LL... I'm one with a tiny house now and no formal dining. We have counter seating and a table that seats 4...6 comfortably when the leaf is in, could probably squish 8 there. Our "sit down" table is what was housed in the dining room in my other house where I had a regular kitchen table but no counter seating. Since I am in So. Florida, we have seating around the patio with 3 separate tables for a total seating of a minimum of 14 more and up to 20. At our home, we have always been informal. Even Thanksgiving is set up buffet style and people sit where they want and even move around as little ones are being fed or get done eating. People will get up to re-fill their plate and go sit and "visit" with someone sitting elsewhere. Our set-up works well for us and how we like to live/entertain.

Hi Lavender:

My table seats 12. After years of longing for the ability to have large dinner parties, I finally got a large enough formal (separate) dining room when we moved to a new house a few years back. All my life prior to that, the maximum number I could seat was 8. Something I had never thought about in all my wishing for a room that accomodated more people, was how that large of a group would change (for lack of a better word) the "social dynamic" of a dinner party. With 6 or 8 at a table, it always felt like we were all part of one group--and mostly one conversation. I found with our first party for 12, The distance from one end of the table to the other is so great, that there were multiple conversations, and since my husband usually sits at one end of the table and I at the other, it was almost as if we had been at two different parties--he visited with the set of friends sitting at his end, and I at mine. I felt like I did not get to visit with the half of the guests at the other end of the table.

One of the things I enjoy most about playing hostess is putting different sets of friends together, and with a large table, you cannot count on the folks at one end getting to know the folks at the other end as well as they might with a smaller group.

When our new behemoth of a table first arrived, and I set it up with all the leaves, my husband came to look, and started laughing. When I asked why, he said he imagined if the two of us decided to dine formally on our own, one of the kids would have to standby as a runner to pass the salt!

While I like the idea that I can accomodate 12 for dinner, I find that I actually like the feel of a group of 6 or 8 much better.

Remodelfla- Oh, you're so lucky to have outdoor seating, year round! :)

We live in eastern Washington, which has a climate almost as cold as western Montana. It's beautiful, but the winters can be cold and long...so holiday entertaining is always inside.

Vicky- Thank you for your input. I used to hostess, when I was in school...and I've noticed the same thing. Large tables seem to break into two or three groups/conversations. I wasn't sure, if it was the same in someone's home, but that makes sense. Six to eight is friendlier for a dinner party, but for the holidays (usually) you get more of a chance to talk to all your guests, before and after dinner.

Your DH's comment about the 'salt runner' is too funny!

My DR table seats 14 comfortably. We got tired of having to buy sheets of plywood to put over a smaller table in order to seat enough people for large holiday gatherings and dinner parties and then return afterwards. Hey, we're cheap. ;)

As to your question about too large, when you host a multi-course dinner for 20, it's not intimate. You can't expect to really be able to visit with everyone while eating. Having a large table means guests sit and eat comfortably (not balancing a plate on their lap while setting their drink on the floor in front of them), not intimately.

My DR isn't quite a separate room, nor is it open. During the reno, I carefully placed the room within the house to fit the table in its leafless 6' long state for everyday, and be able to stretch out into another room with all the leaves in place for large parties.

At this point, since my brothers' and my kids are so tiny, they sit at the big table. As they get past toddlerhood, I can see them all sitting at the kitchen table very near the DR only if there aren't enough spaces in the DR. I wouldn't put them at another table just because. Family holidays mean "family" to me.

Most of the time we keep the dining room table open for 8. The best feature of my house is that the dining room is open on one end and abutts the family room. When the kids were young, and we had a much larger extended family I shopped for the largest table I could afford--it seats 12 comfortably. For major holidays that still isn't enough, I add another table to the end for a total of 18. The table then stretches into a hallway and through the opening into the family room. Tight to walk around, but it works.

I loved the idea of not having a kids table, even if the there are several different conversations going on at the same time. Plus it is much more fun to set a large, dramatic table.

Now that the kids have flown the coup, mostly we keep it open for 8. It still feels way too large when there are only the two of us eating there, which we do weekly.

But sometimes, as tonight, the kids return from college for winter break, and the dining room table is full with our new normal --8. It was perfect, great conversation, and lots of laughter as we sat around the table after dinner telling stories of our youth that the kids (young adults) are now old enough to hear. Oh, the dreadful things we did.

I absolutely love having a separate dining room.

We have a table that sits 4 in our dining room but we bring in another table for up to 10. That's as much as our DR will hold. When we've hosted big Thanksgiving gatherings (26+), my hubby cleans out our garage and we set up long work tables in there. And yes, there are multiple conversations once you get past about 8 people at a table. At our new house we'll only have a dining peninsula and then a small table on our dining room/porch area but I found table extenders that I thought seemed pretty nifty and would allow larger seating on the porch without having to have a giant table all the time. See link below.

Here is a link that might be useful: table extenders

We host regular dinner parties for our friends whose kids are friends with our kids, so this is anwhere from 4-8 adults along with 5-11 kids. These nights are so much fun because the kids love to see each other and play so the focus wrt to dining is more on the adults.

My new house has a seperate dining room and I love it. The old house had the table in the kitchen space and I found that awkward for entertaining (although nice for everyday living). When we were looking at houses, I actively searched out a house with a seperate dining room and I love our butler's pantry that seperates the kitchen from the dining room.

currently our table is long and narrow and is fine for 6-8 adults. We are hoping to trade it in for a round table that would seat 8 comfortably and more with a leaf.

Our kitchen needs a renovation big time and I hope to maintain some sort of a table in there for every quick meals particularly breakfast for the kids.

So far at the new house, the best arrangement that I have been able to come up with for the kids dinner situation is having them eat picnic style on the floor... the kids love it - I just put out a giant blanket in front of the fireplace in the living room and they feel very connected to each other while eating in a big circle.

The other alternative would be to feed them first, clear the table and have the adults eat, but I like to set a nice table for the adults and don't want to do that on the fly.

If we get the round table with ability for expansion we can have the kids and adults eat at the same time - figuring the kids will be done in no time flat and move along to allow for adult conversation.

I agree with the poster that said the conversation gets broken down into smaller groups - usually we have the women discussing one thing and the men another.

LL,
also, just curious what the recent events were that have you rethinking?? too many people? not enough room? just curious as I am always trying to figure out the best scenario for nice dinner parties.

I've noticed in 2 settings, the larger and nicer the table you can afford or locate or take from a relative, the better. Even in a smallish space, a significantly scaled solid piece actually makes the space look better. I have one pullout with leaf built in:goes square to rectangular and a 2nd one is drop leaf with 2 removable leaves. The critical thing in a space with a lot of day to day activity is that the legs are recessed vs. legs out in walk zones. I'd go for the bigger!

Thank you all for your input. It really helps to see how other people use their space.

Mama- Recent events were as follows...it would have been nice to have more seating at Thanksgiving (up at my mom's house) and suddenly, we've started having more people drive out to our area for holidays. I really think I need to open up our remodel to more views out the back...making a front dining area and separate kitchen table more likely. Lastly...we had a pick up truck run into our current home and crash through our bay window. This makes me rethink previous plans and want to have window seats and other cozy area, in the back of the house. It was probably a 'once in a lifetime' occurence, but it's made me rethink some of my planning. Better safe than sorry, right :)

We don't have a separate dining room. It's large area separated from the kitchen by a peninsula. When all our children come home, it's a "CROWD". Every summer we will have a minimum of 14 living with us for 2-4 weeks, and then other relatives come over too. Thanksgiving and Christmas can be as large. Our new table easily seats 20 when pulled out to its full length of 16 1/2 feet. Could actually squeeze in a few more if need. Absolutely love it. The dining area is large enough that you can walk around it easily when fully opened. So far we haven't had to put the kids on a separate table. If that would happen, I'd make extra place settings at the peninsula. When it's just gramps and me, we keep it sized to seat six comfortably.

With all of the leaves in, our table seats 12 comfortably, but we usually have the table set up for 6-8. Most family dinners can be sat at the one dining table, but there is the rare occasion when we'll set up a smaller kids' table when absolutely everyone is here.

We had a party last night and needed to seat 15. We put two leaves in the dining table in our dining room which is an extension of the kitchen. The granite in the first picture is the peninsula. It's a little on the close quarters side, but not bad. The "extra" people got a table in the living room just through that doorway on the right (pic 3). The door molding on the left of the 1st picture is a sliding glass door to the patio.

Yes, we had a dinner party with the place where the new fireplace will be in its mid-reno state. The fireplace that is partially torn apart was put in by my husband 35 years ago. It's being replaced by a new one that has gas logs. Choosing the surround for the fireplace is much harder than choosing the backsplash for the kitchen!

In our previous house when our 3 children were little, our dining room was separate with 4 walls and big enough for about 10 people. We didn't like that if we invited more than one other family over, our dining room was too small. One objective for our current house was to have a dining room that allowed for expansion for holiday dinners.

Our dining room is defined by the flooring. It has walls on two sides and its other sides are defined by the transition from its carpet to the tiled hallway and entry area.

The entry area beside the dining room is about 6 feet wide. The dining room is to the right(from the front door) of that entry area and living room across the entry area from the front door. A closet wet bar is on the left side of the entry area.

The dining room table expands within the confines of the dining room to hold 10-12 comfortably. For larger dinners, we have sometimes put a second table parallel to it on the tile. Other times, we have made a very long single table seating by putting tables end to end slanted to cross the dining room, entry hall and living room. We were able to handle about 20 that way which was nice for feeling that we were all sharing a Passover Seder at one table. And we have seated 40 for a holiday dinner with tables in the entry hall, dining room, and living room still with a feeling that we were all together since the rooms are open to each other.

Cloud_swift, that is an awesome DR set! What brand is that?

We don't have a formal DR, but have a decent-sized (for our neighborhood anyways) eat-in kitchen. We just got a vintage Heywood-Wakefield table that will easily seat 6-8 people with the drop-leaves extended, and with the leaves inserted, it will f10-12. We'd have to turn it to to that, though. I don't know if we will ever need to seat that many, but it's nice to have that option. Most holidays it's just us and MIL.

gscienceschick, it was the first furniture that my DH and I bought together over 35 years ago. It came from a Scandinavian furniture store. The chair says J L Moller Models. The O in Moller isn't a regular O character; it has a line slanting through it.

It goes very well with our tastes and our house, but that look isn't trouble free. We only still have it because my DH has skills. Every chair has had at least one leg break and be repaired. One of the chair arms has been repaired too. It looks like they still make the same chair but I can't recommend it. The table is Gudme Mobelfabrik. I think that they are rosewood.

Something that I love about the table is that the pedestal is out of the way of people at the table and the top expands without the base moving.

Our DR table seats 8, and we use card tables to add an extra 3, or 2 more, etc., when necessary. We opted to put only 2 stools at our peninsula in the kitchen-- if any more than 2 are eating, we want to be at the table together in the DR. I ended up also putting in a small backless stool that tucks away in a corner, to take out when people gather chatting in the kitchen at less formal times.

In fairness to J L Moller, I thought I should add that the chairs were fine for about the first 15 years. Having 3 teenage boys who had to be reminded to not tip their chairs with their growing limbs was probably a factor in the broken legs. Aging and drying of the wood may also have contributed. But our sturdy oak kitchen chairs have never had any problems and they were subjected to more use.