot of reasons.

As for my own preference, I never particularly wanted an engagement ring. My wedding ring was a circle of diamonds, but that was impractical for everyday wear. I would have loved cruising the Mediterranean. I still have never been on a cruise--nor seen the Mediterranean. (Probably because my DH had traveled everywhere before we met.)

I agree with Gardenspice. What a good idea, a place holder ring. My husband has no taste and if he picked out ring I probably wouldn't have liked the style but still of course would have worn it. Also, what if she always wanted a pear cut diamond, or a yellow one and gets a round clear. Also, maybe would like a different kind of precious stone over a diamond. White gold or yellow? My sister went with a slightly flawed larger stone over a perfect stone. I would let her choose the stone herself. Then when the original ring starts getting worn, maybe on 10th anniversary get a new setting and add a stone or two. Maybe she would rather not have any stone, just a really nice platinum or gold band of some sort.

I would go on a 3 weeks cruise over a larger diamond!!

I'm in the "let her choose". I don't like huge diamonds/rings. BUT 3 weeks is also too long of a trip for me. I have to admit too, I'm not old fashioned and do not want to make decisions of any kind for my kids (DD#1's now hubby wanted to ask us for her hand in marriage, I'm so glad he didn't as I wouldn't GIVE it, because I don't feel it's mine to GIVE)

Vickey-MN

I'm with azzalea. She posted exactly what I was thinking.

I'm practical too, and would agree with Azzalea and Patti.

I'm with azzalea too. Given my druthers, I'd rather start out with a good down payment on a house.

I'm for proposing with a CZ and letting daughter make the decision. Me personally, I would go for the larger stone. There will be plenty of time in their lives for great memories. One week getaway right now should be plenty. Diamond is forever. She might not even want a diamond...might prefer another stone.

I think they should make the decision together. However, if he chooses not to do so, I think the longer cruise would be a good choice since she is a history major with a special interest in the Mediterranean.
Congratulations to your DD and her intended.

Hmm they are getting married. Seems to me he should know what she would prefer. Should have talked about wishes and dreams and all that, shouldn't they?

Having been on cruises, 3 weeks is a long cruise.

Whew! That's tough! Ummmm, I'd go with a CZ set and let her decide. I understand the element of surprise, but this is too big a decision.

Blessings,
Haley

Do both. Buy the larger stone and take a delayed honeymoon after saving more for it. That's what I would want :~)

Seriously though, tell him to go with his heart. She'll appreciate whatever he decides. Moreso if he never tells her about the choices.

Well you said you are close to your DD. Apparently they have an adult relationship since she has been supporting him through grad school. Hasn't the subject of rings ever come up before? My DD doesn't care for diamonds at all so she wanted a sapphire engagement ring. Her boyfriend was well aware of the type of jewelry she wore. He also knew it wasn't the size of the stone but the setting that would matter most to her. He also knows her well enough to know where her priorities lie.

I guess I'm rambling but bottom line is I agree with Kacee2002.

Does she really like travel? (Not everyone loves it.) Does she get seasick? Just something to consider.

I know it might seem awfully romantic to have someone ask for your daughter's hand in marriage, and maybe she even feels the same way.

I wouldn't feel that way at all - and DH and I have been together 30 years. I'd also have been mighty ticked off if he asked my parents for both my hand and what kind of ring I wanted.

He needs to ask her.

Thank you for all your responses! My first post didn't go into great detail to keep it from being too lengthy. DD and her boyfriend have talked previously about engagement rings, and he showed her his grandmother's engagement ring, which he inherited. He said he would love to give the ring to his future wife some day, as he has wonderful memories of his grandmother, but was perfectly happy to buy a new ring if it wasn't suitable. DD told me it's a beautiful platinum band with intricate carving, but he had taken the stone (sapphire) out a few years before he met DD, and had it set in a pendant for his mother, because that is her birthstone. So DD's boyfriend already knows she loves the band and that she would want a diamond for the stone. He also knows she would absolutely love the Mediterranean cruise because she would be ecstactic to see all the historical sites she studied about for so many years.

Some of you suggested a compromise with a two week cruise. Unfortunately, the 2 week cruises have a different itinerary and won't visit those 3 places she would love to see most. So he's really just debating whether to go for a larger stone now and the big cruise in the future, or the other way around. After reading your responses, I think I will suggest he propose with the ring as is and ask DD her preference after the proposal. Either way, he's an amazing young man and we can't wait to formally claim his as 'family.' I'll let you know how it turns out.

I know it's a big diamond or 3 week trip...but....I'd choose the 4 carrot blue topaz for about $150 from the antique store.....then take the trip right away.

Well that changes things. I would go for the stone that fits the ring. Something close to the original one. A small stone now could always be replaced with a bigger one later. I vote for the cruise.

Another question: Is this cruise on a top cruise line? (Not one of those old Greek scows?)

Three weeks is a LONG cruise -- I'd want to be very sure it's the kind of ship I'd love living on for that long. (Innoculations required for some ports?)

Don't forget us.... let us know what happens...
I'd choose the bigger stone... 3 weeks is exhausting
I'd rather go & stay in a country & spend the time exploring the whole area.. rather than having a short time in Rome, Athens, etc. But that's me...

Mainly ... consulting with DD: it is now, somewhat, and is to be, for many years, their lives/life.

My suggestion re the question:

Modest ring now - can get well stoned later.

Modest honeymoon, now. Especially if plan to wait while to start a family, then take that long cruise, later. Or, a vacation later including spending a longer period near each of DD's precious sites, allowing fuller exploration of each, with less time watching blue water.

Down payment on a house. Now, while prices are low (though some consider that they may be lower, later, considering the rate of current and anticipated foreclosures).

ole joyful

Forget the trip just get a big diamond!

Sue :)